In the comments, tell us your funniest story.

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#1

Don't know if it is funny, but certainly a happy one for me.

So it was back in the 90s, I was madly in love with this girl. It was at the time when I had quit my job and started my own business. Everything was going well and we were planning to get married.

But her single mother suddenly started opposing as I don't have a permanent job, and she won't do anything against her mother's will as she was her only child.

So, I became sad and lost. One day two of my friends called me and took me on a trip to make me feel better. We started exploring western side of the country and after two or three days, we ended up in this bar. My friends got boozed up, and I was sitting alone thinking about her. I couldn't control myself and started crying.

The bartender was a nice guy, he showed interest in me and asked me my story. I told about her and showed her photo and all. He tried to cheer me up and he was like everything will be alright, don't lose hope etc.

We continued the trip and reached home after few days. I wanted to meet her desperately and I went straight to her house and knocked the door. But, it was a guy who opened the door and invited me in. He was her uncle (her mom's brother) He asked about my family, business and all and finally he said he and his sister are okay with my wedding.

I was shocked. I couldn't believe what just happened. Turns out he was living in the west and was a friend of the bartender who I spoke to.

Thing is that I showed her photo and forgot to take it back. Bartender told my story to him and showed the photo. Her uncle, being the gentleman he is, went to her house and spoke to her mom and convinced her.

Anyway, we are getting ready to celebrate our 28th anniversary in few months.

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MrOwlAteMyMetalWorm.
MrOwlAteMyMetalWorm.
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4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Your story is inspiring.Especially for men who fear to show the world their real emotions and vulnerability.Have a great day!

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    #2

    Philosophy lecture. The weather was great, so we decided to make a seminar on the lawn, below a conker tree. It was early fall, so they were already falling. The lecturer started a seminar, but quickly noticed that most of us didn't read-in into the text that we were supposed to analyze, myself included. The lecturer asked: "Who has read this text?" Uncomfortable silence, people start looking at one another. I said "Let the god hit those that didn't read the text get with a conker!" in a joking manner (we've read theology that day). And BAM! Conker hits my head just as I finished my sentence. Everyone laughed and the seminar continued. It was the only time God has given me an (unwanted) answer to my plea.

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    Titas Burinskas
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    #3

    This literally happened within seconds when I was alone. I cracked a raw egg on the edge of the frying pan to scramble it. It missed, heading for the floor. With reflexes that still astound me, I snatched a nearby utensil & actually caught the raw egg mid-air!! Elation turned to astonishment as the egg hit the floor. The utensil was a slotted spoon..... Speed of light successions of feelings: "Oh No!", "Yes!!", "A SLOTTED spoon!!??!!" Never laughed so much cleaning a floor.

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    Matteo Durasevic
    Matteo Durasevic
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    4 years ago

    This comment has been deleted.

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    #4

    I was working at a distribution center for a major retail chain around Christmastime unloading trucks. For those who don't know, the trucks are filled in "walls" of product that you slowly take down to unload it. I was throwing a truck full of toys, when the wall in front of me destabilized and came tumbling down on me (i was fine, just startled). I looked at the boxes, and it was cases and cases of Jenga.

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    Trick Question
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    #5

    This isn’t my story but my parent’s story. My dad was just engaged with my mum pretty much a week before this. They were at a cafe with my mum’s parents and they were sitting outside. My dad got a Coke can while the others got coffee. Then a bee landed on his coke can. He flicked it off and as soon as he flicked it my grandpa leaned over exposing just a tiny bit of his crack. My dad flicked it right into that crack and then my grandpa started running around yelling his butt was on fire. My dad then had to help him get the stinger out in the bathroom.

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    Berry Budgie
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    #6

    My daughter has a condition that makes her especially tiny, but she doesn't have dwarfism. Anyway, she was 3 years old and still wearing size 18 months baby clothes. Well, those pants are designed to be worn over diapers and she wasn't wearing them because she was potty trained. Her pants refused to stay up, so we went to a few places on a mission for the smallest belt possible. They don't make belts for people as small as she was. After looking at every store that sold baby clothes we were leaving Walmart when I told her, "I give up! You are going to have to wear dresses! You have no butt." So naturally, in a very loud toddler voice, she stated "of course I have a butt mommy! I can poop!" There is absolutely no arguing with that statement, and about 20 people, including myself, got a good laugh out of my tenacious little girl. She wasn't wrong!

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    carmisomers avatar
    Berry Budgie
    Berry Budgie
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    4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    HAHAHAHAAA i havn’t laughed that hard in ages kids can be hilarious!😆🤣😂

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    #7

    Last year my family and I went on a road trip. My 5 year daughter was passed out in the back sleep. As soon as the song ‘Old Town Road’ was playing immediately she woke up from her deep sleep and started screaming the lyrics at the top of her lungs. It was hilarious! XD

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    SandraG
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    #8

    I was working at a cafe that had sandwich fillings that came in pouches in boxes with slots in the sides. It was 4 a.m. and I had stuck my fingers through the slots to dump out the box like I always did. I look down into the box and saw fingers! My first thought was oh my God somebody lost their fingers and are in this box! LOL they were mine, but I had a nice heart attack before my sleep deprived brain caught up! (My oldest was barely 4 months old at the time)

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    Paige Jordan
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    #9

    When I was in second grade I was feeling especially gassy as the teacher was giving final instructions before everyone went home for the day. I was trying really hard to hold it in until everyone started being noisy at the bell, but my belly had other plans. So instead I tried to discreetly learn sideways and was aiming for something fairly silent. Again, it didn't go as planned! At the moment I moved it came out full force! I was humiliated! But everyone turned to the class clown who was sitting on my left. Both our faces were bright red and I tried to hide my face, but EVERY SINGLE PERSON in the room blamed that poor guy! I still feel bad, but also still can't help but laugh. Lol

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    Paige Jordan
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    inasavage avatar
    IZama
    IZama
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    4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My little girl, 8 at the time, very matter-of-factly confessed at the dinner table one evening that when she has gas at school, she lets it out silently but if it happens bust out loudly or smells, she blames whichever kid happens to be sitting next to her. My husband and I nearly had heart attacks from laughing so hard. Her expression never wavered from a raised eyebrow and smug grin.

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    #10

    I was with my friends in school and it was dark I saw a black figure in front of me I screamed like crazy saying"There is a kidnapper in front of me! " The light came on that second and it was the Christmas Tree, I was like???

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    Nature Girl
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    #11

    (excuse my poor English)
    So one time in sixth grade, my friend, who is the class clown, was sitting beside me and acting like the clown that she is, doing funny stuff, so the class laughed along with the teacher. I laughed too, but I couldn't stop even after the whole class stopped and the teacher continued the lesson. I was laughing so hard that my lungs were empty of air and I couldn't take a breath. No one noticed since I wasn't even making a sound. I kept laughing at myself. I tried to sign to my friend that I was choking, but she just looked at me in horror while I laughed the hell out of my soul. I pressed my face on the table while laughing. Then I noticed the class was strangely quiet so I looked up and they were all staring at me, including the teacher. Someone pointed out that my face was so red. I laughed out of embarrassment.The teacher came over and was like
    "omg r u ok?"
    Yes,sir, I'm perfectly fine. Just regularly choking cuz I laughed too hard.
    He offered me water, but seriously what the heck, how could I drink while laugh-choking, I will choke even more.
    I slammed my hands on the table out of desperation, and I just rest my head on the desk in defeat and continued dying.

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    Aisha Boudy
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    Aisha Boudy (Submission author)
    Aisha Boudy
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    4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Don't worry, I didn't die. But they took about five minutes to get me to breathe regularly

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    #12

    It was on Halloween. We were going to our 3rd-period class when a Dementor (Harry Potter) jumped in front of me. Dementors freaked me out a lot so a dropped my stuff and kicked the thing. Only then did I realize it was my friend in the costume. There were teachers watching, but I didn't even get in trouble!

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    Lily
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    #13

    Umm I don't know if this is actually funny but whatever...
    So I'm a HUGE Disney fan and I watch the movies whenever I can.
    One day I was sleeping in the main room next to the TV and my siblings were watching the new Aladdin and ''Whole new world'' came on and well let's just say I woke up screaming the lyrics...

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    Kat.I
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    #14

    I have extremely low self-esteem and genuinly think I am not all that attractive so when a guy asked me for my number for the very first time I was so in shock that I forgot my own number. I made the mistake of admitting it and he told me "You could have just said you were not interested haha".... that poor man really didn't know I meant it.

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    Escape
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    Stannous Flouride
    Stannous Flouride
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    4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    One thing I have learned in my 67 years on this planet is that almost no one sees themselves the way others do. Audrey Hepburn, one of the most beautiful stars to ever grace a movie screen thought she was funny looking and not particularly attractive.

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    #15

    I was working over summer at my school library with my friend. We had different jobs---I was in charge of organizing newspapers, magazines, journals, etc., while she worked at the circulation desk (checking in/out books, shelving/unshelving books, etc.). I was generally more free during working hours.

    My friend is easily spooked, but she has a habit of listening to creepy detective podcasts while shelving the books. One day, I was taking a break from work and saw her working...so I snuck behind the shelf she had her back to. She was working with her earbuds in, so she didn't even hear me giggling my butt off.

    I reached through the books and prepared to poke her shoulder. Right at that moment, she seemed to hear something and turned, making direct eye contact with my finger, which then made light contact with her shoulder.

    Predictably, she screamed, but it wasn't one of those "omg you surprised me" yelps. It was a full on "OMG WTF IS THAT" strangled yelp-scream. It literally echoed through the library.

    She did attempt to beat me up with a textbook right after. She later told me, "I was listening to a story about a murderer who cut off the hands of their victims, and then I turned around to see a hand that literally appeared outta nowhere."

    My favorite prank EVER, and my and my friend's favorite memory.

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    Clara Yu
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    #16

    we were visiting new york and we went to coney island to ride the cyclone and at first i dnt know what to ecxpect and then it dropped and i was so scared i bit my lip open and started splurting blood all over my brother and he looked like a seerial killer i couldnt stop laughing

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    David Kohn
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    Phoebe
    Phoebe
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    4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    That’s hilarious sorry your getting so much hate btw

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    #17

    I was at the gas station one morning when the Male attendant came over the speaker at my pump and said," Good Morning Pumpkin." Well, I had just read some female empowerment novel and I was not happy about his comment. I mean, just because I am a tiny blond girl in a pink winter coat does not give him a right to greet me with a "cutesy" name! He doesn't know me! I am get more furious by the minute and about to approach him and tell him what I think (which is something I NEVER do) when I happen to glance up and see I am at Pump #10. The man said, "Good morning PUMP 10!" not "pumpkin"

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    Lynda Whetstone
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    #18

    I was on a plane about 25 years ago. It was full of very happy Irish men on their way to Glasgow for a stag party. The banter was really hilarious. Half way through the flight we hit some turbulence and an air hostess went walking down the aisle to make sure we were all OK and buckled in. As she approached one of the men from the stag party, the plane dipped sharply causing her to lose her balance. She flung her hand out to balance herself and in doing so slapped the man across the face. The poor woman was mortified and began apologising profusely. The man sitting next him said "Oh, don't worry about him, that's our Graham. He's well used to having his face slapped by a pretty girl." The whole plane just erupted into laughter. It was brilliant.

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    IlovemydogShilo
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    #19

    Don't know if this is the weirdest, but definitely the funniest. As I finished breakfast I heard a loud crash. I go out to the window to see someone's sliding (mesh) window pane outside our window. (Note: I live in an apartment and my window had grills fitted on by the owner. Also the net part was to keep insects out) The person calls us up saying that his window pane fell down. He then proceeds to drop a rope. Since there was no place or holes to tie it up, we ended up making holes in the net part. With my roommate's help, we tied it up and asked him to pull it up. I don't have any clue but the people in the opposite wing was clapping as the window was being pulled up. After the person received the window, he screams thank you and I proceed to say welcome. Tbh not the weirdest thing but one of the funniest things happened in this lockdown.

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    Chinmayi Kulkarni
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    Raven
    Raven
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    4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    i wish things like this happened to me in lockdown.... 😂😂

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    #20

    To keep my 3 year old behaving while grocery shopping. she was allowed to pick out the dog treats we would buy for our beloved pet if she was "good." When we got to the check out line, she saw the displayed candy and started fussing. I reminded her that "you already have your dog treats!" The lady behind me said quietly. "I'm not judging, because she looks healthy." It felt weird explaining...

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    Zophra
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    #21

    My boyfriend was going to meet my parents for the first time. There was spaghetti thrown all over the lawn leading up to the door. My father had "fed the birds." Sigh.

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    Zophra
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    #22

    So I was sitting trying to do something in my living room. Where you rub like the roof of your mouth for something to make yourself burp... but I half-vomited so it sounded like a loud BURRRAaAAAAA and my lil bro looked at me and I was mortified even though he barely paid attention

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    Elizabeth Tunney
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    Annabella Li
    Annabella Li
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    4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    ok, so I tend not to chew my food well and have found stuff like a whole slice of mushroom in my vomit among other things like chunks of tomatoes and bites of entirely unchewed chicken, basically, everything that enters my mouth goes down the gullet looking much the same as when it was presented to me......which brings me to noodles, especially noodles, the soup they're served in plus the soft texture tricks my brain into thinking that it's already been chewed so I don't feel the urge to chew them, I just bite off whatever I can't fit into my mouth and give it a few (mostly ceremonial) chews. Once, I took some nausea inducing medicine (antibiotics) after I ate noodles and vomited........one pesky noodle was stuck in my mouth, well, some of it was in my mouth, some of it was in my esophagus, and some of it was in my stomach, it was stuck and I couldn't swallow it down (you can tell where this is going, can't you?) so I pulled it out of my mouth, it looked like an enormous white worm.

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    #23

    This happened to me in my +2 years.I woke up really early in the morning to study,then realised I was late for school,hurriedly got ready for it and left my place.As usual I ran through the streets to reach the bus stop,got on the public bus to school and took a sigh of relief.I was looking to pay for my ticket when I realised a close friend of mine from my previous school was in the same bus on her way to her current school.I was really happy as I rarely got to meet them then,I made my way to stand in front of seat.We spoke for a while and then she suddenly asked me whether my current school had a similar uniform to our previous school.I was startled by such a random question and told her that just like all schools we had white shirts but our skirt was a little different and the shirt had blue stripes on the collar.Her next few words led me to realise that I had worn my previous school's shirt with my current school's skirt .I looked at her casually and assured her that it's ok.Then we didn't speak for the rest of the journey.All the while till she got off her stop I kept contemplating whether I should go to school or just get off the bus and go home but I was too embarrassed to tell her that.Just after she got off I got off in the next stop which coincidentally happened to be my previous school's stop.At that moment I realised the humour in the situation.I woke up in the morning at around 4 am and whilst getting ready I was preparing a schedule for the day to study and basically worrying about how much syllabus I had to cover to get into college.I was so worked up that I didn't even realise what I was putting on.I realised I didn't even look at myself in the mirror.Life had changed so much and I hated my current high school very much and their corporate minion like teachers.I took a bus home and throughout the entire journey I silently laughed hard at myself for being this stupid.When I got home,my mother was so surprised because I was suppose to be at school and I never miss school.Then,I told her about the uniforms and pretended to be mad at her for not noticing my uniform and for not donating my old uniform so that she wouldn't yell at me for being this careless and irresponsible. After she left for work that morning I laughed at how painfully funny this was and was so happy that I didn't have to go that hellhole for the day.

    This might not be actually funny because well, humour is relative .I just wanted to revisit this memory I guess .Also,thanks for reading if you did.Have a great life!

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    MrOwlAteMyMetalWorm.
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    #24

    My sister told me this since I was asleep when it happened. I had told her earlier that day that she could borrow my phone charger but fell asleep before she came to take it. My bed is against the wall, but so is the place to plug in the charger. When she came into my room for the charger, I was asleep. She, apparently, had a whole conversation with me when while I was sleeping.
    Her: "Hey, can I borrow your charger now?"
    Me: "Uh-huh" (I proceed to attempt to unplug LAPTOP charger)
    Her: "No, it's the other one."
    Me: "The other one?" (I stop trying to unplug the laptop and cuddle back under my blankets)
    Her: We're not done talking, you haven't given me the charger
    Me: The charger??? Yeah, okay
    I then proceeded to try to unplug the laptop AGAIN! After a few tries (and me eventually not responding at all), she rolled me out of the way and got the charger. I wasn't awake at all when this happened and still can't remember her saying anything to me that night, but I was laughing so hard I couldn't breathe when she retold it.

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    Issac (he/him)
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    #25

    When my sister and I were in our teens in the 1970's, we were out walking. It was common in those days for boys and men to honk, whistle and yell obscenities at young girls. No one saw anything wrong with it back then. We made a bet on how many times we would be propositioned during our walk home. We were counting...8, 9, 10...when one guy just persistently kept honking over and over again. We swung around to tell the guy off, and were surprised to see that the driver was the Pastor from our Church! He was offering us a ride home. We had known him all of our lives. He married our Mom and Dad, our Aunt and Uncle, and later on, both of us to our husbands.

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    BusLady
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    #26

    so I was walking down the hallway with my classmate Henry when we see Anish, we say hi, he says hi, 3 seconds later another "Anish" appears- seemingly out of thin air, we say hi, he says hi, 3 seconds later a third "anish" shows up to the scene. My classmate: The Anish reproduces asexually, via mitosis, at a rate of 1 Anish every 3 seconds

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    Annabella Li
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    annabellali avatar
    Annabella Li (Submission author)
    Annabella Li
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    4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    mitosis is how single celled creatures reproduce (they divide into two identical copies of themselves) it is classified as asexual reproduction (non- sexual) because there is no sex involved (Henry wriggled his eyebrows at the reproduces asexually part and Anish is a teenage boy so you get the drift....) And funnily enough Henry is technically right because Anish is an identical triplet so at some point in early embryonic development the zygote (clump of cells that became the 3 Anishes) must have split in three

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    #27

    As a child I had hamsters: gold hamsters and roborowsky (dwarf) hamsters, over the course of several years. I'm still fond of them, as they were the only pets I was allowed.

    So, in my twenties, with my boyfriend and his roommates, I was invited to tag along to a house party. I knew one of the two women who lived there. When our group arrived, the party was going pretty good. Lots of folks chatting, some dancing. Immediately when I walked in, I saw a terrarium. It had a roborowsky hamster in it! I reached in to gently pet the little guy, and before I knew it, it bit me in my thumb. On impulse, I pulled my hand back, but the hamster was still biting down and so it got flung through the air, all the way across the party. Nobody had seen the whole thing happen, except one friend on the other side of the room. Our eyes locked in disbelief and we couldn't help but laugh while being mortified. We frantically started to search for the hamster - time was of the essence with all those moving feet. It seemed impossible to explain to the host "turn off the music, I just threw your hamster and lost it"... As I cried and laughed simultaneously, we found it running along the opposite edge of the room, threw a towel over it and were able to return it back into its terrarium. It was unhurt and lived for another year. The owner later told me it's name was Nibbles. Ha! I believe nibbles had the time of his life that day.

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    AndThat
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    Eliana Mount
    Eliana Mount
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    4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I have been bitten by guinea pigs so much times and only on my fingers that they mistake for FRIKIN CARROTS!!!!

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    #28

    Not big but my sister and I were looking out of the window and suddenly she pointed and said “Hey look, it’s a unicorn.” I looked and was genuinely confused for a moment when I saw nothing there and realized only a second after.

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    #29

    well ima keep it short and simple... a puddle of dog pee and running barefooted across the house dont work. yeah i got 3 stitches in my elbow

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    Emily Ralson💙💜❤💙❤💜💙❤💜💙❤
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    #30

    I am now a retired teacher, and although I have little to laugh about these days, I recall a high school teacher of mine, a biologist, who embarrassed himself in class. He did try to punish myself and another student as we both witnessed the incident; he's still alive and in town, so I will not name him. Mr H had a reputation for dating former students (this was the early 1980s). It was well-known that he lived in a nearby home with his former student, and I have since learned that they never married and co-habitated for years, dunno of the current situation (although I sat on the school board in the past decade). So...we were taking a test. I sat in the back row, which housed only me (also, I was the only non-white in the class, but that's another story). One of the cheerleaders sat two rows in front of me, and was in her uniform, which was a wrap-around skirt over her leotard. She sat on her knees and sometimes leaned forward during the test (we later learned that she was cheating). The teacher had a bad leg due to a skiing accident, and hobbled often. While testing, I thought I saw him close in, but it was not on me. To my right, he was leaning over, ostensibly to see if us two in the back were cheating (I wasn't and my grade showed this). When I actually looked up, I could see his head cocked to the left, and his eyes on...the cheerleader, who was shifting her weight to the other knee, exposing her leotard and undergarments (I supposed that was the case, but I didn't see anything really). A really creepy smile was on his face. Maybe a noise from me startled him, and he quickly looked in my direction, and frowned angrily. He then looked at the other kid in the back row, and turning, the other student has his mouth gaping open. The teacher straightened up, walked back to his desk, and the test ended a few minutes afterwards. After class, the other child and I spoke (he almost never said anything to me), saying "Did you see that?" "Yep." "He's sick!" Years later, I ran into the other kid who managed section of a retail shop (I was a librarian back then), and that was the topic. "Remember when we had biology and Mr H was looking at M's underskirt?" We laughed for almost ten minutes straight. As a teacher, I swore to never act like the teacher of whom I disliked, and I never did. -Rev Dr M, retired professor, who still chuckles at this

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    Meyer Weinstock
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    Nadine Bamberger
    Nadine Bamberger
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    4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I'm not sure I find a grown teacher lusting for an underaged student funny, but different times I guess.

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    #31

    I have a fish, and one day I was looking around for my book when I realized I didn't feed my fish that day. I look into the tank and see my fish staring at a point in my room. I feed the little fish and then look at where my fish was staring. Lo and behold, my book!

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    Wolfowl
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    #32

    When I was pregnant with my second child, the doctor looked at my ultrasound and informed me that I was having a girl. My husband and I were happy, as we already had a son. I got busy sewing and made little dresses. At my shower, I received girl baby gifts. But when the child was born, lo and behold, it was a boy! The doctor missed something. Also, he tied my tubes because we choose not to have any more children. When I went in for my 6 week checkup, the doctor came in the room, barely glanced at my chart, and asked me what I was doing for birth control. I replied "Well, nothing." He began to lecture me about getting pregnant again too soon. So I reminded him that he had already taken care of that problem. Honestly, how did this man get a degree?

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    BusLady
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    #33

    My husband was hanging out with a friend of his back when Xbox live was a new thing. He asked his buddy what his gamer tag was. "I'm obese".
    My husband blinks. Our friend is a very large fellow. My husband says, "sorry, what?"
    "I'm obese".
    Now my husband is not trying to be rude, and legitimately thinks this is dude's gamer tag. "Your gamer tag is 'I'm obese'?"
    "Nah man, IMABEAST."

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    Kisses4Katie
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    #34

    On the eve of my eighteenth birthday, when I was working as a state mail dispatcher at the post office in the California town where I was born, my friend Asa Crow, who was 21 at the time, decided it would be a good idea to get drunk and cruise the pedestrian mall at 10 pm. Seemed logical, us being about eight sheets to the wind, on beer and a pint of Four Roses whiskey. About one minute into our highly illegal cruise, we passed a police cruiser that was hiding in an alley. They came after us. Asa turned right at the first opportunity, pulled up to a storm drain and said, “Nemo, quick, dump all the beer cans!” I opened the passenger door and a dozen empties poured out into the drain. I swept the rest of the empties into the drain and closed my door about two seconds before the cops arrived. They ordered Asa out of the car and made him walk the line. He spread his arms for balance, grinning like an ape, and said “Look, Ma, no hands!” The cops were not amused. “Asa, you’ve outdone yourself this time, drunk, driving on the mall, and providing alcohol to a minor.” I protested that I would turn 18 at midnight, but the drinking age at that time was 21, so they were not impressed. I figured we were both going to jail, but just then the cops got a call that someone had broken into Zale’s jewelry store, two blocks away. They had to take the call, so they let us go. “Asa, you got lucky, but it’s only a matter of time before we bust you.” They left, we laughed our butts off, and polished off the Four Roses sitting in the glove box. Asa drove off, and we sang “Don’t cry lady, I’ll buy your goddamned violets, don’t cry lady, your pencils, too. Don’t cry lady, take off your old dark glasses, Hello, Mother, I knew it was you!” Asa dropped me off at the back dock of the post office two minutes before midnight, and they made me work a double shift, with a hangover. There was only one other dispatcher working the midnight shift, a Navy veteran we called “Popeye”, who was also nursing a hangover. “Nemo,” he said, moaning a lot. “Bulldog stole ever damn aspirin in the medicine cabinet again. We are totally screwed.” The following night, Asa and I recovered with some hair of the dog, and the rest is post office history.

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    Marcel DeClercq
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    #35

    In grade school everyone from the entire school (roughly 500 kids) were assembled in front of the school or in the giant lobby waiting to board buses. It was the end of the year field trip, and some of us students were using the bathroom before we left. The bathrooms were next to the lobby and had no doors, just tiled hallways that led to each bathroom. I had just finished up and was out of the hallway and in the lobby when a piercing scream echoed out of the boy’s bathroom, stopping all the students and teachers from talking. Teachers rushed into the bathroom and came out carrying a student who was crying. This particular student was known for his high pitched voice, and his zipping up his member in his zipper brought out a noise that I will never forget. I felt really bad for him but of course zipping up yourself in a zipper and screaming like a banshee in front of the entire school was something that was hard for this kid to love down.

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    Richard Mell
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    #36

    I went for a concert at by a local band at one of the beaches at Lama island. It ended pretty late so we were coming back by the last ferry, only a few people were there so my friend and I decided to get on the upper deck to enjoy some breeze and silence, when a group of 10-12 people boarded ferry and came to the upper deck, singing and dancing and some of them were quite wasted. I exchanged looks with my friend like here goes our silence when one guy from the group caught us. He came near said sorry for the noise and said he can do something to make it up to us and suddenly started dancing holding the pole, after a few minutes of a weird pole dance, he tried to do a split when he ripped his shorts. We tried to stifle our laughs but we laughed out loud when he tried to take his shorts of Magic Mike style. All of us (drunk) kept laughing till we got off the ferry and in our separate cabs.

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    ElusiveIntrovert
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    #37

    ok so in sixth grade, me and my classmates had like a workshop thingamabob and were doing the titanic or something like that. the lady who ran the workshop was explaining how they didn't see the iceberg and didn't listen to the people on the com set, and just as she said they didn't see it, the class clown, my friend, shouted "SHOULD HAVE GONE TO SPECSAVERS" the whole class and even the teachers burst out laughing and my friend went really red because only i was supposed to hear it but his voice kind of cracked. ;D

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    luke aiston
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    #38

    I was probably 5 or 6 when this happened but I was having a sleepover with my bestie and I was falling asleep when she began telling me all about the scary people and black cats that were in her room. ( not real of course, but she thought they were real, they were just shadows.) and we didn't get any sleep, and then we had to go to church in the morning so we almost fell asleep when the church was going on. it was really funny now that I look back.

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    Sillyrudy3
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    #39

    One time when I was eleven I stuck my legs through the sleeves of my hoodie while I was home alone and fell off the couch I was sitting in and couldn’t get my legs out. I had to wait an hour and a half for my mom to get back and help me out of the hoodie.

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    Marley Lennon
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    #40

    Okay, my dad says that when i was around/about a month old we were going to a drive through place and when we got to the ordering menu window i just blurted out "loaaaded naaachos " with was one of the things on the menu and my parents and three year old sister started giggiling =)

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    Samir Sultan
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    #41

    We hired a couple guys to help us hang pipe in a Piggly Wiggly store in Myrtle Beach. I got to share hotel room and work with one of them for a week.
    The first day he would watch me every time I lit a cigarette with a Bic. The next day he sees me light and ask if he could hold my lighter. He seemed fascinated and tells me his story.
    He goes on to say he could get 15 years right now just for holding a lighter. That he is a convicted habitual arsonists. Thanked me and handed my lighter back.
    Later that night while laying in bed I light a smoke and he asked to hold it again. So I passed it over to him and he laid back and just lit it a few times, would stare at the flame for a moment and finally gave it back. I put it in my shorts picket and figured I’d be best to sleep with it just in case he was getting any ideas of burning shit while I slept.
    This went on for a week. That weekend his wife, a burley biker gal that looked like she would marry an arsonist, arrives to help at work and they check into their own room. That following week they put his wife working with me and he helps another pipe fitter. After a couple days she asked me with a real serious tone and look if I let her husband have my lighter. I didn’t know what to say and just told her the truth, she goes off on me raising hell that it would be my fault if he goes back to prison. So the next couple days at work was pretty weird but on the last day as we parted directions they stopped me as we drove off and said, oh yeah, all that talk about arson? I said yeah, they laughed and said it was all made up and tore out the parking lot. Never seen them again.

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    Jay Doty
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    #42

    Mmmm... Nothing! No, I can't say that... Probably going under a table at a public restaurant. (actually happened, I did it just to get a ball.)

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    amina rahman
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    #43

    I was on a train to Seattle, sleeper car. In the morning I went to take a shower, not knowing that someone reported the shower as broken (it wasn't). I finished my shower, grabbed a towel, and... the conductor opened the door to check on/fix the shower. So there I stood, shower cap perched on head, very small bath towel clutched in front of me, saying in my most haughty manner, "Excuuuse me?!?" The door slammed so fast, I think there was a sonic boom! Conductor was so embarrassed (guys standing around in the background probably needed to wash their eyes out with soap - I'm a big, older woman), he spent the rest of the trip apologizing, and gave me an extra bottle of commemorative champagne (it was over Christmas). I couldn't be mad at him - it was an accident, after all - but my own mother, who made the complaint about the shower - her I told off but good (JK).

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    Jo Johannsen
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    #44

    the year 2020...

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    Mahayana
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