Get Premium
Dark mode theme is available exclusively for premium users. Learn more about the benefits of subscribing.
No fees, cancel anytime.
Dark Mode 
No fees, cancel anytime 
90
Roommates Discover Woman’s “Secret,” Feel It Changes Everything, Want Her To Move Out
Honesty is the best policy! Whether you’re starting a romantic relationship, building a friendship or telling your landlord why the bathroom flooded, it’s always a good idea to be truthful. But does omitting the truth count as lying?
After one woman’s roommates suddenly realized that she was married, they started panicking and accusing their friend of lying to them for years. Now, she’s asking the internet if she was in the wrong for not making her relationship status crystal clear. Below, you’ll find the story she posted on Reddit, as well as some of the replies readers have shared.
RELATED:
This woman has never discussed her relationship status with her roommates
Image credits: Michelle Leman/Pexels (not the actual photo)
But when they suddenly found out that she’s been married for years, they began questioning their entire friendship
Image credits: Liza Summer/Pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: buffythepslayer
Later, the woman answered a few questions from readers and provided more background information
Every friendship should be built on a foundation of honesty
Image credits: Roberto Nickson/Pexels (not the actual photo)
There are times when it might feel tempting to bend the truth rather than to be completely honest. If your friend asks how their performance in the school play was, it’s probably better to simply be supportive than to start giving notes. And you can always downplay how obvious your best friend’s pimple is; there’s no reason to hurt their self-esteem!
But when it comes to building a friendship or relationship, honesty certainly is the best policy. Be forthcoming about your history, your lifestyle, your emotions and more. It might not always be comfortable, but it’s much better than building a friendship on a foundation of lies.
When it comes to why honesty is so important in relationships, We Thrive Together notes that it creates a solid foundation of trust. Knowing that someone will always be honest with you can make you feel safe around them and allow you to feel safe sharing your own secrets with them.
Being truthful with friends also creates a stronger bond because it encourages mutual respect. If you didn’t care about your friend, you wouldn’t bother being honest with them when you could simply bend the truth to make conversations easier. But if you love and respect them, you’ll want to be forthcoming with them. Everyone deserves to know the truth.
This can help us build a genuine connection with loved ones too. The more that we share with our friends, the deeper their understanding of us will grow. And it will encourage them to share about their own background as well. This requires open communication and active listening, but it’s certainly worth the effort to achieve a mutually honest relationship.
There are always risks associated with omitting or bending the truth
Image credits: Juan Pablo Serrano/Pexels (not the actual photo)
While it’s debatable whether omitting the truth is considered lying or not, if it feels like you’re being dishonest, that’s probably not a good sign. And according to VeryWell Mind, there are always risks associated with bending the truth.
Before going out of your way to be dishonest, it’s important to consider the long-term consequences. Will this lie come back to bite you? Would it be better to simply tell the truth now than let it come out on its own later?
By being deceitful, you risk losing the trust of loved ones. And it can take a toll on your mental health to hold onto secrets that you desperately want to release. This might harm your relationships as well, if you find yourself pulling away from friends to avoid letting the truth slip out.
In this particular story, there’s no way of knowing whether the friends should have picked up on their roommate’s relationship status or if the author was intentionally keeping her marriage on the down low. Perhaps there was just a lack of communication going on in their household. But it’s impossible to build a strong friendship without understanding where your friend is at and what’s going on in their personal life. Communication is key to building and maintaining bonds.
We would love to hear your thoughts on this situation in the comments below, pandas. Feel free to weigh in, and then, if you’d like to check out another Bored Panda article discussing similar themes, we recommend reading this piece next.
Many readers took the author’s side, noting that her roommates could have deduced that she was married
However, some believed that she must have deliberately been keeping her marriage a secret
Poll Question
Thanks! Check out the results:
Newsletter
Subscribe to Access
Exclusive Polls
By entering your email and clicking Subscribe, you're agreeing to let us send you customized marketing messages about us and our advertising partners. You are also agreeing to our Privacy Policy.
Thank you! You've successfully subscribed to newsletters!
What do you think ?
Livingwithcfs 3 days ago
Everyone is overreacting. She's had her husband over regularly and no one has had issues with him and she wears a band which really is rather obvious, if her roommates hadn't noticed this was a long term relationship they're blind. She's strange for nor having ever mentioned the marriage. I get not having any personal photos up, I do the same after my place got broken into and she says she's a private person. As for the roommates parents need to get out of the conversation. The girls have lived together for more than several years and the husband not moved in so it's a storm in a teacup that's been blown up to a cyclone
arthbach 1 day ago
Livingwithcfs, I don't think I ever introduce my husband as 'my husband'. I just use his name.
Load More Replies... kissmychakram 3 days ago
I was with her until she said in a later comment that she was always planning on leaving early and sub-letting her room anyway. I assume the roommates didn't know that she never intended to see out her lease when they all signed up.
Tenay Douglas 3 days ago
Honestly I feel like everyone's giving OP a hard time and for what ? Like my partner and I were not legally married but we did call each other husband and wife for a long time and once we actually got engaged sometimes I would say he was my fiance, sometimes husband, but mostly I'd say partner cause he was my life partner. And people who wanted to know more would ask but even with friends I never was the type to be like "Oh yeah I'm engaged we're basically married." Even when we began living together and he was the same. I think them being private people is very valid not everyone feels the need to plaster their entire life story over social media. Also with them getting married at 18 it's understandable why they would want to become established in their careers and lives before being like "BTW I'm married" because a lot of people judge young couples for that.
Jaya 3 days ago
As a roommate she may not have been obligated to tell them, but she says they have become friends. If a friend "forgot" to tell me she's married, I would not trust that friend anymore and consider the friendship fake. (Unless someone has a really good reason, like if it's not safe for people to know you're gay or not safe if your family finds out that you're with someone from a different background, but those don't apply here) She has a really weird concept of friendship, if she thinks it's normal to not tell your friends about being married.
Binky Melnik 2 days ago
I suspect they’re “friendly” and not friends. Friends know these things; acquaintances often don’t.
Load More Replies...
Bette 3 days ago
I suspect the author is from another culture and the roommates, given their reactions are American. It has been my experience that most Americans disclose and expect full revelations of all personal details almost as soon as living arrangements are made. Europeans are almost the exact opposite.
Abner_Mality 2 days ago (edited)
I had a sort of similar situation. Was married, living with my partner, went back to college for another degree, didn't wear a ring (working with high voltage) and didn't discuss my personal life with classmates. Even though I NEVER even flirted with my classmates, once someone found out I was married I endured a storm of wild speculation and conspiracy theories... Just figured it wasn't anyone's business, I didn't flirt or try to date anyone, I was just a fellow student and study partner. I thought/think it was the weirdest thing, but later realized that others were building up a false narrative/fantasy in their minds that came crashing down upon the introduction of reality. I don't feel responsible for what goes on in other people's minds that I haven't encouraged. In the end, their immaturity didn't allow them to take responsibility for their assumptions, so they projected their discomfort on me.
DC 1 day ago
No matter if she lied or not - what is the difference between a long-time boyfriend you once plan to marry, and a husband you agreed with to not live together? How does he have the right to live there, is that automatically so, even in shared living? I'd be a bit surprised if so, but ... may be...
Lene 1 day ago
Not everyone talks about their spouse as husband/wife. Sometimes they just call them boyfriend/girlfriend. And it's OK. I guess it's how OP talked about her husband? As her bf? Also, I do not understand the whole "he's your husband so he has a legal right to live in the apartment"-thing? It's like OP had to have any legal permission from her husband to rent the room. I am completely on OP's side here. Sure, it's weird that it never came up that she's married but it's not the end of the world, imo. I could understand it better had he tried to actually hide him from her roomies or if she didn't wear her wedding ring.
lenka 2 days ago
When she introduced him to her roommates in college did she not introduce him as her husband/boyfriend or did she just say this is John? When building relationships, you usually talk about other people in your life and give the listener context, i.e. my boyfriend John or my brother Joe. Like hey, I'm going to visit John. Cool. Who's John? Oh he's my husband/boyfriend. Did she NEVER define their relationship to third parties? Or did she just lie and call him her boyfriend? Her story just doesn't track. It also lacks a timeline. It implies years but is vague. I reserve judgement pending more info but my feelings are she is withholding about the extent of deception. If I was the roommate I would not care that she was married but I would feel upset and betrayed that someone I considered a friend had lied, either expressly or by omission. I would also be angry that she fully intended to skip the lease early. This absolutely should have been disclosed and for this she is an AH
Janissary35680 3 days ago
What is a "different" life stage? And how would that make a difference?
Kitty Jordan 3 days ago
I know the question is rhetorical, but I don't think it's odd at all to hang around people in the same life stage as you. There's a reason high schoolers aren't besties with elementary students: they're in different stages and have different interests. Those differences get smaller the older you get, but there's still a big difference between "I'm in college dating" say and "I am married and have two kids".
Load More Replies...
Tobias Reaper 2 days ago
what i don't understand is if they have met her husband and know about him then she must have said he was her boyfriend or something. Which means that she deliberately didn't tell them for whatever reason me personally i wouldnt care but would wonder why she lied if they never met him then she never really lied. But if they met her husband and she didnt tell them he was her husband but just her boyfriend then she lied.
Tyranamar Suess 3 days ago
It's too bizarre that she never introduced him as her husband. And the one commenter was correct. This isn't really truly a "marriage." It's a very serious BF and she also gets to wear a ring and have a big party. I think I would feel betrayed if someone committed such a huge omission for over a year.
LakotaWolf (she/her) 3 days ago
What are you talking about? They're married. They're legally married. You don't have to cohabit to be "actually married". What do you mean that this "isn't really truly a marriage"? I assume if they were legally married and got a marriage certificate/license, then it "really truly" IS a marriage. There are a lot of married couples who don't live with each other.
Load More Replies...
pebs 2 days ago
It's incomprehensible to me why she didn't say right away that she was married. What kind of "secret" is that to be kept?
Becky Samuel 2 days ago
Do you announce your marital status to people you meet right away? Because that's kinda weird.
Load More Replies... 
painttheyellowsubgreen 2 days ago
So as soon as one of those "single women roommates" enters into a relationship and is no longer single they have to move out? Because unless that is your stance your comment makes no sense. And if that is your stance, you are ridiculous.
Load More Replies...
LakotaWolf (she/her) 3 days ago
No. It's something I do as well sometimes online. It's basically used as a way of characterizing something as extreme, facetious, or spurious. Like saying, "Oh no, THE BIG SECRET!!"
Load More Replies... LakotaWolf (she/her) 2 days ago
If you did any kind of actual reading of the post instead of spending your energy jumping to conclusions, you would have noticed the fact that he is in the military and they jointly made the decision to not yet move into on-base housing together. They didn't want to be the "stereotypical" military married couple where OP was a SAHM. She wanted to finish school and get some work experience first.
Load More Replies... Livingwithcfs 3 days ago
Everyone is overreacting. She's had her husband over regularly and no one has had issues with him and she wears a band which really is rather obvious, if her roommates hadn't noticed this was a long term relationship they're blind. She's strange for nor having ever mentioned the marriage. I get not having any personal photos up, I do the same after my place got broken into and she says she's a private person. As for the roommates parents need to get out of the conversation. The girls have lived together for more than several years and the husband not moved in so it's a storm in a teacup that's been blown up to a cyclone
arthbach 1 day ago
Livingwithcfs, I don't think I ever introduce my husband as 'my husband'. I just use his name.
Load More Replies... kissmychakram 3 days ago
I was with her until she said in a later comment that she was always planning on leaving early and sub-letting her room anyway. I assume the roommates didn't know that she never intended to see out her lease when they all signed up.
Tenay Douglas 3 days ago
Honestly I feel like everyone's giving OP a hard time and for what ? Like my partner and I were not legally married but we did call each other husband and wife for a long time and once we actually got engaged sometimes I would say he was my fiance, sometimes husband, but mostly I'd say partner cause he was my life partner. And people who wanted to know more would ask but even with friends I never was the type to be like "Oh yeah I'm engaged we're basically married." Even when we began living together and he was the same. I think them being private people is very valid not everyone feels the need to plaster their entire life story over social media. Also with them getting married at 18 it's understandable why they would want to become established in their careers and lives before being like "BTW I'm married" because a lot of people judge young couples for that.
Jaya 3 days ago
As a roommate she may not have been obligated to tell them, but she says they have become friends. If a friend "forgot" to tell me she's married, I would not trust that friend anymore and consider the friendship fake. (Unless someone has a really good reason, like if it's not safe for people to know you're gay or not safe if your family finds out that you're with someone from a different background, but those don't apply here) She has a really weird concept of friendship, if she thinks it's normal to not tell your friends about being married.
Binky Melnik 2 days ago
I suspect they’re “friendly” and not friends. Friends know these things; acquaintances often don’t.
Load More Replies... Bette 3 days ago
I suspect the author is from another culture and the roommates, given their reactions are American. It has been my experience that most Americans disclose and expect full revelations of all personal details almost as soon as living arrangements are made. Europeans are almost the exact opposite.
Abner_Mality 2 days ago (edited)
I had a sort of similar situation. Was married, living with my partner, went back to college for another degree, didn't wear a ring (working with high voltage) and didn't discuss my personal life with classmates. Even though I NEVER even flirted with my classmates, once someone found out I was married I endured a storm of wild speculation and conspiracy theories... Just figured it wasn't anyone's business, I didn't flirt or try to date anyone, I was just a fellow student and study partner. I thought/think it was the weirdest thing, but later realized that others were building up a false narrative/fantasy in their minds that came crashing down upon the introduction of reality. I don't feel responsible for what goes on in other people's minds that I haven't encouraged. In the end, their immaturity didn't allow them to take responsibility for their assumptions, so they projected their discomfort on me.
DC 1 day ago
No matter if she lied or not - what is the difference between a long-time boyfriend you once plan to marry, and a husband you agreed with to not live together? How does he have the right to live there, is that automatically so, even in shared living? I'd be a bit surprised if so, but ... may be...
Lene 1 day ago
Not everyone talks about their spouse as husband/wife. Sometimes they just call them boyfriend/girlfriend. And it's OK. I guess it's how OP talked about her husband? As her bf? Also, I do not understand the whole "he's your husband so he has a legal right to live in the apartment"-thing? It's like OP had to have any legal permission from her husband to rent the room. I am completely on OP's side here. Sure, it's weird that it never came up that she's married but it's not the end of the world, imo. I could understand it better had he tried to actually hide him from her roomies or if she didn't wear her wedding ring.
lenka 2 days ago
When she introduced him to her roommates in college did she not introduce him as her husband/boyfriend or did she just say this is John? When building relationships, you usually talk about other people in your life and give the listener context, i.e. my boyfriend John or my brother Joe. Like hey, I'm going to visit John. Cool. Who's John? Oh he's my husband/boyfriend. Did she NEVER define their relationship to third parties? Or did she just lie and call him her boyfriend? Her story just doesn't track. It also lacks a timeline. It implies years but is vague. I reserve judgement pending more info but my feelings are she is withholding about the extent of deception. If I was the roommate I would not care that she was married but I would feel upset and betrayed that someone I considered a friend had lied, either expressly or by omission. I would also be angry that she fully intended to skip the lease early. This absolutely should have been disclosed and for this she is an AH
Janissary35680 3 days ago
What is a "different" life stage? And how would that make a difference?
Kitty Jordan 3 days ago
I know the question is rhetorical, but I don't think it's odd at all to hang around people in the same life stage as you. There's a reason high schoolers aren't besties with elementary students: they're in different stages and have different interests. Those differences get smaller the older you get, but there's still a big difference between "I'm in college dating" say and "I am married and have two kids".
Load More Replies... Tobias Reaper 2 days ago
what i don't understand is if they have met her husband and know about him then she must have said he was her boyfriend or something. Which means that she deliberately didn't tell them for whatever reason me personally i wouldnt care but would wonder why she lied if they never met him then she never really lied. But if they met her husband and she didnt tell them he was her husband but just her boyfriend then she lied.
Tyranamar Suess 3 days ago
It's too bizarre that she never introduced him as her husband. And the one commenter was correct. This isn't really truly a "marriage." It's a very serious BF and she also gets to wear a ring and have a big party. I think I would feel betrayed if someone committed such a huge omission for over a year.
LakotaWolf (she/her) 3 days ago
What are you talking about? They're married. They're legally married. You don't have to cohabit to be "actually married". What do you mean that this "isn't really truly a marriage"? I assume if they were legally married and got a marriage certificate/license, then it "really truly" IS a marriage. There are a lot of married couples who don't live with each other.
Load More Replies... pebs 2 days ago
It's incomprehensible to me why she didn't say right away that she was married. What kind of "secret" is that to be kept?
Becky Samuel 2 days ago
Do you announce your marital status to people you meet right away? Because that's kinda weird.
Load More Replies... painttheyellowsubgreen 2 days ago
So as soon as one of those "single women roommates" enters into a relationship and is no longer single they have to move out? Because unless that is your stance your comment makes no sense. And if that is your stance, you are ridiculous.
Load More Replies... LakotaWolf (she/her) 3 days ago
No. It's something I do as well sometimes online. It's basically used as a way of characterizing something as extreme, facetious, or spurious. Like saying, "Oh no, THE BIG SECRET!!"
Load More Replies... LakotaWolf (she/her) 2 days ago
If you did any kind of actual reading of the post instead of spending your energy jumping to conclusions, you would have noticed the fact that he is in the military and they jointly made the decision to not yet move into on-base housing together. They didn't want to be the "stereotypical" military married couple where OP was a SAHM. She wanted to finish school and get some work experience first.
Load More Replies... You May Like Grandma Spills Secret After Death, Leaves Son Without Inheritance: “He Doesn’t Know That I Know” Woman Escapes Poverty Unlike Her Family, They’re Upset She Won’t Share Money With Them “I Laughed In His Face”: Woman Refuses To Let Roommate’s BF Move In After He “Tested Her”
Rugilė Žemaitytė
Jonas Zvilius
Dominyka
Related on Bored Panda
33
35