In the US alone, about 1 in 5 heterosexual women of reproductive age wish to experience pregnancy and bring a new bundle of joy into this world but are unable to do so after one year of trying. Infertility can be devastating, and it can take an emotional toll on both partners who venture to beat the odds of this brutal condition. Unfortunately, sometimes this can lead to the most questionable ideas that can shake up the very foundation of their relationship.

A few months ago, Redditor throwRASister9977 reached out to the TrueOffMyChest community to share that she and her husband have been trying to have a baby without any success for some time now. To realize their dream of parenthood, they looked into surrogacy and were lucky enough to have the woman’s sister volunteer for the cause.

But after her husband delved into how much time and money it would take, he came up with a brilliant scheme to impregnate his wife’s sister, the old-fashioned way. As you can guess, this didn’t sit well with the woman. She was 100% against this game plan and was unsure of what to think of his actions. Finding herself in a troubling marital dispute, the user turned to people online to ask for guidance. Read on to find out the whole story and weigh in on this incident in the comments.

A devastated woman struggling with infertility hoped that her husband would have her back no matter what

Image credits: gorodenkoff (not the actual photo)

Instead, he did just the opposite when he presented his wife with the idea to impregnate her surrogate sister “the traditional way”

Image credits: Engin_Akyurt  (not the actual photo)

Both men and women who are struggling with infertility experience an emotional and sensitive time. One thing that helps them cope with the physical and mental consequences of this condition is the unconditional love from their partners. While Redditor throwRASister9977 received anything but that from her husband who even tried to guilt her and push her to agree to his idea, people online showed an outpouring of support. As of this writing, the story has amassed over 35K upvotes and 8.4K comments where people rightfully shamed the man for his actions.

The 34-year-old woman opened up that this whole incident made her feel devastated. She even started criticizing herself, saying that her “body is useless.” Unfortunately, the self-blame of infertility is a challenge many people face. According to the American Society for Reproductive Medicine (ASRM), infertility is becoming more frequent with the availability of contraception, the increasing number of women in the workforce, and the older age of newlywed couples. You see, people are simply postponing starting their own families. More and more women are starting to wait until after they’ve turned 35 to conceive, an age when fertility starts declining rapidly and miscarriages increase.

Licensed psychologist Andrea Mechanick Braverman, Ph.D., explained that a diagnosis of infertility makes women feel anxious and sad, and it takes a toll on their self-esteem. It can make them feel hopeless about ever forming the families they want. Plus, the dysfunctional messages they might hear from their family and friends like “You’re too uptight” or “You’re too type A” can even make them believe they cannot be considered real women until they have biological children.

“People can get caught in negative thinking patterns that only make matters worse,” Yakov Epstein, a psychologist at Rutgers University, told Baby Center. “Instead of berating yourself, look forward to how you are going to manage the situation.” First, while it’s important to acknowledge that infertility might be one of the hardest challenges you’ll face in life, it’s also crucial to remind yourself it’s not your fault. If troubling thoughts that start with “I should have” and “I could have” keep recurring in your head, try to focus on the present.

Also, educate yourself and learn as much as you possibly can about your condition. After all, new technologies and treatments are invented all of the time, so your situation might change quite quickly. “You’ve got to understand what’s happening medically, or you won’t be able to make informed choices,” Epstein added. Then, try to be realistic and set a limit on how far you’re willing to go. If you feel overwhelmed and confused, reach out to professionals or people going through the same situation and avoid living with your sorrow in solitude. Epstein also pointed out that “fertility problems are very complex, and if a therapist does not understand the medical issues, he or she won’t be able to help.”

Needless to say, your partner should be your pillar of strength in navigating this journey. Unfortunately, that doesn’t seem to be the case for the author of this story. We just hope that this situation was a blessing in disguise that will save her from any further pain in the future. Or as one Redditor put it, “The number of red flags is incredible and you probably realize it.”

Redditors were appalled by the husband’s behavior, here’s what they had to say

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