This is the art project of a small child. This is a wind chime after a hurricane that was outside and this is what remains. Those beads that you put in front of your doorframes but cheap and so scraggly. $129? I could make this and spend negative $5.

I feel like they're taunting me. This is not a real item. For real people. This is not for a human being. It's labeled as asymmetric. That is the Zara translation of half of something.

For $46 you can wear a man's crotch as a top.

If I saw someone wearing this out in the world, I would speak to them a little bit slower. I would assume something's going on. This is what would happen if you gave a small child full reign over a sewing machine and their own sewers. Told the three year old "look, design your own line, whatever comes to your mind, whatever you can imagine and just instruct these sewers on what you want and how to make it". You're going to wear this once for Halloween if you want to dress up as an escaped mental patient that has a sewing machine. That's going in the landfill guys!

In their most recent attempt to taunt me they have released the asymmetric denim cape. They are taking selling their factory swept floor scraps to the next level.

For $45.90 you can now be the proud owner of half an apron.

Dollarama bracelets for $30. I used to get these packs of bracelets in loot bags at Laser Tag birthday parties.

For a mere $40 you too can look this ridiculous. This is to be wrapped around your waist over your other clothes and perhaps... other denim.

This is what I would get for Christmas when I was five years old and there would be like a little girls makeup set in a package and this was like the carrying case. This is out of a gumball machine in Tokyo. Who's buying this? Not you. Not me. This is a social experiment to see how far we'll go just to buy new s**t.

This was made in a jewelry class called "Make jewelry in the dark".

You know what I don't appreciate? They try to make it look runway when you see it in a picture like this, but then you see it on its own - without the lighting, and the model, and the perfect hair cut, and the makeup artists - this is what you would borrow from your Uncle Carl, if you sh*t your pants at Uncle Carl's house and he's a mechanic. This is what he would lend you.

The wind chime also comes in the bra version for the same price. This looks like it was made in the dark by a monkey. $130 is groceries for a week.

This is the amniotic fluid of an alien spacecraft. It is one of those stretchy tops from the 90s that would be the size of your hand and then it would magically fit anyone. If this is already in your house, throw it in the garbage, donate it.
"Coming soon"? "Join the notification list to get this"? I would add my email to a waitlist to guarantee that I never have to see this bag again.

This was an extreme jumpscare for me. For $55.90 you can now wear the red alien vines from "War of the Worlds" that gave me nightmares for three years straight.

If you buy this, you'll buy anything and your bank account information should be monitored and your card should be taken away from you. Your money spending habits should be put on like a Britney Spears kind of control hold that her dad had on her.

A melted ball of molten lava just dangling on your head.

This is awful. It took me a while to accept that these were real. Okay, this is what I would imagine, like, a group of scientists in school, they're learning how to be scientists, and they're given a 3d printer. And their first assignment is just f**king make something, it doesn't matter what it is. But as long as it sounds like this is your first project. This is what the guy that missed all the classes made last minute. These are earrings for an occasion. What is the occasion other than trying to deflect a BB gun pellet?

Reminds me of those birthday parties where you would paint a mug or a plate and then they'd put it in the oven and caramelize it and then deliver it to you after one to two weeks and you'd give it to your mom for Mother's Day.

Double buckle matrix glitch wide leg double waistband jeans. This is making me feel really weird. First thing I thought of when I saw this was the Black Cat in the Matrix. You know how you see it twice and you know there's been a glitch. Like, why am I seeing it twice? Why is it a little bit slanted but why is it still identical?

The uncircumcised heeled denim ankle boot for $119. Oh, God.

The gold denim spray painted maxi skirt. What even is this? Where are you wearing this? What does this mean?

I hate their denim line so much. First of all, denim is the most atrocious, hard on the environment, material to produce in the world. There's enough vintage denim to go around for 17,000 lifetimes. We do not need to be creating new denim at all even for jeans. But for these trend purses that are just going to end up in the landfill? Get two pairs of your dad's old 90s jeans and make a purse. Get your friend that sews to make this purse for you. Don't buy this, we need to stand against this. The amount of water and energy that it takes to create denim to use it on THIS? No. Go thrifting, get a pair of $5 jeans and make a denim tote bag and then donate that when you're sick of it in 10 business days.

This is absolutely the worst denim tote bag I've found so far. For $60  you can get a bag that looks like you rummaged it out of a dumpster. This looks like the reusable grocery bags that they sell you in the desert. It looks like it was recovered from a sunken pirate ship.

You don't need to buy this for $46, you can just go back in time to the dumpster behind the Ardene at the mall and dig this out of the trash.

I'm pleased to announce that I have found the matching bag for the Sultan 3000s.

For $60 you can now rock the Sultan 3000s.

What is happening, what point of the recession is this? I understand that nostalgia came back during COVID, that's why everyone was buying their old perfumes from the 90s. This isn't nostalgia. This is "give me $60 and I'm going to laugh at you because you'll buy anything that's for sale."

Their latest denim bag - $55.90 for an a*s.

Upon first inspection this looks like just a regular ugly cargo bag. But then you see it on the model. They want $80 of your hard earned money for this melted garbage bag.
They had a team of visual merchandisers working on this photoshoot. And that team could not make it look like this bag stays in place when you're wearing it.
If a team couldn't do that, what's going to happen to you, in your everyday life? You put this bag on and it melts into an eight foot long sleeping bag. Who's helping you? What visual merchandising team do you have? They couldn't even do it. Look at this picture. They couldn't even do it for the photoshoot. For the lies of the website and the app. They couldn't even make this bag look good.
Almost $100. This is Dollarama that you use as a lunch bag when you're going camping because you're like "if this drops in the mud, I'll just leave it behind. It's fine. It's served its purpose for the two day camping trip. And if I leave it in the woods for a bear, it was worth every penny, it held my sandwiches for 48 hours."

$60. It's a practical joke. This isn't real. You guys aren't buying this, right?