buuuurrnnn

Aww, it's like a family cremation (please don't come after me, I just have a dark sense of humour - I don't even eat meat)

We are already waterproof 😭

Pluto is a jilted lover?

Universal healthcare

This never ceases to crack me up. Perfect example of how to screw yourself in 1.5 seconds. Lmao

Just pay for your own meals, why is this so hard for people.

Ah yes because marriage is indentured servitude for men…wait 🤔

Tell it you’re pregnant 😆

Honestly, I’m surprised that BP didn’t censor that

That bad huh?

Hmm… maybe dog is cute?

Malory has cracked the system

My life was going pretty well. But then suddenly I got pushed through a tiny cave. It was cold and bright on the other side. That's the day all my problems started

It's an excuse for presents and cake. I love birthdays

I have my 5 closest friends, 3 of them from childhood. I have a rather large family split between Utrecht, San Francisco & Hawai’i. I have my tribe of social friends across the globe. While I have a great time with each of them, it’s often because of a sense of obligation. Birthdays, milestones, etc. What I don’t often get enough of is time to myself to do whatever I want without answering to anyone. The opportunity to be completely alone to read & write and do whatever I want is a gift. The greatest personal gift I can ask for. I’ll gladly celebrate my birthday with/for my loved ones. Maybe the weekend before or after. Just gift me this one day a year where I have to be accountable to no one on any level and let me be alone in peace. I love my own company and that’s all I ever ask for, for my birthday.

True. That WAS the day I met my mother.

bffr CAT Edit: it mean be fûcking for real.

Seriously. (thinking, thinking) Seriously.

Ohno

This is a fair point. I’m going to stop celebrating my birthday and start celebrating the day I die. Lol.

When someone tells me that life begins at conception, I ask them if they celebrate the day they were conceived.

This is why it confuses me that people celebrate their birthdays

Because like many other birthdays I won't remember what happened.

Why are the words birthday and problems underlined?

Not ok, but no one often gives enough of a f**k to celebrate it with you.

Because me aren't encouraged to celebrate emotions and their feelings as it's seen as too feminine, whereas women are... just another example of where feminism can help improve both male and female lives by breaking down the patriarchy

some of these are so 😘🤌🏻 like dam

Oof!

Bidets are so much better than toilet paper

The only positive aspect of having a cheating ex.

And healthy men don’t pit women against each other in a Madonna/whore comparison

I'm a teenager (not letting my real age online) and I can't see a point in making it to my 20s

Finally maths came into play!

Is that a microscope?

Her forehead is prime advertising space

He's keeping tampons and a phone in there?

Like I said, hey gorgeous

Bloody oath 🙄

I think it depends on the context. My native language is almost dead because people gave English too much priority. Now only villagers and old, established families can speak purely in our language, everyone else tries to talk in as much English as possible.

DAM

I always invite him to my house if my wifi is down! My right hand man