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#1

Not my monkey, not my circus.

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#2

A stick in the a**e doesn't replace a spine
(Hiding behind rules to compensate the lack of courage)

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#3

i like this combination: i’ll burn that bridge when i get to it

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#4

"Whatever floats your boat" (i.e. whatever makes you happy), to which I add "so long as it doesn't sink mine."

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#5

"As sharp as a marble" is my favorite

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#6

My dad had a ton of these he would say all the time, my all time favorite is.

"Some days you're the windshield, some days you're the bug."

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#7

“Inside every old person there’s a young person wondering what happened.” - not an idiom, but a Pratchett quote that should be.

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#8

I just heard somebody say 'this is so beautiful I want to decompose here' and honestly I am going to start saying that now I LOVE IT

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#9

The one about "crossing that bridge".
I don't remember it right now but I'll look it up as soon as I need it.

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#10

Bob's your uncle

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#11

I'm from Texas and if you've every talked with any Texans for any length of time you KNOW we have idioms to die for.

My all time favorite though is....

Wait for it...

"Don't that just make yur butt pucker?!"

Other personal favs...

"Well slap me silly n call me a monkey!"

"I'm as happy as a fat tick on a lazy dog!"

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#12

Just because ya been doin somethin for 30 years don't mean ya been doin it right!

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#13

If somebody does something stupid:
"Lord, let it rain brains! Or bricks, as long as you just hit" (A german one)

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#14

A strange one but: To "kick the bucket" means "to die", which is interesting... lol

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#15

Chew the fat. Meaning to have a lengthy conversation.

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#16

"The wise mongoose never follows the snake into it's hole" -Riki Tiki Tavi. Because the snake knows all the twists and turns. but the mongoose goes in blind.
I say this a lot when we watch action movies, and the heroes inevitably get blindsided because the bad guys know where the blind corners are.

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#17

I think I saw this one on Bored Panda:

If that makes me effeminate, then slap my ass and call me Sally!

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#18

A couple of idioms which are spin offs from my profession:

He's not firing on all cylinders.

He blew a gasket.

It's using so much gas you'd think you were pushing a barn door down the highway.

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#19

Always be happy with who YOU are and be true to yourself. Those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.

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#20

Idioms usually don't translate well, but if you live in a multilingual society, the meaning can often be understood by your peers. Here are two of my favorites, directly translated from Afrikaans to English (linguists/purists would turn in their graves):

Don't fetch the baboon behind the mountain (don't go looking for problems)
If it's raining porridge, just get your ladle (when opportunity knocks, open)

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#21

Job related, but I find them very funny : the 11th commandment in IT is "thou shalt make back ups" and the 12th is "thou shalt not make software adjustments after 16:00 hrs and never on a Friday".

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#22

a sandwich short of a picnic

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#23

My son says "You cease to amaze me"
My dad always says "Busy as a 1 armed paper hanger in a windstorm"

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#24

"There's no 'I' in 'genius'!"
Aisling Bea

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#25

Aussies have heaps of these things

A couple of kangaroos loose in the top paddock.
Silly as a box full of hammers .
Not the sharpest pencil in the box.
Flat out like a lizard drinking.
etc...

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#26

“You can wish/want in one hand and s*it in the other and see which gets filled first.”

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#27

A few I grew up hearing in the Southern US:

"Slower than molasses in winter"
"Knee High to a grasshopper"
"Pot calling the kettle black"

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#28

My favorite idiot is Donald Trump

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#29

"It's better to have it and not need it than to need it and not have it." I just love that one

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#30

From a game called We Happy Few (ya'll gotta play it), "Snug as a bug on a drug" Seriously, play the game it's really fun, and you have to "TAKE YOUR JOY" >:D

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#31

When it's really cold outside, where I'm from we say "It's Butt Cold!" Please don't ask, because I don't know...

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#32

Happy as a puppy with two peters.
Sharp as a sack of wet mice
God willing and the creek don't rise
Three fries short of a happy meal
Dumb as a bag of hammers/rocks
More nervous than a long tail cat in a rocking chair contest
Busy as a one legged man in a butt kicking contest
That dog don't hunt
Sure she's pretty, but someone, somewhere is tired of her s__t.
That's nucking futs
You are absotively, posolutely correct because pobody's nerfect.
Huked on fonics werked fer mee
I'm not dyslexic, I'm lesdyxic
If life gives you melons, you must be dyslexic
Intelligence doesn't mean common sense
If the opposite of Pro is Con, then the opposite of Progress is...Congress

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#33

Beat around the bush. It means to stall or waste time.

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#34

"Don't turn round but look who's behind you" to which I always bend over and look through my legs to see who it is, which is weird so they notice me looking at them, BUT I DIDNT TURN ROUND.

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#35

Throw a wrench in the works

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#36

"He/she is not the brightest crayon in the box."

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#37

As soft as warm puppy poop in a sneaker!
As cuddly as a baby barracuda.

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#38

In Spain you can say "There were few of us and grandma gave birth" when more people keep coming into a small space or when something bad happens when it all was already going downhill.

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#39

My dad, a retired high school guidance councillor, still says "It's not IQ, it's I do!" it isn't so much about how smart you are; it's about putting in the work. The "smart" kid might make it look easy, but you don't see all the work they put in outside of class

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#40

When I was in middle school my gym teacher was a whole lot of country. In my period there was about 5 of us Michelle's and he would always say
"you can't swing a dead cat without hitting a Michelle"
Apparently that works with anything that's really common.

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#41

I like "In a pickle" for the pure ridiculousness of it.

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#42

People who live in glass houses should not throw stones.

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#43

This is like herding cats.

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#44

As handy as a screen door on a Submarine or second handle on a p#ss pot

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#45

I think it would be more interesting to translate literally the idioms of our native languages and let the others guess what it means... I'll start:
to throw a rifle into the rye
to be baked and cooked (somewhere)
to grate a carrot
it's splashing at your lighthouse
train is not going over that

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#46

I don't like to "beat around the bush", so my favourite is to "call a spade a spade" (speaking frankly and truthfully without avoiding unpleasant or embarrassing issues).
I especially like the literal idea of someone staring at a spade for some time then saying "yep, that is a spade".

Also "as welcome as a skunk at a garden party". I think we all know a few people like that...

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#47

A candle missing its wick

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#48

'It's like licking a tree and hoping for syrup.' I don't think other people use it, can't remember what I picked it up from, started saying when I was young though, and, no, I'm not Canadian.

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#49

"That kid's a french fry short of a Happy Meal"

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#50

"chuck it in the #$#$ bucket"
"Those that stir the pot, should lick the spoon"
Two of my favorites that my dad was found of saying.

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#51

I'm the same age as my tongue but a little bit older than my teeth.

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#52

Please help whenever I comment it says something went wrong. I have restarted the App and reinstalled it BUT NOTING WORKS!

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#53

He/she’s a can short of a 4 pack , and would be dangerous with a working brain

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#54

Im in a dog eat dog world and Im wearing Milkbone underwear!

If nothing goes right, go left!

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#55

Beating around the bush

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#56

A face like: a bag of spanners
... a bulldog chewing a wasp
... a welder's bench
... a Picasso

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#57

Life is a bowl of cherries but I get all the pits.

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#58

My dad's family has all sorts of good ones:
When you send an idiot to collage, you just get an educated idiot. (Just because you know the facts doesn't mean you know the truth)
This one isn't really an idiom, it's just a thing my dad says: What did the shepherd say to the sheepdog? Let's get the flock out of here!"
"Dumb as a doornail"

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#59

This is a Bruce Willis quote that should be an idiom: rather be a warrior in a garden than a gardener in a war" (see #49 for clarification)

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