My nephew was on a nature hike with his mom and us and the guide was pointing out some squirrels and said “See kids! Here are some squirrels! They have TAILS! People don’t have tails but squirrels do!”….. Immediately after which which my nephew loudly and confidently corrected her: MY DADDY HAS A TAIL BUT HIS IS IN THE FRONT!!”

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Final score:

9points

Aerial Wombat

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Our daughter, age 5, who was making her Batman and Superman figures kiss.

Homophobic FIL: "Why are you doing that? Boys don't kiss."

My daughter: "Yes they do, Papa. You just don't know it because YOU don't have a boyfriend."

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Final score:

7points

Lyoness

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When one of my brothers was three (approx) my mom saw him throwing a box of toys around the sitting room. Wanting to keep things tidy she was mad and told him to clean it up. He shook his head and she said that if "Dad saw this he'd be very angry". My brother thought about this and eventually said "He'd say 'what the hell'". Wanting to not only keep things tidy but also clean she started scolding him for saying hell. He hung his head in shame and softly said "I'm sorry...Daddy wouldn't say what the hell. He'd say what the f*****g hell!"

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Final score:

5points

Full Moon Raccoon

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My sister ran up to me with my cousin and said "we're gonna play" and I said ok and then she said "ok we're gonna go do it bye bye". I misheard for a minute.

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Final score:

4points

rat

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I was woken up by my five-year-old cousin Sarah, in the freaking middle of the night when I was in middle school. I was like dude what are you doing here and then she goes in this totally creepy voice, ‘Hello sis. Aren’t raccoons just zombie squirrels?’ I was totally bewildered, but from then on everyone in the family called her the kid who thought raccoons are zombie squirrels.
It sounds kind of boring and funny now, but in the middle of the night it was freaking scary.

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Final score:

4points

Down With Agent Hedgehog!

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My son upon seeing his sister pee: "How does that butt pee? Does it poop?"

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Final score:

4points

Sherry Ofus

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I'm not sure if it's funny or sad. Grandkids (4,3 and2) were asking me questions about the pine cones that had fallen into the yard. I explained they were containers for seeds and the various ways the seeds are released to create new pine trees. My 28yo step son, their dad, looks at me and says "Really? My mind is blown". He was serious.

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Final score:

3points

A girl

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Me: Did you ever put Mercurochrome on our cuts when when we were little?
My Mother: Why? Is it killing people again?

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Final score:

3points

Zsa Zsa

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When my son was about two he was playing in the bathroom. He pulled on his “boy part” and said, “WHOA”

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Final score:

3points

Jennifer McClelland

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" Dimitri!!!WHY ARE YOU POOPING ON THE FLOOR?!" My mom to my at the time 3 yr old cousin

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Final score:

2points

Has sold soul for corn chip

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When my twins were little I used to buy from second hand shops to save money. They used to get the words mixed up and say "hand sec shop". (Now say it out loud.)

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Final score:

2points

Sue Denham

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My cousins and I were talking about something and one said, “Helen Keller, wasn’t that the girl who lived in the attic because of the Nazis?!” She is now a high school English teacher. 🤣😂

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Final score:

1point

Bella Dementia

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My son (1 year or so) was in the bath messing with his sac and exclaimed, "Mommy there are rocks in here!" Now I know where the expression "got rocks off" came from.

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Final score:

1point

The Mom

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I fell off my bike and fractured an area near my wrist this summer only for my mother to pick up my helmet and say " You got s**t on while you ate s**t".

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Final score:

0points

AveryDancesWithDragons

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My grandparents had some of the best that they would use regularly, cracked us all up! My favorite example: "Well, ain't that just slicker than a mole's c**k in a mudslide!" Said by my grandma when I showed her my present on Christmas morning. She was the best!

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Final score:

0points

MaryHadaLittleLamb

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In an overly dramatic fearful voice: "Just be careful mum, this is hippie territory"

(My mother was going to go to a toilet stall by a remote bushwalking [hiking] track)

Courtesy of my little brother

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Final score:

0points

angzarr

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One day when my dad was in a bad mood for no reason and my mom wasn't putting up with his BS, he went outside and yelled at the dogs, calling them a bunch of lazy motherf***ers and told them they all needed to get jobs.

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Final score:

0points

ButterflyMcQueen

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When my family (me my mom and my younger brother) first moved in with my grandmother we lived in a large trailer like thing and one day my mom had just gotten home from work and my younger brother went into the other room to play with toys and came out with a q tip in his hand saying he found an ear twig, we burst out laughing because it was late and we were tired but still it was one of the funniest things I heard at that time

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Final score:

0points

Nerdlet

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" I'm the greeny man ", now this is nothing funny nor does it make sence lol not in this context at least, só lets start from the beggining, my brother when he was maybe 15/16 created the " greeny man " as a joke, só he would get a shower, get out of the bathroom with a green towel tied to the neck and boxer shorts and started yelling " i'm the greeny man " wille running around the house, One day i was arriving from work and i saw my Mother sweeping the backyard ( now my apartment is bellow the car Park and it hás a " C " yard One door in the kitchen, the other on the other side of the house in the living Room ) só i stopped and started talking to her, soon 2 of out neigbour's join, sudently i hear " I'M THE GREENYMAN " and my brother comes out on underpants and a green towel around his neck like a cape and starts jumping around my Mother, he didn't noticed that there where 3 ppl watching his " display ", when he finaly dos, instead of turning back and getting in from the same door he got out, he paniked and went around the entire apartment in underpants and the towel Cape to get in by the living Room door.

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Final score:

-1point

TheAquarius1978

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