Pregnancy and childbirth massively transform a woman’s body, including in some weird and not-so-wonderful ways. For many of them, the thought of what they might look like afterwards may be extremely daunting. So having a person in their life who loves them unconditionally can make a huge difference.

But one mom has been told by her husband that she’s “let herself go” following the birth of their baby.

In a sincere post on Mumsnet, the woman explained that she and her partner had had a big fight after he’d been “grumpy all afternoon.” When she asked him what was the matter, he “blurted out that he doesn’t understand what’s wrong with me,” adding that she no longer looks like the woman he agreed to spend the rest of his life with.

As you can imagine, these words broke her heart.

Image credits: Boris Jovanovic (not the actual photo)

General practitioner, medical researcher, and founder of PrimeHealth Clinical Research, Iris Gorfinkel, M.D., told Bored Panda that the answer to the question of what factors can lead a woman to gain weight after pregnancy and giving birth is actually pretty complicated—it involves physical factors, emotional factors, and Gorfinkel would even add relationship factors and social factors.

“There are also other factors that involve one’s own body image. It’s one thing when you’re pregnant, but as soon as you’ve given birth, a lot of women have difficulty coping with the changes in the breasts, the changes in the vagina; very real changes in their bodies. It takes preparation.”

It’s no wonder that neither this woman nor her husband see her the way she was when they got together. Bringing human life into this world drastically changes you.

“Some of your hormones go from the highest they ever will be to the lowest, just before delivery to just after,” says Ann Dunnewold, a Dallas psychologist and co-author of Life Will Never Be the Same: The Real Mom’s Postpartum Survival Guide. Right after giving birth, your estrogen and progesterone levels drop dramatically, which can induce the “baby blues” (mood swings, anxiety, sadness, or irritability, which resolve within a week or so of birth) or postpartum depression (similar symptoms that are more intense, last longer and interfere with your daily life).

Thyroid hormones, which help regulate body temperature, metabolism, and organ function, can be affected by giving birth as well. According to the American Thyroid Association, 5 to 10 percent of women have postpartum thyroiditis, an inflammation of the thyroid gland, and the exact cause isn’t known. Symptoms can include insomnia, anxiety, rapid heart rate, fatigue, weight loss, and irritability (one to four months after birth) or fatigue, weight gain, constipation, dry skin, and depression (four to eight months after birth).

The woman explained her situation in more detail

Other post-baby body changes include skin pigmentation, anemia, perineal tears, varicose veins, stretch marks, breast changes, hair loss, and dental problems.

While these things may not bother some women, it’s common to have negative feelings about your new image. Like the author of this post, you may feel pressure to look like you’ve never had a baby, but the reality is that for most women their bodies will change after giving birth.

Doing gentle exercises may help you feel better and increase your confidence. If you had a straightforward birth, you can start incorporating them into your routine as soon as you feel up to it. This could include walking, stretches, pelvic floor exercises, or swimming.

If you’ve had your six-week postnatal check and you feel confident to start any high-impact exercise, consider aerobics or running.

Whatever your individual case might be, experts advise focusing on how you feel rather than how you look. Your health and looking after your newborn baby are far more important.

Try not to compare yourself to others because everyone is different. Some women may have gained more weight than others during pregnancy and some may find it takes longer to recover.

Many of those who have read her story think that her husband is acting like a jerk

But some say that your appearance is part of who you are and should not be completely disregarded

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