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The first thing I thought of when I thought of "shameful memory" was of course when I was taken advantage of. I can remember most times and most faces, but I guess what I'm most ashamed of is the aftermath. I'm ashamed because I feel I'm used up and tossed aside for the next ab*ser to pick from my bones. I'm ashamed of the memories of strangers' hands all over me and doing whatever they wanted with me.

I'm ashamed of all the times someone got rid of me or rehoused me all because of my lack of resources. Mentioned in a previous post, I revealed that I base my self-worth off of what resources I have, and each and every time my value was depleted and I was defeated, I felt great shame and worthlessness.

Why do these memories bring shame?

The only logical reason as to why I would feel ashamed about this is because these acts inflicted on me are not socially normal or acceptable, and therefor they bring shame. Pherhaps I feel ashamed because I was an unwilling participant in said despicable actions. A memory involving embarrassment or shame might indicate to us that we might have done something distasteful or resentful. It can leave us feeling like we've completely desecrated any acceptable societal norms.

Because I had to endure a whole bunch of very illegal, immoral things and keep it all a secret, I guess I feel ashamed, like I contributed to the crime by not speaking up when I should or could have.

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#1

Im sry that happened to you jesi..

This story hurts to retell but here ya go..
This was middle school, i was in year 7.
I remember the layout of the class, the exact hairstyle the kid had everything vividly...
We treated it as another friday, we were happy to be going home for the weekend..
I think i got the message on a sunday afternoon, my mother called my name, and i, in a joyous mood, went to see what she wanted..
My classmate [wont say his name for reasons] had just... died...
What happened next was foggy, as i couldnt quite comprehend what happened.
That following monday two of my teachers (i had two classes with him) paused lessons and just talked, on teacher even rearranged seating because she couldnt stand to look at the empty seat..

I feel shame with this memory cause i feel i couldve done more, maybe if i wouldve payed more attention, maybe if i wouldnt have been goofing off, maybe if wouldve opened my eyes... hed still be here
Its been 5 years, i still remember that day, i remember the locker memorial, i remember his name

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    #2

    I never thought I would ever mention this but here we go. I went to a summer camp many years ago and I made quite a few friends, and there was one camp councillor who sexually assaulted me, I was a young kid, it was horrible. That’s why I really don’t talk much about my childhood, it was pretty messed up.

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    jessicasnow_1 avatar
    Jessica Snow
    Jessica Snow
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I'm sorry, friend. The kindest words I can offer are that it wasn't your fault and that there are people who love you. It may not become easier, but in time, things do become better. ♥

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    #3

    What happened to you is not at all your fault, you were young, and defenseless. I see why it’s a shameful memory, but don’t think you contributed to those horrific acts. You did NOT. You’re a victim. Nothing less. My one shameful memory would have to be a fist fight I got into with my father many years ago, my first and last fight. It’s shameful for 2 reasons, 1, the fact that I physically fought my late father, a man who needed help and did’t get the proper help he needed; a man who had nothing but pure love for me. 2, shameful in the sense that I showed, proved if you will, that I can not fight and fend for myself… One day I’ll elaborate on this more with you. But, as is, this is my answer.

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    Jessica Snow
    Jessica Snow
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Thank you for your kindness - I don't really see myself so much as a victim anymore but more as a survivor, not really like in a special sense but... I am someone a thing happened to and I made it through. That's how I see myself sometimes. As for your story, I think I can somewhat understand. Only when you're comfortable, you can always talk to me! I'm more than happy to listen if you want to tell me more... however... though the shame you feel is understandable, I would still trust you to save me from danger, I bet you would do just fine. ♥ Being tough and winning a fight isn't what makes someone strong, in my opinion, but how mindful and self-aware they are. I'm a bit odd, though. :)

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    #4

    It’s not that bad but when my uncle was staying with us for a little while I asked if i could have some of his gum and he said no I took some anyway

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    #5

    something that happened that I feel shameful for is that once when I was is fourth grade in school, it was the last lesson of the day, and there was a boy in my class who was in the group room most of the time. he was shouting and… I made a snort laugh. I laughed at someone’s anger. luckily I changed school because I moved. that was some time ago but I’m still ashamed of it.

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