Preparing food for others can certainly be a love language. No matter how long I have to spend in the kitchen, it’s worth it when I get to see my friends’ eyes light up as they take a bite of a delicious homecooked lasagna or warm chocolate chip cookie. But when we cook for others, it’s best not to expect anything in return. Otherwise, the evening might turn from sweet to sour extremely quickly.

One woman recently posted a story on Reddit detailing how a friend’s dinner party took a sharp turn at the end of the evening when the host started asking for payment. Below, you’ll find all of the details, as well as a conversation with dinner party enthusiast and creator of the blog Feed My Friends, Kim Roberts.

Throwing a dinner party can be a great way to bring friends closer together

Image credits: AnnaStills / Envato (not the actual photo)

But one host managed to destroy her friendships after deciding to charge guests for the meal she prepared

Later, the woman clarified some details about the situation

Image credits: zamrznutitonovi / Envato (not the actual photo)

Image credits: jennysaysfu

Readers assured the author that it was extremely unreasonable for the host to demand payment

The woman then shared an update after her friend group confronted the host

Image credits: Prostock-studio / Envato (not the actual photo)

Image credits: jennysaysfu

Sharing a meal is an excellent way to bond with loved ones

One of the unfortunate realities of adulthood is that it’s not always easy to gather friends together. Grabbing a quick coffee during the middle of the week might be possible if you have the same lunch break as a friend, but spending good, quality time together catching up and bonding can require booking a date months in advance. According to Civic Science, only 43% of Americans hang out with friends on a daily or weekly basis. One fifth don’t even get to see friends monthly!

So when we do have the chance to see our loved ones, we want to ensure that the time is spent being really present and strengthening our existing relationships. And one of the best ways to build a stronger bond is by sharing a meal together. As much fun as it may be to prepare a delicious meal for yourself, it’s much more exciting and rewarding to get to do so for someone else.

And while we can’t turn every single meal into a 4-hour event, and the world is moving in a direction where the average person eats over 7 meals alone each week, it’s important to remember to make time for special, shared meals whenever possible. Food is a wonderful way to exchange cultures, celebrate holidays, learn about our own ancestors, create bonds with others and express love.

“If you’re on a budget, try a potluck and make a hearty main dish that doesn’t break the bank”

Image credits: Rufina Rusakova / Pexels (not the actual photo)

To learn more about this topic, we reached out to dinner party enthusiast and creator of the blog Feed My Friends, Kim Roberts. Kim was kind enough to have a chat with Bored Panda and discuss dinner party etiquette. As far as why we throw dinner parties in the first place, Kim says they’re for “creating memorable experiences with friends and family.”

When it comes to whether or not it’s ever appropriate for the host to ask guests to pay for a dinner party, Kim says she’s never asked for payment. “If you’ve offered to host a dinner, you’re going to be spending more money and time than your guests. So if you’re not okay with that, then don’t offer to host,” the expert says. “If you’re on a budget, try a potluck and make a hearty main dish that doesn’t break the bank (slow cooked cheap cuts of meat and vegetarian/legume stews go far).”

“Asking for money to cover your costs is cheap, and I don’t recommend it. That being said, if the dinner party event was something very specific (such as a blind wine tasting for a specific varietal of wine), where it was easier that the host purchased all the wine in advance, then it would be fair to ask everyone to chip in,” Kim noted. “In this case e-transfer/cash/Venmo would be fine, but guests would know about this in advance.”

We were also curious about the responsibilities that dinner party guests have. “Hosts want their dinner party guests to enjoy themselves, so if they see their guests relaxing and having fun, they’ll be happy,” the expert says. “If you want to bring something, bring something useful that won’t create more work for the host (i.e. don’t bring a bouquet of flowers that needs a big vase the host has to find in the back of their cupboards, or a dish they didn’t ask for).”

“People remember experiences, not material things”

Image credits: August de Richelieu / Pexels (not the actual photo)

“You can offer to pick up a bag of ice, sparkling water, or bring a bottle of wine. Don’t bring money,” Kim continued. “You can also bring a few conversation starters when the conversation gets dull.”

“My latest one is ‘What would you do with a million dollars if you had to spend it on building or buying a business (you could still keep your day job if you wished)?’ It’s fun to know what people’s passion projects are and what they’re really into. Lastly, it’s always appreciated to tidy up a bit (help load the dishwasher or collect/stack dirty plates), but don’t feel like you need to go overboard,” the expert added.

Finally, Kim added that people remember experiences, not material things. “So just because you might not have the funds to go all out on a dinner party with expensive ingredients or fancy wine, try organizing a game or making a themed party (or my favorite, a blind taste test) for a memorable experience instead. And if you can’t host in your tiny shared apartment, get outside!”

We would love to hear your thoughts on this situation in the comments below, pandas. Would you ever be willing to pay for a dinner party at a friend’s house? Feel free to share, and then if you’re interested in checking out another Bored Panda piece discussing dinner party drama, look no further than right here! 

Readers were shocked by the host’s behavior and assured the woman that her reaction was warranted

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