– Imagine that you are sharing your life story.

– Submit a single sentence meant to make your audience want to read more.

#1

I was the first in our group to kiss a boy, Louise was the first to get married, and Mary was the first to be murdered by an enraged jealous husband and buried in the back garden under a selection of concrete animal statues

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#2

This is the story of how I died.

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#3

"For the better part of my childhood, my professional aspirations were simple–I wanted to be an intergalactic princess."

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#4

First things first; f**k you for not paying the full price for my book.

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#5

I would like to apologize in advance-

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#6

This is the story of all about how my life got flip-turned upside down, And I'd like to take a minute,
just sit right there, I'll tell you how I became the hot mess you see here.

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#7

Liked by everybody but loved by nobody

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#8

This is how I got a felony over a big Mac and a midget stripper.

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#9

Don’t let this happen to you

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#10

I've been called many things, but I have never been called an author.

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#11

So. It has come to this.

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#12

I can't believe I lived long enough to have a life story to share.

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#13

It's all going to make sense in the end.

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#14

Welcome to my long list of embarrassments and regrets.

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#15

It was f*****g hot that day, my aunt told me.

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#16

No one connected the child's birth to the gypsy woman's curse that was cast last year.

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#17

I didn't know it at the time growing up, but i'm pretty sure my life was a shitshow from the start. I once read souls upstairs can pick their next reincarnated life, and know the reason why they want that life with those people. If that's true, someone needed to stop me and slap me upside the head.

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#18

It started with a mistake, Avery big mistake.

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#19

"Hi. Ya might wanna leave, I'm pretty boring."

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#20

To annoy and distract, that was my purpose.

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#21

If I answer your question, you have to promise me that we’re in this together.

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#22

So many times I thought I’d reached bottom and then it turned out I was wrong .

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#23

"A tale of love. A tale of tragedy. A tale of shoving fistfuls of shredded cheese into your mouth at 2 in the morning. This is the story of the life Tessa lived."

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#24

It was dark and it was raining, but I knew where I was going.

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#25

If she was trying to boast she would say she spent hours studying astronomy but the moment you left she would resume her youtube video about the universe while also scrolling through bored panda.

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#26

I always knew my mother hated me and it took me until I turned 16 for the feeling to become mutual. That was the year that my sister and I decided that she and her pervert boyfriend should die so we poisoned them.

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#27

There is a lot of fish in the sea, but a lot of trash too. A lot of trash in general.

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#28

On the advice of my lawyers, I will attempt to explain my side of the story, with any any omissions protected by the fifth amendment.

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#29

Nan had a strong back, she carried me on it for most of her life

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#30

before we get to the content I wsnt to talk about today's sponsor...

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#31

Procrastination has impacted my life in many ways such as

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#32

And yes. It did hurt.

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#33

Oh s**t, did I just say that out loud?

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#34

Someone once said, "The only way to fail, is by giving up."

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#35

Well, wasn't that bad

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#36

If you’re reading this you must be either a very lonely person or somebody is forcing you- either way, I’m sorry for you.

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#37

Born lost; never found her way.

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#38

I left a class once because they wanted us to explore our emotions.

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#39

Chapter one: me and a boob. The beginning of a long love story.

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#40

My life resembles a bunch of mixed up game pieces in an old monopoly box, it's a mess.

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#41

Are you sitting comfortably? Good, then I'll begin....

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#42

just letting you know before you continue reading, this book is going to be filled with a bunch of immature crap about butts and farts because that's the kind of little s**t you're reading about

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#43

This is the space everyone has made for me in their lives! (6 feet under!)

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#44

Well, the cat just climbed up and smooshed my face so I guess that's a good sign.

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#45

the sister series to "a series of unfortunate events."

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#46

"The story of a useless person in society"

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#47

It's difficult to live your life in a closet when the closet door is made of glass...

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#48

There's a reason Mom didn't name me Grace.

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#49

Nothing was ever as it appeared to be.

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#50

She is too old to have a pacifier...

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#51

Mom, Dad, maybe you should have left me the f**k alone and let me be on the internet without you looking through my history.

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#52

She shouted unapologetically, "GET OFF THE LAWN!".

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#53

I have experienced 45-degree Celsius heat (at least it was a dry heat) and wind chill of 50 below, I have experienced several earthquakes, I have driven through tropical storms, I have seen a tornado, I have nearly been run over by a snowplow, I have escaped a psychotic Irish setter and his even more psycho owner, I have seen kittens get born, I have gotten gutter-wallowing drunk, I have eaten till I felt as though I would burst, I have been so thirsty that I would guzzle megabrewed Lite beer, I have driven across North America numerous times, I have drunk well over 10,000 different varieties of beer - in short, have I lived or not?

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#54

She was the biggest weirdo I ever met.
-My best friends colaberating to write this

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#55

I was the only redhead in my family.

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#56

That Katie, she thought she was funny bless her heart.

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#57

My sister and I were born on February 7th into the loving arms of Kayla ****. We were in Nicu for a week before going home. But we didn't go the same home. This is the story on how I was separated from my twin sister for 15 years and how its affected my everyday life.

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#58

If you are to read this, take what you think normal and throw it out of the window. There is no normal. There is no perfect. Even if there was, I am nowhere near that door.

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#59

"Well That Didn't Work"

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#60

Some said I wasn’t normal they some called me odd a few called me downright evil and those few were right.

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#61

Failure is most definitely an option. It it why I'm still here, for better or for worse.

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#62

It wasn’t a fart after all

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#63

I know what you are thinking was it horrible, yes it was I am now going to make it your problem.

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#64

Kinda' hope you're ready for this.

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#65

Well, I made it to 20 which is more than everyone (including myself) thought I would make it to

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#66

is your life a train wreck? well you'll feel better when you hear about my life :)

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#67

So obviously, i F**ked up somehow for you to be reading this

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#68

And her journey through the dark world of idiots now begins here

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#69

We must first establish that the time tested rule that states"If anything Can Go Wrong, It Will", is the theme. Now, let's wait and see what happens. "Hmm. Oh no, oh dear, oh not that, o God what have I done?" were her last words, many times, in many lives.

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#70

My Autobiography or "How not to end up serving as a warning to others in several easy steps. "

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#71

I am the character that causes you to scream at the screen, yell at them not to do that.

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#72

You may be wondering why I've gathered you all here today

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#73

I gave my mother problems from the moment of conception.

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#74

I have always been the strong weed that grows in the garden of society, the one that grows back every time it is ripped up by the roots, sprayed with poison, or burned - and I am tired of never being allowed to bloom.

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#75

Everyone said I had a lot of potential. Everyone was dead wrong.

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#76

hey there, you're probably wondering how i got here.

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#77

most of her family, especially those who knew her in her youth, would be surprised that she was looking forward to her 65th birthday, never understanding how she survived life, not to mention her impulsive decisions.

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#78

Hated almost everyone they knew

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#79

You definitely don't want to be me.

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#80

"This B**** Crazy!!" It's all I've ever heard.

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#81

Life started on a snowy day in Feb and this is where it went from that...

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#82

my mom always said the peonies in our front yard bloomer the day i was born.

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#83

Well you could say it all started when 2 people got very drunk and decided to have sex....

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#84

Not a whole lot happened in my life (and I'm surprised that I'm writing this) but I thought you might want to read it anyway. I haven't had a first kiss (or said more to a boy my age than 'hi' in the past few months) and I haven't had any huge self-discoveries (other than that I'm pretty good at lying), but I have had a happy life. I've lived, and for me, that's enough. Anyhow, I hope you enjoy everything! *Not part of the opening* I do have a journal I've been keeping since September of 2020, and maybe I'll publish it sometime in the future. It's pretty boring, but it's what's happened in my life, and I'm happy I've kept track of it.

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#85

as you may expect, this is a story of how I died....internally, on the outside I'm doin great-ish. But anyways, I die a slow and painful death, like most people my cliff diving skills, don't exactly succeed first try without trying, but my self esteem decided to give it a whirl.

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#86

There were mixed reactions when my gender was revealed.

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#87

A series of unfortunate events that happen to be true.

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#88

This is the story of a stupid human who thought they might achieve something in life.

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#89

"I'm invisible but only visible when someone needs something"

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#90

another series of unfortunate events

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#91

I should have went that way

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#92

How to have a good life; be anyone other than me

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#93

You gotta believe me when I say I'm absolutely, 100%, batshit crazy. But everything in this book is true.

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#94

What doesn't kill you, only makes you stronger. Allow me to explain via my life.

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#95

A boys life, at 4 yrs father's drunken every night,bare mattress no diapers, whipped to near death for peeing my bed.

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#96

If you like a happy ever after sort of ending, this book is not for you.

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#97

Wow, uh, never thought I'd get this far. Line?

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#98

To the surprise of everyone, especially myself - I am still alive ...

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#99

You wouldn't want to read this but . . .

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#100

The clairvoyant told my mother
I see a son, he’s into cars, but he should never buy a blue one, he’ll get divorced and tell him NEVER to wear a uniform.

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#101

“Cashier number three please!” Here we go…..

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#102

I won’t bore you with my childhood prior to seventh grade cause that is really were it started; pucking in the sink in science class.

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#103

Hello and welcome. Here is the story of the interesting parts of my life. I assure you, it will be very short.

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#104

WELL! That didn't go as planned . . .

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#105

My Life is Based on a True Story

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#106

You should never say "what else could go wrong" because sure as s**t something will.

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#107

Well now, this did not turn out as I expected.

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#108

When I was 9 our cat caught fire.

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#109

Dying was not something I did often, so of course I took the opportunity to capitalize on it.

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#110

Hey. Hey, you! We've been trying to reach you about your car's extended warranty

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#111

This is the story of my life, how it sucked, and how it ended. Quick tip: Don't be like me, or your life will suck just as much.

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#112

She came, she saw , she moved. I have moved 51 times in my life and have yet to feel at home.

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#113

I was an accident

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#114

Now was the doughnut of our discontent.

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#115

Listen, I wouldn’t describe myself as quirky but… there is definitely something wrong with me.

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#116

It was the best of times; it was the worst of times.

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#117

it was a long dark night...

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#118

I don't even know what I'm going to write. All I know it this'll be weird

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#119

I was 27 the first time I died.

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#120

“I’m the most evil and selfish human to ever live on this planet!”

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#121

If you need a drink to make it through it, I won’t blame you. If you need to put it down before you can pick it up again, I won’t blame you. If you can’t make it through all of it, I won’t blame you. I lived it; trust me I know how f*cked up this entire thing is.

More than one line but the most poignant part of the warning at the beginning of me telling my story.

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#122

My mother’s wedding night was a threesome: My mother, father, and Joe, an Episcopal priest, who was my father’s favorite lover.

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#123

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#124

Suicide is a pretty shitty way to die, take it from me. This is gonna be a mess so grab your drink and a cat and buckle up.

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#125

There was once this girl who binge-watched all 3 Mighty Ducks movies, lemme tell you, she then started scaring all the people around her to hell.

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#126

Some girls go to college after high school graduation. Some go to the stage, wearing a lacy g string.

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#127

My dead best friend, whom I still refer to as “Chair”, tried to get me to join him, but instead we still make our mischief together here, where it really counts.

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#128

This is NOT how I imagined my life would turn out to be...

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#129

No, I am not the DJ and get your f#%king drink away from my console!

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#130

Fortunately it was not a bad day to be a dog.
Unfortunately I was a vet assistant and thusly not a dog.

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#131

"I'm okay", I would say to the stranger in the mirror; each time hoping that i would recognize her, and each time hoping that she would believe me.

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#132

Dear readers, by the time you read this, I will probably be floating in space, and if purple wasn't stupid enough to protect his friend even though he was clearly an Imposter.

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#133

get ready to hear the most normal and scientifically average life story you've ever heard... if you are worried about being bored, don't worry. I lived the thing, and even I was pretty bored.

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#134

Buckle up, buttercup.

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#135

If you are reading this I am probably dead. Most likely killed by a vengeful soul or my best friend trying to shove extra cheesy cheez its down my throat.

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#136

Warning you are about to experience an insane amount of graphic stupidity and second hand embarassment

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#137

needless to say, I led a very pathetic life. There were many reasons why. including.....

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#138

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