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Hey Pandas, What’s Something Your Parents Did That You’ll Never Forgive? (Closed)
DISCLAMER: this is a support post/ trauma dumping area so no unsupportive comments since that can and will hurt the poster. I don't know who wants to hear this or needs to, but you matter, you are a good person, and there is always hope if you know where to find it.
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#2
My parents hated my ex-husband because he had brown skin. They hated anyone I dated that wasn't white. They now have 2 mixed race grandchildren they love but I'll never forgive them for that toxic, racist mentality. My dad has since passed and my mom is still(more quietly) racist.
Final score:
14points
#3
My mother-in-law only truly loves her son, my brother-in-law. My sweet, generous, wonderful wife does everything in her power to please that bitter, self-loathing, over-opinionated, ungrateful woman, and gets next to nothing in return. It is extremely difficult for me to witness, as my wife is the type of person who deserves nothing but kindness and consideration. My attempts to intervene, either directly or indirectly have fallen flat (I suspect the abused/abuser relationship gets in the way), and I have resorted to flat-out ignoring my MIL as a Band-Aid. Ugh.
Final score:
14points
#4
My parents made me feel so unwanted at so many points in my life.
I am one of 5 kids. 4 as mum and dad, the 5th (and youngest) mum and step-dad. I am number 4.
Everything my siblings got I either was handed down, or "I don't need to do that as been there done that with 1,2,3. (But then mum "did" again with #5)
My 3 elder had a "different" mum to me. She wasn't as religious as when I was going through my teens. She shamed every bit of independence I tried to get for myself. Called me a prostitute at one point, and beat me up. Packed my bags that same day.
My dad. Got the snip while mum was pregnant with me. Which speaks volumes to me that I wasn't wanted.
When he and mum split, he gave favouritism to #3. 1,2 had already left home. 3 and I were sharing a room, til she took it over, kicked me out and told me to sleep on the couch when I visited every weekend. Dad let it happen.
Key point, I work in medical field and mum got diagnosed with incurable cancer. The only person she wanted in her last year of life was me. For what she could gain from my knowledge and experience (I worked where she was treated).
I felt unwanted or convenient, never ever did I feel loved. Not as bad as some stories here but it will be with me forever and partly made my decision to not have kids very easy.
Final score:
14points
#5
My parents refusing to get me tested for learning disabilities and just insisting that I'm dumb and can't pay attention in school. Once I turned 18 and was out of high school I payed for the tests. Dyslexia and ADHD don't make you dumb, invisible disabilities are a real problem and the old school "sit down and shut up" technique doesn't work. Thank you ever so much for making all of my schooling so much harder than it had to be and making me feel like s**t because of something I can't control. Other than that, they're pretty good parents.
Final score:
14points
#6
So much... but probably the main reason... after believing me about her boyfriend molesting me. She stayed with him for another 7 years and made not tempting him my job by ensuring I was always dressed modestly and covered up. It's one thing if she hasn't believed me, but she totally did. I was 6 or 7.
Final score:
13points
#8
When I was a teenager my depression was really bad and I started cutting myself. My parents found out and instead of asking me what was wrong and why I was doing that they screamed at me and grounded me
Final score:
9points
#9
I've related these events on BP before in varying degrees of detail. After first two children, my mother & father split. She placed #1 (M4) and me #2 (2F) in a gas station bathroom, locked the door and drove away. After being found we were adopted by paternal grandparents since our father's new wife didn't want kids and he couldn't bother. Mother severely shook child #3 (F -1) who was adopted by two different couples who further abused her, then finally she was adopted & raised by a better family. Child #4 (F 1 day) adopted; Child #5 (F 1 day) adopted by couple who later advised her she was no longer wanted, but kept her resentfully anyway. Child #6 (F) & #7 (M), both full siblings to #5, kept by mother until pre-teens but then dropped off at county orphanage and later taken in by foster care. My father only knew #1&2 as he was our sperm donor, and later in life was invited to give #2 (me) away at a wedding. While doing so, he made the remark to all present that it was like repeatedly taking out the trash. Is that enough of the story? I am the only one of the seven who has found and met them all. Both parents ate deceased, all siblings (full & half) still survive after the 40-year search to reunite the 5 girls. The male siblings choose not to join in, which I fully understand.
Final score:
9points
#10
Mother-specific: Adopted me just to be a sibling to her bio daughter (she didn't want her daughter to be an "only child"), adopted *me* in specificity because I was going to be pale/blonde/blue-eyed and she wanted a "white" child (she is Hispanic), forced me to be a child actor (unsuccessfully, though I've had enough parts to have an IMDb entry, lol) in order to make her rich, holding a gun to my throat when I was 6, telling me I was going to become a junkie and an alcoholic just like my bio mother... oh, and the continuous to-this-day physical, mental, emotional, and verbal abuse.
My adoptive dad was a saint and a great dad. He never treated me differently than he treated his bio daughter. My mom was physically, emotionally, mentally, and verbally abusive towards him too.
Final score:
8points
#11
When I told my parents that my brother had molested me, they didn't do or say anything. Years later, when I confronted them again about leaving me alone with that, they didn't believe it had ever happened and that I had told them. My father said, "If you ever tell anyone about that, you will destroy our family and I will kill myself."
Final score:
8points
#12
Being compared to my 'better' sibling. As a child & into adulthood. Mother telling everyone that we were "night and day" & telling me I couldn't "hold her a light to go by". ( her being the sister). So I spent yrs. trying in vain to prove mother wrong, to show her that I, too, was smart. That I was capable of "holding her a light to go by". The 'better child' has had a charmed life, successful in all aspects. No trauma, no drama. Can anyone guess how my life has been?
btw therapy was a waste of time for me, the only thing I learned was mother was a narcissist. She's near the end of her life, and it's sad. I've tried to 'let it go' & learn to forgive. But I won't forget the decades of emotional & physical abuse by her.
Final score:
6points
#13
saying " BuT (instert random person i have never met in my whole life 'kids cousins whatever) did one impressive thing
Final score:
5points
#14
My mom shamed me/not believe that I was genderfluid. I was told I didn't know what it meant even though I had to tell her what it was.
Final score:
5points
#15
For the lifelong trauma and anxiety I'm left to deal with.
Final score:
5points
#16
My father being too much of a coward to end things until his mother died. After insisting she be a STAHM and housewife, waiting until she was 60 and had virtually no hope of rejoining the workforce.
Final score:
4points
#17
My father threatened to walk out on my mother and me when I was 12 because I wanted to have a Friday->Saturday overnight with my friends instead of attending religious services. He took it to the point where I was hysterical, standing behind his car to block his departure.
He said, "then I'll walk." I distinctly remember feeling something emotional in me snap, all the panic draining out in an instant, saying almost calmly, "okay, bye," and going back into the house.
12-year-old me didn't know it was a bluff he took too far. 12-year-old me did whatever trauma response was needed to accept my father was leaving and it was my fault. There is still a little piece of 12-year-old me standing in my relationship with my father 35 years later.
Final score:
4points
#18
abandoned me and my siblings at Christmas when we were young children we didnt see him for 3 years no word nothing didnt know where he was he came back after a while and things are ok now but ill never forgive him for it he has never apologised just tried to justify it doesnt quite get how much this has messed me up given me serious abandonment issues
Final score:
4points
#19
The list is long. Cut all contact for last 25 years. Finally mother died last month (she lived to 93 which we figured heaven didn't want her and the devil didn't want the competition.
My sister & I sang Ding Dong the Witch is Dead and did a happy dance to celebrate.
Final score:
4points
#20
I won't say I'll never forgive her, but the closest thing for me is all the hurt my mother's selfish actions caused to my father and sister.
Final score:
3points
#21
The sad answer is that there are too many choices for this question,but to pick 1, never feeling safe. I'm in my 50s now, was diagnosed with PTSD 20 yrs ago and have been NC, 10 yrs.
Final score:
3points
#22
For my dad: From when I was 5, to when I was ~10, he would pull down my pants and underwear and then "play the drums on it"
For my mom: When I would constantly do something she didn't like, she would yell at me. And then when she would ask me why I don't like to spend time with her anymore, I say "because you always yell at me" and then she yells at me.
My parents are also divorced, but my dad has never taken my side, always my mom's or is conveniently on a work trip.
Final score:
3points
#23
I was raised to believe that divorce was wrong and a sign of other people's failures and shortcomings. Later in life I would come to understand that there were legitimate reasons to divorce, but I still struggled with how I viewed anyone who had gone through a divorce.
As an adult, and after they had both passed, I learned that my mother had been married/divorced before meeting my father. Whole family knew about it, but she didn't want me to know and they all kept her secret. Besides feeling like a fool, I also started to question virtually everything I'd been brought up to believe about my family and the world in general. After a few years of therapy, I am in a much better place. I love them, they were my parents, but I don't forgive them for living lies they embedded in me.
Final score:
3points
#24
Never attended anything to do with school.
Both were unemployed pensioners who sat at home all day. Not once did they attend an award ceremony, school play, sporting event. Not even a single graduation.
Final score:
3points
#25
My parents hated my ex-husband because he had brown skin. They hated anyone I dated that wasn't white. They now have 2 mixed race grandchildren they love but I'll never forgive them for that toxic, racist mentality. My dad has since passed and my mom is still(more quietly) racist.
Final score:
2points
#26
The sad answer is that there are too many choices for this question,but to pick 1, never feeling safe. I'm in my 50s now, was diagnosed with PTSD 20 yrs ago and have been NC, 10 yrs.
Final score:
2points
#27
I refused to wear underwear when i was younger and when they found it out the only way they would touch my butt or pull out my pants to see my underwear
Final score:
2points
#28
My parents never let me take lessons for anything, but they would buy me the equipment. When I failed to teach myself they would point out that there is no need for lessons because I would just quit. This happened with Piano, guitar, drums, softball, volleyball, basketball, and skiing. (And we lived in the country, so it's not like I could have pick up games or a place to practice sports.)
Final score:
2points
#29
My mother insisted I go through with a wedding to a cheating fiancé when I wanted to break off the engagement because she was enjoying planning it so much. The marriage lasted a month. (I accept some blame for not being stronger and absolutely refusing.)
Final score:
2points
#30
Moved our family from a city in North Carolina to a tiny Texas town my junior year of high school.
Final score:
1point
#31
Sending me to boarding school bc he didn’t have enough time to take care of me at home
Final score:
1point
#32
Oh, where to begin! My mother gaslighted me frequently. Fortunately my father stood up for me.
Final score:
1point
#35
My mother and stepdad got into an argument over a tiny thing, but I wouldn't say I'd never forgive my mother. Just my stepdad, he started the argument anyways. And now it's gone into the point where they don't even talk to each other.
Final score:
0points
What do you think ?
TheForrestGreene (he/they/it) 6 months ago
well, where do i start? god was my dad a horrible person. abused me verbally, physically, and emotionally. would always hit both me and my mom. would force me to massage his back for 1 hour, and if i messed up, he reset the timer. once when we tried to escape, he found out that we where leaving, ran alongside out car, opened the door, jumps in, and yelled "do you want to just drive around in circles?!" as he spun the car in tight circles around the cul-de-sac. whenever he kissed me on my cheek, he would lick me and if i wiped off his kiss, he would scold me, saying i was wiping away his love, and would do it again, but with more licking and more drool. at one point he had threatened to kill both me and my mom. once, when my mom and dad tried to do a shared custody thing, he kidnapped me and refused to let me go for 2 weeks. when he finally let me go, he showed me the middle finger and told me that it ment "i love you" and told me to do it to mom so she would know how much i love her.
TheForrestGreene (he/they/it) 6 months ago
ran out of space. this all happened when i was in kindergarden and 1st grade. in 3rd grade he actually tried to go past school bounds in order to see me again. that was the last time i saw him. after that mom got a restraining order against him and we got a cake to celebrate the restraining order lol. my dad was a narcissist, was a acloholic, was addicted to weed, and his family did nothing to stop his abuse. they just watched everything happen. ive been told that the way my dad used to kiss me is sexual abuse, but im not really sure. im doing lots better now, and im actually writing stories and art work based off the abuse i suffered. its help a lot :)
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TheForrestGreene (he/they/it) 6 months ago
well, where do i start? god was my dad a horrible person. abused me verbally, physically, and emotionally. would always hit both me and my mom. would force me to massage his back for 1 hour, and if i messed up, he reset the timer. once when we tried to escape, he found out that we where leaving, ran alongside out car, opened the door, jumps in, and yelled "do you want to just drive around in circles?!" as he spun the car in tight circles around the cul-de-sac. whenever he kissed me on my cheek, he would lick me and if i wiped off his kiss, he would scold me, saying i was wiping away his love, and would do it again, but with more licking and more drool. at one point he had threatened to kill both me and my mom. once, when my mom and dad tried to do a shared custody thing, he kidnapped me and refused to let me go for 2 weeks. when he finally let me go, he showed me the middle finger and told me that it ment "i love you" and told me to do it to mom so she would know how much i love her.
TheForrestGreene (he/they/it) 6 months ago
ran out of space. this all happened when i was in kindergarden and 1st grade. in 3rd grade he actually tried to go past school bounds in order to see me again. that was the last time i saw him. after that mom got a restraining order against him and we got a cake to celebrate the restraining order lol. my dad was a narcissist, was a acloholic, was addicted to weed, and his family did nothing to stop his abuse. they just watched everything happen. ive been told that the way my dad used to kiss me is sexual abuse, but im not really sure. im doing lots better now, and im actually writing stories and art work based off the abuse i suffered. its help a lot :)
Load More Replies...
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