For me, the beauty of posting online is the degree of anonymity it provides. I have offered up deep, personal secrets on here that I would never discuss with my family, or even my therapist. It's quite cathartic.

The thing is, I have physical and mental health issues which I am trying my hardest to deal with. My wife and extended family do not need to hear of my struggles and if they did, then I am quite sure that they would worry. I don't want to put them through that, so I internalise as much as possible and then offload it onto my psychiatrist, psychologist and support worker (I really am getting good value from the NHS!).

I hate writing things down (a touch of paranoia) on paper because then it feels real, tangible even, and I am terrified that someone might pick it up and see my inner turmoil. But. I find sending messages like this one into the ether, so therapeutic. The notion that somebody, somewhere might have read it, seems to jog things along and scupper the ruminations.

Sorry if I have overshared and big *HUGS* to any pandas that need them right now.

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$cagsy

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Midnight Fox

Midnight Fox

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2 years ago

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It's ok! Thanks for sharing and you haven't overshared, we're always willing to hear what you think. 🥰

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I'm pretty sure I have autism, and I will move out of the country when I grow up specifically to get away from my parents. Neither of which are to be said in front of them. Autism? "Sweetie, you're neurotypical, you don't have any problems socializing." Moving away from them? "You can't leave me, you're my baby. *cue crying*"

Neither of these things are true, I do have socializing problems and I can leave you. Still never going to say it.

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Charlotte Richards

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I try not to reveal too much here, i'm always afraid someone will put everything I say together and figure out it's me. Then they would know my secrets. Although I say some things I wouldn't say irl here.

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.

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I use this account and my reddit for talking about my time in the mental health system. Because of how fundamentally different everything is between inpatient/residential and the real world, I can't even tell arbitrary, non-upsetting stories from over a year of my life. I have to explain little details that lead to more and more things and if I'm talking to my family who knows they feel bad and if I'm talking to anyone else they ask questions they won't like the answers to. At least here you can stop reading if you want to. Here you don't feel obligated to react and reply or somehow try to comfort me or make up for everything that happened. If you don't like it, you can scroll on by.

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Populus tremuloides(they/them)

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Populus tremuloides(they/them) (Submission author)

Populus tremuloides(they/them)

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I had to delete several rant-y tangents from that but here. I noticed that the back to school display on Amazon was advertising bendy pencils as fun school supplies, which I thought was funny because they don't work and they hurt to write with and allegedly you can't sharpen them. Saying that would lead to things like "why allegedly?" Use your brain. You want to hear me tell you why they don't give us pencil sharpeners? Fine. But don't call me attention seeking for explaining, and don't get mad at me for getting agitated about it. You're going to ask why we had bendy pencils in the first place? Make me explain why I was on precautions for three months with nothing but a bendy pencil, a soft-cover journal, one paperback book at a time, anti ligature bedding, and a fidget squishy if I'm lucky, not allowed off the unit even to get lunch and dinner with everyone except the other person on precautions? You'd like to hear about literally anything that happened during that time

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There's multiple things. Just the fact that I'm basically anonymous makes it easier to say things I don't want to say out loud.

One is that I'm very certain I'm asexual. It's not that the people I know would hate me for it, it's just that I'm not sure how to bring it up. I also know it will make it very hard for me to date so I don't want to say anything yet. Another is my current mental state. I won't go into detail right now, but basically it's complete s**t and getting worse every day. Also that I have a crush on this guy I probably shouldn't like and if I said anything it would probably make some people confused and definitely mess up the friendship-like thing he and I currently have. Oh and also mg major self image issues. I hate my body and I hate my face and some assholes at school keep asking if I'm really a guy (I am a cis girl) and it pisses me off. Just today this kid I hate asked and he seemed serious. I know they're almost certainly just saying it to make me upset, but I can't help but s**t on myself more after someone asks. Like, I get it, I'm super flat, I don't need more people making me feel bad about it.

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Black Pearl

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Midnight Fox

Midnight Fox

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2 years ago

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I'm so sorry. Self image hurts. But this is a safe space and you are free to share what you want.

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Not nearly as serious as the other submissions but here is mine ..... I will never again respect someone that was a vocal anti-masker during Covid. I have been removing myself from most people that were vocal anti-maskers. No need to have a show-down. I am just slowly distancing myself from their lives since they didn't care to try to protect mine with such an easy thing to do. They chose politics over trying to stop the spread of a world-wide pandemic. I feel that they deserve absolutely no respect from me.

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beeker

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I have really s**t mental health and I think i have ADHD, anxiety and depression (I have a depression diagnosis but not an ADHD or anxiety one yet but I'm going to soon)

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Ghost :] (he/him)

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I have mental issues. Anxiety, depression, low self esteem, and OCD. I've made some progress , i've finally reach one of my goals: i'm not self-hurting anymore. But still, sometimes, it's really hard. I'm often hurt. Sometimes, i'm feeling empty. Sometimes, i want to scream my pain until i lose my voice. Sometimes, i cry for hours, until i fall asleep. Sometimes, i hate myself more than ever. My looks, my voice, my weakness, everything. But i'll never give up. I want to be proud of me. I don't know you, you don't know me. But thanks for reading, it makes me feel better. To everyone who are struggling: take your time to heal. Dont be harsh on yourself. Step by step, even tiny ones. Courage, take care of you. You're facing a very difficult time, but you're still here. You are more brave than you think. And it's okay to fall. It's okay to cry. You got it! I'm.proud of you 😉

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Eline

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Eline (Submission author)

Eline

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2 years ago

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I'm sorry if there are mistakes , english is not my mother tongue.

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That I am so lonely I can barely breathe and my social anxiety is so severe it holds me prisoner and keeps me isolated. My coworkers and family have no idea because I don't have a problem with performing/public speaking, but that is not the same as socializing.
Since my second divorce, I feel like there is something wrong with me and that no one will ever love me again.
And I am concerned that I might have a problem with alcohol.

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4points

Jynxiecat

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Birgit M

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Jynxiecat, I'm so, so sorry for you! I know how it feels to have an "outer self" that doesn't reflect how one feels on the inside because I have one too. From your comments here on BP we can all see what a wonderful person you are! I don't know where you live but maybe there are support groups you could turn to? I was a member of such a group and it felt really good to be able to speak face-to-face with people who were having the same struggles. (Panda Support is always here of course, too!)

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That I'm gay lol it's true though haven't come out to my parents or brother yet but everyone else knows

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Booklover<3

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well i havent told anyone in my famliy im bi

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your friendly cyclops

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Midnight Fox

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2 years ago

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It's ok. You can share your feelings here.

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I'm actually the opposite ,I hold back a lot more online. I can choose not to comment or post, whereas in the real world it's not often acceptable to just ignore people.

As I'm lacking in a few key emotions, often I can only look at things with my own logic and cold assessment of fact and give my objective response. This can make things difficult if the subject is of an emotional nature.

My wire tends to approve anything I add to my socials before I post them, especially if I'm followed by family members.

BP is pretty much the only place I where comment without censorship or filter. I feel the community is pretty well balanced and, while I might get the occasional downvote or 2 if my opinion differs from the majority, the overall response seem to one of discussion rather than attack and ridicule.

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3points

Donkey boi

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Midnight Fox

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2 years ago

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👍

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www.wallpaperflare.com Report

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3points

Gay Doctor of Plague

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Dubs_1117

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2 years ago

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Agreed

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Sometimes I cry into my cat

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Bonesko

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Jynxiecat

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2 years ago

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Me too 😿

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I have a hard time talking to people irl and It’s just easier to talk online especially to people you don’t know,

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Angry Cat

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two big things I have NEVER even mentioned in real life...asexuality and autism! Nope!

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K- THULU

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Aspen Wolf

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2 years ago

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OMG twinsies

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My sexuality.

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2points

Dubs_1117

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Midnight Fox

Midnight Fox

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2 years ago

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❤❤❤

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I'm really good at complimenting people online, but when I like someone's hair or something in public, I freeze up so fast you'd think I looked at Madusa.

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Meep :b

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Charlie Jacobs

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2 years ago

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I dont mean to be a buzzkill and all but... you mean Medusa... correct...?

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I tell them that I have depression because they will actually listen (most of them that I've met so far) and try to help me with it. I find it very nice of them to help but also because my family wont really acknowledge it because they are always so rude to me and are such pains in the neck.

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DonutWrath >:)

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I can't talk to me family about the issues I face dating. Being 40, trans, have anxiety and PTSD. It's not easy. They tell me to just get over it. People online are more understanding.

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2points

Sammy boy

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Several different things.

If something didn't royally f**k me up in one way or another that day, something is wrong.

If I haven't been challenged one way or another that day, something is wrong.

If you set the bar low, something is definitely wrong. Don't set the bar low with me, don't even lay your expectations bare for me to see ecause you will get exactly what you expect.

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Joerct Drew

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Joerct Drew (Submission author)

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2 years ago

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I should've said it as this... if my world isn't turned inside out, I'm not living and something is wrong.

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That I have concerns about STD’s only because google specifically put that in my mind so I have to constantly tell myself you didn’t do anything to give you an STD (sorry if this weirds you out it’s just what i’am going through currently.) well that’s all I literally told my friend on the internet one time i’am worried about that so hope you enjoyed sorry if this story weirded you out.

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Agent_fox77

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Agent_fox77 (Submission author)

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2 years ago

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Sorry about no punctuations and periods relooking at this it sounds dumb sorry for that too guys

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I don't tell my friends and family about my suicidal thoughts. The intrusive thoughts are part of my OCD, Depress, Anxiety, and CPTSD. I have to be in a severe depressive episode for the thoughts to actually worry me. During those times, my cats are the only reason I continue. I love them too much to chance their care to anyone else.

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Rider

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That I love my Mom. I can't say this to her myself so I tell them to others.

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Hestia

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For some reason, I am not afraid to share with strangers online that I was in an abusive relationship but I don’t tell my friends and family much.

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Mrs.King0315

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I am LGBTQ+. I’m out to a few coworkers and friends IRL that accept it, with one coworker being accepting but willing to learn about other LGBTQ identities.

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MZ (she/they/he)

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YOUR MOTHER WAS A HAMPSTER AND YOUR DAD SMELLED OF ELDERBERRIES MUAHAHAHAHA I'M EVIL

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idkwhatilike

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Dubs_1117

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2 years ago

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This is a genuine post. I get the joke, but maybe somewhere else.

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