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“How Was I Supposed To Know?”: Husband Is Defensive After Leaving Wife During Surgery
Having someone in your family who has had cancer and then finding a lump in your body can be utterly terrifying. Medical technology has improved substantially, so your chances of getting better are good, but it still doesn’t take away from the fear you might feel. Not all tumors are malignant, but it’s still scary to go under the knife.
An anonymous woman went viral on the internet after venting about her husband’s behavior during her lumpectomy. She opened up about how he went out to get lunch while she was in surgery, despite having given her the impression that he’d stay at the hospital. Read on for the full story.
RELATED:
It can mean the world to someone if their family and friends are at the hospital with them while they’re getting surgery
Image credits: DC Studio / freepik (not the actual photo)
An anonymous woman who had to get a tumor removed shared how her husband went off to do some chores while she was in the operating room
Image credits: wirestock_creators / freepik (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Anonymous
Breast cancer is one of the most common cancers that affects women
Image credits: pixel-shot.com / freepik (not the actual photo)
According to the American Cancer Society, breast cancer is the most common cancer in women in the United States, except for skin cancers. Breast cancer accounts for nearly a third (30%) of all new female cancers in the US each year.
It’s estimated that in 2024 there will have been around 311k new diagnoses of invasive breast cancer in women, 56.5k new cases of ductal carcinoma in situ, and 42.3k women may have lost their lives due to breast cancer.
This type of cancer mainly occurs in middle-aged and older women, with a median age at the time of diagnosis being 62 years old. As per the American Cancer Society, a very small number of women are diagnosed with breast cancer when they are younger than 45.
The average risk for American women to develop breast cancer at some point in their lives is around 13%. In recent years, incidence rates have increased by around 0.6% per year.
It really does matter whether your loved ones follow through with their promises
Image credits: freepik (not the actual photo)
Subjectively, there is a huge difference in whether your loved ones support you throughout your illness or are nowhere to be found. Their emotional support and physical presence can keep you optimistic and hopeful even when things seem very dark.
Unless your family or friends are doctors and surgeons, they probably won’t be able to directly assist with your surgery. However, just knowing that someone’s waiting near you while you’re in the operating room is helpful. Being there is what matters.
On top of that, there’s the person’s level of honesty to consider. If they go back on a promise they’ve made, you naturally start to wonder whether you can rely on them in the future.
In this particular case, the husband drove his wife to the hospital and he cared for her after the surgery. So, it shows that he does care about his partner’s welfare, to a large extent.
However, he was nowhere to be found when there were some serious complications during the surgery. If your spouse was off doing chores when they said they’d be by your side at the hospital, it could lead to a lot of unpleasant feelings. There are times when you have to postpone practical things like getting food and gas, even if objectively it sounds more ‘efficient.’
Accidents can and do happen during surgery, but you have to trust your doctor and their colleagues to do the best that they can. And the obvious needs to be said: it’s less scary to deal with those fringe medical situations when your soulmate is by your side, every step of the way.
Lumpectomies are smaller procedures than mastectomies, and they can be combined with radiation therapy
Image credits: DC Studio / freepik (not the actual photo)
According to Mayo Clinic, a lumpectomy (also known as an excisional biopsy, quadrantectomy, or breast-conserving surgery) is surgery to remove cancer or other abnormal tissue from your breast.
During the procedure, the surgeon also removes a small amount of healthy tissue around the problematic part to make sure that all of the abnormality is removed.
A lumpectomy, which is a treatment option for early-stage breast cancer, results in only a portion of the breast being removed, compared to a mastectomy where all of the breast tissue is removed.
Lumpectomies can be used to rule out a cancer diagnosis, but they can also be followed by radiation therapy to reduce the chances of the cancer returning.
The Cleveland Clinic explains that you may be a candidate for lumpectomy if the cancer affects only one area in your breast, the tumor is relatively small, your health allows for radiation therapy afterward, and you’ll have enough remaining tissue in your breast after the procedure to reshape it.
On the other hand, you may be advised to avoid a lumpectomy and go for other procedures if you have multiple tumors in one breast, have a large tumor, cancer has penetrated the breast skin or chest wall, if you have a family history of breast cancer, or if the type of breast cancer is considered fast-growing.
You’re not alone. Talk to your doctor about what procedures may be best for you. Get a second (or third, or fourth) opinion from other medical experts. Do some research on your own. Talk to some breast cancer survivors. Reach out to cancer charities and organizations for help.
What’s your take on the situation? How would you feel if your partner went off to do chores while you were in surgery? Have you or someone you care about beaten cancer? What advice would you give anyone who’s been diagnosed recently? Share your thoughts in the comments.
Later, the author interacted with some of her readers in the comments and shared more info
A lot of internet users thought that the woman was right to be upset with her spouse
Some people thought that both the husband and wife were in the wrong
A few internet users were much less understanding. Here’s how they saw everything
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What do you think ?
Bowtechie 2 weeks ago
I'm with the reddit commenter who pointed out not answering the hospital phone calls was sus. You know your wife's in surgery and you're getting repeated calls from (likely) the same "unknown" number. It doesn't take a genius to put those dots together, and I don't buy this was incompetence, weaponized or otherwise. He either straight up didn't care, or planned to do something (or see someone) during that day, hence he got impatient at the delay and just f****d off when he could.
Lyoness 2 weeks ago
Yuppety yup yup. Something other than "I'm hungry" and "we needed gas" is going on. The double down is even more suspicious. I'd bet he was with someone else.
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Sami-Jo Ross 2 weeks ago
If he was hungry hospitals have vending machines. He had no excuse for leaving. Any surgery could have complications (as seen here), and the fact that he not only left but ignored phone calls is a red flag the size of Alaska. The YTAs are delusional; when my mom had to have a full hysterectomy done, both me and my dad stayed in the waiting room the entire time just because we wanted to be sure she would be okay.
Winnowyl Daemera 2 weeks ago
My roommate of 13 years has stayed with me for a hysterectomy, oophorectomy (doc went back for my ovaries), 2 broken ankles, and a broken leg. All of those since 2017. The abdominal surgeries were scheduled - I had a backpack that my stuff went into for him to keep, and we packed some snacks and drinks in there. He just nibbled in the waiting room and read a book. The ankles and leg were 2 incidents, 3 years apart. The first ankle went more or less according to plan. Once I went back, he dipped to the caf, grabbed a sandwich, and came back. The leg and second ankle..... the doc estimated a 3 hour surgery. It took 9 hours. He made 2 trips for snacks and drinks, but never went farther. I can't imagine my HUSBAND not staying.
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setsuriseikou 2 weeks ago
Dear everyone with a YTA opinion regarding the OP's situation: please, please share this thread and your YTA comment with all of your loved ones, so that they know what to expect from you in a similar situation.
Say No to Downvoting 2 weeks ago
I’m not on full YTA side but I do think it was unreasonable she didn’t want him to go and get food when he hadn’t eaten all day, while she was in surgery under anaesthesia. Weird and dimwitted that he didn’t answer his phone and bizarre that he has to be so aggressive about it afterwards.
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Nina 2 weeks ago
I think OP is really missing the point here. Hubby was probably hungry after 3 hours waiting and having cared for wifey forngo know how long before all that. I wouldn't fault him for going to get something to eat while i was in surgery. The issue here is that when something did go wrong by a really awful stroke of bad luck, he didn't answer his phone. That's the issue - why didn't he answer his phone? She needs that answer. My phone is on when hubby is just out with his friend slate at night just in case he needs something, and that isn't even something as serious as surgery. She needs to find out why he didn't answer his phone. That'll tell her everything she needs to know.
LB 2 weeks ago (edited)
Respectfully, I think you might have missed the point? Is it normal to have to leave the hospital for food where you are? And HE WENT TO GET GAS. Like, I don't think that's normal.
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Space Invader 2 weeks ago
Luckily, all the hospitals I had to visit had some means of obtaining food without leaving the premises (shops, vending machines etc). Yet food was never on my mind when I had to wait for someone close to me to finish their appointment - I tend to worry too much for that. And four hours without food is not that huge a deal for healthy people. As for boredom - that's what cellphones are for (or books). But even if one were to ignore all that - not answering the phone was inexcusable.
V 2 weeks ago
Had to take my now husband to the emergency room once. He was ultimately fine, but they kept him in there overnight for observation. I did not leave his side even to go to the vending machine I was too worried. The worst thing is that he ignored phone calls when his wife was in surgery. That makes it worse than bad luck/carelessness and into the AH territory.
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Jamie Mayfield 2 weeks ago
Wow, people really think she is the AH? All surgeries are serious, there is always the risk of major complications and death every single time. Also, the rates of malpractice are skyrocketing in America due to our absurd health care system. People saying she is the AH are simply ignorant of anything related to health care. A good amount of hospitals require that the family member remain in the hospital at all times specifically for this reason, they need to be able to have family make decisions in cases of emergency. The man wasn't starving to death, you can skip a meal easy. You bored? Everyone has a phone to pass the time. If you are going under anesthesia, have your LAR be available at all times during that process. Emergencies are far more common than people think. No surgery is a simple surgery, they all carry major risks, when something goes wrong, someone needs to be there to represent you when medical staff need to make decisions. Doctors should have driven that point home.
Snow_White 2 weeks ago
But he was hungry 😭😭he couldn't wait for an hour. It's very very important to understand that the poor man was hungry.
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Saphyre Fyre 2 weeks ago
Time for a divorce. He doesn't give one s**t about her! The way he spoke to her about this, ignoring calls and insulting her. This is when she needed him the most, and desperately, and his response is disgusting AF!!!
Kristen Woehlke 2 weeks ago
YTA trolls wake the f*** up!!! Happened to me too... Moron ex was meeting up with his BF... Yes, that's right his boyfriend! I recognize the wording of his excuse. "Oh, I went to eat, but I didn't recognize the phone number, so I didn't answer". You veggie AH! I've taken off of work so you could get a fatty lipoma taken out and waited, starving because I was worried about you! You couldn't stay for me? F*** right the h*** off!!!
RP 2 weeks ago
Speak again when you are both calm. I don't think that leaving was an issue but his defensive reaction was. Dig into that and see if there are issues there he can reasonably be expected to address. If he's not willing to do some soul searching, get out before you have children together. You need to know that you partner will keep them safe without bitching about it.
Betsy S 2 weeks ago
I find it very weird that the hospital did not have a cafeteria. Why on earth else would someone have to leave the hospital with a loved one in surgery, just to get food that's available downstairs?
V 2 weeks ago
It was only going to be 4 hours all up and he is an adult, he can grab something from a vending machine to snack on and grab something more substantial later if he was that hungry. I have never been to a hospital that didn't have vending machines.
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A S Mora 2 weeks ago
This is why doctors and nurses warn women about how men will act when the wife is sick. Hope her prognosis is good and the divorce is final because eff that dude!
Say No to Downvoting 2 weeks ago
I’m a nurse - I don’t think I have ever “warned” a woman about how her husband will act when she is sick. Nor have I ever heard a colleague do similarly. That’s all sorts of weird unprofessional assumptions and stereotyping that I cannot even…
Load More Replies... Mark Childers 2 weeks ago
This all seems intentional in some weird way. His leaving after telling her he'll stick around, and they can get food after, not answering phone calls when he knows his wife is in surgery, and then putting his BS on her, I'm leaning on him having a girlfriend, and now he doesn't really care about his wife like he did. She needs to get away.
Jen Baldwin 2 weeks ago
I javelin a body that is constantly falling apart. A surgery a year if not 3 or 4. My husband can not stand hospitals.... I am just fine if he leaves me during a surgery. As long as he is there when I wake up,we are all good♥️
Paula Glasscoe 2 weeks ago
But presumably you’ve talked about the issue and come to this understanding together. Condolences on your health problems, I’m glad you have a partnership where you can both communicate your needs clearly and compromise, doesn’t sound like this lady does.
Load More Replies... Lousha 2 weeks ago
All I can say is that my partner - without me asking - drops everything when I have to go to the the dentist for a 5 minute scaling, and would not dream of leaving the waiting room until I'm back in his sights. When I had larger procedures that took 1-3 hours, he went to a store opposite the clinic - and only after we discussed that he'll be doing that -, making sure he'd be back by the time I was out so he could make sure I was ok and would not have to take the 5 minute walk to the car alone. All this after operations that did NOT require anesthesia, they were "just" painful. I can not imagine living with a partner who would not deem all this the least they could do to support me, and if the roles were reversed, I could not imagine even wanting to go anywhere but be as close to him as possible while he's undergoing any medical procedure. That's why we're a couple, to be there for each other. No point living with someone who doesn't give a toss about me.
Dannielle 2 weeks ago
Your partner ‘drops everything’ for you to have a 5 minute teeth clean at the dentist and ‘wouldn’t dream of leaving the waiting room until you’re in his sights’?!?! Are you honestly saying that your partner takes time off work to sit in the waiting room at the dentist while you have your teeth cleaned? I hope you’re exaggerating because this is the most batshit crazy thing I’ve read on this page.
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Lila Allen 1 week ago
My youngest spends a LOT of time in hospitals and I assure you they have a cafeteria and you can get food right there. Husband is an AH
Cathey Klasek 2 weeks ago
At the risk of opening myself up for attack, I’ve dropped my husband off at the VA, checked him in for cataract surgery, then went to work. I’m not that kind of doctor; if anything were to go wrong, I couldn’t help; but (and I feel this is relevant), he knew where I would be?; the nurses knew; and I answered every call!
Paula Glasscoe 2 weeks ago
That’s a perfectly reasonable thing to do when a)discussed in advance b) you’re still reachable and c) you wouldn’t insult him if he was emotional after a surgery. Sounds like you have a partnership in the true sense of the word, I don’t think this lady does!
Load More Replies... Green Tree 2 weeks ago
On one hand I do not think it is unreasonable to duck out of you've been in waiting rooms for hours bit in thus case she asked him to stay out of fear and then he didn't answer his phone. That is s****y behavior.
HolyDiver 2 weeks ago
As a cancer survivor who had to have major surgery to get rid of it, I am 100% ok if they grab something to eat while I am under the knife. What are they going to do? Run in the OR and assist the doctor? Having cancer does not give you qualified immunity to be a drama queen. Life goes on. I had to suffer through Chemo, radiation and having the exit portion of my digestive system removed. The last thing I want is my friends and family to suffer as well. Shaming her husband for getting food and gas while he can is what made him defensive with a knee jerk reaction. My guess is that reaction is a result of long term victim behavior from his wife.
Meagan Glaser 2 weeks ago
If you managed to have major surgery adn don't know why someone is needed to stay during surgery, you're either a liar or incredibly, unbelievably dense. Also, apparantly can't READ, since OP stated her husband was supposed to be there to listen to what the surgeon said afterwards about care (by the way, that's one of the things the support person is supposed to do- patients recovering from anethesia don't have good recall afterwards and will often forget post surgery instructions. In case of emergency the support person is the one who makes important decisions since the main person is, ya know, unconscious at the time. If they have the authority (and most spouses do) that might be up to and including whether you are DNR or not.
Load More Replies... d8qm6qfw6s 4 days ago
Am I the only one who remembers that you can’t eat for several hours before anesthesia? He probably hasn’t eaten either so he didn’t have to eat in front of her and was actually really hungry. This lady needs to get over herself although he should’ve definitely picked up his phone
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Bertha Madott 2 weeks ago
This couple are still very young. I (76F) am not. I think the husband is being defensive because he is embarrassed and ashamed. Many men have trouble with hospitals doctors and illness. I also know personally LOTS of people who don’t automatically answer the phone. Especially if they don’t recognize the number. This couple would benefit from some ground rules about behaviour around illness. Ps. YESTERDAY I had a major hospital appointment (knee replacement follow up). Iin the waiting room I watched a stupid man TEASING his wife who was in a wheelchair with another attendant. I’m almost certain this oaf thought he was being funny, even cheering her up. She ignored him.
Ewa M 2 weeks ago
My husband is a doctor. When I had life threatening surgery and he was not allowed to stay (plus we have kids) he sat next to the phone the whole night and called every hour or so (surgery took 14 hours) so he cared. But in the next day, when I was actually getting awake but being quite disoriented and in pain and pretty much in panic I asked for him over and over and the nurse told me that he is doing "his he came after like four or live hours. Indon't think it is his fault, but I do think that I don't want to live with this kind of support. I don't want to be left alone ... clinic" (works on the same hospital)
Dannielle 2 weeks ago
Day surgery is a drop the patient off, leave and then come back to pick them up when they’re ready to leave situation. I’ve had multiple heart day surgery procedures and would never have expected my partner to stay, or even park the car, just drop me off out the front please. I’ve also had spinal surgery, which was a massive operation. Again, I didn’t expect my partner to stay and wait with me and then wait around while I was in surgery. Her husband acted like an a hole, definitely, but there was no need for her to blow up at him in the first place.
Agat 2 weeks ago
Oh come on, seriously... I had several surgeries, I *never* expected my husband to wait in the waiting room, how self-centred can you be?? He waited before the surgery, then left - this is normal. I have a huge issue with the way he spoke to/about her (in the fuel context). So for me this is a perfectly symmetrical ESH.
brittany 2 weeks ago
when i was pregnant, i had to be induced, my blood pressure was extremely high and the doctor was concerned for our health. she had a hole in her lungs at birth and was rushed to the NICU. (shes fine now and healthy) i also had complications. husband left during the birth bc i was being too loud during contractions and he couldnt sleep. he missed the birth, only visited one time and barely stayed for 5 minutes. the day i got out of the hospital (day 4 when i should not even be driving) her refused to go get my pain meds at the pharmacy. i had to drive myself there along with our newborn. OP, run. run now while you can.
Paula Glasscoe 2 weeks ago
I’m so sorry you went through that, I hope you and your daughter are doing better. Sending a hug (if appropriate)
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Mason Kronol 2 weeks ago
Unfortunately I’ve had a few surgeries (covered by insurance so stop calling me part of the healthcare problem, although I don’t think we should be denying anyone healthcare, dental care etc… ) so I have had to force my husband to leave my room to go eat in the cafeteria which actually has really good food these days. And I had him eat some of my snacks, They give you a lot of food. Some floors even have coffee, tea and bagels and donuts for visitors.
CatWoman1014 2 weeks ago
She needs to consider if staying married to someone this careless is worth it.
NatalieC 2 weeks ago (edited)
I've heard this story a million times. My guess is that he took advantage of her hospital stay/surgery to see his affair partner. From his own words, it is easy to see that he doesn't give a rat's a-s about his wife. You don't disappear while someone you love is going under the knife. Besides, every single hospital has a cafeteria. He didn't even have to leave the building.
Anony Mouse 2 weeks ago (edited)
I call BS on this story. A nurse isn’t going to shake you awake after surgery, nor send you home the same day if your internal stitches are bleeding. This person made up a story for internet attention and didn’t know enough to get the details right.
LB 2 weeks ago
Hmm interesting, I thought the description of the low blood pressure episode was realistic, I've experienced that too.
Load More Replies... Snow_White 2 weeks ago
This is 99% of men - do something s****y, get called out for it, then get defensive and overly angry, throw a tantrum until they get what they want. It's like dealing with a s****y toddler.
Paula Glasscoe 2 weeks ago
“People”. It may frequently be men (due to them abusing the privilege the system has inbuilt for them) but women are not immune to indulging in s****y behaviour
Load More Replies... Bowtechie 2 weeks ago
I'm with the reddit commenter who pointed out not answering the hospital phone calls was sus. You know your wife's in surgery and you're getting repeated calls from (likely) the same "unknown" number. It doesn't take a genius to put those dots together, and I don't buy this was incompetence, weaponized or otherwise. He either straight up didn't care, or planned to do something (or see someone) during that day, hence he got impatient at the delay and just f****d off when he could.
Lyoness 2 weeks ago
Yuppety yup yup. Something other than "I'm hungry" and "we needed gas" is going on. The double down is even more suspicious. I'd bet he was with someone else.
Load More Replies... Sami-Jo Ross 2 weeks ago
If he was hungry hospitals have vending machines. He had no excuse for leaving. Any surgery could have complications (as seen here), and the fact that he not only left but ignored phone calls is a red flag the size of Alaska. The YTAs are delusional; when my mom had to have a full hysterectomy done, both me and my dad stayed in the waiting room the entire time just because we wanted to be sure she would be okay.
Winnowyl Daemera 2 weeks ago
My roommate of 13 years has stayed with me for a hysterectomy, oophorectomy (doc went back for my ovaries), 2 broken ankles, and a broken leg. All of those since 2017. The abdominal surgeries were scheduled - I had a backpack that my stuff went into for him to keep, and we packed some snacks and drinks in there. He just nibbled in the waiting room and read a book. The ankles and leg were 2 incidents, 3 years apart. The first ankle went more or less according to plan. Once I went back, he dipped to the caf, grabbed a sandwich, and came back. The leg and second ankle..... the doc estimated a 3 hour surgery. It took 9 hours. He made 2 trips for snacks and drinks, but never went farther. I can't imagine my HUSBAND not staying.
Load More Replies... setsuriseikou 2 weeks ago
Dear everyone with a YTA opinion regarding the OP's situation: please, please share this thread and your YTA comment with all of your loved ones, so that they know what to expect from you in a similar situation.
Say No to Downvoting 2 weeks ago
I’m not on full YTA side but I do think it was unreasonable she didn’t want him to go and get food when he hadn’t eaten all day, while she was in surgery under anaesthesia. Weird and dimwitted that he didn’t answer his phone and bizarre that he has to be so aggressive about it afterwards.
Load More Replies... Nina 2 weeks ago
I think OP is really missing the point here. Hubby was probably hungry after 3 hours waiting and having cared for wifey forngo know how long before all that. I wouldn't fault him for going to get something to eat while i was in surgery. The issue here is that when something did go wrong by a really awful stroke of bad luck, he didn't answer his phone. That's the issue - why didn't he answer his phone? She needs that answer. My phone is on when hubby is just out with his friend slate at night just in case he needs something, and that isn't even something as serious as surgery. She needs to find out why he didn't answer his phone. That'll tell her everything she needs to know.
LB 2 weeks ago (edited)
Respectfully, I think you might have missed the point? Is it normal to have to leave the hospital for food where you are? And HE WENT TO GET GAS. Like, I don't think that's normal.
Load More Replies... Space Invader 2 weeks ago
Luckily, all the hospitals I had to visit had some means of obtaining food without leaving the premises (shops, vending machines etc). Yet food was never on my mind when I had to wait for someone close to me to finish their appointment - I tend to worry too much for that. And four hours without food is not that huge a deal for healthy people. As for boredom - that's what cellphones are for (or books). But even if one were to ignore all that - not answering the phone was inexcusable.
V 2 weeks ago
Had to take my now husband to the emergency room once. He was ultimately fine, but they kept him in there overnight for observation. I did not leave his side even to go to the vending machine I was too worried. The worst thing is that he ignored phone calls when his wife was in surgery. That makes it worse than bad luck/carelessness and into the AH territory.
Load More Replies... Jamie Mayfield 2 weeks ago
Wow, people really think she is the AH? All surgeries are serious, there is always the risk of major complications and death every single time. Also, the rates of malpractice are skyrocketing in America due to our absurd health care system. People saying she is the AH are simply ignorant of anything related to health care. A good amount of hospitals require that the family member remain in the hospital at all times specifically for this reason, they need to be able to have family make decisions in cases of emergency. The man wasn't starving to death, you can skip a meal easy. You bored? Everyone has a phone to pass the time. If you are going under anesthesia, have your LAR be available at all times during that process. Emergencies are far more common than people think. No surgery is a simple surgery, they all carry major risks, when something goes wrong, someone needs to be there to represent you when medical staff need to make decisions. Doctors should have driven that point home.
Snow_White 2 weeks ago
But he was hungry 😭😭he couldn't wait for an hour. It's very very important to understand that the poor man was hungry.
Load More Replies... Saphyre Fyre 2 weeks ago
Time for a divorce. He doesn't give one s**t about her! The way he spoke to her about this, ignoring calls and insulting her. This is when she needed him the most, and desperately, and his response is disgusting AF!!!
Kristen Woehlke 2 weeks ago
YTA trolls wake the f*** up!!! Happened to me too... Moron ex was meeting up with his BF... Yes, that's right his boyfriend! I recognize the wording of his excuse. "Oh, I went to eat, but I didn't recognize the phone number, so I didn't answer". You veggie AH! I've taken off of work so you could get a fatty lipoma taken out and waited, starving because I was worried about you! You couldn't stay for me? F*** right the h*** off!!!
RP 2 weeks ago
Speak again when you are both calm. I don't think that leaving was an issue but his defensive reaction was. Dig into that and see if there are issues there he can reasonably be expected to address. If he's not willing to do some soul searching, get out before you have children together. You need to know that you partner will keep them safe without bitching about it.
Betsy S 2 weeks ago
I find it very weird that the hospital did not have a cafeteria. Why on earth else would someone have to leave the hospital with a loved one in surgery, just to get food that's available downstairs?
V 2 weeks ago
It was only going to be 4 hours all up and he is an adult, he can grab something from a vending machine to snack on and grab something more substantial later if he was that hungry. I have never been to a hospital that didn't have vending machines.
Load More Replies... A S Mora 2 weeks ago
This is why doctors and nurses warn women about how men will act when the wife is sick. Hope her prognosis is good and the divorce is final because eff that dude!
Say No to Downvoting 2 weeks ago
I’m a nurse - I don’t think I have ever “warned” a woman about how her husband will act when she is sick. Nor have I ever heard a colleague do similarly. That’s all sorts of weird unprofessional assumptions and stereotyping that I cannot even…
Load More Replies... Mark Childers 2 weeks ago
This all seems intentional in some weird way. His leaving after telling her he'll stick around, and they can get food after, not answering phone calls when he knows his wife is in surgery, and then putting his BS on her, I'm leaning on him having a girlfriend, and now he doesn't really care about his wife like he did. She needs to get away.
Jen Baldwin 2 weeks ago
I javelin a body that is constantly falling apart. A surgery a year if not 3 or 4. My husband can not stand hospitals.... I am just fine if he leaves me during a surgery. As long as he is there when I wake up,we are all good♥️
Paula Glasscoe 2 weeks ago
But presumably you’ve talked about the issue and come to this understanding together. Condolences on your health problems, I’m glad you have a partnership where you can both communicate your needs clearly and compromise, doesn’t sound like this lady does.
Load More Replies... Lousha 2 weeks ago
All I can say is that my partner - without me asking - drops everything when I have to go to the the dentist for a 5 minute scaling, and would not dream of leaving the waiting room until I'm back in his sights. When I had larger procedures that took 1-3 hours, he went to a store opposite the clinic - and only after we discussed that he'll be doing that -, making sure he'd be back by the time I was out so he could make sure I was ok and would not have to take the 5 minute walk to the car alone. All this after operations that did NOT require anesthesia, they were "just" painful. I can not imagine living with a partner who would not deem all this the least they could do to support me, and if the roles were reversed, I could not imagine even wanting to go anywhere but be as close to him as possible while he's undergoing any medical procedure. That's why we're a couple, to be there for each other. No point living with someone who doesn't give a toss about me.
Dannielle 2 weeks ago
Your partner ‘drops everything’ for you to have a 5 minute teeth clean at the dentist and ‘wouldn’t dream of leaving the waiting room until you’re in his sights’?!?! Are you honestly saying that your partner takes time off work to sit in the waiting room at the dentist while you have your teeth cleaned? I hope you’re exaggerating because this is the most batshit crazy thing I’ve read on this page.
Load More Replies... Lila Allen 1 week ago
My youngest spends a LOT of time in hospitals and I assure you they have a cafeteria and you can get food right there. Husband is an AH
Cathey Klasek 2 weeks ago
At the risk of opening myself up for attack, I’ve dropped my husband off at the VA, checked him in for cataract surgery, then went to work. I’m not that kind of doctor; if anything were to go wrong, I couldn’t help; but (and I feel this is relevant), he knew where I would be?; the nurses knew; and I answered every call!
Paula Glasscoe 2 weeks ago
That’s a perfectly reasonable thing to do when a)discussed in advance b) you’re still reachable and c) you wouldn’t insult him if he was emotional after a surgery. Sounds like you have a partnership in the true sense of the word, I don’t think this lady does!
Load More Replies... Green Tree 2 weeks ago
On one hand I do not think it is unreasonable to duck out of you've been in waiting rooms for hours bit in thus case she asked him to stay out of fear and then he didn't answer his phone. That is s****y behavior.
HolyDiver 2 weeks ago
As a cancer survivor who had to have major surgery to get rid of it, I am 100% ok if they grab something to eat while I am under the knife. What are they going to do? Run in the OR and assist the doctor? Having cancer does not give you qualified immunity to be a drama queen. Life goes on. I had to suffer through Chemo, radiation and having the exit portion of my digestive system removed. The last thing I want is my friends and family to suffer as well. Shaming her husband for getting food and gas while he can is what made him defensive with a knee jerk reaction. My guess is that reaction is a result of long term victim behavior from his wife.
Meagan Glaser 2 weeks ago
If you managed to have major surgery adn don't know why someone is needed to stay during surgery, you're either a liar or incredibly, unbelievably dense. Also, apparantly can't READ, since OP stated her husband was supposed to be there to listen to what the surgeon said afterwards about care (by the way, that's one of the things the support person is supposed to do- patients recovering from anethesia don't have good recall afterwards and will often forget post surgery instructions. In case of emergency the support person is the one who makes important decisions since the main person is, ya know, unconscious at the time. If they have the authority (and most spouses do) that might be up to and including whether you are DNR or not.
Load More Replies... d8qm6qfw6s 4 days ago
Am I the only one who remembers that you can’t eat for several hours before anesthesia? He probably hasn’t eaten either so he didn’t have to eat in front of her and was actually really hungry. This lady needs to get over herself although he should’ve definitely picked up his phone
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Bertha Madott 2 weeks ago
This couple are still very young. I (76F) am not. I think the husband is being defensive because he is embarrassed and ashamed. Many men have trouble with hospitals doctors and illness. I also know personally LOTS of people who don’t automatically answer the phone. Especially if they don’t recognize the number. This couple would benefit from some ground rules about behaviour around illness. Ps. YESTERDAY I had a major hospital appointment (knee replacement follow up). Iin the waiting room I watched a stupid man TEASING his wife who was in a wheelchair with another attendant. I’m almost certain this oaf thought he was being funny, even cheering her up. She ignored him.
Ewa M 2 weeks ago
My husband is a doctor. When I had life threatening surgery and he was not allowed to stay (plus we have kids) he sat next to the phone the whole night and called every hour or so (surgery took 14 hours) so he cared. But in the next day, when I was actually getting awake but being quite disoriented and in pain and pretty much in panic I asked for him over and over and the nurse told me that he is doing "his he came after like four or live hours. Indon't think it is his fault, but I do think that I don't want to live with this kind of support. I don't want to be left alone ... clinic" (works on the same hospital)
Dannielle 2 weeks ago
Day surgery is a drop the patient off, leave and then come back to pick them up when they’re ready to leave situation. I’ve had multiple heart day surgery procedures and would never have expected my partner to stay, or even park the car, just drop me off out the front please. I’ve also had spinal surgery, which was a massive operation. Again, I didn’t expect my partner to stay and wait with me and then wait around while I was in surgery. Her husband acted like an a hole, definitely, but there was no need for her to blow up at him in the first place.
Agat 2 weeks ago
Oh come on, seriously... I had several surgeries, I *never* expected my husband to wait in the waiting room, how self-centred can you be?? He waited before the surgery, then left - this is normal. I have a huge issue with the way he spoke to/about her (in the fuel context). So for me this is a perfectly symmetrical ESH.
brittany 2 weeks ago
when i was pregnant, i had to be induced, my blood pressure was extremely high and the doctor was concerned for our health. she had a hole in her lungs at birth and was rushed to the NICU. (shes fine now and healthy) i also had complications. husband left during the birth bc i was being too loud during contractions and he couldnt sleep. he missed the birth, only visited one time and barely stayed for 5 minutes. the day i got out of the hospital (day 4 when i should not even be driving) her refused to go get my pain meds at the pharmacy. i had to drive myself there along with our newborn. OP, run. run now while you can.
Paula Glasscoe 2 weeks ago
I’m so sorry you went through that, I hope you and your daughter are doing better. Sending a hug (if appropriate)
Load More Replies... Mason Kronol 2 weeks ago
Unfortunately I’ve had a few surgeries (covered by insurance so stop calling me part of the healthcare problem, although I don’t think we should be denying anyone healthcare, dental care etc… ) so I have had to force my husband to leave my room to go eat in the cafeteria which actually has really good food these days. And I had him eat some of my snacks, They give you a lot of food. Some floors even have coffee, tea and bagels and donuts for visitors.
CatWoman1014 2 weeks ago
She needs to consider if staying married to someone this careless is worth it.
NatalieC 2 weeks ago (edited)
I've heard this story a million times. My guess is that he took advantage of her hospital stay/surgery to see his affair partner. From his own words, it is easy to see that he doesn't give a rat's a-s about his wife. You don't disappear while someone you love is going under the knife. Besides, every single hospital has a cafeteria. He didn't even have to leave the building.
Anony Mouse 2 weeks ago (edited)
I call BS on this story. A nurse isn’t going to shake you awake after surgery, nor send you home the same day if your internal stitches are bleeding. This person made up a story for internet attention and didn’t know enough to get the details right.
LB 2 weeks ago
Hmm interesting, I thought the description of the low blood pressure episode was realistic, I've experienced that too.
Load More Replies... Snow_White 2 weeks ago
This is 99% of men - do something s****y, get called out for it, then get defensive and overly angry, throw a tantrum until they get what they want. It's like dealing with a s****y toddler.
Paula Glasscoe 2 weeks ago
“People”. It may frequently be men (due to them abusing the privilege the system has inbuilt for them) but women are not immune to indulging in s****y behaviour
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