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“AITAH For Telling My Husband That He Would Be Responsible For His Daughter From Now On?”
Interview With Author
Being a teenager is really difficult; I mean, what with the drastic changes in your physical appearance, having parents who guide you and are emotionally present for you is important. However, when this foundational support is missing, kids tend to act out and that can cause trouble for their families.
Take Reddit user Technical-Door5443, for instance, who was so burnt out from her stepdaughter’s habitual lies that she told her husband that the teen was his responsibility now. Netizens empathized with her and blamed it on the husband, claiming that he has been an emotionally unavailable dad!
More info: Reddit
RELATED:
Having emotionally present parents is important when kids enter their teen phase and go through multiple changes
Image credits: user15694850 / Freepik (not the actual photo)
The poster has a 13-year-old stepdaughter whom she loves just like her own children, but the teen has recently started lying a lot about things
Image credits: Technical-Door5443
Image credits: user18526052 / Freepik (not the actual photo)
One day she told the poster to rest while she looked after her kids, but when she woke up, the teen was gone, and they found her only after 6 hours of searching
Image credits: Technical-Door5443
Image credits: Wavebreak Media / Freepik (not the actual photo)
Recently, she exaggerated having a stomach ache, but when the poster took her to the ER, she realized the truth and was almost close to tears with anger
Image credits: Technical-Door5443
She was so sick of everything that she told her husband that the teen was now his responsibility, but he felt that she was going too far
Today, we dive into the life of the original poster (OP) as she tells us how she has had enough of the lies that constantly come from her 13-year-old stepdaughter. She loves her like her own daughter, but recently she has noticed all the habitual lies that the teen makes up about small and big things as well, and sticks to them until proved wrong.
The poster then speaks about an incident that took place in December where the teen mentioned that she would look after OP’s kids so the woman could rest for a while. Well, after she woke up, she noticed that the girl was gone with the dog, leaving behind her 6-month-old baby, 6-year-old daughter, and 4-year-old son, all alone.
The poor woman frantically searched for 3 hours but couldn’t find her and even her husband left work to look for her. It was only after notifying the cops that a search and rescue dog found the teen after 6 hours, and to this day, she refuses to share where she had gone! Sounds quite alarming, doesn’t it?
Unfortunately, that’s not all, for OP also revealed another recent thing that happened just after she recovered from an illness. The 13-year-old mentioned that she had a stomach ache for 2 days, so the poster decided to take her to the pediatric quick care. She even questioned the kid whether she was really sick, to which the girl replied that she was.
Well, the doctor suggested going to the ER, but once there, OP realized that the teen had just been exaggerating things, and boy was she mad! She was almost close to tears with anger and told her husband that the girl was his responsibility now, but he felt that she was just overwhelmed and overreacting. When OP vented online, folks disagreed with her husband.
Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
Many people pointed out that the poster has been bearing the brunt of raising all the kids along with her stepdaughter and they could sense how exhausted she sounded. They also claimed that it was natural for her to react the way she did as the strain on her was getting too much and anyone might lose it in such a situation.
As per the American Psychological Association, “Parental burnout usually occurs in stages. The first stage is overwhelming exhaustion. Parents of teens may experience emotional exhaustion because of conflicts with their children. Next, burned-out parents tend to distance themselves from their kids to preserve their energy. Lastly, parents notice a loss of fulfillment in parenting.”
It looks like something similar happened with the poster as she has been solely burdened with childcare and has also had to deal with the conflict of the teen and her habitual lies. Many people blamed it on the emotionally unavailable father who needs to step up and take equal responsibility for his kid.
Healthline mentions that it can be developmentally typical for teens to exaggerate the truth or tell lies. The article also explains that teens who feel insignificant or unappreciated might lie to gain a sense of recognition or validation from people who matter to them, like peers or parents. Seems like Redditors were right for highlighting that she was doing it to get attention from her dad.
Bored Panda reached out to the poster who gave us an update, “She started therapy. I am still doing everything for her. I have not ‘washed my hands clean’ I just needed my husband to step up and that’s partly why I haven’t left him. There would be no one in her corner.”
Speaking about the most challenging part of the situation, OP said that she assumed responsibility for all children and the stress of everything. It made her realize that people have to be careful who they choose as their partner and who they have kids with as not all men are created equal.
Lastly, she also shared some advice for stepparents going through the same situation, “Remind yourself that you’re the stepparent. Even if you feel like the real parent, you’re not, and the bio parent should be assuming most of the responsibilities for their child. You should be secondary.”
Do you agree with her? Let us know in the comments!
Netizens sympathized with the exhausted poster and claimed the teen has been doing it for attention from her emotionally unavailable dad and needs therapy
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What do you think ?
A S Mora 3 days ago
Sounds to me like the dad likes to making kids, but not raising them. Seems if he's unemployed he should have plenty of free time to be a present parent. I'm sorry OP, you had babies with a deadbeat who expects you to also parent his other child and you are now in an impossible position.
Petra Peitsch 3 days ago
WHERE THE FCK IS YOUR HUSBAND? Nowhere? Than GTFO of this relationnship, because you°ll get more money from him (by law), and suppoort from society raising just your own kids as a single mom
Ken Beattie 2 days ago
How is she going to get money out of the husband if he's not working? Surely you've heard the expression "you can't get blood from a stone"? Honestly, I'm so sick of people who cry "get divorced" as though it should be the first step in any situation. How about talk with the husband, potentially therapy assisted *before* calling the ole divorce lawyer.
Load More Replies...
LakotaWolf (she/her) 3 days ago
OP mentions their church/religion in a number of her comments. Many Redditors are now questioning which super-strict religion/cult that OP and her husband are a part of. And it's a bit odd that husband lost his job due to his daughter being missing - you'd think even the most callous of workplaces wouldn't fire an employee - whose preteen daughter is missing and potentially kidnapped - for having an emergency and needing to go help search for his child. Even a heartless company would consider that bad for their image to fire the dad over leaving to search for his missing child.
UpupaEpops 2 days ago (edited)
Woah, woah, woah. Rewind. Your husband lost his job, because his daughter decided to skip off to nowhere, and he's this nonchalant about it? He's currently stay-at-home but you, the only breadwinner in the house, are stuck with all the child care duties? Lady, you've got far bigger problems than that idiot of a kid.
Gwyn 2 days ago
I'd be willing to bet that this is related to the fact that neither of her bio parents seem to actively care for her. What happens when she lies and runs away? She gets attention and/or reassurance that she is cared about. Dad lost his job over this and STILL isn't taking this seriously. It's just going to escalate until he does.
Upstaged75 2 days ago
The dad doesn't have a job, so why isn't he doing everything? Lazy jackass!
Xenia Harley 2 days ago
A lot of times, puberty brings out some issues, like some mental illnesses. Sounds like this girl is showing some signs of mental illness. Attention seeking, to the extreme, etc. They need to get her evaluated ASAP.Family therapy may be in order, too.
Michael MacKinnon 2 days ago
Well buried in this story is the fact that these acts COST HER FATHER HIS JOB ("he lost his job when the missing for 6 hours thing happened"). That's. In. Sane. And if the kid doesn't care about putting her family into poverty, this is well beyond the stepmom's ability to manage.
Cora Van der Gaag 1 day ago
I question the fact that he got fired for the girl gone missing. Probably more to it than that. Maybe he is just as laissez-faire about his job as about his parental duty.
Load More Replies...
Debbie 2 days ago
"She was going to watch MY little ones / MY kids." Aren't those kids her siblings? Why not just write: She was going to watch her siblings? I think if she is the oldest, it's attention she craves. Maybe she isn't aware of it, but she was an only child for a while, and then there were some others.
Nils Skirnir 2 days ago
The teenage child has been abandoned by two parents, has teenage angst/hormones, has no rights, and is now old enough to recognize her predicament. Fact that stepparent questioned whether child was faking illness is another indication that all is not well w/stepchild - stepmother relationship too
Woodsie 2 days ago
I think this is fake, who is going to fire someone because they have to leave to look for their child? No one, because they would get sued. Also, I don't believe that a mother would entrust a child to look after such young children when she has been having ongoing issues with her.
firecrackershrimp 2 days ago
She said there from a small town so a lot of work place protections probably aren't there
Load More Replies...
The Starsong Princess 2 days ago
Her father isn’t working. The daughter needs to be his full time job and he needs to be on her like white on rice - appointments, therapy, supervision, all of it. Op has a job and the other children.
Bette 2 days ago
The OP sounds more like a single parent of four children than a woman with a husband. He needs to step up and become a HANDS ON parent with all four children!! Both the husband and the teen need to be in therapy - multiple times a week!! Something is very wrong with their dynamic.
Wondering Alice 1 day ago
Am I reading this right? Mother who has been off work sick drove eldest (I'm going ahead and calling step daughter her kid, because sounds like she raised her) to the doctors while out of work father stayed home. Teenager is clearly going through some serious things we can't understand from a small post. Father's loss of job is really strange, but we don't have many details. We do know the OP is tired sick and overwhelmed and the father did not help. Poor woman. Hope family get help soon.
Ruth Watry 1 day ago
Mom is working full time and dad is unemployed, He should be stepping up in taking care of all of his kids.
Mark Childers 2 days ago
It sounds like she's really miserable and acting out, which never makes it right. But at her age, hormones are already or about to start making things crazier than she already was. Sounds like the mom is pretty sketchy, which has to be hard for her, even though she has what seems like a great stepmom. I think she's hurting others because she's in pain, and she needs serious, serious help,, but especially talk therapy. Once she gets it all out, she should be much better, but this can't continue. She's putting others at risk now.
meeeeeeeeeeee 2 days ago
Does this kid have one adult that seems to give a f**k about them? No wonder she's acting up
Joanne Earle 2 days ago
What job fires a person right after his kid's been missing for 6 hours? There has to be more to that story.
Rick Seiden 2 days ago
13 now? So in 25 years she can be President of the United States the way she lies.
Leg less In Minneapolis 2 days ago
I am sorry but she sounds like a teenager to me. I think the family has too many children for mom to cope
Beth Wheeler 2 days ago
I don't care if she is 12, she needs an a*s beating for disappearing for 6 hours and not telling anybody where she was and the stunt with the little kids. And her little lying a*s would not leave the property unless it's for school or appointments.
meeeeeeeeeeee 2 days ago
You're a psychopathic c**t, hope someone knocks your f**k in x
Load More Replies... A S Mora 3 days ago
Sounds to me like the dad likes to making kids, but not raising them. Seems if he's unemployed he should have plenty of free time to be a present parent. I'm sorry OP, you had babies with a deadbeat who expects you to also parent his other child and you are now in an impossible position.
Petra Peitsch 3 days ago
WHERE THE FCK IS YOUR HUSBAND? Nowhere? Than GTFO of this relationnship, because you°ll get more money from him (by law), and suppoort from society raising just your own kids as a single mom
Ken Beattie 2 days ago
How is she going to get money out of the husband if he's not working? Surely you've heard the expression "you can't get blood from a stone"? Honestly, I'm so sick of people who cry "get divorced" as though it should be the first step in any situation. How about talk with the husband, potentially therapy assisted *before* calling the ole divorce lawyer.
Load More Replies... LakotaWolf (she/her) 3 days ago
OP mentions their church/religion in a number of her comments. Many Redditors are now questioning which super-strict religion/cult that OP and her husband are a part of. And it's a bit odd that husband lost his job due to his daughter being missing - you'd think even the most callous of workplaces wouldn't fire an employee - whose preteen daughter is missing and potentially kidnapped - for having an emergency and needing to go help search for his child. Even a heartless company would consider that bad for their image to fire the dad over leaving to search for his missing child.
UpupaEpops 2 days ago (edited)
Woah, woah, woah. Rewind. Your husband lost his job, because his daughter decided to skip off to nowhere, and he's this nonchalant about it? He's currently stay-at-home but you, the only breadwinner in the house, are stuck with all the child care duties? Lady, you've got far bigger problems than that idiot of a kid.
Gwyn 2 days ago
I'd be willing to bet that this is related to the fact that neither of her bio parents seem to actively care for her. What happens when she lies and runs away? She gets attention and/or reassurance that she is cared about. Dad lost his job over this and STILL isn't taking this seriously. It's just going to escalate until he does.
Upstaged75 2 days ago
The dad doesn't have a job, so why isn't he doing everything? Lazy jackass!
Xenia Harley 2 days ago
A lot of times, puberty brings out some issues, like some mental illnesses. Sounds like this girl is showing some signs of mental illness. Attention seeking, to the extreme, etc. They need to get her evaluated ASAP.Family therapy may be in order, too.
Michael MacKinnon 2 days ago
Well buried in this story is the fact that these acts COST HER FATHER HIS JOB ("he lost his job when the missing for 6 hours thing happened"). That's. In. Sane. And if the kid doesn't care about putting her family into poverty, this is well beyond the stepmom's ability to manage.
Cora Van der Gaag 1 day ago
I question the fact that he got fired for the girl gone missing. Probably more to it than that. Maybe he is just as laissez-faire about his job as about his parental duty.
Load More Replies... Debbie 2 days ago
"She was going to watch MY little ones / MY kids." Aren't those kids her siblings? Why not just write: She was going to watch her siblings? I think if she is the oldest, it's attention she craves. Maybe she isn't aware of it, but she was an only child for a while, and then there were some others.
Nils Skirnir 2 days ago
The teenage child has been abandoned by two parents, has teenage angst/hormones, has no rights, and is now old enough to recognize her predicament. Fact that stepparent questioned whether child was faking illness is another indication that all is not well w/stepchild - stepmother relationship too
Woodsie 2 days ago
I think this is fake, who is going to fire someone because they have to leave to look for their child? No one, because they would get sued. Also, I don't believe that a mother would entrust a child to look after such young children when she has been having ongoing issues with her.
firecrackershrimp 2 days ago
She said there from a small town so a lot of work place protections probably aren't there
Load More Replies... The Starsong Princess 2 days ago
Her father isn’t working. The daughter needs to be his full time job and he needs to be on her like white on rice - appointments, therapy, supervision, all of it. Op has a job and the other children.
Bette 2 days ago
The OP sounds more like a single parent of four children than a woman with a husband. He needs to step up and become a HANDS ON parent with all four children!! Both the husband and the teen need to be in therapy - multiple times a week!! Something is very wrong with their dynamic.
Wondering Alice 1 day ago
Am I reading this right? Mother who has been off work sick drove eldest (I'm going ahead and calling step daughter her kid, because sounds like she raised her) to the doctors while out of work father stayed home. Teenager is clearly going through some serious things we can't understand from a small post. Father's loss of job is really strange, but we don't have many details. We do know the OP is tired sick and overwhelmed and the father did not help. Poor woman. Hope family get help soon.
Ruth Watry 1 day ago
Mom is working full time and dad is unemployed, He should be stepping up in taking care of all of his kids.
Mark Childers 2 days ago
It sounds like she's really miserable and acting out, which never makes it right. But at her age, hormones are already or about to start making things crazier than she already was. Sounds like the mom is pretty sketchy, which has to be hard for her, even though she has what seems like a great stepmom. I think she's hurting others because she's in pain, and she needs serious, serious help,, but especially talk therapy. Once she gets it all out, she should be much better, but this can't continue. She's putting others at risk now.
meeeeeeeeeeee 2 days ago
Does this kid have one adult that seems to give a f**k about them? No wonder she's acting up
Joanne Earle 2 days ago
What job fires a person right after his kid's been missing for 6 hours? There has to be more to that story.
Rick Seiden 2 days ago
13 now? So in 25 years she can be President of the United States the way she lies.
Leg less In Minneapolis 2 days ago
I am sorry but she sounds like a teenager to me. I think the family has too many children for mom to cope
Beth Wheeler 2 days ago
I don't care if she is 12, she needs an a*s beating for disappearing for 6 hours and not telling anybody where she was and the stunt with the little kids. And her little lying a*s would not leave the property unless it's for school or appointments.
meeeeeeeeeeee 2 days ago
You're a psychopathic c**t, hope someone knocks your f**k in x
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