My first instinct when I see an animal is HIIIII! 😍

😂

It's considered put away when you put it on!

What about the avocado toast?

that’s some hard truth 😭

One still betrayed him thou

Sometimes, they can't even STFU when a judge tells them to. Looking at you, Donald.

If you sleep on the dinner table it shouldn't be a problem.

Mood molecules +/or receptors can be so fickle, like they have their own bad moods...

I need whatever endorphins this girl gets after working out. I NEVER feel good after working out.

Ahhh, yelling at inert technological objects

OMG I’ve had a toothache since late last year and yet I still haven’t been to the dentist because of this exact reason. I don’t want to hear the cost 😅

And the people involved in all three can remain compartmentalised too - I don't get it when people mix all three together, they're three distinct flavours not neapolitan icecream!

"per my last email,"

"I'm sorry you feel that way " is my personal favorite

“Ok” but it’s all in the tone

My boss and my new fav: "I appreciate your comment"

Please see previous email which I have also attached for your convenience

Whatever floats your titanic

"Bless your heart" is my favorite. I don't live in the south, but I have to start saying it. That kind of passive-aggression is *chef's kiss* 💋

Alrighty then

To whom it WILL concern!

I guess I'm the only one who uses " That's nice"

PunchinelloTX

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“Good for you.” I shut down a lot of needless chatter with that phrase, always said with a big smile.

"Hahaha - yeah, no!"

They forgot "have a blessed day"

"Good talk"

Why don't you just go make love to yourself!

My sisters fave is "mmm. Love that for you."

No one's yet submitted the old line "Thank you for sharing".

“If you say so.”

"I love that for you"

Amen

"I'll pray for you."

"It is what it is"

I needed to hear this.

THE FINGER POINTERS AND THE SCENTED ERASERS AND OMG

Afraid to do this thinking I’ll forget stuff behind when leaving

Why on earth would anyone put such a big bell on a cat?? In case anyone is wondering, cat’s hearing is super sensitive, so I think bells are cruel, would you like the equivalent sound of a cow bell every time you move??

Well someone is delusional and guaranteed to be depressed when reality slaps them in the face.

I used to say things like "progress is great" and "technology is amazing!" Now I say, "You can all go ahead - I'm going to camp out here in 2010"

3.) it’s too hot

A 36 year old child that still has cereal for dinner sometimes

I have never had my phone or any of my phones off vibrate

*Person about to take my order : "Hello... blah blah blah... may I take your order?" *Me: Hi, can I please ha.... *person : "How are you?"

beep beep! oh, uh, gotta take this!

Whenever I’m over something unimportant I say “No. I’m done with things such as this.” Whenever I’m over something important, I pull out my Scarlett O’Hara and say “I’ll think about this tomorrow.”

I do. My sister's child asked me (with a quite offended look on her face) "Why do you like a dog so much?" Which wasn't A dog by the way, it was MY dog. So I asked her with the same type of facial expression "Why does your mom like you so much?" And she replied "Because she always wanted me." And I said "Well, there you go, I always wanted my dog." She asked "Why don't you want a child?" Me : "Because you guys never listen, you are always dirty and you touch everything, you are never happy with anything your parents do for you, you have to be told the same thing a million times and you just want everything without givong anything in return and I won't be giving all my time to that." Her : "Maybe yours will be nice." Me : "Maybe not, I ain't taking the chance" To everyone who is so offended by this….. she knows that in general I don’t like kids but there are exceptions and she is one of them. She knows that I love her, but I can also tell her “you are becoming a bit much now” without having me or her feel bad about it. Too loud, too busy, too all over me… I don’t like it. She knows that, and my sister tells her as well. Personal space and so on… Even if you are a kid, you still need to respect someone’s boundaries. So, I can tell her things without her thinking I’m rude. Also, if I was so “mean” or “rude” to her, would she always prefer to be on my team when playing a game, or drive with me in my car when we are going somewhere, etc.? No. We have a good relationship, we understand each other. You guys need to chill. And also, I didn’t say or think that she was rude either, she was asking a question and I answered it with an example I thought she would understand.

to whoever is making sped up audios - who decided to mess with 2023 like that?