In times of adversity, family needs to stick together. So when Reddit user AnyPower9451‘s sister-in-law and her family fell into financial trouble, they agreed to have the woman babysit their 11-year-old daughter and pay her daycare prices.

However, during the very first appointment, when the little one was at her relative’s home, she ate what little food they had left. So when the parent came to pick her up, a heated conflict quickly arose.

It ended up with the Redditor taking their child and putting an end to their deal. But after talking with others, they started having doubts about their actions. So the parent made a post on the subreddit r/AITAH, asking for an outside perspective.

Continue scrolling to read their account story and don’t miss the conversation we had with nutritionist Crystal Karges, MS, RDN, IBCLC.

This parent made a deal with their struggling sister-in-law, and agreed to pay her daycare prices for babysitting their daughter

Image credits: Southwest Virginia Community College (not the actual photo)

However, things got heated when the girl stole food from her relatives

Image credits: Karolina Grabowska (not the actual photo)

Image credits: cottonbro studio (not the actual photo)

Image credits: AnyPower9451

It’s hard to judge the girl without having all the details

Plenty of children sneak food, often believing (or hoping) that they will never get caught. Sometimes kids find emotions simply too hard to handle, and they find food soothing and comforting. Other times, they might be feeling anxious, stressed, bored, or sad. Who knows what the girl was going through that day. Maybe she didn’t get along with that family, or maybe there was something else on her mind.

“To some extent, food sneaking can be a normal part of child development,” nutritionist Crystal Karges, who does specialized nutrition counseling for maternal and perinatal eating disorders, body image healing, prenatal and postpartum wellness, pediatric health and child feeding strategies, and breastfeeding consultations, told Bored Panda.

“However, if there are recurrent behaviors of a child sneaking food and eating in secret, these can be symptoms of an underlying problem. In many cases, this can be related to restrictive feeding practices, where a child may not be getting reliable access to food and/or preferred foods. If there are foods in the home that feel off-limits to a child, this can also trigger food-sneaking behaviors. If a child feels any sense of shame around their eating habits or doesn’t feel unconditional permission to eat the foods and quantities of foods needed to feel satiated, this can also promote secret eating.”

According to Karges, secretive eating behaviors can show up in many different forms. “You might notice that large quantities of food seem to be disappearing, or you may find food wrappers stuffed in odd places around the house, such as in between couch cushions, underneath pillows, or in your child’s bed.”

“Your child may seem more preoccupied with food and eating, which may make it difficult to focus on other activities. Social functions that involve food can prove to be challenging, as your child may be obsessive about eating and show little interest in anything outside of this. A child may disappear for lengths of time to engage in secretive eating.”

The nutritionist said that these issues can be hard to face. However, Karges wants to reassure everyone that there is plenty of hope for healing, should you notice secretive eating or food sneaking in your child.

“Seeking out the support of a responsive feeding professional as soon as possible can be instrumental in resolving any underlying problems that are influencing these food behaviors,” she highlighted. “If these issues go unaddressed, they have the potential to escalate into more problematic eating behaviors, which can be damaging to a child’s relationship with food and their body.”

“This can be especially helpful if as a parent, you might be struggling in your own relationship with food and are unsure how to best support your child through this situation,” the nutritionist added.

“Other things to consider may also include finding ways to provide more reliable access to food for your child throughout the day. Adapting a flexible eating routine that includes regular meals and snacks throughout the day can minimize any perceived restriction your child may have around food.”

Karges said finding ways to intentionally incorporate preferred foods that may feel off-limits to your child can also be really helpful. “For example, if your child is prone to sneaking sweets, these foods may be elevated on a pedestal in your child’s mind, making it more likely for them to seek them out and eat them in secret. However, if a child can trust that access to these foods is reliable, this can decrease the need to eat them in secret,” she explained. “Giving a child permission to eat these foods by offering them alongside other foods your child is used to seeing (and eating) can normalize these foods for them and resolve food sneaking behaviors. Trust your intuition as a parent. If you feel concerned about your child’s eating behavior for any reason and feel like it’s interfering with their ability to engage in childhood, pay attention to those concerns and consider taking a step to reach out for help.”

Image credits: Ron Lach (not the actual photo)

Since she’s 11, the girl may have been aware that what she was doing was wrong

Stealing, on the other hand, often causes more serious concern to parents because it may happen outside the home and may affect other people.

During the school years, stealing may be a sign of a problem, so it is important to look at and analyze the whole situation.

Children under the age of 3 take things because they don’t understand fully the difference between what is “mine” and what is not. They then may become possessive of their things and protect them. They do not steal with bad intentions.

Children between the ages of 3 and 7 usually start to respect things that belong to others. However, this age group will trade property without regard to value if they want something else. The respect for property continues in the school-aged child.

By the time the child is 9 years old, the child should respect the possessions of others and understand that stealing is wrong. So the Redditor’s daughter must’ve known what she was doing.

But again, it’s hard to assign blame without having all the details about what happened that day. That being said, instead of escalating the conflict, the author of this Reddit post could’ve at least volunteered to reimburse the food their daughter took without permission.

Image credits: August de Richelieu (not the actual photo)

People unanimously said the parent could’ve handled the situation better

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