Being a stay-at-home parent of small children is certainly a full-time job. But when your partner also works full-time outside of the home, it can be challenging to agree on how those hours after work should be spent. 

Below, you’ll find a story that one exhausted mother recently shared on Reddit, wondering if she’s wrong for trying to dictate when her husband is allowed to take showers. Keep reading to also find a conversation with Amy Webb of The Thoughtful Parent, as well as some of the replies invested readers shared.

It’s easy for parents of small children to feel like there’s simply not enough time in the day

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So this mom is wondering if it’s fair for her to dictate when her husband gets to shower

Image credits: LightFieldStudios (not the actual image)

Later, after reading some responses, the mom provided additional details on the situation

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“Doing even normal household tasks with young children in tow is challenging”

To gain more insight on this topic, we reached out to Amy Webb, creator of The Thoughtful Parent, who was kind enough to have a chat with Bored Panda about the issue between these two parents. Amy shared that this type of situation is common, especially when families have young children at home. “Toddlers demand a lot of attention and are at an age where they have very little ability to manage their emotions, so tantrums and big emotional reactions are not uncommon,” she explained.

“Sometimes doing even normal household tasks with young children in tow is challenging. It can be a strain on a marriage if neither partner wants to compromise or recognize/empathize with the experiences and feelings of the other,” the expert continued. “If one partner does most of the childcare, the other one may not completely understand how challenging it can be to get anything done with toddlers in the house.”

Image credits: Jep Gambardella (not the actual image)

“Set up an activity for the children while you make dinner”

As for how parents can ensure that chores get done and dinner gets made even with little ones at home, Amy provided some recommendations. “Set up an activity for the children while you make dinner. Maybe a toy they haven’t seen in a while or household objects like big bowls and spoons they can play with near the kitchen so you can keep an eye on them,” she shared.

“Try to prep some portion of dinner earlier in the day when the kids are napping or watching TV (if you allow that). Even some simple chopping or other food prep in advance can help make the ‘witching hour’ less stressful,” Amy added. “Young children are known to get cranky from around 4-7 pm (i.e. the ‘witching hour’), so tasks may be especially difficult then. Doing them earlier might work out better.”

The parenting expert also says that babywearing can be a great solution for very young toddlers. “Strap your baby or young toddler into a carrier, and they are usually happy while you can cook or do chores,” Amy told Bored Panda. “Older toddlers (3+) may be able to help with some simple cooking activities like pouring, mixing, etc. This would give them something to do while you cook, so they aren’t underfoot and cranky.”

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It’s also important for parents to compromise with their partner. “Trade off cooking, so the other partner can watch the kids,” Amy recommends.

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“If neither partner really empathizes with the work that the other is doing, cultural stereotypes about ‘who’s working harder’ will likely prevail”

The expert also says it’s very important for working parents and stay-at-home parents to understand the other’s perspective as much as possible. “ALL parents are working parents! Whether you work inside the home caring for kids or outside, both have stresses,” she explained.

“Understanding that is key to making this type of relationship work. If neither partner really empathizes with the work that the other is doing, cultural stereotypes about ‘who’s working harder’ will likely prevail,” Amy warns. “Tune out the stereotypes and tune in and really listen to what each partner does in a day. Both jobs are hard; just in different ways.”

If you’d like to hear more words of wisdom about parenting from Amy, be sure to visit The Thoughtful Parent! And then if you’re interested in reading another Bored Panda article discussing conflicts between parents, look no further than right here.

Image credits: Annushka Ahuja (not the actual image)

Some readers assured the mother that she hadn’t done anything wrong, noting that the situation itself is difficult

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However, others thought the mom could try harder to find a compromise with her husband

And some thought that both parents should work on finding a better arrangement

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