Teaching what he knows.

It reminds me of when corporate photoshopped the Plan-O-Grams to fit stuff that physically couldn't fit in real life, then got mad that we couldn't do the same in real life.

Even worse, the size of the car is proportionate to the size of the pay raise.

I can live with this one, if they don't call out people for being a few minutes late...

Nope. BIG nope. Just put the reasonably-sized To Do pile on one corner of my desk, then leave me the f**k ALONE! Don’t interrupt me with constant requests for progress, or other b******t you can either wait for me to get to, or more likely just do your own damn self. If you just leave me to it, uninterrupted and unhindered, then at the end of the day, you will be able to pick that work up from the DONE pile on the opposite corner of my desk. Let me get “in the groove” and stay there, instead of stopping and starting because of all your b******t mercurial whims. This goes out to nearly every boss I have ever had.

Perfect reaction!

Using the phrase, "think out of the box", is not thinking out of the box. One of my least favorite cliches.

That’ll certainly put a nice chunk of change back into the payroll kitty. Bet the department will run exactly the same—-maybe even better—-without him as it did with him. If you have really good employees, they don’t need supervision to get their jobs done really well and on time, if not early. Hands off is the best approach. If anyone needs help, they should feel free to ask for it, and have it given to them without insult or humiliation for asking. Everyone processes information differently, so be mindful and respectful of that. Reserve the constant supervision for those who need it, like the slackers—-who are usually the nepo hires.

Looks like he got the point.

Well, it is “as soon as possible”, and not “as soon as IMpossible”, after all. That would be ASAI, not ASAP—-a phrase that, to me, is more like A S A-HOLE.

The place I used to work at had this issue too. Got stuck in there multiple times and since i am Asian we don't have toilet paper in the restrooms either, furthermore the toilets were squat toilets as you can imagine getting stuck in there was basically hell on earth for me.

As a software engineer I have had that issue too but what's actually worse is when you are a new hire and they put you to work on an ongoing project and the previous persons code is basically trash, full of bugs and no comments. Sometimes i have even had to re-write the previous portion too. And then the team lead says that you are not bring results.

Honestly, Freak Show Friday would raise morale for me. Give me my gay, cross-dressing coworker in a neon pink wig and my rainbow-tie-dye wearing combat veteran coworker and we'll all have a party.

Sometimes when you are on the mend, you are still to sick to work, but not too sick to sit in a movie theater for a couple of hours.

In one ear and out the other to the point where you don't say anything anymore. No point in wasting time.

Maturity is realizing that you don't have to put 100% at work. Always put only 60 or 70%. So that when you do put 90% you get a good work reward and sometimes if you play your cards right you can even get a small bonus. But never ever Ever put 100% at work.

Send him a bag of effluvia for evidence. If you're not emitting anything foul enough, check the dumpsters behind the nearest clinic.

Looks like he is growing sideways, front ways, and back ways.

Not true if you're missing things like "Fire!" or "watch out for that manhple!" or "Close that porn site. The boss is coming!"

The boss's tiny fists

Never let anyone know you are going to resign or where you are moving to not even the people you consider friends at work. It can come back to bite you.

Let the a$$ kissing begin!

Dude needs to have some fun in his life before he blows a gasket.