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Man Ruins Wife’s Christmas Surprise By Talking About Her Pricey Gift, She Doesn’t Want It Anymore
Some wise people in the past said that bad peace is always better than a good quarrel. I do not argue, as sometimes it happens exactly like that. But sometimes you just need to stand up and face the conflict, to make it clear to the person that their behavior makes you uncomfortable—to escalate the conflict.
To some extent, this was done by the heroine of today’s story, user u/EnvironmentalEgg7874, who didn’t want to put up with her own husband’s numerous snide comments about the expensive gift he was planning to buy her for Christmas. And in response, she received an accusation from him of… well, not of being a Grinch, but of ruining the holiday.
More info: Reddit
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The author of the post has a much-coveted thing, but she never dared to buy it due to its price—around $500
Image credits: Kira auf der Heide / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Recently, the woman’s husband claimed that he will buy it as a Christmas gift for her
Image credits: EnvironmentalEgg7874
Image credits: The Retro Store / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
The author was glad, but the spouse made waiting literally unbearable with his numerous snide remarks about the costly gift
Image credits: EnvironmentalEgg7874
Image credits: Timur Weber / Pexels (not the actual photo)
The author tried to give him a slight hint to stop him from making these remarks—but he kept doing it anyway
Image credits: EnvironmentalEgg7874
So, the lady just ended up telling him not to buy the gift at all—and he accused her of ruining Christmas after learning the true reason
So, the Original Poster (OP) has long wanted one cool thing for herself, but the only thing that kept her from buying it was its price—about 500 dollars. But the author isn’t a big spender, so she always, even at Christmas, refrained from buying it. Until, finally, recently, her husband solemnly swore that he would buy this much-coveted gift for her soon. Very soon.
Of course, our heroine was very happy, although she would’ve preferred for her spouse to make it a Christmas surprise. But, in the end, she really wanted this gift. Only, in the following weeks, the husband made the anticipation of the gift literally unbearable…
The guy allowed himself to make sarcastic and, as it probably seemed to him, damned amusing remarks about the expensive gift for his wife almost every day. Almost every mention of money in any way became an excuse for him to sarcastically remind her what a hole her gift would make in the family budget.
Our heroine tried to make delicate hints to her husband that she was uncomfortable listening to such words day after day, but he didn’t get it. Or, he just didn’t want to understand. It all ended with the original poster simply telling the spouse one fine day that she no longer wanted this gift. And it was better not to buy it at all.
The quarrel erupted—and the OP explained what exactly about her husband’s behavior upset her. However, again, the man didn’t react as the author expected. He got upset and said that she had ruined Christmas for him. And now the woman, on top of everything, also felt guilty—like, wouldn’t it have been better for her to just keep her mouth shut?
Image credits: Liza Summer / Pexels (not the actual photo)
No, it wasn’t better. Definitely not better. And the decision to tell the husband what was bothering her in the situation was 100% right. “Nothing good would have come from this woman keeping silent about her husband’s offensive remarks. In addition, she would have unwittingly encouraged this behavior,” says Irina Matveeva, a psychologist and certified NLP specialist, whom Bored Panda asked for a comment here.
“Her husband’s behavior was, to put it mildly, inappropriate. But, apparently, this pattern was inherent in him before – and he simply could not imagine that his supposedly ‘harmless’ jokes and jibes could be offensive to others.”
“Well, an attempt to shift the blame for this situation onto the wife – an attempt to accuse her of ‘ruining the holiday’ – is also a kind of manipulative technique. Instead of admitting his own wrongness. I do hope that sooner or later he realizes this. Better, of course, sooner…” Irina ponders.
Well, the commenters on the original post reasonably noted that the author is only guilty of belittling her own desires and importance in the family. “Stop making excuses and deal with it,” someone wrote. “You are worth it and, you can do it.” “You are [wrong] for staying with this guy,” another person even claimed.
And readers also urged the author to just go and buy the gift herself. Yes—on her own. “Put it on your wall, step back and admire it. This is something you have wanted for a long time, you did not have to wait for a belligerent hubby to buy it and, you treated yourself,” one of the responders added. So do you, our dear readers, agree with this opinion?
People in the comments sided with the author and even urged her to buy this gift on her own—simply because she’s worth having it
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What do you think ?
AKA AKA 1 month ago
her husband sounds like the child, constantly asking for praise for buying the gift.
Yulia Yakovenko 2 weeks ago
Except he didn’t buy it, he asks for prizes for maybe, for nothing. Free perks is what he was taking from her, and now he is free from buying the present, and it is all her fault. With such dynamics she will soon pay him for not giving her gifts.
Load More Replies...
ThisIsMe 1 month ago
OP's husband doesn't understand gift giving. If you can't give a gift for the joy of delighting someone else, then just don't do it.
Binky Melnik 1 month ago
If someone did this to me, not only would I no longer want the object but I’d be reviled by it every time I saw it. That man is a fun ruiner and I don’t believe this is his only fault. 🤬 I kinda hope she does the same thing to him, ruining something he delights in thinking about. 🤬🤬🤬
Load More Replies...
Surly Scot 1 month ago
OP isn't getting the respect and consideration from the relationship that she should, another husband treating his wife like his mother. Leave.
Comment Deleted 1 month ago
Love how everyone on the internet screams leave. Maybe try counselling first before blowing up your family . This is a marriage with children. There is no physical or mental abuse. Just immaturity.
Load More Replies...
Comment Deleted 1 month ago (edited)
I was dating this man for a few months and he surprised me with a perfume I love but cannot afford. I was shocked when I opened it. I actually was touched and got a little chocked up. I gave him a big hug and said how touched I was. He then looked at me and said " Glad you like it but that's it. Don't expect me to spent that much money on you again" Instant mood killer. I did not ask for the perfume. Never hinted at wanting it. We had been shopping and I pointed it out as we passed by a perfume counter and said I loved the sent. That is it. We broke up soon after and I donated it to the Goodwill. Ruined that happy feeling I had when I received the gift. For reference we were both low wage workers who loved simple low key low cost dates. So yeah. Edit spelling
person (i think) 1 month ago
There was an update: Husband apologized the next day. His reaction was a knee-jerk one because he realized he _was_ the one who ruined things. So, he apologized both for his reaction and for ruining the gift. There is some more background stuff, but it sounds like they are at peace. And, OP acknowledges that it she does deserve to get herself something nice once in a while and will buy it for herself down the line :)
Traveling Lady Railfan 1 month ago
I hope OP (or anyone who finds themselves in a similar situation) read all the comments that supported her thinking because she's right. He has double standards for her gift receiving that he does for his gift receiving, and he sounds exceptionally selfish and entitled and arrogant and stubborn. I don't know if he can be saved, but she could use this as a teaching moment for her children to teach them about the value of being a good gift giver and a good gift receiver (which includes being gracious, giving because you want to not because there is an expectation, and how to write a nice thank you note.) People seem to have forgotten the simplest things about how to live in a society.
Schmebulock 1 month ago
YTA for marrying such a douchebag, reproducing with him, and letting him gaslight you about ruining Christmas. Give him divorce papers as a surprise gift this year and then never post again.
blinkaoa187 1 week ago (edited)
The fact that op's husband likes to be surprised by gifts and then outright tells her what he was getting her is weird. I could see if he thought she might buy it on impulse, warning her, but she clearly wouldn't do that. His then complaining constantly about the price and then telling her she ruined Christmas suggests one of 2 things to me. He somehow found an extremely discounted version, way less than 500, and wanted to keep emphasizing the price so she would never think that, or he is a complete a**hole.
Yulia Yakovenko 2 weeks ago
Looks like he didn’t going to buy it, but wanted the perks. Now he will buy nothing for her, and she will feel guilty! Nicely executed, she lives with the EH and used to be a doormat, but now it’s all up to the next level.
Eduarda Vaz-Mourao 4 weeks ago
Get it for yourself! You’ve earned it. Even if you’re a SAHM with no salary, you deserve it. Keep us posted!
Myth illogical 1 month ago
I can't believe he gave up the opportunity to potentially give her her favourite gift ever. If he'd kept completely quiet about it and surprised her with it, wouldn't her reaction to receiving something that she wanted so much, but didn't think she'd ever get be so worth the money? My favourite Christmas memories are giving gifts like these - I love how it feels to make someone you love feel so valued and happy with surprises like these, it's a shame they both missed out on how lovely it could've been.
Sarah Léon 1 month ago
Gosh I would have been so proud to be able to buy the gift and keep it to myself and see my SO opening her present on the big day and just answering "don't ask me, ask Santa !". It's so rewarding to see eyes lightening up thanks to your idea of a gift and a surprise ! This guy didn't want to be nice, he wanted the world to see how nice he was !
Matthew Barabas 1 month ago
a lot of these posts are just them asking if a blatantly obvious AH should be considered an AH.
Canadadreams 1 month ago
NTA… he understandably did not want to buy u tht as its 500$ and probably he felt coerced into buying it with ur comments or casual requests. Tell me one thing, ur husband’s money or urs, its the same right? Its ur family money so y even ask him to buy? Y not buy it urself? Just do it and stay at peace. If he bought it, he shud have done it heartily or shud not have bought it. His budget to buy a gift for u was definitely less than 500 due to which he is pissed for spending tht much on u and would crib for the next few years or keep saying the same thing again and again which will be super annoying. Rather plz tell him not to buy strictly and GET IT URSELF!!! If he still cribs, tell him its super annoying for the way he measured ur worth in the form of money and kept complaining about it. Tell him not to take all the unnecessary financial stress for u!
Robert Beveridge 1 month ago
Having been in his situation any number of times (though I've never had enough money for it to pack this much punch), I'm going to suggest he needs to get himself to a mental health professional and get evaluated for anxiety disorders.
Ghostsauce 1 month ago
Saying "YTA for not respecting yourself more" and the like is not some clever spin. It is so stupid, it's on the same level of a "safety is radical!" rap video.
Meagan Glaser 1 month ago
how awful of her to keep calmly explaining things to him /s
Load More Replies... AKA AKA 1 month ago
her husband sounds like the child, constantly asking for praise for buying the gift.
Yulia Yakovenko 2 weeks ago
Except he didn’t buy it, he asks for prizes for maybe, for nothing. Free perks is what he was taking from her, and now he is free from buying the present, and it is all her fault. With such dynamics she will soon pay him for not giving her gifts.
Load More Replies... ThisIsMe 1 month ago
OP's husband doesn't understand gift giving. If you can't give a gift for the joy of delighting someone else, then just don't do it.
Binky Melnik 1 month ago
If someone did this to me, not only would I no longer want the object but I’d be reviled by it every time I saw it. That man is a fun ruiner and I don’t believe this is his only fault. 🤬 I kinda hope she does the same thing to him, ruining something he delights in thinking about. 🤬🤬🤬
Load More Replies... Surly Scot 1 month ago
OP isn't getting the respect and consideration from the relationship that she should, another husband treating his wife like his mother. Leave.
Comment Deleted 1 month ago
Love how everyone on the internet screams leave. Maybe try counselling first before blowing up your family . This is a marriage with children. There is no physical or mental abuse. Just immaturity.
Load More Replies... Comment Deleted 1 month ago (edited)
I was dating this man for a few months and he surprised me with a perfume I love but cannot afford. I was shocked when I opened it. I actually was touched and got a little chocked up. I gave him a big hug and said how touched I was. He then looked at me and said " Glad you like it but that's it. Don't expect me to spent that much money on you again" Instant mood killer. I did not ask for the perfume. Never hinted at wanting it. We had been shopping and I pointed it out as we passed by a perfume counter and said I loved the sent. That is it. We broke up soon after and I donated it to the Goodwill. Ruined that happy feeling I had when I received the gift. For reference we were both low wage workers who loved simple low key low cost dates. So yeah. Edit spelling
person (i think) 1 month ago
There was an update: Husband apologized the next day. His reaction was a knee-jerk one because he realized he _was_ the one who ruined things. So, he apologized both for his reaction and for ruining the gift. There is some more background stuff, but it sounds like they are at peace. And, OP acknowledges that it she does deserve to get herself something nice once in a while and will buy it for herself down the line :)
Traveling Lady Railfan 1 month ago
I hope OP (or anyone who finds themselves in a similar situation) read all the comments that supported her thinking because she's right. He has double standards for her gift receiving that he does for his gift receiving, and he sounds exceptionally selfish and entitled and arrogant and stubborn. I don't know if he can be saved, but she could use this as a teaching moment for her children to teach them about the value of being a good gift giver and a good gift receiver (which includes being gracious, giving because you want to not because there is an expectation, and how to write a nice thank you note.) People seem to have forgotten the simplest things about how to live in a society.
Schmebulock 1 month ago
YTA for marrying such a douchebag, reproducing with him, and letting him gaslight you about ruining Christmas. Give him divorce papers as a surprise gift this year and then never post again.
blinkaoa187 1 week ago (edited)
The fact that op's husband likes to be surprised by gifts and then outright tells her what he was getting her is weird. I could see if he thought she might buy it on impulse, warning her, but she clearly wouldn't do that. His then complaining constantly about the price and then telling her she ruined Christmas suggests one of 2 things to me. He somehow found an extremely discounted version, way less than 500, and wanted to keep emphasizing the price so she would never think that, or he is a complete a**hole.
Yulia Yakovenko 2 weeks ago
Looks like he didn’t going to buy it, but wanted the perks. Now he will buy nothing for her, and she will feel guilty! Nicely executed, she lives with the EH and used to be a doormat, but now it’s all up to the next level.
Eduarda Vaz-Mourao 4 weeks ago
Get it for yourself! You’ve earned it. Even if you’re a SAHM with no salary, you deserve it. Keep us posted!
Myth illogical 1 month ago
I can't believe he gave up the opportunity to potentially give her her favourite gift ever. If he'd kept completely quiet about it and surprised her with it, wouldn't her reaction to receiving something that she wanted so much, but didn't think she'd ever get be so worth the money? My favourite Christmas memories are giving gifts like these - I love how it feels to make someone you love feel so valued and happy with surprises like these, it's a shame they both missed out on how lovely it could've been.
Sarah Léon 1 month ago
Gosh I would have been so proud to be able to buy the gift and keep it to myself and see my SO opening her present on the big day and just answering "don't ask me, ask Santa !". It's so rewarding to see eyes lightening up thanks to your idea of a gift and a surprise ! This guy didn't want to be nice, he wanted the world to see how nice he was !
Matthew Barabas 1 month ago
a lot of these posts are just them asking if a blatantly obvious AH should be considered an AH.
Canadadreams 1 month ago
NTA… he understandably did not want to buy u tht as its 500$ and probably he felt coerced into buying it with ur comments or casual requests. Tell me one thing, ur husband’s money or urs, its the same right? Its ur family money so y even ask him to buy? Y not buy it urself? Just do it and stay at peace. If he bought it, he shud have done it heartily or shud not have bought it. His budget to buy a gift for u was definitely less than 500 due to which he is pissed for spending tht much on u and would crib for the next few years or keep saying the same thing again and again which will be super annoying. Rather plz tell him not to buy strictly and GET IT URSELF!!! If he still cribs, tell him its super annoying for the way he measured ur worth in the form of money and kept complaining about it. Tell him not to take all the unnecessary financial stress for u!
Robert Beveridge 1 month ago
Having been in his situation any number of times (though I've never had enough money for it to pack this much punch), I'm going to suggest he needs to get himself to a mental health professional and get evaluated for anxiety disorders.
Ghostsauce 1 month ago
Saying "YTA for not respecting yourself more" and the like is not some clever spin. It is so stupid, it's on the same level of a "safety is radical!" rap video.
Meagan Glaser 1 month ago
how awful of her to keep calmly explaining things to him /s
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