I’m not going to write a long description, but I will say that my dad is a master of dad jokes and puns. Having gotten my sense of humor from him, I would love to get some new jokes as well as share some with the rest of you. It can be as cringe-worthy as you want; the cornier, the better! Feel free to make one up, too, if that’s something you’re good at. Have fun!

This post may include affiliate links.

#1

i was kidnapped by mimes
they did unspeakable things to me

Report

Final score:
37points
The sea pancake
Add photo comments
POST
blue1steven avatar
Donkey boi
Donkey boi
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

So far, the only one I haven't heard before. I love it, has a real Tim Vine feel to it!

Vote comment up
10
10points
Vote comment down
reply
View More Replies... View more commentsArrow down menu

RELATED:
    #2

    Q: What's brown and sticky?
    A: A stick.

    Report

    Final score:
    23points
    Panda Boi
    Add photo comments
    POST
    alanwilkening avatar
    Earl Grey
    Earl Grey
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My grandson rolled this one out on me about a year ago, and I failed. 😔. However, I fought back with some Chuck Norris jokes, such as… “What did Chuck Norris do when his parachute failed to open? He brought it back for a refund.” 🏆

    Vote comment up
    0
    0points
    Vote comment down
    reply
    View more commentsArrow down menu
    #3

    Two guys walked into a bar. The third guy ducked

    Report

    Final score:
    20points
    The Doom Song
    Add photo comments
    POST
    surryugh avatar
    Crocodile
    Crocodile
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Lol, it took me like 10 years to understand this one and now I tell it to everyone.

    Vote comment up
    3
    3points
    Vote comment down
    reply
    View more commentsArrow down menu
    #4

    Kid: "Dad, im hungry"
    Dad: "I'm Austria the country nextdoor".

    Report

    Final score:
    19points
    Mickysixxx
    Add photo comments
    POST
    View More Replies... View more commentsArrow down menu
    #5

    When does a joke become a dad joke?

    When it becomes apparent

    Report

    Final score:
    19points
    Gatorman
    Add photo comments
    POST
    View more commentsArrow down menu
    #6

    i'm going to make an airline for bald people its going to be called receding airlines.

    Report

    Final score:
    19points
    JESUSLOVESYOU!
    Add photo comments
    POST
    View more commentsArrow down menu
    #7

    Do trees poop? Of course they do! How else would we get #2 pencils?

    Report

    Final score:
    18points
    Kevin the Manager
    Add photo comments
    POST
    View More Replies... View more commentsArrow down menu
    ADVERTISEMENT
    #8

    𝑺𝒊𝒏𝒈𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒊𝒏 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒔𝒉𝒐𝒘𝒆𝒓 𝒊𝒔 𝒇𝒖𝒏 𝒖𝒏𝒕𝒊𝒍 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒈𝒆𝒕 𝒔𝒐𝒂𝒑 𝒊𝒏 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒆𝒚𝒆𝒔. 𝑻𝒉𝒆𝒏 𝒊𝒕'𝒔 𝒂 𝒔𝒐𝒂𝒑 𝒐𝒑𝒆𝒓𝒂!

    Report

    Final score:
    18points
    Steve Shearer
    Add photo comments
    POST
    ADVERTISEMENT
    #9

    What do you call a fly without wings? A walk.

    Report

    Final score:
    17points
    censorshipsucks
    Add photo comments
    POST
    View more commentsArrow down menu
    #10

    “I’m hungry”
    “Hi hungry I’m dad”
    And that’s the story of how I started saying “I crave food”

    Report

    Final score:
    15points
    Mini is gone(???)
    Add photo comments
    POST
    View More Replies... View more commentsArrow down menu
    #11

    What does James Bond do before he sleeps?
    He goes undercover!
    And why does he go to bed early?
    So he can wake up at 0:07

    Report

    Final score:
    13points
    TotallyNOTaFox
    Add photo comments
    POST
    #12

    Me: that doesn't make sense

    Dad: you're right it makes dollars

    Report

    Final score:
    13points
    Spleens the cat fan 🇵🇭
    Add photo comments
    POST
    #13

    I like telling Dad jokes. Sometimes he laughs!

    Report

    Final score:
    13points
    Glen Ellyn
    Add photo comments
    POST
    ADVERTISEMENT
    #14

    I'll start us off with a personal favorite...
    Why did the pony go to the doctor?
    It was a little horse. (Hoarse)

    Report

    Final score:
    12points
    Emotional Support Velociraptor
    Add photo comments
    POST
    alanwilkening avatar
    Earl Grey
    Earl Grey
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Rule #1 of Dad Jokes: If you have to explain it, it’s not a Dad Joke.

    Vote comment up
    1
    1point
    Vote comment down
    reply
    View more commentsArrow down menu
    #15

    "I'm afraid for the calendar. Its days are numbered."

    Report

    Final score:
    12points
    Steve Shearer
    Add photo comments
    POST
    #16

    What do you call an amputee doing karate?

    Partial arts.

    Report

    Final score:
    11points
    Jeff Diamond
    Add photo comments
    POST
    View More Replies... View more commentsArrow down menu
    #17

    Daughter/Son: Why did the chicken cross the road?
    Dad:I dont know. Why?
    Daughter/Son: To get to the idiot's house. Knock Knock.
    Dad:Who's there?
    Daughter/Son:The chicken.
    Dad:You live with me though, daughter.
    Daughter/Son:...

    Report

    Final score:
    10points
    What_the_actual_sloth?
    Add photo comments
    POST
    View More Replies... View more commentsArrow down menu
    #18

    Dad: what do you call cheese that isn’t yours?
    My daughter: I don’t know dad.
    Dad: Nacho Cheese!

    Report

    Final score:
    10points
    Cheesenacho
    Add photo comments
    POST
    View More Replies... View more commentsArrow down menu
    ADVERTISEMENT
    #19

    Dad: What do you call a king who's only 12 inches tall?
    Son: IDK
    Dad: A ruler!

    Dad: What do you call two banana peels?
    Dad: A pair of slippers!

    Report

    Final score:
    9points
    Homer
    Add photo comments
    POST
    #20

    Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl going to the bathroom?

    Because the “P” is silent

    Report

    Final score:
    8points
    Richard Graham
    Add photo comments
    POST
    ketgilbert avatar
    KETGZ
    KETGZ
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Reminds me of...A little boy raised his hand to ask his teacher if he could go to the batheroom. The teacher said he had to say the alphabet first. So the boy started...ABCDEFGHIJKLMNO---QRSTUVWXYZ! Now can I go? The teacher said but you missed the P! The little boy replied no I didn't, it's running down my leg!

    Vote comment up
    1
    1point
    Vote comment down
    reply
    #21

    When people discover I'm a bad electrician, they're shocked.

    Report

    Final score:
    8points
    Jeff Diamond
    Add photo comments
    POST
    #22

    I went to the doctor because I drank invisible ink. She still hasn't seen me.

    Report

    Final score:
    8points
    Jeff Diamond
    Add photo comments
    POST
    #23

    How does the Pink Panther handle pesky picnic insects?
    "Dead ant, dead ant, dead antdeadantdeadant,"(and so on...)

    Report

    Final score:
    7points
    Jennifer Potter
    Add photo comments
    POST
    ADVERTISEMENT
    #24

    I never believed orthopedic shoes worked. I now stand corrected.

    Report

    Final score:
    7points
    Jeff Diamond
    Add photo comments
    POST
    jacquelynplace avatar
    Mya Lugar
    Mya Lugar
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I thought my sons' deodorant sprat was my throat spray. Now I speak with an AXEsent.

    Vote comment up
    4
    4points
    Vote comment down
    reply
    #25

    Why did the scarecrow win an award?
    ‘Cos he was outstanding in his field

    Report

    Final score:
    7points
    Peppy
    Add photo comments
    POST
    alanwilkening avatar
    Earl Grey
    Earl Grey
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Back when I worked for the Agricultural Institute, I had the privilege of meeting many farmers who were out standing in their fields.

    Vote comment up
    2
    2points
    Vote comment down
    reply
    #26

    Slightly offensive joke incoming...

    Q: How do you think the unthinkable?

    A: With an itheburg.

    Report

    Final score:
    7points
    CG
    Add photo comments
    POST
    #27

    How do you tell the difference between an alligator and a crocodile? You see one later and one in a while.

    Report

    Final score:
    6points
    Crocodile
    Add photo comments
    POST
    wingolamo avatar
    Wingo Lamo
    Wingo Lamo
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Back in the 70's, this was the parting line for my dad and my Uncle Bob every. damn. time. My dad: "Later Gater!" Uncle Bob: "Afterwhile Crocodile!" Oh how I miss those days. And them. RIP dad. RIP Uncle Bob. Miss you both so much. xo

    Vote comment up
    4
    4points
    Vote comment down
    reply
    View More Replies... View more commentsArrow down menu
    #28

    Norway started putting barcode on their ships so they can scandinavian

    Report

    Final score:
    6points
    Rachel Reynolds
    Add photo comments
    POST
    #29

    Why are spread sheets so weak?

    They have all them cells, but no mitchondria

    Report

    Final score:
    5points
    THE BIGGEST O
    Add photo comments
    POST
    ADVERTISEMENT
    #30

    Why did the Toilet paper roll down the Hill? To get to the Bottom

    Report

    Final score:
    5points
    Crusin Sandi
    Add photo comments
    POST
    #31

    Dad Jokes
    What do you call a cow with two legs: lean beef.
    What do you call a cow with no legs: ground beef.
    Why are cows so dramatic: because they’re milking it.

    Report

    Final score:
    5points
    Average Chicago sports fan
    Add photo comments
    POST
    View more commentsArrow down menu
    #32

    What type of pants do the Super Mario Brothers wear?

    Denim. Denim. Denim.

    Report

    Final score:
    4points
    Sweet Taurus
    Add photo comments
    POST
    View More Replies... View more commentsArrow down menu
    #33

    This morning, I coughed up a rook, knight, and a p**n. I think it's a chess cold.

    Report

    Final score:
    4points
    Jeff Diamond
    Add photo comments
    POST
    View More Replies... View more commentsArrow down menu
    #34

    I used to think this one was SO funny, and Idk why...
    why was 6 afraid of 7
    because 7 ate 9
    I remember giggling for 12 hours straight because of this joke when i was 6 or 7. I thought it was hilarious.

    Report

    Final score:
    4points
    [untitled human]
    Add photo comments
    POST
    View more commentsArrow down menu
    ADVERTISEMENT
    See Also on Bored Panda
    #35

    If you see a very drunk person hanging on a lamppost, how can you tell that he is a Freudian Psychologist?

    He is singing the old Victorian love song "I want a girl, just like the girl, that married dear old dad."

    Report

    Final score:
    3points
    Richard Graham
    Add photo comments
    POST
    #36

    Do you know what Mt. Saint Helen's looked like before they carved it?
    They say its beauty was un-president-ed (unprecedented).

    Report

    Final score:
    3points
    Lil Miss Hobbit
    Add photo comments
    POST
    #37

    What do you call a fish wearing a bow tie?
    Sofishticated

    In the event of a fire, what steps should you take?
    Really big ones

    Report

    Final score:
    3points
    MicrowaveGoddess
    Add photo comments
    POST
    #38

    Did you know that Diarrohea is hereditary?
    It runs in your jeans

    Report

    Final score:
    3points
    ZoeTheGreat
    Add photo comments
    POST
    #39

    Actually said by my dad-

    Me: So, are you good at PowerPoint? 'Cause I need help.
    Dad: I can say that I EXCEL at it.
    Me: Was that a microsoft joke?
    Dad: Word.

    I'm fairly sure he watches too many shorts.

    Report

    Final score:
    3points
    Pansexual Child of Hades
    Add photo comments
    POST
    ADVERTISEMENT
    See Also on Bored Panda
    #40

    son: dad... im gay....
    mom: fred... don't. you. dar-
    dad: HI gay im dad!

    Report

    Final score:
    3points
    Everest the bookworm
    Add photo comments
    POST
    shehbaz-khan5126 avatar
    Tiramisu
    Tiramisu
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    son: dad... im bi..... mom: fred... don't. you. dare- dad: That sure took me BI surprise!

    Vote comment up
    1
    1point
    Vote comment down
    reply
    View More Replies... View more commentsArrow down menu
    #41

    Q: Why were sodium and chlorine arrested?
    Ans: For a salt

    Q: What do you do with a sick chemist?
    Ans: If you can’t helium or curium then you might as well barium

    Report

    Final score:
    2points
    Stardust she/her
    Add photo comments
    POST
    #42

    Can February March?
    Idk, but April May!

    Report

    Final score:
    1point
    •Taiki•
    Add photo comments
    POST
    View More Replies... View more commentsArrow down menu
    #43

    I had a job at an ED clinic…
    I had to quit because I haven’t gotten a raise in years.

    Report

    Final score:
    1point
    JustinTime
    Add photo comments
    POST
    #44

    Kid: "Dad, how long to dinner?"
    Dad: "about 2 and a half foot"

    Report

    Final score:
    1point
    Mickysixxx
    Add photo comments
    POST
    ADVERTISEMENT
    See Also on Bored Panda
    #45

    My sister once asked my dad if she was adopted and he replied "if I had a choice do you think I would've picked you?" Hahaha he has a wicked dark sense of humour

    Report

    Final score:
    1point
    Mickysixxx
    Add photo comments
    POST
    lzbthvandyke avatar
    Elizabeth VanDyke
    Elizabeth VanDyke
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My dad once told me that he had no fear of me ever being kidnapped. He said as soon as they saw me in a good light, they would let me go.

    Vote comment up
    1
    1point
    Vote comment down
    reply
    View More Replies... View more commentsArrow down menu
    #46

    Q: What do you call a deer with no eyes?
    A: No-eye-deer

    Q: What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?
    A: Still no-eye-deer

    Q: What do you call a deer with no eyes, ears or legs?
    A: Anything you like, he can't hear you

    Report

    Final score:
    1point
    gmf
    Add photo comments
    POST
    #47

    Squirrel fried itself on a transformer, power went out. Next station picks it up, comes back on. It fails, power goes out. This happened about 5 times. After power out for the time being, Dad looks at me and says "This is the worst disco I've ever been to."

    Report

    Final score:
    1point
    Heather W
    Add photo comments
    POST
    ADVERTISEMENT
    See Also on Bored Panda
    #48

    Orignally, the Dwarves from Snow White, were 9, not 7. But, when Tasty went missing, Hungry got banished

    Report

    Final score:
    1point
    Dave van Es
    Add photo comments
    POST
    #49

    How does a cheerleader answer the phone?

    Give me an "H", give me an "E", give me an "LL-O"!!!!

    Report

    Final score:
    1point
    ArodTheHorrible
    Add photo comments
    POST
    #50

    How did Hitler tie his shoes ?

    In little knotsies !

    Report

    Final score:
    1point
    whatever
    Add photo comments
    POST
    #51

    How many times do you have to tickle and octopus to make it laugh?

    Ten-Tickles…

    Of course it already has 8 of them, so the first two are just Test-Tickles!

    Report

    Final score:
    1point
    Ozzyols
    Add photo comments
    POST
    #52

    What did the pencil say to the paper?
    “I dot my i’s on you!”

    Report

    Final score:
    1point
    Rainbowskull13 (she/her)
    Add photo comments
    POST
    ADVERTISEMENT
    See Also on Bored Panda
    #53

    two guys walked into a bar. you think the second one would have seen it coming

    Report

    Final score:
    1point
    DustTea (she/her)
    Add photo comments
    POST
    #54

    Q. What do you call a cow with no legs?
    A. Ground beef

    Report

    Final score:
    1point
    Ryan H
    Add photo comments
    POST
    #55

    Why don't cannibals eat clowns?
    Because they taste funny.

    Report

    Final score:
    1point
    Headless Roach
    Add photo comments
    POST
    #56

    Where did George Washington hide his armies?

    In his sleevies

    Report

    Final score:
    1point
    Random Girl
    Add photo comments
    POST
    #57

    Q: How do you make a sausage roll?
    A: You push it down the hill.

    Report

    Final score:
    1point
    Tapeworm
    Add photo comments
    POST
    #58

    Two peanuts were walking down the street, and one was assaulted!

    Report

    Final score:
    0points
    Toni C
    Add photo comments
    POST
    jacquelynplace avatar
    Mya Lugar
    Mya Lugar
    Community Member
    1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    When the police questioned the assailant, he swore they were both nuts!

    Vote comment up
    2
    2points
    Vote comment down
    reply
    ADVERTISEMENT
    See Also on Bored Panda
    #59

    It's easy to make plans for date-night with a gymnast - they're very flexible.

    Report

    Final score:
    0points
    Brian Morphy
    Add photo comments
    POST
    #60

    Know why your bike is leaning against the garage?
    It's TWO tired. get it?
    Two tired.

    Report

    Final score:
    0points
    Vermonta
    Add photo comments
    POST
    #61

    [At the grocery store] Don't look at that shelf! Don't watch salad dressing, you pervert!

    Report

    Final score:
    0points
    KETGZ
    Add photo comments
    POST
    #62

    Two nuns walk into a bar and the third one ducks.

    Report

    Final score:
    0points
    Green Shoe Laces
    Add photo comments
    POST
    #63

    Me: Dad, you really can't believe everything you hear on Fox News! You have to do some research!
    My dad: If I wanted to hear from an a*****e, I'd just fart.

    Report

    Final score:
    -1point
    Wingo Lamo
    Add photo comments
    POST
    ADVERTISEMENT
    See Also on Bored Panda
    #64

    This one is a joke my step dad likes to tell. He's a Catholic for background.

    Dad: how do you teach religion?
    Me: how?
    Dad: feed'm s**t

    To know faith in Latin is "fidem scire" pronounced FEE-dim SHEER-eh.

    Here's one I tell my kids. There were two cats having a boat race. One cat was named One Two Three, the other cat was Un Deux Trois. Which cat won the race? One Two Three did, unfortunately the Un Deux Trois cat sank.

    Report

    Final score:
    -1point
    RafCo (he/him/ele)
    Add photo comments
    POST
    #65

    Here’s something my dad used to say when I put the word ‘succeed’ in a sentence:
    Dad: “What succeeds?”
    Me: “I don’t know”
    Dad: “A budgie with no teeth”

    Report

    Final score:
    -1point
    ZoeTheGreat
    Add photo comments
    POST
    #66

    what’s green and has wheels?
    grass. i lied about the wheels

    Report

    Final score:
    -1point
    DustTea (she/her)
    Add photo comments
    POST
    ADVERTISEMENT

    Anyone can write on Bored Panda. Start writing!

    Follow Bored Panda on Google News!