Get Premium
Dark mode theme is available exclusively for premium users. Learn more about the benefits of subscribing.
No fees, cancel anytime.
Dark Mode 
No fees, cancel anytime 
169
“I Don’t See Any Hope”: Woman Considers Ending Her Marriage Because Of Her Stepdaughter
It’s never easy to adjust to big changes in your family. Losing a loved one can turn your world upside down, and gaining a new parent can be extremely confusing. So dealing with multiple monumental shifts in your family dynamic can be difficult to understand, especially for kids.
One mother recently reached out to Reddit seeking advice because she’s had no luck with her stepdaughter accepting her new half-brother into the family. Below, you’ll find all of the details, as well as some of the replies concerned readers weighed in with.
RELATED:
This woman’s stepdaughter has had a difficult time accepting her new sibling into the family
Image credits: Getty Images / unsplash (not the actual photo)
Now, the mom is wondering if her marriage is even worth it anymore
Image credits: Alexander Grey / unsplash (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Curated Lifestyle / unsplash (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Efficient-Virus767
Losing a parent can take a significant toll on a child
Children are incredibly resilient. Every time they fall off their bikes, they get back up and try again. And if they don’t manage to make it into the school musical this year, they’ll spend months preparing for the next audition. But just because they can adapt well doesn’t mean that big life changes don’t require time and sensitivity.
Even simply adjusting to Mom or Dad marrying a new partner can be a huge barrier at first. It can be scary to see your beloved parent bring someone new into the family, and it’s normal for fears to arise. Is my other parent being replaced? Am I being replaced? Will I ever get to spend one-on-one time with my parent again?
With lots of gentleness and care, kids can learn to love their step-parents almost as much as their biological parents. And plenty of people know what it’s like to live in a blended family, as one in five homes in the United States has a stepparent living there. In fact, almost a third of younger households have stepparents.
But the situation can be a bit more complex when a child has lost a parent in the past. The Childhood Bereavement Network reports that losing a parent at a young age can take a significant toll on a child. They may develop anxiety or show symptoms of depression.
Grieving children might also have difficulty keeping up in school, as they may be unable to focus in class or care about their grades. They may even start to rebel or act up in an attempt to get attention or because they don’t know how to deal with their intense emotions in a healthy way.
It’s important for stepparents to understand the whole scope of their stepchildren’s situations if they want to understand their behavior and where it’s coming from. And, of course, if they want to bond and grow closer, they’ll have to put effort into the relationship.
Image credits: Kateryna Hliznitsova / unsplash (not the actual photo)
It’s important for kids to have plenty of support when there’s a new member of the family on the way
When it comes to introducing a new child into a blended family, Raising Children notes that it’s common for kids to be excited. But it’s also very possible that they’ll feel worried or insecure, as their new sibling starts getting a lot of attention before they’re even born. First, they recommend bringing up the idea of the new baby at least a few months before he or she arrives.
Make sure your kids are prepared, but be careful not to seem too excited, or your older children might feel left out. And once the new baby has come home, Raising Children recommends taking some steps to help the whole family adjust.
Try to make special time for each child every day, so nobody feels jealous or forgotten about. And if the older siblings are expressing frustration, be understanding of their feelings and have a chat with them. But make it clear that they’re still expected to treat their new sibling with love and respect.
If possible, keep the older kids’ routine the same as it was before the baby arrived. It can also be helpful to show them how to play with the baby, hold the baby, take the baby for walks in their stroller, etc. to encourage them to bond with their new sibling.
And it might be a good idea to encourage grandparents and other adults in the siblings’ lives to give them a bit more attention, if they’re not getting as much as they’re used to at home anymore.
Any change in the family will require an adjustment period, but a rocky start at the beginning doesn’t mean that the family is doomed. We would love to hear your thoughts on this situation in the comments below, pandas. Then, if you’d like to check out another Bored Panda article discussing similar topics, look no further than right here!
Image credits: Brooke Cagle / unsplash (not the actual photo)
Later, the mom answered some questions from readers and provided more details about the situation
Many readers assured the mother that she wasn’t in the wrong and shared advice for her
However, some thought that she was being far too hard on her stepdaughter
Poll Question
Thanks! Check out the results:
Newsletter
Subscribe to Access
Exclusive Polls
By entering your email and clicking Subscribe, you're agreeing to let us send you customized marketing messages about us and our advertising partners. You are also agreeing to our Privacy Policy.
Thank you! You've successfully subscribed to newsletters!
What do you think ?
Mimi M 3 weeks ago (edited)
1) Consequences for unacceptable behavior. 2) Inpatient (or intensive-outpatient) mental/behavioral treatment program. 3) Meds (ex: mood-stabilizers) if necessary.
Trillian 3 weeks ago
This. That is not normal behavior. She is not a young child, the death wasn't recently. She simply cannot behave that way and expect to get away with it.
Load More Replies...
Kimberly Bailey 3 weeks ago
This is just so very sad for everyone involved. I agree with the person who suggested the Dad take April in for emergency pediatric mental health evaluation before she escalates hurts herself or that baby! The therapist is unable to adequately assess April because she won’t speak to them. That makes me nervous. I learned in my psychology training to beware of the quiet ones the most.
BrownEyedPanda 3 weeks ago
My dad once said, "It's the quietest mule that'll knock your brains out." He was right. The ones who sit there like an Egyptian sphinx are the very ones who are most likely to do serious harm to someone they perceive to be the enemy.
Load More Replies...
Kate Johnson 3 weeks ago
Nope. Time to quit playing. Tell her if she doesn't want to discuss it or work on it and continues to be hostile to an innocent child, I'll be discussing her moving in with her someone in her mother's family, because she will not be staying here. Why should the wife be the one who leaves, she's not the problem. The kids is delusional, in thinking they are in control and need a wake up call about the fact that they are not.
Nils Skirnir 3 weeks ago
Her issue is likely that she knows she has no control over anything. And that if anything she could be in foster care if something happens to her father.
Load More Replies...
Ellen Townsend 3 weeks ago
Continued.. "Psych-camp / residential living" for step-daughter. I have seen close-up the long-term benefits for this with 2 young people. One is a niece. It was hell at the time yet these young people are happy, successful and part of their families now.
Mike F 3 weeks ago
This. My thought was a military type school. She would come back after a school season with a whole different attitude. I had friends I went to HS with that had trouble dealing with the introduction of a step-parent and wound up in them. When they came back they were entirely different people to their families.
Load More Replies...
Angela C 3 weeks ago
I don't think blowing up the family is necessarily the answer, but OP and her husband need to sit down and have a serious conversation about how to proceed here. And as for the YTA who pretty much chastised OP and her husband for not including April in the decision to have a baby: news flash. Two grown adults don't need permission from a teenager to have a baby. April needs some serious help and for that to happen she needs to actually be receptive to help
Sami-Jo Ross 3 weeks ago
Not to mention that, hey, it's totally possible it wasn't intentional. Condoms break and all that.
Load More Replies... Bertha Madott 3 weeks ago
Talking about HURTING THE BABY puts this into a whole different category. I have known families with atrocious sibling rivalries but I would be very cautious around this girl. DOCUMENT EVERYTHING. These people all need serious psychiatric help, probably meds, and maybe residential treatment for the girl.
Kathrin Pukowsky 3 weeks ago
"Your family planning should have included her opinion and it didn't", "Was there any discussion about having a baby, or was it just announced?" I don't remember consuming any illegal substances, but I feel like I'm high reading these. I mean... okay, would make sense to inform the child that the parents are trying for a baby, because big change and whatnot, but asking for the child's input/opinion? "NO, I don't want you to have a child together! I will hate it, and I will hate you both for having it," is an opinion. And then what? I guess then they could've started family therapy earlier, but there's no way to tell whether the daughter would've been any more open to it.
Kitty Cat 3 weeks ago
Seriously this. Who needs the permission of a child in the family for a married couple to have another child? It's literally not in the teenagers control. Her opinion is truly irrelevant. Everyone wants to cater to kids and give them "a say" in everything, and it's total bullpucky. Kids do not need to be asked to approve of everything, and every kid has to adjust to new situations in life. That's life!
Load More Replies...
tori Ohno 3 weeks ago
I agree that this child has a serious problem, and is a physical danger to the baby. She needs to be locked up until they can sort her out. This simply isn't normal behavior.
The_Nicest_Misanthrope 3 weeks ago (edited)
And this is exactly why I'm child free. Kids are cruel, selfish a******s.
Petra brown 3 weeks ago
Welcome to the joys of raising a teenager. She is welcome to be upset, throw tantrums, be ugly to you and your husband all she wants ... this is good practice for your baby if she hits the teens ... what she definetely does not get to do is breaking the family apart. Believe me ... letting her do this would damage her the most. Time to take the gloves off. Your husband has to sit her down and tell her exactly that. He needs to communicate to her that the two of you love her no matter what. She has the oiwer to have a good family life or not. The power to destroy the family she has not .
LakotaWolf (she/her) 3 weeks ago
This teenager has apparently repeatedly said she wishes the baby was dead and has literally threatened him. That is not "the joys of raising a teenager". There's something deeper than the typical hormonal tide going on here.
Load More Replies...
Melissa Harris 3 weeks ago (edited)
The girl needed grief councilling when her mother died and there should have been some family therapy before and after the wedding. Unfortunately, they ignored the issues brewing because it was 'quiet' but the pregnancy and baby has brought all the suppressed issues to the fore. It made her dad and step-mother's relationship 'real' for her for the first time. This is all the unprocessed truma of her mother's death coming out in a violent swell. It'd give the individual therapy a few more months and have her and her dad go to a few family sessions together, without the OP. If there's no change or the threats escalate inpatient treatment Is the best option. The commentor that talked about the anger being a mask and manipulative tactic to hide fear and insecurity is right.
Ellen Townsend 3 weeks ago
While it is very difficult and expensive, I would suggest in-patient or "ps
Lyoness 3 weeks ago
I agree with everyone pointing out that this is not normal behaviour for a teenager. The kid is absolutely entitled to her feelings; anger, rage even, depression, blame, all of those feelings are to be expected. What's not normal is how she's handling those emotions. Therapy is meant to teach you how to manage your emotions, so of course she's resisting. She doesn't want to manage her rage, she wants to wallow in it. It's time to draw the line, because she'll push this as far as they let her. A therapist is good, psychiatric care would be better. She needs a shock to kickstart the process, so an inpatient session would help. I hope they resolve this.
Lara Verne 3 weeks ago
Is daughter fine mentally? Besided concerning behaviour after her brother was born? It sounds like some disorder, at 13, she might not like it, but she should already know that this behaviour isn't OK and it won't lead to anything good.
Bobbi Lichtenfels Hughes Duncan 3 weeks ago
Family Planning does not include another child as one commenter said. That's just a ridiculous statement! She lost her mother at 5...has she ever actually dealt with that loss? My guess is NO. Maybe instead of focusing on the new baby and her rejection of him, the girl's therapist switch gears to the loss of her mother.
Upstaged75 3 weeks ago
13 is too old to still be behaving like this. Yes it's horrible that she lost her mom, but she needs consequences for her actions - not more therapy. Frankly if she was my kid I'd tell her that she needs to shape up or she'll be sent to boarding school for those with discipline issues. My brother ended up in a place like that and it was the only thing that turned him around.
BrownEyedPanda 3 weeks ago (edited)
Something that OP mentioned has me concerned. She said that when April comes home from visiting her mother's family, her anger is unleashed on her son especially. Methinks that April is being PROMPTED to show aggression towards OP and son. OP needs to take a good look at her relationship with her in-laws. Do they make her feel welcome, or do they merely tolerate her presence? Have they tried to get to know her, or is she caught between apathy and passive-aggressiveness? They could very well be the common denominator here, being responsible for at least a good portion of the animosity April is exhibiting towards her stepfamily. If that's true, her husband needs to put an immediate stop to this, before something tragic occurs. An inpatient facility isn't a bad idea, either.
Lyoness 3 weeks ago
Great point on the "coincidence" of worse behaviour when she comes back from a visit to the in laws. A chat with them is in order, because they all need to be on the same page.
Load More Replies...
Upstaged75 3 weeks ago
Boarding school for kids with behavioral issues. My brother got sent to a place like that and it's the only thing that really turned him around. I guarantee he would have ended up in jail or worse.
Load More Replies... sweet emotion 3 weeks ago
This appears to be a teen who is throwing a toddler tantrum. Sit the brat down and tell her that her behavior will no longer be tolerated, and read out a list of increasingly strict punishments for each infraction. Then it MUST be the husband who issues the punishment and enforces it.
JammaCoast2Coast 3 weeks ago
I'm curious if there is anything within their home that pays homage to April's mother. Nothing within the post mentions it and I wonder if April is feeling the trauma of losing one parent and seemingly the other parent has completely moved on without considering how his child might feel about it.
LakotaWolf (she/her) 3 weeks ago
From OP on Reddit: "There are photos of her mom in the house, my husband takes her to the grave (she was never comfortable with me going with and I respect that). Time spent with each of us happens."
Load More Replies...
plantsarecool 3 weeks ago
She says they can't afford to live separately now yet she is considering an expensive divorce and then living separately?
Ruth Watry 3 weeks ago
I agree with the idea of inpatient. One thing that I wonder is how they show respect for her mother. Are there photos in her room and maybe one in another part of the house? On Mother's Day do they do something in memory of her mom? Do they celebrate her mom's birthday? Things like this can make a difference. Also, it may be time to tell her that even if she doesn't love brother and step mom, she needs to treat them with the courtesy that you would treat a roommate. If she can agree to ignore them, this is healthier that her hate.
Mark Childers 3 weeks ago
My sister was out of control once she hit puberty. My mother and I managed by avoiding her whenever possible and walking on eggshells when we couldn't. She would yell and scream and break things over anything that didn't go 100% her way. We can laugh about it now, but I wouldn't go through that again for anything. No one should have to.
Chris Riccardino 3 weeks ago
The YTA people are insane. a teenager has openly stated they wished the baby DEAD. NTA at all.
Karen Kasica 3 weeks ago
This girl is holding an entire family hostage, and quite frankly, a danger to that baby! She needs to be told in no uncertain terms that her behavior is abhorrent and won't be tolerated! Inpatient psych help may be your only hope, but considering how manipulative and explosive she is it could backfire on you, further endangering the baby! I have 5 children, and my middle son was very much like her; angry, threatening, hurt, etc. I tried EVERYTHING and eventually had to put the safety of my younger children and myself first and have him removed from the home when he was 16. He returned after 3 years living on his own, in his car, at friends' and THANKED me! He said I did the right thing, that he WAS out of control and my kicking him out was the best thing I could have done for him. Your step daughter is manipulative, dangerous and angry...a lethal cocktail. She needs to know that there are consequences for her behavior. Consequences that will be quick, severe, and rock solid.
Mike F 3 weeks ago
Be careful with that attitude (making sense) they'll come after you with torches and pitchforks like they did me. 😂😂😂
Load More Replies...
Uncle Schmickle 3 weeks ago
I haven't read all the replies, but cressidacole has nailed it. You shouldn't have to think of getting divorced because of this immature girl. If it came to it, she would be better off going to live with one of her relatives on her late mother's side. She could visit her dad, but not live in your house.
Kitty Cat 3 weeks ago
People will flame me, but there is a place with teenagers for straightforward punishment. Not a slap on the wrist either. Bio mom passed when she was FIVE, she barely knew her and probably doesn't even remember anything about her, so this response is pure possessiveness over her father. If she won't talk to a therapist and feels comfortable issuing threats, it's time to get stern with her. One threat, ONE threat, should end all fun in life for a good long while, and strip her of all electronics/toys/computers. Medication should also be considered, especially since therapy is a bust. She can learn better, but she WON'T if she's enabled or barely slapped on the wrist for big offenses. If she can't improve, a live in rehabilitation camp should be considered. Let her see what life without her nice family is really like.
MoMcB 3 weeks ago
Is there no one on her Mother’s side that can talk to her? An aunt or grandmother? It is not normal behaviour for a kid that age.
LakotaWolf (she/her) 3 weeks ago
From OP on Reddit: "She does get time with her dad but a whole weekend away somewhere isn't really doable right now. She does spend time with extended family but nobody would take her for a weekend. She's very close with her mom's family. We try to let her go there as much as possible but once she comes back her anger is unleased on our son especially." and "My husband talked to them a bit but they were never on the closest of terms so they didn't really respond to it."
Load More Replies... FreeTheUnicorn 3 weeks ago
If the baby is only four months old, they haven't been trying therapy very long. If OP feels the baby is in danger, live separately for a while. Divorce seems extreme, since husband is really trying, but if OP doesn't want to be married, then don't stay married. Therapy takes time, staying silent for one session and then switching therapists, only reinforces to the child that they can get out of therapy with 50 minutes of silence. It's a bad situation, but if she started therapy the week after the kid was born it's been. Less than a school term whatever is going on with her is not going to be healed in 4 months, or a year.
BlackestDawn 3 weeks ago
What about the several month (5-7?) during the pregnancy that the child was antagonistic, does that not factor into all this? While they don't say when the started therapy I find it hard to believe they waited until after the son was born, it just seems it got way worse with the birth.
Load More Replies...
Sinclair13 3 weeks ago
My mom died when I was sixteen and I absolutely know how she's feeling The thing is, she doesn't know how to process the feelings and she's taking It out on you. She's just angry at the world and so young.
Helena 3 weeks ago
My mother remarried when I was in the second grade. Thank you to the universe they never wanted a 'we' child. I would not have handled it well. After mom died, eventually my stepdad remarried, and although we aren't close, he is the only dad I've ever really had. I'm a grown adult. I see him with his new wife, and her two daughters, and they are the type of daughters he always wanted. Quiet, polite, fit in, make no waves, vanilla. That has never been my sister and me we are awkward and loud. Even as an adult it hurts watching him with a new family and moving on. We get courtesy phone calls and they get daily interaction. They know him way better than us. I would do nothing to hurt that because I can see he needed it, and he is kind of a limited person. Doesn't make it hurt less. I feel for this kid. No one is stable at 13. No one is going to be made more stable when they feel like they aren't part of a family and in fact are the problem. You can't punish her into feeling like a family.
The Starsong Princess 3 weeks ago
Your husband needs to spend a minimum of two weeks alone with April to reset and let everything calm down. He can focus 100% on her and help her understand that she isn’t being replaced. You say you can’t afford it but it will cost a minute fraction of a divorce. Make it happen.
Coffee 2 days ago
Two weeks and leave his wife alone with a 4month old baby for two weeks? Bruh!
Load More Replies... m6nbtfpx7q 3 weeks ago
How long until it is acceptable to remarry? I thought four years was reasonable. I say let them separate for a while but go all in. Make money and time very scarce since that’s what it’s going to be supporting two households. So no to her activities half the time because dad will have the baby on his own then and will be busy or the baby will be sleeping. Really show her what life looks like if they get divorced. Complete with hurt/sad dad.
Load More Replies...
LakotaWolf (she/her) 3 weeks ago
"Little girls don't want to share their daddies"? Do you have a concept of actual reality, where not everyone's family and/or situation is the same as everyone else's? Just because your boyfriend's daughter and your mother's stepdaughters are bad people does NOT make all daughters bad people who "don't want to share their daddies". I'm sorry your boyfriend's daughter has caused him so much pain, but that's HER, not how all "little girls"/daughters behave.
Load More Replies... 
Angela C 3 weeks ago
With all due respect that is a terrible reason to bring another living being into the family
Load More Replies...
Mimi M 3 weeks ago (edited)
1) Consequences for unacceptable behavior. 2) Inpatient (or intensive-outpatient) mental/behavioral treatment program. 3) Meds (ex: mood-stabilizers) if necessary.
Trillian 3 weeks ago
This. That is not normal behavior. She is not a young child, the death wasn't recently. She simply cannot behave that way and expect to get away with it.
Load More Replies... Kimberly Bailey 3 weeks ago
This is just so very sad for everyone involved. I agree with the person who suggested the Dad take April in for emergency pediatric mental health evaluation before she escalates hurts herself or that baby! The therapist is unable to adequately assess April because she won’t speak to them. That makes me nervous. I learned in my psychology training to beware of the quiet ones the most.
BrownEyedPanda 3 weeks ago
My dad once said, "It's the quietest mule that'll knock your brains out." He was right. The ones who sit there like an Egyptian sphinx are the very ones who are most likely to do serious harm to someone they perceive to be the enemy.
Load More Replies... Kate Johnson 3 weeks ago
Nope. Time to quit playing. Tell her if she doesn't want to discuss it or work on it and continues to be hostile to an innocent child, I'll be discussing her moving in with her someone in her mother's family, because she will not be staying here. Why should the wife be the one who leaves, she's not the problem. The kids is delusional, in thinking they are in control and need a wake up call about the fact that they are not.
Nils Skirnir 3 weeks ago
Her issue is likely that she knows she has no control over anything. And that if anything she could be in foster care if something happens to her father.
Load More Replies... Ellen Townsend 3 weeks ago
Continued.. "Psych-camp / residential living" for step-daughter. I have seen close-up the long-term benefits for this with 2 young people. One is a niece. It was hell at the time yet these young people are happy, successful and part of their families now.
Mike F 3 weeks ago
This. My thought was a military type school. She would come back after a school season with a whole different attitude. I had friends I went to HS with that had trouble dealing with the introduction of a step-parent and wound up in them. When they came back they were entirely different people to their families.
Load More Replies... Angela C 3 weeks ago
I don't think blowing up the family is necessarily the answer, but OP and her husband need to sit down and have a serious conversation about how to proceed here. And as for the YTA who pretty much chastised OP and her husband for not including April in the decision to have a baby: news flash. Two grown adults don't need permission from a teenager to have a baby. April needs some serious help and for that to happen she needs to actually be receptive to help
Sami-Jo Ross 3 weeks ago
Not to mention that, hey, it's totally possible it wasn't intentional. Condoms break and all that.
Load More Replies... Bertha Madott 3 weeks ago
Talking about HURTING THE BABY puts this into a whole different category. I have known families with atrocious sibling rivalries but I would be very cautious around this girl. DOCUMENT EVERYTHING. These people all need serious psychiatric help, probably meds, and maybe residential treatment for the girl.
Kathrin Pukowsky 3 weeks ago
"Your family planning should have included her opinion and it didn't", "Was there any discussion about having a baby, or was it just announced?" I don't remember consuming any illegal substances, but I feel like I'm high reading these. I mean... okay, would make sense to inform the child that the parents are trying for a baby, because big change and whatnot, but asking for the child's input/opinion? "NO, I don't want you to have a child together! I will hate it, and I will hate you both for having it," is an opinion. And then what? I guess then they could've started family therapy earlier, but there's no way to tell whether the daughter would've been any more open to it.
Kitty Cat 3 weeks ago
Seriously this. Who needs the permission of a child in the family for a married couple to have another child? It's literally not in the teenagers control. Her opinion is truly irrelevant. Everyone wants to cater to kids and give them "a say" in everything, and it's total bullpucky. Kids do not need to be asked to approve of everything, and every kid has to adjust to new situations in life. That's life!
Load More Replies... tori Ohno 3 weeks ago
I agree that this child has a serious problem, and is a physical danger to the baby. She needs to be locked up until they can sort her out. This simply isn't normal behavior.
The_Nicest_Misanthrope 3 weeks ago (edited)
And this is exactly why I'm child free. Kids are cruel, selfish a******s.
Petra brown 3 weeks ago
Welcome to the joys of raising a teenager. She is welcome to be upset, throw tantrums, be ugly to you and your husband all she wants ... this is good practice for your baby if she hits the teens ... what she definetely does not get to do is breaking the family apart. Believe me ... letting her do this would damage her the most. Time to take the gloves off. Your husband has to sit her down and tell her exactly that. He needs to communicate to her that the two of you love her no matter what. She has the oiwer to have a good family life or not. The power to destroy the family she has not .
LakotaWolf (she/her) 3 weeks ago
This teenager has apparently repeatedly said she wishes the baby was dead and has literally threatened him. That is not "the joys of raising a teenager". There's something deeper than the typical hormonal tide going on here.
Load More Replies... Melissa Harris 3 weeks ago (edited)
The girl needed grief councilling when her mother died and there should have been some family therapy before and after the wedding. Unfortunately, they ignored the issues brewing because it was 'quiet' but the pregnancy and baby has brought all the suppressed issues to the fore. It made her dad and step-mother's relationship 'real' for her for the first time. This is all the unprocessed truma of her mother's death coming out in a violent swell. It'd give the individual therapy a few more months and have her and her dad go to a few family sessions together, without the OP. If there's no change or the threats escalate inpatient treatment Is the best option. The commentor that talked about the anger being a mask and manipulative tactic to hide fear and insecurity is right.
Ellen Townsend 3 weeks ago
While it is very difficult and expensive, I would suggest in-patient or "ps
Lyoness 3 weeks ago
I agree with everyone pointing out that this is not normal behaviour for a teenager. The kid is absolutely entitled to her feelings; anger, rage even, depression, blame, all of those feelings are to be expected. What's not normal is how she's handling those emotions. Therapy is meant to teach you how to manage your emotions, so of course she's resisting. She doesn't want to manage her rage, she wants to wallow in it. It's time to draw the line, because she'll push this as far as they let her. A therapist is good, psychiatric care would be better. She needs a shock to kickstart the process, so an inpatient session would help. I hope they resolve this.
Lara Verne 3 weeks ago
Is daughter fine mentally? Besided concerning behaviour after her brother was born? It sounds like some disorder, at 13, she might not like it, but she should already know that this behaviour isn't OK and it won't lead to anything good.
Bobbi Lichtenfels Hughes Duncan 3 weeks ago
Family Planning does not include another child as one commenter said. That's just a ridiculous statement! She lost her mother at 5...has she ever actually dealt with that loss? My guess is NO. Maybe instead of focusing on the new baby and her rejection of him, the girl's therapist switch gears to the loss of her mother.
Upstaged75 3 weeks ago
13 is too old to still be behaving like this. Yes it's horrible that she lost her mom, but she needs consequences for her actions - not more therapy. Frankly if she was my kid I'd tell her that she needs to shape up or she'll be sent to boarding school for those with discipline issues. My brother ended up in a place like that and it was the only thing that turned him around.
BrownEyedPanda 3 weeks ago (edited)
Something that OP mentioned has me concerned. She said that when April comes home from visiting her mother's family, her anger is unleashed on her son especially. Methinks that April is being PROMPTED to show aggression towards OP and son. OP needs to take a good look at her relationship with her in-laws. Do they make her feel welcome, or do they merely tolerate her presence? Have they tried to get to know her, or is she caught between apathy and passive-aggressiveness? They could very well be the common denominator here, being responsible for at least a good portion of the animosity April is exhibiting towards her stepfamily. If that's true, her husband needs to put an immediate stop to this, before something tragic occurs. An inpatient facility isn't a bad idea, either.
Lyoness 3 weeks ago
Great point on the "coincidence" of worse behaviour when she comes back from a visit to the in laws. A chat with them is in order, because they all need to be on the same page.
Load More Replies... Upstaged75 3 weeks ago
Boarding school for kids with behavioral issues. My brother got sent to a place like that and it's the only thing that really turned him around. I guarantee he would have ended up in jail or worse.
Load More Replies... sweet emotion 3 weeks ago
This appears to be a teen who is throwing a toddler tantrum. Sit the brat down and tell her that her behavior will no longer be tolerated, and read out a list of increasingly strict punishments for each infraction. Then it MUST be the husband who issues the punishment and enforces it.
JammaCoast2Coast 3 weeks ago
I'm curious if there is anything within their home that pays homage to April's mother. Nothing within the post mentions it and I wonder if April is feeling the trauma of losing one parent and seemingly the other parent has completely moved on without considering how his child might feel about it.
LakotaWolf (she/her) 3 weeks ago
From OP on Reddit: "There are photos of her mom in the house, my husband takes her to the grave (she was never comfortable with me going with and I respect that). Time spent with each of us happens."
Load More Replies... plantsarecool 3 weeks ago
She says they can't afford to live separately now yet she is considering an expensive divorce and then living separately?
Ruth Watry 3 weeks ago
I agree with the idea of inpatient. One thing that I wonder is how they show respect for her mother. Are there photos in her room and maybe one in another part of the house? On Mother's Day do they do something in memory of her mom? Do they celebrate her mom's birthday? Things like this can make a difference. Also, it may be time to tell her that even if she doesn't love brother and step mom, she needs to treat them with the courtesy that you would treat a roommate. If she can agree to ignore them, this is healthier that her hate.
Mark Childers 3 weeks ago
My sister was out of control once she hit puberty. My mother and I managed by avoiding her whenever possible and walking on eggshells when we couldn't. She would yell and scream and break things over anything that didn't go 100% her way. We can laugh about it now, but I wouldn't go through that again for anything. No one should have to.
Chris Riccardino 3 weeks ago
The YTA people are insane. a teenager has openly stated they wished the baby DEAD. NTA at all.
Karen Kasica 3 weeks ago
This girl is holding an entire family hostage, and quite frankly, a danger to that baby! She needs to be told in no uncertain terms that her behavior is abhorrent and won't be tolerated! Inpatient psych help may be your only hope, but considering how manipulative and explosive she is it could backfire on you, further endangering the baby! I have 5 children, and my middle son was very much like her; angry, threatening, hurt, etc. I tried EVERYTHING and eventually had to put the safety of my younger children and myself first and have him removed from the home when he was 16. He returned after 3 years living on his own, in his car, at friends' and THANKED me! He said I did the right thing, that he WAS out of control and my kicking him out was the best thing I could have done for him. Your step daughter is manipulative, dangerous and angry...a lethal cocktail. She needs to know that there are consequences for her behavior. Consequences that will be quick, severe, and rock solid.
Mike F 3 weeks ago
Be careful with that attitude (making sense) they'll come after you with torches and pitchforks like they did me. 😂😂😂
Load More Replies... Uncle Schmickle 3 weeks ago
I haven't read all the replies, but cressidacole has nailed it. You shouldn't have to think of getting divorced because of this immature girl. If it came to it, she would be better off going to live with one of her relatives on her late mother's side. She could visit her dad, but not live in your house.
Kitty Cat 3 weeks ago
People will flame me, but there is a place with teenagers for straightforward punishment. Not a slap on the wrist either. Bio mom passed when she was FIVE, she barely knew her and probably doesn't even remember anything about her, so this response is pure possessiveness over her father. If she won't talk to a therapist and feels comfortable issuing threats, it's time to get stern with her. One threat, ONE threat, should end all fun in life for a good long while, and strip her of all electronics/toys/computers. Medication should also be considered, especially since therapy is a bust. She can learn better, but she WON'T if she's enabled or barely slapped on the wrist for big offenses. If she can't improve, a live in rehabilitation camp should be considered. Let her see what life without her nice family is really like.
MoMcB 3 weeks ago
Is there no one on her Mother’s side that can talk to her? An aunt or grandmother? It is not normal behaviour for a kid that age.
LakotaWolf (she/her) 3 weeks ago
From OP on Reddit: "She does get time with her dad but a whole weekend away somewhere isn't really doable right now. She does spend time with extended family but nobody would take her for a weekend. She's very close with her mom's family. We try to let her go there as much as possible but once she comes back her anger is unleased on our son especially." and "My husband talked to them a bit but they were never on the closest of terms so they didn't really respond to it."
Load More Replies... FreeTheUnicorn 3 weeks ago
If the baby is only four months old, they haven't been trying therapy very long. If OP feels the baby is in danger, live separately for a while. Divorce seems extreme, since husband is really trying, but if OP doesn't want to be married, then don't stay married. Therapy takes time, staying silent for one session and then switching therapists, only reinforces to the child that they can get out of therapy with 50 minutes of silence. It's a bad situation, but if she started therapy the week after the kid was born it's been. Less than a school term whatever is going on with her is not going to be healed in 4 months, or a year.
BlackestDawn 3 weeks ago
What about the several month (5-7?) during the pregnancy that the child was antagonistic, does that not factor into all this? While they don't say when the started therapy I find it hard to believe they waited until after the son was born, it just seems it got way worse with the birth.
Load More Replies... Sinclair13 3 weeks ago
My mom died when I was sixteen and I absolutely know how she's feeling The thing is, she doesn't know how to process the feelings and she's taking It out on you. She's just angry at the world and so young.
Helena 3 weeks ago
My mother remarried when I was in the second grade. Thank you to the universe they never wanted a 'we' child. I would not have handled it well. After mom died, eventually my stepdad remarried, and although we aren't close, he is the only dad I've ever really had. I'm a grown adult. I see him with his new wife, and her two daughters, and they are the type of daughters he always wanted. Quiet, polite, fit in, make no waves, vanilla. That has never been my sister and me we are awkward and loud. Even as an adult it hurts watching him with a new family and moving on. We get courtesy phone calls and they get daily interaction. They know him way better than us. I would do nothing to hurt that because I can see he needed it, and he is kind of a limited person. Doesn't make it hurt less. I feel for this kid. No one is stable at 13. No one is going to be made more stable when they feel like they aren't part of a family and in fact are the problem. You can't punish her into feeling like a family.
The Starsong Princess 3 weeks ago
Your husband needs to spend a minimum of two weeks alone with April to reset and let everything calm down. He can focus 100% on her and help her understand that she isn’t being replaced. You say you can’t afford it but it will cost a minute fraction of a divorce. Make it happen.
Coffee 2 days ago
Two weeks and leave his wife alone with a 4month old baby for two weeks? Bruh!
Load More Replies... m6nbtfpx7q 3 weeks ago
How long until it is acceptable to remarry? I thought four years was reasonable. I say let them separate for a while but go all in. Make money and time very scarce since that’s what it’s going to be supporting two households. So no to her activities half the time because dad will have the baby on his own then and will be busy or the baby will be sleeping. Really show her what life looks like if they get divorced. Complete with hurt/sad dad.
Load More Replies... LakotaWolf (she/her) 3 weeks ago
"Little girls don't want to share their daddies"? Do you have a concept of actual reality, where not everyone's family and/or situation is the same as everyone else's? Just because your boyfriend's daughter and your mother's stepdaughters are bad people does NOT make all daughters bad people who "don't want to share their daddies". I'm sorry your boyfriend's daughter has caused him so much pain, but that's HER, not how all "little girls"/daughters behave.
Load More Replies... Angela C 3 weeks ago
With all due respect that is a terrible reason to bring another living being into the family
Load More Replies... You May Like Mom Insists Daughter’s Disease Isn’t Excuse To Ignore Chores, The Internet Is Divided “What’s The Point Of Getting A New Wife”: Man Defends Fiancee From His Mother, Kicks Her Out “Selfish Or Not?”: Woman Refuses To Cancel Her Plans To Help Husband’s Ex Take Care Of Her Son
Rugilė Žemaitytė
Gabija Saveiskyte
Mindaugas Balčiauskas
Related on Bored Panda
29
90