Get Premium
Dark mode theme is available exclusively for premium users. Learn more about the benefits of subscribing.
No fees, cancel anytime.
Dark Mode 
No fees, cancel anytime 
Make sure it's funny.
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
Man: I bet you're soft.
Me: Excuse me?
Man: Hey baby you got some a**
Me: *slap*
Man: What the hell?!
Me: Dude, number 1. I'm married. number 2. I have a gun. By the time I get to 10 you better be out my face.
Husband: Why'd you slap Carlos?
Me: Y-You know him
Carlos: B****h
Me: I still have a gun. Tone it back.
Final score:
0points
RELATED:
#2
Guy: Just so you know Filip dared me to do this
Guy: *gets down on one knee* Will you marry me?
Me: No way
Final score:
0points
#3
Okay, so my mom used to work at a bingo hall concession stand when I was around 10 years old, and after a few months, I started working there too. I was probably 11 and a half, or somewhere close to that, and I was working the cash register (I wasn't old enough to cook yet, even though I did the baking) and a man came up to the register.
Now, the place where the hall was located was a pretty... trashy neighborhood. We had some complete weirdos coming up to the register to order. So anyway, the man walked up and ordered something, I can't remember what it was, and I rang it up like I was supposed to do. I'm pretty good at math and stuff, so it only took about ten seconds to ring him up, and I turned back around to sweep or something when the man says "Wow, do you do the baking around here?"
I usually made cakes and pies and cookies and stuff to sell up front, and everyone loved them, so I said "Yes, I did make that cake or cookies or whatever it was."
This man looks at me, smiles, and says "Wow, you can cook, clean, AND do math? You're gonna make a fine wife for a man someday!"
WHAT. THE. HELL.
WHY would you EVER say that to an 11-YEAR-OLD?!?!?! And it's not like I looked older than I was, I was short (I had to use a stool to reach the cash register) and had a round, babyish face, so if anything I looked YOUNGER than I was.
Not to mention I'm not exactly attracted to men, I'm demipan but thought I was a lesbian back then, so I just had to smile and say thanks. It was terrible.
Final score:
0points
#4
During dinner at an Indian restaurant maybe a decade ago:
“You know, I’ve always had an affinity for plastic trees.”
Final score:
0points
Xander Gonzalez 3 years ago
This world is coming to an end we gonna be livin like the people from the lorax.
#5
*** This isn’t the weirdest thing said to me, but it’s the most recent. *** Dude was a stranger and wasn’t even wearing his mask while approaching me. “I like your glasses. Can you take off your mask so I can see your pretty face?” We’re living through a pandemic. No way. I wore a face mask and left a window open for the next few days even at home after this incident. This is what I get for being polite. And my family beat any self confidence out of me, so I immediately think scam when strangers compliment my looks.
Final score:
0points
Related on Bored Panda
