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Swearing is a common way for people to express their emotions and frustrations, but it can also be a source of conflict or discomfort in certain social and professional situations. For some individuals, swearing may be explicitly prohibited by their workplace, religious beliefs, or personal values. In these cases, finding alternative phrases or euphemisms can be a useful way to express oneself without risking offense or punishment.
I’m not allowed to swear so I say stuff like "freaking", "shoot" and most notably "fudgeknuckles" to avoid punishment. I’ve heard stuff like "frubida" and have recently adopted "shiitake" and I’m eager to hear what you say. I also wanted to find out what are the other alternatives people use, so I decided to ask the Bored Panda community: “What is the most ridiculous thing you say so you don’t swear?” Scroll down to see what the answers were.
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#1
Sometimes, when I'm really pissed, I moo instead of swearing. Don't ask me why, I don't know either.
Final score:
120points
#2
1. Mother-father
2. Dog farts
3. Got-dandruff-some-of-it-itches
4. Son of a biscuit
Final score:
91points
#3
I would imagine someone swearing in medieval languages, like thou art a cookie or something.
Final score:
69points
#4
fudge nuggets, gosh dang nabbit and shiitaki mudhrooms.
Final score:
65points
Kira Trepanier (Submission author) 2 years ago
Dang that was supposed to say shiitaki mushrooms 🤣
#5
Fekkin' is one of my favorites. That and "for the love of ballpoint pens".
Final score:
62points
#6
One time I stubbed my toe in school and went "FFFFFF" and then slowly went "...fructose." The teacher was skeptical. I also really like bull-spit and just any medieval or creative curse, such as beaver dam and God Daniel it.
Final score:
54points
#7
Idiotic brain-damaged booger pickin chicken butt! It’s one sentence.
Final score:
53points
#8
"Monkeyface". Do you want to hear the evolution of why I say that? If not, too bad.
So, when I was little, I liked Spy Kids. The main character, Carmen, says "Oh, shiitake mushrooms" bc she can't curse. So I started saying it until my mom told me it was an actual curse word (oops).
My mom says "shmonks" when she's trying not to curse, which is a derivative of "shiitake mushrooms". So I started saying "monkeyface".And now when I stub my toe I scream:
‘Holy goodness!’, but the ‘monkeyface’ thing was cool for a while.
Final score:
47points
#9
Dirty poodles. Worked in an animal shelter for a spell and also am certified in pet grooming. Ever try to groom a very dirty poodle?
Final score:
44points
#10
This one was completed by accident... Wanted to say 'son of a b**ch' but it came out 'bunny snitches'. Now my go-to!
Final score:
43points
#11
I just try to run out of momentum before I get to the swear words, so something like, "Dirty rotten lousy miserable pathetic excuse for a..." until I eventually give up.
Final score:
41points
#12
I hug my dog instead of swearing. Don't ask why, I don't know.
Final score:
41points
Samia Guled 2 years ago
aww! wish i can do that with my fish, but he a hungry boi and can bite, and tries to eat my hands. yet he de size of my thumb
#13
Pants, shoes, and 'oh for the love of cheese and crackers'.
Final score:
40points
#14
Holy guacamole!
Final score:
39points
I like donuts (Submission author) 2 years ago
I Also say "you! You foul loathsome evil little cockroach!" when someone makes me mad To quote Hermione granger
#16
What in Cthulhu's name and H-E-Single Asgardian Hockey Stick.
Final score:
34points
#18
Sweet Baby Pancakes is my "holy s**t." Also, "son of a motherless goat," which is from the Three Amigos.
Final score:
32points
#19
You absolute- followed by any word you want. Examples are you absolute dishwasher, you absolute fridge, you absolute chicken-headed dog water. If you want actual swearwords substitutes I’m not that helpful since almost everyone just uses the actual word here.
Final score:
32points
#20
Not really bizarre, but I say ‘What the Fred’ and ‘Holy Sharon’.
Final score:
29points
#21
"Frickadoodle"
Final score:
28points
#22
One time I stubbed my toe in school and went "FFFFFF" and then slowly went "...fructose." The teacher was skeptical. I also really like bull-spit and just any medieval or creative curse, such as beaver dam and God Daniel it.
Final score:
28points
#23
I growl deeply. I dunno why, but I do it all the time. They aren't quiet little growls either.
My poor throat. . .
Final score:
25points
Sarcastic Cow 2 years ago
I´m doing this since my childhood - since my parents banned swearing :D
#24
Oh balderdash!
Final score:
23points
#25
"Puppies and kittens!!!" and when that's not enough, "Puppies and kittens everywhere!".
Final score:
23points
Sara Marie 2 years ago
I do this! Was always food but then stared watching A Nation an that's their word for zombies and it works well for just about any situation where cussing may be warranted lol. Confuses people too
#26
Holy crepe
Final score:
22points
Freddy Martin (Submission author) 2 years ago (edited)
Came from my neighbors a few years ago, was friends with their kid and they didn't like it when I said c**p around them, so it became carp and then eventually crepe
#27
Well Spit
Fluff
Where didn't you learn how to drive
Go cuddle a cactus
Final score:
22points
KiwiBubbles 2 years ago
"WHERE *DIDN'T* YOU LEARN HOW TO DRIVE" OHMY LORD THIS IS THE BEST THING EVER
#28
Ahh, Fudgesicles, and Lollipops!
Not sure how my brain came up with it but it works.
Final score:
21points
#29
MotherHell
What do you think ?
Lakota Wolf 1 year ago
Same. XD I swear up a blue streak. My only exceptions are when small children are close enough to hear me - I'll switch to "heck" or "darn" if I mentally catch myself in time. Otherwise, swear words are just words. Acting like they're some kind of FORBIDDEN!!!! thing is stupid.
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Monday 1 year ago
Evidently I'm not supposed to teach other people's children swear words during their English class.
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Lakota Wolf 1 year ago
Same. XD I swear up a blue streak. My only exceptions are when small children are close enough to hear me - I'll switch to "heck" or "darn" if I mentally catch myself in time. Otherwise, swear words are just words. Acting like they're some kind of FORBIDDEN!!!! thing is stupid.
Load More Replies... Monday 1 year ago
Evidently I'm not supposed to teach other people's children swear words during their English class.
Load More Replies... 
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