What is one thing a friend has said that hurt you?

#1

We were having an intense argument, and some ignorant comments made me a bit angry. Then, when I showed my anger, I was told that it's my issue, and not theirs, and they have nothing to do with my reaction. I felt very lonely because my emotions counted for nothing and the person refused to accept mutual responsibility for my reaction. I know I'm not a saint, but how on earth is my reaction not partly caused by what they said?

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Viviane
Community Member
3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You have a right to your emotions. Saying "it's your issue" is not really fair. The other person could have done any of the following, "Please keep your voice down" if you were loud in a public place; argued their point of view; said "I disagree and I'd rather change the subject now".

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    #2

    He rage texts me every day.
    Friend: What is it that makes you a good person? You said (friend 2) was a way better person than me when he is pretty toxic and brags a lot as well at least to me
    Me: Bro, you do that but 40x worse
    Friend: I do not brag
    Me: *sends pictures of him sending us clips of him bragging about how good he is* You literally send us clips to brag about.
    Friend: No, not to brag
    Me: *sends a picture of him texting "see how better I am".*
    Then Why?
    Friend 2:I'm going to go now.
    Friend: Do you see videos on YouTube showing their skills. That is not bragging. I am just trying to show you I'm better than you.
    Me: That's Bragging. Those YouTubers are bragging.
    Friend: No they aren't
    Me: You brag a lot. this is why (friend two) is better than you.
    There is more but they are more personal.

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    Viviane
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Can you cut them out of your life? Responding can be addictive, so you may want to limit yourself to one or two arguments and then go cold turkey.

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    #3

    At the end of 6th grade, my friend told me a really big secret she didnt want a lot of people to know. I was somewhat bad at keeping secrets, but i didnt tell anyone this one, out of respect for her. Fast forward to the beginning of next year, when none of my friends will talk to me for 3 weeks and wont explain what i did wrong. Turns out another girl found out the secret and told my friend it was me that told her, and after 3 weeks decided to tell her it wasnt actually me.

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    #4

    "If I had to be stranded on an island with someone, it wouldn't be you... you're too intense."
    Damn right, but I'd have a working plan, resource inventory, assessment of basic needs...

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    K.
    Community Member
    3 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Damn. You’re the person people don’t want to be around because you set the standard too high, it makes them feel bad about themself...or it’s harder to chill. You’re probably also the person people come to with their troubles and for solutions. Edit: we need people like you.

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    #5

    Thought we were on great terms, we lived together at the time (she was a rando my roommate brought home to hook up with and she ended up staying. Rent free.) and I was out of state, when I got a text from her out of the blue telling me not to come back. I had no idea what was happening so I tried calling and texting to no response. This was the night before my flight back, I didn't sleep a wink. She was the first and only real life girl friend I had ever had, I really liked her even though she was.. kinda wild.. and quickly.. fighting more and more with her now bf and.. two weeks later fiancé. *sigh* hindsight's always 20/20, I found out when I got home, oh, she's been acting so crazy because she's pregnant. Fast forward a couple more weeks, both of them leave after having stolen my deposit, that month's rent, and the next month's rent I had given a couple days early. Oh and she had left one of her spoons she was using for intravenous drugs, probably meth. Oh and it turns out my roommate, who had also said he loved me and we were best friends for life, wasn't supposed to sublet at all, and he renovated the garage to the point where it was unstructurally sound. I got lucky, one of the new guy roommates turned out to be a pretty awesome dude, and together we made it out ok. Live and learn I guess.

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    Community Member
    3 years ago (edited) DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    They were both alcoholics, and I'm sure that helped nothing. Whew. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to get that off my chest.

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    #6

    One time my ex-friend and I were doing karaoke, and this is because we both want to become singers. We were playing on this karaoke game, and she was winning every time. She then said, "Lol, no offense but you're like super bad at singing." And, of course this hurt me. I was starting to believe in myself. :(

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    Melanie King
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Thats super mean, my sister says i'm bad at singing all the time but thats because its more of a joke between us, just saying that out of the blue is hurtful and rude.

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    #7

    My best friend for years told me, a few weeks before we would go on holiday together, that I was no longer her best friend. That hurt a lot.
    And another very good friend f****d my, then, boyfriend when I was on a holiday. Then tried to blame me, you shouldn't have gone away... And right after that tried to steal my cat.

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    Viviane
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    She blamed you because you went on holiday?? Does the second friend also kick little kids and then tell their parents, "You shouldn't have turned your back"? Or steal from employers and then blame them because they trusted her? That better be an ex-friend.

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    #8

    Best bud called me an asshole after we got into an argument alone at a school playground. Didn't talk for a while, but we made up over email. We don't usually fight that much, which is probably why we've been friends for almost 7 years. (We're teenagers, so that counts as most of our lives, nearly half of mine.)

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    #9

    You can't sing, and you will never be liked. You will never make it to broadway, so just stop trying. :(

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    #10

    "You are too negative"

    Yeah. I have several chronic diseases, I am the whole day in pain/fatigued, I cannot work, I am broke and depend on my partner to survivd and as a migrant the only people I see is my partner and doctors. Maybe I have reasons to not be cheerful...

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    Viviane
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    That is crappy thing to say. What people forget is that many people will go through difficulties in their life time and need emotional support.

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    #11

    I told my then best friend that I had a date with one of our other friends. I was 20 and it was my first date ever because as a tomboy most men dont like me. She made fun of me, implying that she never thought that I would date.

    That moment I realised how toxic she was and how many of my insecurities were because of her.

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    Suzanne Haigh
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Good, you found out before too much damage was done to yourself.

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    #13

    When I was in fourth grade, I was in a class with about 30 people, with 2 "friends". I noticed they would whisper, usually very far away from me. When I walked by, they would disperse and get back to work. Several rumors went around about me during the time that I noticed their behavior. I asked one of them if they had been talking behind my back, and she responded angrily with "For once in your life can you just mind your own business, maybe?!" I was incredibly hurt, and, before this I wrote short stories, half a page or so, for her every week because I thought it was nice and it would make her happy. A week passed after she yelled at me, and she noticed I hadn't written a story for her. She came to me all sad and pitiful asking why I stopped writing for her? Was it something she said? She's sorry for whatever it was! I thought that she was apologizing at the time, but I later learned she liked my writing because she would show it to other students and claim it as her own. So... yeah... All that leaded to more friendship issues... I cut her off, told her she was a bad influence, and I told her she sucked away all of my happiness. She tried apologizing, but I wasn't taking her crap anymore. She'd had enough chances. 4th grade. When I was 9 years old.

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    Viviane
    Community Member
    3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Wow. Good job - I don't think I would have been that assertive at 9 years old! I hope she's got regrets and that the regrets prompt her to behave better. It's also possible that she's still a jerk and has become better at manipulation others and selecting victims.

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