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Wife Keeps Emasculating Husband For Baking And Liking “Taylor Swift,” Gets Served With Divorce
Every couple has their own little in jokes, preferences and perhaps even preferred insults, but it’s pretty easy to take things too far if you don’t have a filter. However, there are certain things that are probably best to not use against your partner, particularly if they tell you pretty clearly that they want you to stop it.
A man wondered if he was wrong to leave his wife of over two decades after tiring of her constantly calling him unmanly. We reached out to the man who shared the story via private message and will update the article when he gets back to us.
RELATED:
Repeatedly attacking your partner is a sure way to get them to leave
Image credits: Brooke Cagle / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Which is what one man did when he tired of his wife calling him unmanly
Image credits: Jason Briscoe / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Getty Images / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Image credits: throwra_manly
Masculinity can truly take many forms
This story is a classic case of “you can’t please everyone” as the man does report a lot of traits that many people would see as traditionally masculine. Indeed, “repairing cars” is one of those things that is so stereotypically “masculine” that if written into a novel or film, might seem cheap. However, these are actually not that common skills, as the average male car owner tends to not know how to do major repairs on his vehicle.
This is a simple, almost childish example, but it’s worth noting that it’s so blatant that the wife ignoring it seems almost questionable. Some researchers believe that in many cases, masculinity is defined by the rejection of “female” traits. In other words, no matter how many “masculine” traits this man has, the fact that he is ok sometimes driving a small car is enough to paint him as unmanly in her eyes.
This is ultimately reductive, because a person rejecting “feminine” concepts out of fear of not being masculine is, in of itself, somewhat unmanly. This could be a sort of misogyny, where she dislikes certain “feminine” traits, particularly ones he has and she doesn’t, so she tries to create a framework where he is wrong for being the person he is.
For example, calling him a doormat for not picking fights or engaging in road rage is pretty silly, yet she seems to be pretty adamant about this kind of behavior. If you perceive any slight as an insult, as in, something that needs to be resolved, presumably with words or fists, then anyone who does less will be unmanly in your eyes, even if random violence like that is downright unsustainable.
The wife seems insufferable
Image credits: Getty Images / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
There is of course the possibility that she is just unhappy and is finding reasons to complain. Even if he listened to less pop and stuck to his more powerful car, she might find some fault in the color of his shoes or perhaps the way he walks. It’s important to recognize that at certain parts of life, there will be people who simply can’t be pleased. These sort of toxic folks are best to be kept at a distance.
As the many supportive comments note, he sounds like a great guy and pretty masculine, all things considered. Perhaps his ex wanted even more, which is fair, but her method wasn’t to communicate her needs but to throw so many insults that he left a multi decade marriage. The fact that he immediately felt better points to her simply being insufferable.
This all goes to show that, while it is important to listen to your partner, there are times where their insecurities dominate the conversation and you sometimes need to assess if the psychological damage they are doing to you is even worth it. This woman sounded insufferable, even if the man was quite “unmanly,” unfortunately, it took literal decades for him to put the pieces together.
Many readers were supportive
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What do you think ?
Captive 1 week ago
I like OP. Doing things he likes and doesn't care if it's considered not manly. If he feels happier, it seems to be a good choice. Hope he stays on good terms with the ex.
Vinnie 1 week ago
He has a sense of humour, too. He said that if a woman thinks he's not good in bed, he'll apologize and bake her a cake.
Load More Replies...
TribbleThinking 1 week ago (edited)
Your ex-wife has at least two problems - she's stupid AND rude. Her idea of manliness is immature, as is her idea of a manly car. Don't worry about your future, you're a rare gem unexpectedly available again. You'll be snapped up when you've recovered, discover yourself and eventually decide to share the person that you've matured into. This is from someone who's made that journey (widowed quite young) - my late husband was a bit like your wife and needed consumer goods to feel good. MrTribbleTheSecond is burlier, fitter, is inevitably the designated "bouncer" at gatherings at work and socially, drives cheap old bangers, has "pet" powerful bikes, and because he scrimped on cars, the capital for four houses, not that you'd think it to to see his normal mode of transport! He also cooks and cleans and loves flowers.
François Bouzigues 1 week ago
I avoid / defuse / redirect situation that could turn into a fight because i don´t have the skills or stature. Kind of i have to otherwise it would end badly for me. You avoid / defuse / redirect situations that could turn into you knocking out the opponent 99% of the time. This is very highly respectable and superhero manly.
Trudi Clarke 1 week ago
This man sounds perfect. A wonderful example of non-toxic masculinity. The Andrew Tates of the world should take note! If I was 20 yrs younger I would be down to the southwest like a shot! What a crazy and deluded woman she is to have found so much fault with him.
Yu Pan 1 week ago
Wife: "You are not manly enough" --she has a side dude. Wife: "I'm willing to get counseling" - side dude left her.
BrownEyedPanda 1 week ago
Uh huh. Sounds like her rich ace-in-the-hole was a dud, so she'll go back to her sure thing. I hope OP doesn't cave, and continues with the divorce. Even his daughter noticed how much happier he is. I'm betting that she is going to go extremely LC with her mother, and Dad is going to get all the perks (spending holidays together, walking her down the aisle, being the first one to meet his grandchild) while Mom sits everything out.
Load More Replies... 
Schnitzel 1 week ago (edited)
My husband does all of those "manly things" + he's a car mechanic. What he doesn't do is b***h about women or walk away if they need help. He likes women and he grew up with many (!) sisters. I, on the other hand, do not like women thanks to how my mom treated me and how I grew up. In my eyes, my husband is a 10. I couldn't ask for better and quite honestly I couldn't care less if he starts listening to Ariana Grande or Elton John. I also would love to wake up to some freshly baked bread. YUM! I am glad OP left his idiot wife and the right decision is telling him that he feels happier already! Should never second guess that.
Jostanquecla 1 week ago
This man sounds wonderful. Whichever woman he chooses is going to be very lucky to have him.
Surly Scot 1 week ago
OP ticks every box of what i'm looking for in a man, what the heck did his wife want, Thor? Ok how do I do this internet sleuthing thing so I can find his number and invite him out on a date......
Koalalover 1 week ago
Lol I thought that too, wife does not realise how good she had it, and he sounds like an excellent example of how a man should treat his daughter if/when she dates men in the future!
Load More Replies...
Cronecast AtTheRisingMoon 1 week ago
Belittling your partner is abuse. She’s an emotional abuser. She was purposely damaging his self esteem. I hope he sticks with therapy until he works through this because he has had abuse normalized in his life, and needs time to reclaim a healthy sense of self…at which time he will have women practically fighting for his company.
UpupaEpops 1 week ago
OP's ex. clearly has no clue how dangerous it can become to be with the macho-type. How the same man who will deck some random guy causing a scene on a night out will eventually punch her in the face for "looking at him funny". Whenever I hear a woman advocating for toxic masculinity I'm thinking thank God you've never been on the receiving end of it. Now let's keep it that way.
JLo 1 week ago
She is emotionally abusing him. What if the roles were reversed and a man constantly complained that his wife wasn't feminine enough because she didn't wear dresses, or have long hair, or cook gourmet dinners every night? She's going to find out that, even if she found her ideal fantasy man, he probably wouldn't want her back. Is she going to nag every guy she dates to be her fantasy?
KatSaidWhat 1 week ago
She wants someone else to help her make him the man she needs? WUT? Nope. She needs a divorce not to change what sounds to be a wholesome guy that a lot of us would happily go for with just half of his traits.
Juanita Sullivan 5 days ago
Something OP said that struck a nerve for me. I know how it is to feel stupid. I grew up believing that because that's all I heard from my parents. Hence I made stupid decisions because I couldn't see the sense is trying as I believed myself incapable. TILL, I landed an airplane without my flight instructor sitting next to me. Talk about a major eye opening life experience! Once I got my pilots license, I left my abusive ex husband and moved on with my life. It gave liberation a whole new meaning as I was no longer codependent on anything or anyone. There are literally millions of women out there that would love to have a man like this! He just needs to give himself some time to himself to adjust to the single life. It's really not bad. He also will need to be very very careful what women he dates if he does in the future. There are women out there that will do anything to get someone like him and some of what they would do would be nefarious.
Traveling Lady Railfan 6 days ago
As usual, I don't write this thinking that the original poster is going to be reading it, I write this thinking that maybe someone else who's going through something similar might be reading it. It sounds like the wife is just a horrible person, and how you ended up with a wonderful kind talented 18 year old daughter out of it? She must take after you. Don't feel trapped because you're in your 40s and "she's the only partner I've ever had for the past 20 plus years I'm afraid to leave her even though she's abusing me"... Because it sounds like you are exceptionally capable in every way that matters (and then some!) I know it's easier to stay in the abusive demeaning lonely relationship that you're in, as opposed to taking a risk and being on your own but you've already said yourself only having a few months break from this toxic individual, you realize just how much better you feel without her. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain! Be happy,; live your life!
Lily 6 days ago
I'll bet she'd been doing that for years, he just never noticed it, until he did. She's shown you who she is, and that is not going to change. You embarrass her? She doesn't deserve you. Be happy, choose your own path, without the unrelenting criticism of someone who really doesn't love you for all that. You can't correct bad attitude, she will still have it no matter how much therapy she does.
Pamela Blue 6 days ago
If she wants an Andrew Tate, I'm sure she can find one easily enough. But I'm pretty sure that she'll regret binding herself to a "real man" after not too long a time. OP sounds like a great person, and I hope he finds someone who appreciates and respects him for who he is.
FluffButt Central 1 week ago
Damn. If he's looking for an older woman who is financially secure and would love to meet a man like this... give him my number! His ex is a fool
Mark Childers 1 week ago
Poor guy. Social media has already destroyed society. Now it's destroying relationships. I would really like to see them all go away. They're so destructive.
Scott Rackley 1 week ago
Nothing wrong with baking, cooking, and not catching a felony. Your music taste isn't feminine it's just shite.
ginshun 1 week ago
OP sounds awesome to me. His tendency to not get into physical confrontations is actually very typical of people who train in fighting. He know how easy it is to get hurt or to hurt somebody else, so chooses not to engage. The wife just sounds like a judgedy b***h to me. I wouldn't worry about being alone, worry about finding a woman who actually appreciates the good things about you, instead of busting on you for them.
Dirk Daring 1 week ago
I hope OP realizes that he is finally escaping an abusive relationship.
Tim Richards 1 week ago
Do not even think about going back. She sounds insufferable and I guarantee your happiness level will go through the roof.
Rahul Pawa 1 week ago
My advice to OP would be to separate for at least 6 months. See if her words have turned into actions. If she shows a willingness to work on herself with a therapist (that she's seen more than 6 times), then there's a chance at reconciliation. If she wasted the time not working on herself making excuses (I don't have tiiiiiime, I didn't like that therapist, etc), then you know it was all hot air and can go through with the divorce. Even if she's working on herself isn't a guarantee, it's a first step towards repairing the relationship. Couples have to work on themselves individually before really working on the relationship.
Janelle Collard 1 week ago
OP did the right thing to leave. I hope his ex didn't brainwash their daughter into thinking it's ok to be *that* nasty to your husband, wife, SO, etc.
GalPalAl 1 day ago
Divorce is not an easy thing to coordinate or go through. That being said, it is not the end all be all of any relationship. You NEVER have to put up with someone behaving so poorly EVER. Make sure you remember that. And don't jump into a relationship with blinders on so you can avoid meeting another person like this. Dating really does suck, but its a testament to how people have gone off the rails mentally and are not capable of making good decisions.
WalterWhiteSavannah 1 week ago
This dudes the same age as me and tbh if I was gay I'd be interested as hell. His wife sounds pathetic for a 19 year old let alone 42. What toxic immature goof of a woman wants to see their guy fighting?
Gen X Feral 1 week ago
I wonder if he likes older women 😉 He sounds like the total package and the ex sounds like a sexist btch
Uncle Schmickle 1 week ago
You sound like a talented, sensible and rational bloke. Stuff the wife, you don't need that c**p in your life. I think she has some mental issues, like jealousy, because you have it all.
Inglourioustmnt 1 week ago
I mean, letting someone get in your face and push you around is pretty weak. Just the talk would be one thing but once they put hands on you that line has been crossed. Hitting them would be a public service at that point, so they learn they cant do that to someone else. The rest of it is ridiculous though. Music taste and cooking food doesnt define being a man.
GlitterPanda 1 week ago
I think it's ridiculous when people in the wrong think they both should go to therapy..."I screwed up so you need to put in the work too" No thank you ma'am, he is a whole and healed person, you work on yourself now.
sweet emotion 1 week ago (edited)
Well, he sounded almost perfect.....until he got to his taste in music. Alas. ;-) The thing is, when you start second guessing your actions beforehand because your partner might mock you, it's time to recognize that you are being abused and controlled. And that means its time to walk away.
MushroomHead22 1 week ago
a real man wouldn't be scared of the future. just kidding. thats probably something she would say... you made the right choice.
n75mk9nk2n 1 week ago
There's an old Irish proverb; true strength lies in gentleness. OP is a good man. The wife is a toxic psychopath.
UncleJohn3000 1 week ago
This is a good day for me. Not only do I fit this definition of 'real man' but I also qualify as a Big Dog.
Nils Skirnir 1 week ago
A surprising number of women feel the same way as OP’s ex. Not all or even most, but enough. Guess that’s why the trad wife thing is so popular
Captive 1 week ago
I like OP. Doing things he likes and doesn't care if it's considered not manly. If he feels happier, it seems to be a good choice. Hope he stays on good terms with the ex.
Vinnie 1 week ago
He has a sense of humour, too. He said that if a woman thinks he's not good in bed, he'll apologize and bake her a cake.
Load More Replies... TribbleThinking 1 week ago (edited)
Your ex-wife has at least two problems - she's stupid AND rude. Her idea of manliness is immature, as is her idea of a manly car. Don't worry about your future, you're a rare gem unexpectedly available again. You'll be snapped up when you've recovered, discover yourself and eventually decide to share the person that you've matured into. This is from someone who's made that journey (widowed quite young) - my late husband was a bit like your wife and needed consumer goods to feel good. MrTribbleTheSecond is burlier, fitter, is inevitably the designated "bouncer" at gatherings at work and socially, drives cheap old bangers, has "pet" powerful bikes, and because he scrimped on cars, the capital for four houses, not that you'd think it to to see his normal mode of transport! He also cooks and cleans and loves flowers.
François Bouzigues 1 week ago
I avoid / defuse / redirect situation that could turn into a fight because i don´t have the skills or stature. Kind of i have to otherwise it would end badly for me. You avoid / defuse / redirect situations that could turn into you knocking out the opponent 99% of the time. This is very highly respectable and superhero manly.
Trudi Clarke 1 week ago
This man sounds perfect. A wonderful example of non-toxic masculinity. The Andrew Tates of the world should take note! If I was 20 yrs younger I would be down to the southwest like a shot! What a crazy and deluded woman she is to have found so much fault with him.
Yu Pan 1 week ago
Wife: "You are not manly enough" --she has a side dude. Wife: "I'm willing to get counseling" - side dude left her.
BrownEyedPanda 1 week ago
Uh huh. Sounds like her rich ace-in-the-hole was a dud, so she'll go back to her sure thing. I hope OP doesn't cave, and continues with the divorce. Even his daughter noticed how much happier he is. I'm betting that she is going to go extremely LC with her mother, and Dad is going to get all the perks (spending holidays together, walking her down the aisle, being the first one to meet his grandchild) while Mom sits everything out.
Load More Replies... Schnitzel 1 week ago (edited)
My husband does all of those "manly things" + he's a car mechanic. What he doesn't do is b***h about women or walk away if they need help. He likes women and he grew up with many (!) sisters. I, on the other hand, do not like women thanks to how my mom treated me and how I grew up. In my eyes, my husband is a 10. I couldn't ask for better and quite honestly I couldn't care less if he starts listening to Ariana Grande or Elton John. I also would love to wake up to some freshly baked bread. YUM! I am glad OP left his idiot wife and the right decision is telling him that he feels happier already! Should never second guess that.
Jostanquecla 1 week ago
This man sounds wonderful. Whichever woman he chooses is going to be very lucky to have him.
Surly Scot 1 week ago
OP ticks every box of what i'm looking for in a man, what the heck did his wife want, Thor? Ok how do I do this internet sleuthing thing so I can find his number and invite him out on a date......
Koalalover 1 week ago
Lol I thought that too, wife does not realise how good she had it, and he sounds like an excellent example of how a man should treat his daughter if/when she dates men in the future!
Load More Replies... Cronecast AtTheRisingMoon 1 week ago
Belittling your partner is abuse. She’s an emotional abuser. She was purposely damaging his self esteem. I hope he sticks with therapy until he works through this because he has had abuse normalized in his life, and needs time to reclaim a healthy sense of self…at which time he will have women practically fighting for his company.
UpupaEpops 1 week ago
OP's ex. clearly has no clue how dangerous it can become to be with the macho-type. How the same man who will deck some random guy causing a scene on a night out will eventually punch her in the face for "looking at him funny". Whenever I hear a woman advocating for toxic masculinity I'm thinking thank God you've never been on the receiving end of it. Now let's keep it that way.
JLo 1 week ago
She is emotionally abusing him. What if the roles were reversed and a man constantly complained that his wife wasn't feminine enough because she didn't wear dresses, or have long hair, or cook gourmet dinners every night? She's going to find out that, even if she found her ideal fantasy man, he probably wouldn't want her back. Is she going to nag every guy she dates to be her fantasy?
KatSaidWhat 1 week ago
She wants someone else to help her make him the man she needs? WUT? Nope. She needs a divorce not to change what sounds to be a wholesome guy that a lot of us would happily go for with just half of his traits.
Juanita Sullivan 5 days ago
Something OP said that struck a nerve for me. I know how it is to feel stupid. I grew up believing that because that's all I heard from my parents. Hence I made stupid decisions because I couldn't see the sense is trying as I believed myself incapable. TILL, I landed an airplane without my flight instructor sitting next to me. Talk about a major eye opening life experience! Once I got my pilots license, I left my abusive ex husband and moved on with my life. It gave liberation a whole new meaning as I was no longer codependent on anything or anyone. There are literally millions of women out there that would love to have a man like this! He just needs to give himself some time to himself to adjust to the single life. It's really not bad. He also will need to be very very careful what women he dates if he does in the future. There are women out there that will do anything to get someone like him and some of what they would do would be nefarious.
Traveling Lady Railfan 6 days ago
As usual, I don't write this thinking that the original poster is going to be reading it, I write this thinking that maybe someone else who's going through something similar might be reading it. It sounds like the wife is just a horrible person, and how you ended up with a wonderful kind talented 18 year old daughter out of it? She must take after you. Don't feel trapped because you're in your 40s and "she's the only partner I've ever had for the past 20 plus years I'm afraid to leave her even though she's abusing me"... Because it sounds like you are exceptionally capable in every way that matters (and then some!) I know it's easier to stay in the abusive demeaning lonely relationship that you're in, as opposed to taking a risk and being on your own but you've already said yourself only having a few months break from this toxic individual, you realize just how much better you feel without her. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain! Be happy,; live your life!
Lily 6 days ago
I'll bet she'd been doing that for years, he just never noticed it, until he did. She's shown you who she is, and that is not going to change. You embarrass her? She doesn't deserve you. Be happy, choose your own path, without the unrelenting criticism of someone who really doesn't love you for all that. You can't correct bad attitude, she will still have it no matter how much therapy she does.
Pamela Blue 6 days ago
If she wants an Andrew Tate, I'm sure she can find one easily enough. But I'm pretty sure that she'll regret binding herself to a "real man" after not too long a time. OP sounds like a great person, and I hope he finds someone who appreciates and respects him for who he is.
FluffButt Central 1 week ago
Damn. If he's looking for an older woman who is financially secure and would love to meet a man like this... give him my number! His ex is a fool
Mark Childers 1 week ago
Poor guy. Social media has already destroyed society. Now it's destroying relationships. I would really like to see them all go away. They're so destructive.
Scott Rackley 1 week ago
Nothing wrong with baking, cooking, and not catching a felony. Your music taste isn't feminine it's just shite.
ginshun 1 week ago
OP sounds awesome to me. His tendency to not get into physical confrontations is actually very typical of people who train in fighting. He know how easy it is to get hurt or to hurt somebody else, so chooses not to engage. The wife just sounds like a judgedy b***h to me. I wouldn't worry about being alone, worry about finding a woman who actually appreciates the good things about you, instead of busting on you for them.
Dirk Daring 1 week ago
I hope OP realizes that he is finally escaping an abusive relationship.
Tim Richards 1 week ago
Do not even think about going back. She sounds insufferable and I guarantee your happiness level will go through the roof.
Rahul Pawa 1 week ago
My advice to OP would be to separate for at least 6 months. See if her words have turned into actions. If she shows a willingness to work on herself with a therapist (that she's seen more than 6 times), then there's a chance at reconciliation. If she wasted the time not working on herself making excuses (I don't have tiiiiiime, I didn't like that therapist, etc), then you know it was all hot air and can go through with the divorce. Even if she's working on herself isn't a guarantee, it's a first step towards repairing the relationship. Couples have to work on themselves individually before really working on the relationship.
Janelle Collard 1 week ago
OP did the right thing to leave. I hope his ex didn't brainwash their daughter into thinking it's ok to be *that* nasty to your husband, wife, SO, etc.
GalPalAl 1 day ago
Divorce is not an easy thing to coordinate or go through. That being said, it is not the end all be all of any relationship. You NEVER have to put up with someone behaving so poorly EVER. Make sure you remember that. And don't jump into a relationship with blinders on so you can avoid meeting another person like this. Dating really does suck, but its a testament to how people have gone off the rails mentally and are not capable of making good decisions.
WalterWhiteSavannah 1 week ago
This dudes the same age as me and tbh if I was gay I'd be interested as hell. His wife sounds pathetic for a 19 year old let alone 42. What toxic immature goof of a woman wants to see their guy fighting?
Gen X Feral 1 week ago
I wonder if he likes older women 😉 He sounds like the total package and the ex sounds like a sexist btch
Uncle Schmickle 1 week ago
You sound like a talented, sensible and rational bloke. Stuff the wife, you don't need that c**p in your life. I think she has some mental issues, like jealousy, because you have it all.
Inglourioustmnt 1 week ago
I mean, letting someone get in your face and push you around is pretty weak. Just the talk would be one thing but once they put hands on you that line has been crossed. Hitting them would be a public service at that point, so they learn they cant do that to someone else. The rest of it is ridiculous though. Music taste and cooking food doesnt define being a man.
GlitterPanda 1 week ago
I think it's ridiculous when people in the wrong think they both should go to therapy..."I screwed up so you need to put in the work too" No thank you ma'am, he is a whole and healed person, you work on yourself now.
sweet emotion 1 week ago (edited)
Well, he sounded almost perfect.....until he got to his taste in music. Alas. ;-) The thing is, when you start second guessing your actions beforehand because your partner might mock you, it's time to recognize that you are being abused and controlled. And that means its time to walk away.
MushroomHead22 1 week ago
a real man wouldn't be scared of the future. just kidding. thats probably something she would say... you made the right choice.
n75mk9nk2n 1 week ago
There's an old Irish proverb; true strength lies in gentleness. OP is a good man. The wife is a toxic psychopath.
UncleJohn3000 1 week ago
This is a good day for me. Not only do I fit this definition of 'real man' but I also qualify as a Big Dog.
Nils Skirnir 1 week ago
A surprising number of women feel the same way as OP’s ex. Not all or even most, but enough. Guess that’s why the trad wife thing is so popular
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