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I never know what to say when people misgender me (intentionally or unintentionally). Therefore, I decided to ask what you guys here at Bored Panda do in these kind of situations? For example, what do you say when people ask what’s your gender, are you a boy or a girl, etc.?

When it comes to speaking about myself, I just try to politely tell people that I’m non-binary and use they/them pronouns.

Given that, I want to ask you guys to please be respectful and nice to each other, because you never know what a person could be going through! Let's keep our replies positive and supportive as much as possible.

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#1

I ask myself, is this worth correcting? Is it really worth my time? Those who know me know what gender I am and know how to address me accordingly. If they forget, well, they are human too. I give them the same kindness that I would want on committing a social faux pas.

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Truth Monster
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#2

My younger son is a small boy with hair down to his waist. He loves the confusion this causes! My older son used to do historical re-enactment with me - back in the day, boys would wear skirts til they were 6 or 7. He also enjoyed the confusion this caused to the visitors to our attraction. Guess I've got a couple of controversialists on my hands.

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Just saying
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#3

I just tell them my actual gender and continue the conversation because it doesn't really bother me. C:

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A U T O P H O B I A
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#4

I have been in multiple conversations where people deliberately misgender me (I am a transguy).

To be honest I try to politely correct them the first few times, because I have presented as female most of my life, and I still haven't changed my name, so it confuses some people. But if they keep doing it, I find that I posses my moms fantastic mean-mugging skills.

Or I stare at them until it makes them uncomfortable, and then point out how, it may not be exactly the same, but them misgendering me makes me uncomfortable as well.

was that too long? I haven't done this before. I'm new :P

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Snake of Eden
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Aragorn II Elessar
Aragorn II Elessar
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4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You did a great job. Tip for the future, don’t give a f**k what people think about you. If they disagree with your opinion, well, keep in mind that everyone is entitled to the wrong opinion. But good job, and thanks for sharing!

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#5

I work part time at a fast food restaurant, and I often take orders on the drive thru. I’m a guy, but I don’t have a deep voice, and the speaker distorts my voice a little bit as well, so I sometimes get called ma’am. I just ignore it, it’s not worth the effort to correct.

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Aragorn II Elessar
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#6

I'm not misgendered, but my older sister is. She has short hair, like "boy" short. People come up to me sometimes and ask, "Is that your brother?" My sister says, "No, I'm a girl." If people say, "But you look like a boy!" (that's only happened once or twice), she says calmly, "I am a girl. I chose this hairstyle because it makes me feel happy. So please, don't insist that I am or look like a boy." I think that she looks like a beautiful, amazing girl. However, not everybody takes the time to think that. (wow, great alliteration there :D)

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starsailor (they/he)
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Bird Mom
Bird Mom
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4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Good for her! I do not have patience for that kind of explaining.

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#7

I just laugh and say no worries. It was a mistake and people are human and humans make mistakes. Nothing to get all bent out of shape over.

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Sharon Ingram
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Marcellus the Third
Marcellus the Third
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4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If it's a mistake it's a mistake indeed; but enough of the other entries are about deliberate misgendering.

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#8

I have short hair and I generally dress like a stereotypical boy. So, when someone talks to me as He/him, I just tell them I'm a her/she. I REALLY get annoyed when they then ask me if I am trans. My usual response is a dirty look and reprimanding them for assuming a girl can't have short hair. I could go on and on for how many times this has happened.

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Bird Mom
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Perpetual Peripheral Persons
Perpetual Peripheral Persons
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4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

If they're not being accusatory or hostile, what's the problem? It could be annoying to be asked the same question many times, but they don't know that you were

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#9

Unfortunately the people who misgender me the most are my immediate family. I've spent five years trying to get them to stop and it hasn't worked yet. I've given up on them.

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Rayven Shields
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Heather Reynolds Atwood
Heather Reynolds Atwood
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4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

How does your immediate family misgender you? They have known you all your life... Duh!

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#10

Who’s the cranky-pants who’s downvoting everything?

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Banjo Peppers
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chrissy
chrissy
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4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

its Gehtic Nixan im siting next to him watching him do it please dont downvote

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#11

This only happens when I'm playing on.line games. I just correct them and all is good

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Tessa Gray
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#12

This doesn't really happen if the person has met me before or something, but if it's online and I'm acting pretty gender neutral, then people might address me as "he", so I tell them "btw ima girl.". Pretty simple. But I am almost ALWAYS misgendered in roleplays! XD People always say "slashes him across the face with my swaord" or something. It's always awkward when I have to say (oof, I'm female) and then continue, lol

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Arctic Fox Lover is Back!
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¯_(ツ)_/¯
¯_(ツ)_/¯
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4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

haha, me and you have something in common, i stay gender neutral online even tho imma girl lol.

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#13

This isn't me but my non binary significant other usually just says "I'm non binary. I use they/them pronouns", and usually the person is just like, "ok" but sometimes people will still ignore that, and at that point, they just correct them every time the person misgenders them. It's really cool how they never loose their cool, and is really patient

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Em Manning
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Sathe Wesker
Sathe Wesker
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4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I have a friend who I've known since middle school who has become non binary. To this day it is very hard for me not to refer to them as 'she'. This is new for a lot of people, and patience, I think, is necessary.

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#14

I'm in my early 50's and have been dealing with this all my life. I anticipate it and laugh it off. I think I have since I learned as a child I have the male spelling of my name. When I was a little child I had wild hair and you couldn't tell by looking at me what my gender was until it was clear I had grown into a squeaky little girl, small even for my age :) It doesn't matter to me unless I know they are intentionally being demeaning. Then I put them in their place. I may be small and difficult to hear but I have a command of the English language that will def let you know that you made a mistake.

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KR
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Kiss Army
Kiss Army
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4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My name is Eli. I get Mr. all the time because of that. When I finally talk to business associates on the phone after just having written correspondence, some of them will be like "Hey, you're a girl!" I always say "Yup, at least last time I checked." Then they will ask how a girl was named Eli and I tell them is is short for Elizabeth but only my father (who is now deceased) was allowed to call me that...

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#15

My brother used to have hair that was shoulder length, people used to say, 'You have very well behaved daughters!' My brother would always say something like, 'I'm actually a guy, not a girl' and their faces would look really confused lol

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Samara013
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pusheen buttercup
pusheen buttercup
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4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Honestly. Just let people have whatever length hair they want. I have short hair, my partner has long hair. So? We do what is comfortable

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#16

I tell them that I am a girl. They sometimes just wanna be funny and it is annoying.

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#17

I've been misgendered a couple times (for some reason it's usually restaurant workers idk lol) but it doesnt really bother me. If you are misgendered, don't go nuts, it's okay, people are going to make mistakes and forgive them for that. If you misgender someone, correct yourself and move on. For example- "He was- She was, sorry, going to the store with me". I have lots of gender-non-conforming (gnc) and non-binary (nb) friends and they have told me how they'd like to have people correct their mistakes. that's my 2 cents. :)

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your_lesbian_friend
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Sathe Wesker
Sathe Wesker
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4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I'm a server. I've done this numerous times with both adults and children and I have always felt horrible for it. It's part of our job to be like; "Would you like a refill miss/sir?"... and yeah, I've f****d it up. Good to know people do understand.

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#18

I’m cisgender biologically female but have still been misgendered. I just say “I’m not a ‘sir’, thanks.”

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#19

I am often misgendered, but it doesn't really bother me as I'm genderfluid. I like to dress feminine, but have short hair. Unfortunately, people decide that just because i look one way, that they have to treat me a certain way. It also makes it really hard to find people to date. Once a guy I thought was cute, asked my best friend if I was her older brother. I looked at him, and said, "Girl, guy, human shaped being. All the same to me."
My friend decided to add, "Either way she's a good kisser."
Yeah, he stopped talking to me.

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#20

I'll just either misgender them back or ignore them

Or just throw something if they are far away, idk

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#21

I get it on the phone. I'm an obvious looking female but I have a naturally deep voice. When calling places like banks or cell phone companies, ect. I get called "sir" constantly. (Also when I used to work for customs and had to call America all the time). My boyfriend finds it hilarious but it drives me nuts. Like, you have my name (very obviously feminine) right in front of you. I tend to kind of snap and say "It's MA'AM not SIR. I am a God damn woman!"... They often apologize pretty quickly.

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#22

I just don't say anything. I'm really nervous. :)

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#23

I'm male, and back when I had long hair down to below my ass, i was always getting called "sweetie" by old men and old women would say "Her hair is rather long isn't it?".

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#24

Well, I have come out to parents and close friends as transgender, and have requested pronouns he/they, I do still get misgendered every day, and as much as I would like to, I do not correct them because I don't want to make it a fuss. I also don't want to confuse my younger siblings/extended family. I wish I had the guts to correct people when they call me 'she' or call me by my full name (which is a female name, I go by Alex though, I have been for years) but hey, it is what it is.

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Ace Cole
Ace Cole
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4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

You should correct them but of course be polite about it. Something that would mabey help them get better is explaining to them that it hurts you.

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#25

This usually happens online.
I play these games that are usually played by well, boys. I go onto the game's discord or whatnot. My discord username (not the full one) is something like Ok. So, people call me a he/him, because they usually can't tell.
I don't really mind, I don't like spreading my personal info all over the internet, but it might get annoying sometimes. I just either ignore them if they say it once or twice, if they consist on doing it I'll tell them that I go by she/her and not he/him.

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#26

I'm genderless, but I just realised about a month ago and people always call me a girl because I look feminine. I've told my parents multiple times but they keep forgetting and don't respect my pronouns (I use any pronouns but they said they would correct someone if they talked about me with he/him). I just either ignore it or correct them if they know.

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4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Thats annoying. You should try and have a serious talk with your parents.

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#27

(Not me, a friend)

My friend is non-binary, so they get asked if they're a boy or a girl. When they get misgendered, they just stare the person in the eye and say 'I'm non-binary.'

When the person insists that they're either a boy or a girl, my friend says 'too bad, I'm non-binary, deal with it.'

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#28

Well, people don't misgender me, but they do to my little brother since he has long hair and he kinda looks like a girl. It's mainly when we go to Costco, and old ladies at the sample things misgender him. For example, we went to try a sample, amazing vegetable mochi, and so we were begging my dad to get them, and the old lady then said "Sir, their is one lesson here, if your girls want something, get it." 1. I disagree with this statement. And 2. BRUH MY LITTLE BROTHER IS A BOY. And so my little brother said "Um.. im a boy..?" and the old lady said "oh sorry dear" and then hugged him! This stuff a still happens frequently. smh (we didn't get the mochi anyways)

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¯\_(ツ)_/¯
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𝓴𝓪𝔀𝓪𝓲𝓲_𝓐𝓾𝓭𝓻𝓮𝔂 💖
𝓴𝓪𝔀𝓪𝓲𝓲_𝓐𝓾𝓭𝓻𝓮𝔂 💖
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4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I also disagree. You shouldn't buy your kid everything they want. Also, what a nice lady, aside from that statement :)

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#29

I gently correct those who misgender me with "they, not she" or "they, not he". I'm nonbinary and sometimes people get mistaken because my voice sounds incredibly feminine to some, and incredibly masculine to others over voice chat. My D&D groups, bless their hearts, try but sometimes forget. Thankfully the Dungeon Masters of my games use "they" immediately when referring to me.

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#30

I'm non-binary. Some days I feel more feminine, some days I feel more masculine. I dress fairly neutrally, and I think most people don't really treat me either way because of how I carry myself. If someone does misgender me, I don't worry too much. I'm biologically female and can look rather feminine when I'm having a girl day. If I'm having a boy day, that's not worth getting angry about to someone who doesn't know. Some people are often more comfortable with thinking that I'm female, so if it doesn't bother me, I go with it.

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#31

I am a boy with long hair. if someone misgenders me, I sternly say he, him, or his, and then continue conversation. i have stopped minding if people misgender me with out originally knowing me though, and sometimes don't even bother to correct them.

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The zelda nerd.
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#32

I used to be way more bothered when I got misgendered than I am now. Like, I wouldn't dare correct anyone in case they got aggressive, insisted I was wrong about /my/ own gender somehow or would spurt that 'did you just assume my gender' "joke" to mock me politely saying 'Actually I'm a boy'. I would analyse exactly what I'd done to get misgendered and shy away from going out until I could 'fix' that, which was often impossible.

But now I know that no matter what people say, I'm always going to be a boy. Being very short and feminine doesn't change that, it just makes me a guy who is short and feminine (even if being misgendered still hurts, most adults will just say sorry and correct themselves anyway). In the end, if you don't say something, people won't know, so you have to chance it and then stand your ground (where it's safe to) although sometimes it's so inconsequential (like a group of mostly girls and me being referred to as just 'ladies') I shrug it off completely.

Weirdly, it's often children (I work with a school) who repeatedly insist I'm a girl that bother me more...not that I'm angry with THEM, so much angry that they've been told so much that x = this gender (e.g. that girl has short hair, it's 'boy hair', she's a boy, 'sir you look like a girl, so you're a girl') that they'd disbelieve someone who opposes what they've learnt and refuse to learn something different. But I always keep my patience and try to teach them about differences where I can, as well as inviting them to think about the consequences of their incorrect words on people's feelings.

People will learn, people who refuse to aren't worth your time and it's ok to get frustrated with it. You just keep being you! ^^ Sorry this is long lol

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#33

I'm a cisgender woman and go by she/her, but I dress very punk/tomboy, especially when I travel. On tours and at conventions, usually in the USA for some reason, I often get people referring to me as "they" or even "he". Americans especially always seem to be walking on egg shells when trying to say my gender, and don't automatically go with "she", whereas in Europe and South America and my home country of Canada people are way more relaxed about the pronouns. When it happens I just go "I'm a girl", and then they'll argue "but you have a backwards baseball cap and a deep voice." And I'll be like "nope, still a girl." All I'm saying is go with what people tell you they are, don't argue with them, and chill out.

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#34

When my brother and I were younger, around when he was 10 and I was 12, we both had pretty long hair, and he also had earrings. The story of him getting earrings was also an interesting one, but it doesn't belong in this post. Because of us having long hair, my bro having earrings, people would misgender us occasionally. When people misgendered me, I would usually just tell them I was a boy. But for my bro, people, especially younger girls who didn't know boys could have long hair and earrings, would insist that he was a girl, even after he said he was a boy. For those people, we would usually get other friends to come over and say that he was a boy, and if that didn't convince them, we would just leave them alone. Also, on online games, people often mistake me for a girl, but I usually don't correct them.

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#35

If someone thinks im a boy (im a woman with short hair) i just correct them and explain that hair have nothing to do with gender.
Intresting is that i get irrational angry if someone says im queer cause of my habbits and my hair.
Don't get me wrong i think everybody can choose their owm gender.
But i get very angry if people who see themselves as queer give habits to genders. Like manly short hair. Or getting angry. Ther is nothing like manly. And woman like habbits. Ther are just people. Just people...

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𝓴𝓪𝔀𝓪𝓲𝓲_𝓐𝓾𝓭𝓻𝓮𝔂 💖
𝓴𝓪𝔀𝓪𝓲𝓲_𝓐𝓾𝓭𝓻𝓮𝔂 💖
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4 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

That's probably the worst part about having short hair(I say probably because I have long hair) people assume you are either a dude, gay, or going through a heartbreak.

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#36

I am non binary, and use they them pronouns, and my preffered name is Mars. I have only come out to people close to me, but will correct people if they know (nicley). I also will take people away and calmly explain to them pronouns and names and such if I feel ok with it. Also, I do like to cross dress, so I understand if people are confused with what to use.

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Persephone hates Pomegranate ️
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Kai the guy
Kai the guy
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3 years ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

@call me mars I have a question, this was posted a while ago so I don't know if you'll see this but: Okay, so I'm also non binary, but I get misgendered so much (Both ways) and I don't know, crossdressing seems fun, and I was wondering if there was a way to, idk, feel less scared doing it? Anyways, thanks!

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#37

I was at the fair having fun but then some guy is just like ¨hey sweetie do you want to throw a dart¨ and I'm like dude I'm a boy if you want to misgender me you can shut the f**k up

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memeaubdoctor
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#38

It sometimes bothers me cuz after telling ppl that im a gurl, thay still call me a guy cuz i do stuff probs only boys do and im d only gurl they know that plays video games or even watched WWE, but time 2 time i just let em know. (=-=)

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#39

I'm a cisgender female, but I've had people (usually young kids) ask me if I'm a boy because I "wear boys clothes" and "sound like a boy/have a deep voice." It always frustrates me a bit because of societal norms but I can understand where they are coming from, so I am polite and say "no, I'm a girl, actually." After all, when I was younger, I thought girls' voices got higher as they grew up, and boys' voices got lower HAHA

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