Hey Pandas, What Does Your Voicemail Say?

At home, at work, and, of course, on your cell phone/mobile.

"Hello, and welcome to the mental health hotline.

If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.

If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.

If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6.

If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.

If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to the mother ship.

If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press.

If you are a manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press no one will answer.

If you are dyslexic, press 9696969696969.

If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the hash key until a representative comes on the line.

If you have amnesia press 8 and state your name, address, phone number, date of birth, social security number and your mother's maiden name.

If you have post-traumatic stress disorder, slowly and carefully press 000

If you have bipolar disorder, please leave a message after the beep or before the beep. Or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.

If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.

If you have low self-esteem, please hang up. All our operators are too busy to talk to you.

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Final score:

3points

Rhodri Terrell

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Hey! 3 months ago

That's actually my ringtone for my doctor, pharmacist, etc. anything "health". LOL.

1point

"Hi. I can't come to the phone right now, or maybe I'm just ignoring you because I don't like you. Go sort out your life's problems without me!"

.... "Also, meow."

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Final score:

3points

Alley Cat

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Hey! 3 months ago

LOL, I had a friend who had her cats and dogs being noisy in the background and that was it.

0points

OK, I will start. At some point, maybe still?, mine was/is: "Leave a message at your own risk and I’ll try to catch up with you!" People do call me back if I don't respond fast enough.

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Final score:

2points

Hey!

POST

Leave a message so I can call you back

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Final score:

2points

Vermonta

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Hey! 3 months ago

Direct to the point.

0points

“Hello, you’ve reached Klaus’ crematorium. You kill ‘em, we grill ‘em. We’re currently away from our phone, but please leave a message and we’ll call you back as soon as we’re able. Thank you and have a great day.”

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Final score:

1point

razor to the rosary

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Hey! 3 months ago

LOL. That's as bad as when my father answered the phone by saying "Women's Prison, how can I help you?". He knew very well it was a long-distance call from my mother's best friend, who my father had introduced her to. He did that 3 times before my mother noticed what he was doing.

0points

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I'm pretty sure it's still the default voicemail message, because I'm still not sure how to use or set up voicemail.

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Final score:

1point

mysterious(he/they, maybe?)

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Hey! 3 months ago

I like this. I think my husband's message still says something about his job (he bought the rights of the phone # when he retired). His admin. had set it up. I can't help him; I have an Android and he has an iPhone.

0points

I had another voicemail for some time, maybe 3 months, just to play a joke on my adult children: Hello? Hello?! Sorry, I can't hear you! What? What? LOL. You're trying to talk to my voicemail again!

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Final score:

1point

Hey!

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if you are a big shot then sell their company for 99999.99999 for their very own company

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Final score:

-1point