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We now live in a more progressive society where there is less stigma on a person’s chosen sexual orientation. However, homosexuality remains a complicated topic when put into the context of marriage.
What do you do if your spouse could possibly be gay or bisexual? This is an issue a woman had been dealing with since her husband expressed his desire to go on a “gaycation.” He was defensive in his response when she tried to clarify his sexual preference, which ultimately put their relationship in shambles.
The woman now asks the Reddit community for advice on handling her situation. Scroll down to read the entire text and reader reactions.
Having a homosexual spouse could complicate the relationship
Image credits: Iakobchuk / envatoelements (not the actual photo)
This woman suspects her husband is at least bisexual due to his adamance to go on a “gaycation”
Image credits: goffkein / freepik (not the actual photo)
She refused, but he didn’t take it lightly
Image credits: Anju Ravindranath / unsplash (not the actual photo)
The woman ultimately decided that her marriage was “dead”
Image credits: ThrowRA_Canning1900
Mixed-orientation marriages may not end in divorce, but they may impact the family dynamic
Not all mixed-orientation marriages end badly, especially if the couple can work things out. However, as the story shows, these situations can significantly affect family dynamics.
It creates a complicated scenario, as shared by the author, who has two teenage sons with her husband. According to licensed therapist Dr. Joe Kort, the situation only gets more difficult.
“His gayness may surface more strongly and become more of an identity for him and thus become an issue in their marriage,” Dr. Kort wrote in an article for Psychology Today, referring to relationships between heterosexual women and homosexual men.
In the story, the burden seems to lie heavier on the man, who is likely confused about his sexual orientation and does not know how to address it. Dr. Kort says it is often the case among other closeted gay men who are married to women.
“He most likely interpreted his gay interests as sexual ‘kinks,’ and he convinced himself they would fade away after he married,” he wrote.
Schoenberg Family Law Group brought up a study revealing that couples don’t necessarily fall out of love with each other even if one of them comes out or shows signs of homosexuality.
According to Dr. Kort, deep feelings of love do not fade quickly. He noted that “love can conquer (but not change) orientation,” which the woman can also consider before making a final decision on her marriage.
Couples in mixed-orientation marriages must find what works best for the situation
The author’s heartbreak from her marriage potentially ending is understandable, but it is not over yet. The relationship may never be the same again, but the couple can still move past this stormy chapter of their lives.
Dr. Kort says determining where they see themselves heading is the next and most difficult part. Are they keeping their marriage traditional, anchored on monogamy? Or will they explore having an open relationship?
These heavy conversations require time and effort to resolve, so experts like author and therapist Laura Silverstein advise taking things slowly and having fun in the process.
“Go to your favorite places, enjoy your favorite dates, and let life go on simultaneously,” Silverstein wrote in an article for The Gottman Institute.
Silverstein echoes Dr. Kort’s sentiments on honesty, but she focuses more on the self. She points out that forcing yourself to believe something untrue to keep the person you love wouldn’t work.
“Try not to let that fear block you from speaking your own truth,” she advises.
The author is in a complicated situation, and her best option at the moment is to find a compromise that works for everyone involved.
Readers had their questions and offered their theories
Others offered their suggestions and advice
What do you think ?
UKGrandad 1 hour ago (edited)
Two things from the OP that could give clues as to what's going on with him, but OP doesn't go into enough detail to confirm. First, they've been married for 16 years 'give or take' and the eldest child is 15. Could it have been that they married before he was really ready for that commitment because she fell pregnant and he felt that he had to 'do the right thing'? Were there areas of his sexuality that he would otherwise have explored? I'm wondering because the second point is the part about them having ''explored' sexually but she 'won't go into that'. Was it stuff that could be seen as simulating gay sex; either him wanting to perform a**l on her or wanting her to penetrate him, either digitally or with toys? It sounds to me that he has unexplored areas of his sexuality that he has failed to suppress or satisfy within the confines of the marriage and he's thinking that at 42, it's now or never. It's unreasonable and unrealistic to expect his wife to just go along with it.
Mr. Toast 1 hour ago
"Oh, he's not gay but he helps out when we're busy" Or from Gimme Gimme - Lindy ""What's the difference between a heterosexuals and a bisexual anyway?" Tom (gay flatmate) "about 5 pints of lager in my experience "
Seán Baron 1 hour ago
I love that show! I’m in distress! I’M IN THIS DRESS,
Load More Replies... UKGrandad 1 hour ago (edited)
Two things from the OP that could give clues as to what's going on with him, but OP doesn't go into enough detail to confirm. First, they've been married for 16 years 'give or take' and the eldest child is 15. Could it have been that they married before he was really ready for that commitment because she fell pregnant and he felt that he had to 'do the right thing'? Were there areas of his sexuality that he would otherwise have explored? I'm wondering because the second point is the part about them having ''explored' sexually but she 'won't go into that'. Was it stuff that could be seen as simulating gay sex; either him wanting to perform a**l on her or wanting her to penetrate him, either digitally or with toys? It sounds to me that he has unexplored areas of his sexuality that he has failed to suppress or satisfy within the confines of the marriage and he's thinking that at 42, it's now or never. It's unreasonable and unrealistic to expect his wife to just go along with it.
Mr. Toast 1 hour ago
"Oh, he's not gay but he helps out when we're busy" Or from Gimme Gimme - Lindy ""What's the difference between a heterosexuals and a bisexual anyway?" Tom (gay flatmate) "about 5 pints of lager in my experience "
Seán Baron 1 hour ago
I love that show! I’m in distress! I’M IN THIS DRESS,
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