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Wife Goes Out Of Her Way To Accommodate Husband’s Fatigue, He Still Keeps Complaining
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Wife Goes Out Of Her Way To Accommodate Husband’s Fatigue, He Still Keeps Complaining

Interview With Expert
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Getting tired is natural and completely normal. As long as it isn’t long-lasting and goes away after resting. If it doesn’t, it might be a sign of some sort of underlying issue that impacts not only your body but the people around you too. 

Like in the family from today’s story. In it, the husband kept complaining about always being tired, despite getting enough rest, so much that it made his wife both annoyed and worried. So, when she ranted about it online, people there suggested that it might be something more than simple fatigue. 

More info: Mumsnet

Constantly feeling fatigued might be hard not only on your body but on the people around you too

Image credits: Katya Wolf / Pexels (not the actual photo)

A woman’s husband constantly complains he’s tired despite getting more than 8 hours of sleep, which makes him grumpy and annoys her

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Image credits: cottonbro studio / Pexels (not the actual photo)

They work the same hours and make similar money, yet she gets to sleep less because of childcare, but rarely ever complains about it

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Image credits: Ron Lach / Pexels (not the actual photo)

Plus, sometimes it seems that the man likes being grumpy, as he never wants to do anything to fix his fatigue

Image credits: RunFreeLiveHappy

So, his wife came online to rant about this whole situation and ask advice on what she could do to change it

The OP’s husband has been complaining about his fatigue for years now. To talk about fatigue, Bored Panda reached out to sleep expert Elina Winnel. 

Typically, when a person is tired, their prefrontal regions lose their control over the limbic system, which results in emotions getting out of control. Some get anxious and stressed, while others, like the author’s husband, get grumpy. The woman is sick of this, so she came online to rant about it. 

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The thing is that both of them work busy jobs, earn similar amounts of money, and thus contribute equally to the bills. The woman is the one who does the majority of childcare and dog care, and she arranges her work day to fit all these responsibilities. Yet, the husband is the one always complaining about being tired, while always trying to keep up the spirit. 

The man gets at least 8 hours of sleep a night, while his wife usually gets less. Our interviewee revealed that some people might feel tired even after sleeping the recommended amount due to certain lifestyle choices. For example, eating an excessive amount of sugar and refined carbohydrates can cause energy crashes. A sedentary lifestyle, dehydration, and chronic stress can also influence sleep quality.

She added that “Toxins in the body can also affect energy levels, and an occasional detox can provide a noticeable boost. Sleep plays a vital role in the body’s natural detoxification processes, making quality sleep essential for feeling energized.”

The man in the story argues that his body needs more sleep than most people. Elina Winnel said that sometimes the fatigue might be caused not by the sleep quantity, but quality instead: “If someone experiences mood swings, poor memory, trouble focusing, or low energy, it may be a sign of insufficient quality sleep. Feeling tired during the day or needing to catch up on sleep during weekends or holidays is another strong indicator of chronic sleep deprivation.”

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The expert also noted that paying attention to these signs can help each person identify whether they are meeting their unique sleep needs.

Another interesting thing is that it was proven that women need more sleep than men. Granted, only by 11 minutes. There are a few possible reasons why. First, it might be due to stuff related to their cycles, like menstruation, menopause, and pregnancy, that interrupts sleep and leads to the women needing to stay in bed a little longer. Or it could be because women tend to fall asleep a bit faster and “win” extra minutes. 

Well, in the OP’s family,  as we already acknowledged, the man gets to sleep more but is more tired too. She has made plenty of suggestions of what they could do to make it a little easier for him, for instance, moving to a smaller house or abroad, but he says he doesn’t want anything to change. 

Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)

The wife also suggested that he go to the doctor and have his sleeping problems checked out – maybe it’s something treatable. There are quite a few sleeping disorders – for example, insomnia, sleep apnea, restless legs syndrome, and many others. All of them, in a way, mess with an individual’s sleep schedule and the rest they should get from sleeping. 

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The sleep expert said that usually, signs like persistent tiredness or oversleeping can signal some underlying issues, especially when paired with other kinds of symptoms. 

But the OP’s husband refuses to go to see a specialist. So, they continue living an exhausting life. At the same time, their life is full of nice things – a nice home, and gorgeous children – so not everything is terrible. But still, the situation is pretty annoying. 

One day, the woman offered to put the kids to bed herself so her spouse could go to sleep as soon as possible. Instead of doing this, he went wandering around the house. This annoyed the wife – she had offered to do everything herself so he could rest, but he didn’t go to bed. So why did she do it in the first place, then? They could have split the responsibilities. 

Situations like this one, plus his constant whining about his fatigue, are driving the woman insane. It’s starting to seem like he enjoys being grumpy and tired. 

So, the OP came to Mumsnet to ask for advice on what she could do to solve it all. She loves her husband and doesn’t want him to be grumpy, as it negatively affects their relationship. 

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Most of the folks online were worried about the man’s well-being. In fact, some suggested that his complaints about being tired were code for him being depressed. And actually, these people might be onto something – long-lasting feelings of tiredness can be a sign of depression. In fact, it’s one of the most common signs. 

Plus, knowing that irritability or grumpiness is also a symptom of depression, this theory seems even more likely. Of course, we’re not mental health professionals, so diagnosing someone would be unethical. We’re just following what people online said about the story. 

The OP also followed what they were saying. Later, she updated that she was going to insist her husband see a doctor – the netizens had convinced her that there might be some underlying issues. 

If he really has some sort of mental health problem, those tend to ripple out onto families by creating tension, something we saw in this story. So, hopefully, this specialist will help his family by helping him.

Folks online advised her to get her husband to the doctor, as he might be struggling with mental or other health issues

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Ugnė Bulotaitė

Ugnė Bulotaitė

Writer, BoredPanda staff

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I am a writer at Bored Panda. I have loved creating and writing down stories about people and things since I was little and I think this passion led me to get degrees in sociology, communication, and journalism. These degrees opened various paths for me, and I got a chance to be a volunteer in the human rights field, and also try myself out in social research and journalism areas. Besides writing, my passions include pop culture: music, movies, TV shows; literature, and board games. In fact, I have been dubbed a board games devotee by some people in my life.

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Ugnė Bulotaitė

Ugnė Bulotaitė

Writer, BoredPanda staff

I am a writer at Bored Panda. I have loved creating and writing down stories about people and things since I was little and I think this passion led me to get degrees in sociology, communication, and journalism. These degrees opened various paths for me, and I got a chance to be a volunteer in the human rights field, and also try myself out in social research and journalism areas. Besides writing, my passions include pop culture: music, movies, TV shows; literature, and board games. In fact, I have been dubbed a board games devotee by some people in my life.

Rūta Zumbrickaitė

Rūta Zumbrickaitė

Author, BoredPanda staff

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Hi! Nice to meet you~ I'm very passionate about animals, especially cats, photography, small DIY projects, music and so much more! Could say I am the TV show The Office connoisseur since I have seen it at least a dozen times~

Read less »

Rūta Zumbrickaitė

Rūta Zumbrickaitė

Author, BoredPanda staff

Hi! Nice to meet you~ I'm very passionate about animals, especially cats, photography, small DIY projects, music and so much more! Could say I am the TV show The Office connoisseur since I have seen it at least a dozen times~

What do you think is a reasonable next step for the wife?
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Mark Childers
Community Member
2 weeks ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Unacceptable to make her live with that. No one can be around all of that negativity, and no one should.

LakotaWolf (she/her)
Community Member
2 weeks ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yes! OP's husband's attitude is the same kind of attitude my ex has (but it also carries over to aches/pains/sickness... complains endlessly but won't take meds, see a doctor, do anything about it, etc.) He and I had been together for 23 years and I finally couldn't take it any longer two weeks ago when he was complaining about sinus issues/allergies but WOULD NOT take an allergy pill/allergy-symptom-reliever. And the week before that he tweaked his ankle but wouldn't take painkillers/even Tylenol. It was the last straw. I packed up my four pets and left. Ex's attitude was dragging me down for decades; I finally saw how bad it was.

Load More Replies...
FreeTheUnicorn
Community Member
2 weeks ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

He's not changing. He refuses to see a doctor. He's unwilling to make lifestyle changes. Either being married to him is worth it, or it isn't. It doesn't sound like it is to you, certainly someone who is a parent and won't take care of their own health and won't take their partners concerns into account would be a deal breaker for me.

Midoribird Aoi
Community Member
2 weeks ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Everything I see here says he has depression. Making a doctor appointment to check for that is insurmountable to most with depression. It is exhausting and makes you feel like a failure.

Load More Replies...
Amanda Panda
Community Member
2 weeks ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You should leave. Not permanently, but take a little vacation for yourself, even if its two blocks away at a hotel. Leave the childcare and the chores with him for a few days. I say this as a woman who had to physically leave (divorce) in order for my kids' father to step up. He actually said the words, "this is hard." Yeah, it is, no one said it would be easy, but he has to carry the weight. Sorry you're going through this. You need to draw the line in the sand.

Brenda Spagnola-Wilson
Community Member
2 weeks ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My mom went on strike when I was a kid. I was about 8, sister 11, brother 5. Brothers dad did NOTHING to help with us kids or the house. Both worked full time. Mom took care of brothers food and laundry & cooked dinner for us kids. That was it for over 3 weeks. Sister and I made lunches for the 3 of us, did our own laundry and actually cleaned our rooms once we couldn't find things. Mom didn't do laundry for him, dinner, lunches, cleaning, shopping, errands. Took him 3 weeks to quit being an a$$, admit how much she did, how hard it was and decide to help out. Unfortunately, it didn't last long and they divorced. But it sure made an impression on us kids!

Load More Replies...
Load More Comments
Mark Childers
Community Member
2 weeks ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Unacceptable to make her live with that. No one can be around all of that negativity, and no one should.

LakotaWolf (she/her)
Community Member
2 weeks ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Yes! OP's husband's attitude is the same kind of attitude my ex has (but it also carries over to aches/pains/sickness... complains endlessly but won't take meds, see a doctor, do anything about it, etc.) He and I had been together for 23 years and I finally couldn't take it any longer two weeks ago when he was complaining about sinus issues/allergies but WOULD NOT take an allergy pill/allergy-symptom-reliever. And the week before that he tweaked his ankle but wouldn't take painkillers/even Tylenol. It was the last straw. I packed up my four pets and left. Ex's attitude was dragging me down for decades; I finally saw how bad it was.

Load More Replies...
FreeTheUnicorn
Community Member
2 weeks ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

He's not changing. He refuses to see a doctor. He's unwilling to make lifestyle changes. Either being married to him is worth it, or it isn't. It doesn't sound like it is to you, certainly someone who is a parent and won't take care of their own health and won't take their partners concerns into account would be a deal breaker for me.

Midoribird Aoi
Community Member
2 weeks ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Everything I see here says he has depression. Making a doctor appointment to check for that is insurmountable to most with depression. It is exhausting and makes you feel like a failure.

Load More Replies...
Amanda Panda
Community Member
2 weeks ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You should leave. Not permanently, but take a little vacation for yourself, even if its two blocks away at a hotel. Leave the childcare and the chores with him for a few days. I say this as a woman who had to physically leave (divorce) in order for my kids' father to step up. He actually said the words, "this is hard." Yeah, it is, no one said it would be easy, but he has to carry the weight. Sorry you're going through this. You need to draw the line in the sand.

Brenda Spagnola-Wilson
Community Member
2 weeks ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My mom went on strike when I was a kid. I was about 8, sister 11, brother 5. Brothers dad did NOTHING to help with us kids or the house. Both worked full time. Mom took care of brothers food and laundry & cooked dinner for us kids. That was it for over 3 weeks. Sister and I made lunches for the 3 of us, did our own laundry and actually cleaned our rooms once we couldn't find things. Mom didn't do laundry for him, dinner, lunches, cleaning, shopping, errands. Took him 3 weeks to quit being an a$$, admit how much she did, how hard it was and decide to help out. Unfortunately, it didn't last long and they divorced. But it sure made an impression on us kids!

Load More Replies...
Load More Comments
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