Bored Panda works better on our iPhone app

Continue in app Continue in browser

3Kviews

56submissions

Finished

Hey Pandas, What Is Your Favorite Bad Dad Joke?

I am a HUGE fan of bad dad jokes! I tell them to anyone and everyone, and the more groans and eye-rolls I get, the better! Throw yours into the ring for a joke-off of epic proportions! I’ll go first: Why did the old grape become a rancher? Because he was so good at raisin’ the steaks!

This post may include affiliate links.

#1

What do you call a fly with no wings? A walk.

Final score:

14points

Nathaniel (He/Him) Cis Het.

#2

Why did the old man fall down the well?

He couldn't see that well

Final score:

11points

#3

A priest, a minister and a rabbit walk into a bar. The rabbit looks at the others and says "I think I'm a typo."

Final score:

10points

#4

what’s brown and stickey?

a stick

Final score:

7points

#5

Why did the scarecrow win the award? Because he was outstanding in his field.

Final score:

7points

#6

What do you call a white drunken rhinoceros? An albino wino rhino.

Final score:

7points

#7

What did the tomato say to his son when they went on a walk?
Ketchup son you’ll be left behind

Final score:

7points

/th3/-!art!-“0f”-(m|e)

ADVERTISEMENT

#8

What’s Medusa’s favorite cheese?

Gorgon-zola

Final score:

7points

and_a_touch_of_the_’tism

ADVERTISEMENT

#9

My Dad would say before a dance You can dance cheek to cheek or turn around and face each other

Final score:

7points

#10

A dung beetle walks into a bar. Looks around and decides to leave. All the stools were taken.

Final score:

7points

#11

Three pieces of string walk into a bar.
The first piece of string goes up and asks for three beers.
The barkeep says. “Are you a piece of string?”
The String replies “yes”
“Sorry… we don’t serve string here.”
The second piece of string tries his luck.
“Are you a piece of string?”
“Yes…”
“Sorry, we don’t serve string here.”
Before the third piece of string goes up to the bar, he goes into the restroom and twists himself up and one end and fluffs out his edges.
He goes up to the bar and asks “Can I have three beers please”
The Barkeep eyes him suspiciously. “Are you a piece of string?”
“No… I’m a frayed knot”

Final score:

6points

ADVERTISEMENT

#12

Kid: "dad I'm hungry"
Dad:"I'm Austria the country nextdoor"

Kid:"How long until dinner"
Dad:"about 3 and a half foot"

Kid:"Am I adopted?"
Dad:"if I had a choice do you reckon I'd would've picked you?"

These are all joke my dad says lol

Final score:

6points

#13

Two ppl are arguing abt Orion’s Belt. One says it’s just a waist of space *badum tiss*

I’m sorry that joke is only a 3 star.

Final score:

6points

Anya Is a ghost

#14

Me: Hey Dad i’m hungry
Dad: Hey hungry i’m Dad

Final score:

5points

/th3/-!art!-“0f”-(m|e)

#15

Me: *Turns on Call Me Maybe*
My Dad: Why does she want to be called Maybe?
And that is my favorite bad dad joke. Actually, I have another one.
Me: *Listening to Savage Love*
My Dad: *singing along* SHELLFISH LOVE
That's my two favorite Low Quality Dad Jokes™

Final score:

5points

that weird wallflower is demi

ADVERTISEMENT

#16

Have you heard about corduroy pillows?
They're making headlines!

Final score:

5points

#17

My all time favorite joke is kinda a dad joke. So a lion and a giraffe walk into a bar and order a ton of drinks. The giraffe gets drunk and falls down. The lion gets up and the bartender says "Hey, you can't leave that lyin' there" to which the lion replies, "that's not a lion, that's a giraffe" lol never fails to make me laugh.

Final score:

5points

DennyS (denzoren)

#18

What is the last thing that goes through a bug's mind as it flies into the car driving down the highway? It's butt

Final score:

5points

#19

Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to your house!
*say it like its absolutely hilarious, and then a minute or so later say...*
Knock knock!
Who's there?
The chicken!!!

Final score:

5points

ADVERTISEMENT

#20

Why is 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 8 9
But why did 7 do that you ask? Well, you should have 3 squared meals per day

Final score:

4points

#21

So a father walks in and catches his son masturbating and he says son if you keep beating that thing you're going to go blind he said Dad I'm over here

Final score:

4points

#22

What do you call a ship that lies at the bottom of the sea and shivers......... A nervous wreck.

Final score:

4points

#23

Are you freezing? Go to the corner there it is 90 degrees

Final score:

4points

#24

What's the best time to go to the dentist? Tooth hurty.

Final score:

4points

ADVERTISEMENT

#25

What did the hyena say when she saw the five elephants coming up the hill?
"here comes the five elephants up the hill !"

What did the hyena say when she saw the five elephants coming up with sunglasses ?
Nothing, she didn't recognize them.

Final score:

4points

never-wake-up (fae/faer)

#26

Why did a scarecrow win an award?
.
.
because he was outstanding in his field!

Final score:

4points

#27

What do you call a well-dressed fish?
So-fish-ticated!

Final score:

4points

mysterious(he/they, maybe?)

#28

Hey, did you know male bees die after mating? So their whole life is Honey, Nut, Cheerio.

Final score:

4points

#29

Two conspiracy theorists walk into a bar. Coincidence? I think not...

Final score:

4points

Apatheist Account2

ADVERTISEMENT

See Also on Bored Panda

Dutch Swimmer Goes Viral For Super Revealing Trunks During 2024 Olympics: “Is This Legal?”

Dutch Swimmer Goes Viral For Super Revealing Trunks During 2024 Olympics: “Is This Legal?”

Dutch Swimmer Goes Viral For Super Revealing Trunks During 2024 Olympics: “Is This Legal?”

Thrill-Seeking Diver Jumps Down Extreme Waterslide, Ignoring The Strict Ban For Women

Thrill-Seeking Diver Jumps Down Extreme Waterslide, Ignoring The Strict Ban For Women

Thrill-Seeking Diver Jumps Down Extreme Waterslide, Ignoring The Strict Ban For Women

#30

Whoever stole my copy of Microsoft Office, I will find you.

You have my Word.

Final score:

4points

#31

What part of the body dies last?

The pupils. They dilate.

Final score:

4points

#32

I go to my favorite band's concerts and stand next to them and blow. I'm a big fan.

Final score:

3points

#33

Sweden recently started putting barcode on their fleet of ships. It's so they can Scandinavian.

Final score:

3points

Rachel Reynolds

#34

What do mice use to floss their teeth? String cheese! (I work for a dental office)

Final score:

3points

ADVERTISEMENT

See Also on Bored Panda

Woman Put A Water Fountain With A Camera In Her Yard, Here Are 24 Photos Of Regular Visitors (New Pics)

Woman Put A Water Fountain With A Camera In Her Yard, Here Are 24 Photos Of Regular Visitors (New Pics)

Woman Put A Water Fountain With A Camera In Her Yard, Here Are 24 Photos Of Regular Visitors (New Pics)

“Ma’am I Live Here”: Woman Refuses To Back Out Of Driveway, Learns A Lesson The Hard Way

“Ma’am I Live Here”: Woman Refuses To Back Out Of Driveway, Learns A Lesson The Hard Way

“Ma’am I Live Here”: Woman Refuses To Back Out Of Driveway, Learns A Lesson The Hard Way

#35

What word starts with "F" and ends with "uck"?

Firetruck

Final score:

3points

#36

Why did the coffee cup go to the police station?

He was mugged.

Final score:

2points

#37

Put the kettle on! It doesn't fit. I love my dad.

Final score:

2points

#38

why do Bears have a hairy coats?

Fur Protection

Final score:

2points

#39

Dad: What do you call a dog with no legs
Son: I don't know
Dad: A dog with no legs!
Son: *Under breath how did I not see that coming*

Final score:

2points

*•.¸𝕘๏๏𝘴ê𝕘๏𝔡¸.•*

#40

Him: why did the chicken cross the street?
Me: idk why?
Him: To get the Chinese Newspaper! … do you get it?
Me: No
Him: Me neither, I get the (insert local newspaper)

Final score:

2points

ADVERTISEMENT

See Also on Bored Panda

50 Of The Most Incredible Shots That Were Submitted To The Comedy Wildlife Photography Awards

50 Of The Most Incredible Shots That Were Submitted To The Comedy Wildlife Photography Awards

50 Of The Most Incredible Shots That Were Submitted To The Comedy Wildlife Photography Awards

French Diver’s “Jewels” In Tight Swimming Trunks Become Talk Of The Town At Olympics

French Diver’s “Jewels” In Tight Swimming Trunks Become Talk Of The Town At Olympics

French Diver’s “Jewels” In Tight Swimming Trunks Become Talk Of The Town At Olympics

#41

What's the difference between an old bus stop and a lobster with breast implants?
One is a crusty bus station the other is a busty crustacean.

Final score:

2points

#42

This is a long one....
Three workers sit down for lunch. They all open their lunch boxes and groan.
'oh no' says the first one, 'not cheese again!'
'oh no!' says the second one 'not honey again!'
'oh no' says the third one 'not marmite again!'
The next day, they open their lunches, and it's the same again. this time, they all decide that, if they have the same again tomorrow, they're all running away. The day after, they all have the same sandwiches again, and all run away. The next day, their partners meet up to comisserate.
'Its my fault' said the first one's partner ' that was one cheese sandwich too many.'
'Its my fault.' said the second one's partner ' that was one honey sandwich too many'
'I don't know what happened' said the third ones partner 'he made his own lunches!'

**Apologies for the clunky phrasing, the original was quite sexist

Final score:

2points

Rhianna Hollowaye

ADVERTISEMENT

See Also on Bored Panda

Woman Moves Out Of Parents' Home After They Asked Her To Give Her Space To Brother, They Freak Out

Woman Moves Out Of Parents' Home After They Asked Her To Give Her Space To Brother, They Freak Out

Woman Moves Out Of Parents' Home After They Asked Her To Give Her Space To Brother, They Freak Out

Mom Leaves $250k Inheritance To Son, Throws A Fit When Daughter Stops Looking After Her

Mom Leaves $250k Inheritance To Son, Throws A Fit When Daughter Stops Looking After Her

Mom Leaves $250k Inheritance To Son, Throws A Fit When Daughter Stops Looking After Her

#43

Shall I tell you the joke about the empty house?
No, there's nothing in it

Shall I tell you the joke about the body snatchers?
No, you might get carried away

Final score:

2points

Rhianna Hollowaye

#44

How do you make a tissue dance? Put a little boogie into it.

Final score:

1point

#45

What do you get when you put your hand in a blender? A handshake lol

Final score:

1point

#46

Do you know the difference between girl babies and boy babies???? Blue booties.

Final score:

0points

#47

What did the mermaid wear to math class?
An algae bra.

Final score:

0points

ADVERTISEMENT

See Also on Bored Panda

Woman Refuses To Chip In For Babysitting Because She Doesn’t Even Have Kids, Asks If She’s A Jerk

Woman Refuses To Chip In For Babysitting Because She Doesn’t Even Have Kids, Asks If She’s A Jerk

Woman Refuses To Chip In For Babysitting Because She Doesn’t Even Have Kids, Asks If She’s A Jerk

“This Breaks My Heart”: People Stunned—And Angry—After Woman Buys Lost Luggage From Airport

“This Breaks My Heart”: People Stunned—And Angry—After Woman Buys Lost Luggage From Airport

“This Breaks My Heart”: People Stunned—And Angry—After Woman Buys Lost Luggage From Airport

#48

There was a balloon that had to go to hospital.
The nurse asked him to pop up on the bed.

Final score:

0points

#49

Why did the chicken walk half-way across the road? She wanted to lay it on the line.

Final score:

0points

#50

Who can run faster, Usain Bolt or a Grizzly?
A grizzly, they can run bear fast.

Final score:

0points

#51

I used to have an invisible pencil but I got rid of it, could see the point of it.

Final score:

0points

#52

I used to have a broken pencil but I got rid of it, it was pointless.

Final score:

0points

ADVERTISEMENT

See Also on Bored Panda

"I Didn't Start The Dryer": Karen Gets Taught A Lesson After Throwing Out Neighbor's Wet Clothes

"I Didn't Start The Dryer": Karen Gets Taught A Lesson After Throwing Out Neighbor's Wet Clothes

"I Didn't Start The Dryer": Karen Gets Taught A Lesson After Throwing Out Neighbor's Wet Clothes

College Student Does Exactly As Told After Roommates Demand They Keep Their Stuff In Their Room

College Student Does Exactly As Told After Roommates Demand They Keep Their Stuff In Their Room

College Student Does Exactly As Told After Roommates Demand They Keep Their Stuff In Their Room

#53

I have two

1) what did one sea say to the other sea. Nothing it just waved

2) how heavy is darkness. I don't know but I do know it sure isn't light

sorry if they're bad

Final score:

0points

#54

Final score:

-1point

#55

Paddy is interviewing for a job as a construction worker. "Well," says the interviewer, "You certainly seem strong and healthy enough for the job. Just a quick check to see what your knowledge is like. Can you tell me the difference between a joist and a girder?" "Sure and that's an easy one!" replies Paddy. "Joist wrote Ulysses, whereas Girder erote Faust."

Final score:

-1point

Vix Spiderthrust

#56

Your mama

Final score:

-4points

ADVERTISEMENT

See Also on Bored Panda

Guy Divorced 3 Years Ago Drops Off 3 Y.O. With His Ex-Wife Completely Out Of The Blue

Guy Divorced 3 Years Ago Drops Off 3 Y.O. With His Ex-Wife Completely Out Of The Blue

Guy Divorced 3 Years Ago Drops Off 3 Y.O. With His Ex-Wife Completely Out Of The Blue

“All Three Shot Out Pink”: Triplets' Baby Shower Turns Sour, Pregnant Wife Wants A Divorce

“All Three Shot Out Pink”: Triplets' Baby Shower Turns Sour, Pregnant Wife Wants A Divorce

“All Three Shot Out Pink”: Triplets' Baby Shower Turns Sour, Pregnant Wife Wants A Divorce

Kevin the Manager

I love throwing pottery, drum circles, brewing exotic tea, and driving my 1921 Leyat Helica around town, spewing profanity-laden hip-hop with the windows down. On the weekends when I am not bandaging the proverbial wounds of emotionally abused chinchillas, I play lawn darts with my fellow piscopaleans in front of my neighbor's house. My idea of a good time? Chillin' with my crew, discussing the decay of Western society, eating BonChon chicken and swillin' cans of Prickly Pear & Lychee Weisse-Style ale from Bizarre Brewing.

I love throwing pottery, drum circles, brewing exotic tea, and driving my 1921 Leyat Helica around town, spewing profanity-laden hip-hop with the windows down. On the weekends when I am not bandaging the proverbial wounds of emotionally abused chinchillas, I play lawn darts with my fellow piscopaleans in front of my neighbor's house. My idea of a good time? Chillin' with my crew, discussing the decay of Western society, eating BonChon chicken and swillin' cans of Prickly Pear & Lychee Weisse-Style ale from Bizarre Brewing.

Gabrielė Malukaitė

Hi there! I'm Gabrielė, but you can also catch me responding to Gab, Gabi, Gabert, or Gabe – take your pick. Professionally, I'm the senior community manager over at Bored Panda, helping people share their awesome work and connecting artists with a worldwide audience. Beyond work, you'll catch me traveling, listening to vinyl and diving into movies, art exhibitions, and concerts. I'm a culture buff at heart, always eager to explore and embrace the richness of the human experience.

Hi there! I'm Gabrielė, but you can also catch me responding to Gab, Gabi, Gabert, or Gabe – take your pick. Professionally, I'm the senior community manager over at Bored Panda, helping people share their awesome work and connecting artists with a worldwide audience. Beyond work, you'll catch me traveling, listening to vinyl and diving into movies, art exhibitions, and concerts. I'm a culture buff at heart, always eager to explore and embrace the richness of the human experience.

What do you think ?

Invader Zim 1 year ago

none, they all suck

0points

Human on a stick 1 year ago

Then you'll love my joke about a vacuum cleaner. It sucks.

1point

Load More Replies...

Invader Zim 1 year ago

none, they all suck

0points

Human on a stick 1 year ago

Then you'll love my joke about a vacuum cleaner. It sucks.

1point

Load More Replies...

Back to Homepage

More about Ask Pandas

Next in Ask Pandas

Related on Bored Panda

Related on Bored Panda

Trending on Bored Panda

Also on Bored Panda