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Someone Created Brutally Honest Horoscope Predictions That Are Beyond Hilarious
We all are guilty of checking our horoscopes once in a while. Even those who don’t believe in them have read what the future holds for their star sign at least once out of pure curiosity. While your birth date may not have anything to do with your fate or who you are as a person, sometimes horoscopes can make us take a hard and honest look at ourselves. Especially this one from 1979 that made people clutch their pearls after reading it.
More info: twitter.com
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Someone shared a horoscope written in the previous century and as it turns out everyone was a prick back then
Image credits: friends3000
Shared by a Twitter user who goes by @friends3000, this baffling horoscope written several decades back hilariously insults every single sign. Basically, we all are jerks in our unique little way. Which is true, at least sometimes. Ready for this special personal attack written in the stars? Read your horoscope below and tell us in the comments about how accurate it is for you.
Image credits: friends3000
Aquarius (Jan 20 – Feb 18)
You have an inventive mind and are inclined to be progressive. You lie a great deal. You make the same mistakes repeatedly because you’re stupid. Everyone thinks you’re a [freaking] jerk.
Pisces (Feb 19 – Mar 20)
You have a vivid imagination and often think you are followed by the FBI or CIA. You have no influence on your friends and people resent you for flaunting your power. You lack confidence an are generally a dips**t.
Aries (Mar 21 – Apr 19)
You are the pioneer type and think that most people are d**kheads. You are quick tempered, impatient and scornful of advice. You are a prick.
Taurus (Apr 20 – May 20)
You are practical and persistent. You have dogged determination to work like hell. Most people think you are stubborn and bull-headed. Your nothing but a dam communist.
Gemini (May 21 – June 20)
You are a quick and intelligent thinker. People like you because you are bi-sexual. You are inclined to expect too much for too little. This means you are a cheap bastard/b**ch.
Cancer (June 2 – July 22)
You are sympathetic and understanding of people’s problems, which makes you a sucker. You are always putting things off. That is why you will always be on welfare and won’t be worth a [damn]. Everybody in prison is a cancer.
Leo (July 23 – Aug 22)
You consider yourself a born leader. Others think you are an idiot. Most leos are bullies. You are vain and can’t tolerate honest criticism. Your arrogance is disgusting. Leo people are thieving and mother f**kers and spend most of their time kissing mirrors.
Virgo (Aug 23 – Sept 22)
You are the logical type and hate discord. This [crap]-picking is sickening to your friends. You’re unemotional and often fall asleep while f**king. Virgos are good bus drivers and p i m p s.
Libra (Sept23 – Oct 22)
You are the artistic type and have a difficult time with reality. If you are male, you are nil. Most libra women are wh**es. All libras die of venereal disease.
Scorpio (Oct 23 – Now 21)
The worst of the lot. You are shrewd in business and can’t be trusted. You shall achieve the pinnacle of success because of your total lack of ethics. You are a perfect son-of-a-b**ch. Most scorpios are murderers.
Sagittarius (Nov 22 – Dec 21)
You are optimistic and enthusiastic. You have reckless tendency to rely on luck since you have no talent. The majority of sagittarians are drunks. Nixon is a sagittarian. You are not worth the time of day.
Capricorn (Dec 22 – Jan 19)
You are conservative and afraid of taking risks. You are basically a chicken[crap]. There has never been a capricorn of any importance. You should kill yourself.
Here’s how people reacted to this unexpected roasting session
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What do you think ?
spirit wolf 4 years ago
I'm glad to know my house is overrun by pricks, whores and communists.
Gipsy Kings fan 4 years ago
In the '90s I worked in an office where we used primitive computers, but we needed electric typewriters to type the addresses on envelopes. One day I had to change the little correction ribbon on my typewriter. I looked at my horoscope in the newspaper that evening, and part of it was, "You will be involved in typewriter repair."
Jennifer Crompton 4 years ago
A few weeks ago my 13 yo son asked when I met his dad/my husband. I said 1998. His eyes got big and he said "you've known dad since the 1900s?!?". 😳😳😳 I've never felt so old in my life.🤣🤣🤣
Load More Replies...
David Viesta 4 years ago
As a lawyer, I strongly advised myself to abjure the Scorpio’s description content, regardless of how close a resemblance it has with reality.
Paper A 4 years ago
The scorpios reading theirs and saying it's a compliment, is showing me how right their assessment is.
tuzdayschild 4 years ago
Taurus: I'm a "dam communist". I block the flow of water for the good of everyone.
Eva Camera 4 years ago
AHEM! I AM NOT A WHORE! I am pretty artistic tho... and I do freakin' hate realitly (BOOKS MAKE A GREAT ESCAPE)
GirlFriday 4 years ago
Yeah, I am a Scorpio and not the least bit offended by this. What is another murder or two?
François Carré 4 years ago
When I was 7 years old (that was in the mid-1980's) my father got some personalized horoscopes for each member of the family, printed from an old computer, quite similar to the one here. The people who wrote these horoscopes might have met my father but they really didn't know us, they just had our precise birthdates. Many years later I happened to read this and the accuracy was quite upsetting. It described precisely what kind of kid I was, how I saw the world and so on, many things I used to believe only I could be aware of. It also predicted how I would grow up and behave as an adult... and that was so relevant.
T.Milly 4 years ago
I'm artistic but definitely not a whore & I'd venture that most Librans are not whores.
Parmeisan 4 years ago
Most horoscopes try to be vague enough that anybody could see themselves in any of the descriptions. This one is not vague in the least, and yet I have never had a horoscope be so spot-on! You're right, Rude Horoscope. I *am* an extremely frugal gemini bisexual who does well with school and puzzles.
The Harry Potter person 3 years ago
I am a Picses, my sister is an Aquarious, my dad is a Cancer and my mom is a Leo. We all felt personally attacked.
WhatsUpKittyCat? (I wuv dogs too) 4 years ago
Honestly don't be. I am a Leo and I am the one who gets bullied not bullies and who kisses mirrors anyway??? Where are you worried bout the truth?
Load More Replies...
Billy The Kid 4 years ago
Pisces is good but one thing he/she is wrong on is: "You have no influence on your friends and people resent you for flaunting your power" I dont have friends! Wonder what star sign this wanker is?
Bacony 4 years ago
machina electrica. his star sign is so s**t its not even a star sign and was removed
Load More Replies...
SirPatTheCat 4 years ago
Hey!! I already wanna kill myself but no one else is allowed to tell me to do so!!! >:0
4EVER PANDA 4 years ago
"You have an inventive mind and are inclined to be progressive. You lie a great deal. You make the same mistakes repeatedly because you’re stupid. Everyone thinks you’re a [freaking] jerk." well, you're not wrong.
Carrie de Luka 4 years ago
If you look at the photo of the horoscope it says 21 June - so it's just a typo. Though the constellations have changed. People born more recently should look at the adjusted horoscope. https://www.livescience.com/4667-astrological-sign.html
Load More Replies...
April Simnel 4 years ago (edited)
I think Bowie might've had something to say about that Capricorn stuff. 😂 "You are conservative and afraid of taking risks. You are basically a chickenshit. There has never been a Capricorn of any importance." That WAS NOT him.
IcarusOfTheSkywings 2 years ago
Apparently both me and my brother are bisexual. And yes, I am conscious of the irony that my twin brother and I are Geminis.
Kai Scadden 3 years ago
One of my sisters is Bi.She’s a Gemini I’m a Libra..IM NOT A FRICKING WHORE IM STILL A FRICKING VIRGIN..IVE ONLY HAD ONE BOYFRIEND WE BROKE UP CUZ I MOVED..I miss him We had good connection.probably good I’m a virgin though..I’m not 13 yet
Laura Elizabeth 3 years ago
Actually... for mine it says "you should kill yourself" and I'm not trying to be a downer, but I'm struggling and Jesus Christ, that didn't feel funny
Naima Ivansdóttir 4 years ago
i'm a leo. i don't give a fork about any of the other signs anyway.
WhatsUpKittyCat? (I wuv dogs too) 4 years ago
Being a Leo, always the youngest, being expected to be the same standard as my brother and always being picked on for being too young is bad enough. Now you are shooting lies at me and calling me vain and a bully??? And my best friend is an Aries, she is the funniest, nicest, happiest person I know. I'm pretty sure one of those Aquarians wrote this. (Plus, why does only one month have the opportunity to be LGTBQ+?)
Venus Callida 4 years ago
There is nothing funny about telling someone to kill themself. Whoever thought it was a good idea to publish this, and the title maker, and the producer of this garbage, should be sued for irresponsibility to life/I don't even have the words...
Venus Callida 4 years ago
telling someone to kill themself is not funny, you should be charged
StealTheFruit 4 years ago
The suggestion to "kill yourself" is too far. : I'm Aquarius, so apparently everyone hates me. :O (btw, I get the joke and I think it's funny as f**k, but the "kys" was too much)
Karolina Hofman 4 years ago
"Brutally honest"? Does the author of this headline know what "honest" means?
Peter Chee 4 years ago
I'm a capricorn, and Im hurt. Especially since it literally wants me to kill myself. F############### YOU ST#############
LessaltEDM 4 years ago
For some unknown reason, I feel I can relate to all zodiac signs but Scorpio :)
Elizabeth Tunney 4 years ago
My little brother is a Capricorn, so thank you for telling him to be suicidal I’m a Leo, I actually, get bullied And I’m not arrogant because I’m shy. My mom is Aries and she would be angry at this my dad is a Virgo and he will smack this person.
Melissa Nunya 4 years ago
Me laughing: this is funny I should send to my daughter. (Looks up her sign) whore that will likely die of STD. Maybe not lom
Luisa Vasconcelos 4 years ago
What means " scornfull of advice"? If im a prick is something probably not good but what it means that ?
Elizabeth Guss 4 years ago
Wow... My ex-boyfriend is a Scorpio, and this "horoscope" fits him PERFECTLY.
Isabella R.W. 4 years ago
I'm a libra, very true but the last part...well I'm twelve but my mind is a bit dirty, when I grow up I don't think successfully be a "you know what" because I'm not very attractive and I wanna avoid anything that would make me have kids XD
FurryManiac 4 years ago
honestly i am also and as soon as this thing called me out on being vain i did not accept the criticism well... annoyed that this is true
spirit wolf 4 years ago
I'm glad to know my house is overrun by pricks, whores and communists.
Gipsy Kings fan 4 years ago
In the '90s I worked in an office where we used primitive computers, but we needed electric typewriters to type the addresses on envelopes. One day I had to change the little correction ribbon on my typewriter. I looked at my horoscope in the newspaper that evening, and part of it was, "You will be involved in typewriter repair."
Jennifer Crompton 4 years ago
A few weeks ago my 13 yo son asked when I met his dad/my husband. I said 1998. His eyes got big and he said "you've known dad since the 1900s?!?". 😳😳😳 I've never felt so old in my life.🤣🤣🤣
Load More Replies... David Viesta 4 years ago
As a lawyer, I strongly advised myself to abjure the Scorpio’s description content, regardless of how close a resemblance it has with reality.
Paper A 4 years ago
The scorpios reading theirs and saying it's a compliment, is showing me how right their assessment is.
tuzdayschild 4 years ago
Taurus: I'm a "dam communist". I block the flow of water for the good of everyone.
Eva Camera 4 years ago
AHEM! I AM NOT A WHORE! I am pretty artistic tho... and I do freakin' hate realitly (BOOKS MAKE A GREAT ESCAPE)
GirlFriday 4 years ago
Yeah, I am a Scorpio and not the least bit offended by this. What is another murder or two?
François Carré 4 years ago
When I was 7 years old (that was in the mid-1980's) my father got some personalized horoscopes for each member of the family, printed from an old computer, quite similar to the one here. The people who wrote these horoscopes might have met my father but they really didn't know us, they just had our precise birthdates. Many years later I happened to read this and the accuracy was quite upsetting. It described precisely what kind of kid I was, how I saw the world and so on, many things I used to believe only I could be aware of. It also predicted how I would grow up and behave as an adult... and that was so relevant.
T.Milly 4 years ago
I'm artistic but definitely not a whore & I'd venture that most Librans are not whores.
Parmeisan 4 years ago
Most horoscopes try to be vague enough that anybody could see themselves in any of the descriptions. This one is not vague in the least, and yet I have never had a horoscope be so spot-on! You're right, Rude Horoscope. I *am* an extremely frugal gemini bisexual who does well with school and puzzles.
The Harry Potter person 3 years ago
I am a Picses, my sister is an Aquarious, my dad is a Cancer and my mom is a Leo. We all felt personally attacked.
WhatsUpKittyCat? (I wuv dogs too) 4 years ago
Honestly don't be. I am a Leo and I am the one who gets bullied not bullies and who kisses mirrors anyway??? Where are you worried bout the truth?
Load More Replies... Billy The Kid 4 years ago
Pisces is good but one thing he/she is wrong on is: "You have no influence on your friends and people resent you for flaunting your power" I dont have friends! Wonder what star sign this wanker is?
Bacony 4 years ago
machina electrica. his star sign is so s**t its not even a star sign and was removed
Load More Replies... SirPatTheCat 4 years ago
Hey!! I already wanna kill myself but no one else is allowed to tell me to do so!!! >:0
4EVER PANDA 4 years ago
"You have an inventive mind and are inclined to be progressive. You lie a great deal. You make the same mistakes repeatedly because you’re stupid. Everyone thinks you’re a [freaking] jerk." well, you're not wrong.
Carrie de Luka 4 years ago
If you look at the photo of the horoscope it says 21 June - so it's just a typo. Though the constellations have changed. People born more recently should look at the adjusted horoscope. https://www.livescience.com/4667-astrological-sign.html
Load More Replies... April Simnel 4 years ago (edited)
I think Bowie might've had something to say about that Capricorn stuff. 😂 "You are conservative and afraid of taking risks. You are basically a chickenshit. There has never been a Capricorn of any importance." That WAS NOT him.
IcarusOfTheSkywings 2 years ago
Apparently both me and my brother are bisexual. And yes, I am conscious of the irony that my twin brother and I are Geminis.
Kai Scadden 3 years ago
One of my sisters is Bi.She’s a Gemini I’m a Libra..IM NOT A FRICKING WHORE IM STILL A FRICKING VIRGIN..IVE ONLY HAD ONE BOYFRIEND WE BROKE UP CUZ I MOVED..I miss him We had good connection.probably good I’m a virgin though..I’m not 13 yet
Laura Elizabeth 3 years ago
Actually... for mine it says "you should kill yourself" and I'm not trying to be a downer, but I'm struggling and Jesus Christ, that didn't feel funny
Naima Ivansdóttir 4 years ago
i'm a leo. i don't give a fork about any of the other signs anyway.
WhatsUpKittyCat? (I wuv dogs too) 4 years ago
Being a Leo, always the youngest, being expected to be the same standard as my brother and always being picked on for being too young is bad enough. Now you are shooting lies at me and calling me vain and a bully??? And my best friend is an Aries, she is the funniest, nicest, happiest person I know. I'm pretty sure one of those Aquarians wrote this. (Plus, why does only one month have the opportunity to be LGTBQ+?)
Venus Callida 4 years ago
There is nothing funny about telling someone to kill themself. Whoever thought it was a good idea to publish this, and the title maker, and the producer of this garbage, should be sued for irresponsibility to life/I don't even have the words...
Venus Callida 4 years ago
telling someone to kill themself is not funny, you should be charged
StealTheFruit 4 years ago
The suggestion to "kill yourself" is too far. : I'm Aquarius, so apparently everyone hates me. :O (btw, I get the joke and I think it's funny as f**k, but the "kys" was too much)
Karolina Hofman 4 years ago
"Brutally honest"? Does the author of this headline know what "honest" means?
Peter Chee 4 years ago
I'm a capricorn, and Im hurt. Especially since it literally wants me to kill myself. F############### YOU ST#############
LessaltEDM 4 years ago
For some unknown reason, I feel I can relate to all zodiac signs but Scorpio :)
Elizabeth Tunney 4 years ago
My little brother is a Capricorn, so thank you for telling him to be suicidal I’m a Leo, I actually, get bullied And I’m not arrogant because I’m shy. My mom is Aries and she would be angry at this my dad is a Virgo and he will smack this person.
Melissa Nunya 4 years ago
Me laughing: this is funny I should send to my daughter. (Looks up her sign) whore that will likely die of STD. Maybe not lom
Luisa Vasconcelos 4 years ago
What means " scornfull of advice"? If im a prick is something probably not good but what it means that ?
Elizabeth Guss 4 years ago
Wow... My ex-boyfriend is a Scorpio, and this "horoscope" fits him PERFECTLY.
Isabella R.W. 4 years ago
I'm a libra, very true but the last part...well I'm twelve but my mind is a bit dirty, when I grow up I don't think successfully be a "you know what" because I'm not very attractive and I wanna avoid anything that would make me have kids XD
FurryManiac 4 years ago
honestly i am also and as soon as this thing called me out on being vain i did not accept the criticism well... annoyed that this is true
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