I’m not going to write a long description, but I will say that my dad is a master of dad jokes and puns. Having gotten my sense of humor from him, I would love to get some new jokes as well as share some with the rest of you. It can be as cringe-worthy as you want; the cornier, the better! Feel free to make one up, too, if that’s something you’re good at. Have fun!

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#1

i was kidnapped by mimes
they did unspeakable things to me

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The sea pancake
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Donkey boi
Donkey boi
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

So far, the only one I haven't heard before. I love it, has a real Tim Vine feel to it!

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#2

Q: What's brown and sticky?
A: A stick.

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Panda Boi
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Earl Grey
Earl Grey
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My grandson rolled this one out on me about a year ago, and I failed. 😔. However, I fought back with some Chuck Norris jokes, such as… “What did Chuck Norris do when his parachute failed to open? He brought it back for a refund.” 🏆

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#3

Two guys walked into a bar. The third guy ducked

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The Doom Song
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Crocodile
Crocodile
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Lol, it took me like 10 years to understand this one and now I tell it to everyone.

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#4

Kid: "Dad, im hungry"
Dad: "I'm Austria the country nextdoor".

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Mickysixxx
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#5

When does a joke become a dad joke?

When it becomes apparent

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Gatorman
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#6

i'm going to make an airline for bald people its going to be called receding airlines.

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JESUSLOVESYOU!
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#7

Do trees poop? Of course they do! How else would we get #2 pencils?

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Kevin the Manager
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#8

𝑺𝒊𝒏𝒈𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒊𝒏 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒔𝒉𝒐𝒘𝒆𝒓 𝒊𝒔 𝒇𝒖𝒏 𝒖𝒏𝒕𝒊𝒍 𝒚𝒐𝒖 𝒈𝒆𝒕 𝒔𝒐𝒂𝒑 𝒊𝒏 𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒆𝒚𝒆𝒔. 𝑻𝒉𝒆𝒏 𝒊𝒕'𝒔 𝒂 𝒔𝒐𝒂𝒑 𝒐𝒑𝒆𝒓𝒂!

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Steve Shearer
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#9

What do you call a fly without wings? A walk.

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censorshipsucks
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#10

“I’m hungry”
“Hi hungry I’m dad”
And that’s the story of how I started saying “I crave food”

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Mini is gone(???)
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#11

What does James Bond do before he sleeps?
He goes undercover!
And why does he go to bed early?
So he can wake up at 0:07

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TotallyNOTaFox
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#12

Me: that doesn't make sense

Dad: you're right it makes dollars

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Spleens the cat fan 🇵🇭
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#13

I like telling Dad jokes. Sometimes he laughs!

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Glen Ellyn
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#14

I'll start us off with a personal favorite...
Why did the pony go to the doctor?
It was a little horse. (Hoarse)

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Emotional Support Velociraptor
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Earl Grey
Earl Grey
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Rule #1 of Dad Jokes: If you have to explain it, it’s not a Dad Joke.

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#15

"I'm afraid for the calendar. Its days are numbered."

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Steve Shearer
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#16

What do you call an amputee doing karate?

Partial arts.

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Jeff Diamond
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#17

Daughter/Son: Why did the chicken cross the road?
Dad:I dont know. Why?
Daughter/Son: To get to the idiot's house. Knock Knock.
Dad:Who's there?
Daughter/Son:The chicken.
Dad:You live with me though, daughter.
Daughter/Son:...

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What_the_actual_sloth?
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#18

Dad: what do you call cheese that isn’t yours?
My daughter: I don’t know dad.
Dad: Nacho Cheese!

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Cheesenacho
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#19

Dad: What do you call a king who's only 12 inches tall?
Son: IDK
Dad: A ruler!

Dad: What do you call two banana peels?
Dad: A pair of slippers!

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9points
Homer
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#20

Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl going to the bathroom?

Because the “P” is silent

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Richard Graham
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KETGZ
KETGZ
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Reminds me of...A little boy raised his hand to ask his teacher if he could go to the batheroom. The teacher said he had to say the alphabet first. So the boy started...ABCDEFGHIJKLMNO---QRSTUVWXYZ! Now can I go? The teacher said but you missed the P! The little boy replied no I didn't, it's running down my leg!

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#21

When people discover I'm a bad electrician, they're shocked.

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Jeff Diamond
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#22

I went to the doctor because I drank invisible ink. She still hasn't seen me.

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Jeff Diamond
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#23

How does the Pink Panther handle pesky picnic insects?
"Dead ant, dead ant, dead antdeadantdeadant,"(and so on...)

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Jennifer Potter
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#24

I never believed orthopedic shoes worked. I now stand corrected.

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Jeff Diamond
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Mya Lugar
Mya Lugar
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

I thought my sons' deodorant sprat was my throat spray. Now I speak with an AXEsent.

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#25

Why did the scarecrow win an award?
‘Cos he was outstanding in his field

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Peppy
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Earl Grey
Earl Grey
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Back when I worked for the Agricultural Institute, I had the privilege of meeting many farmers who were out standing in their fields.

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#26

Slightly offensive joke incoming...

Q: How do you think the unthinkable?

A: With an itheburg.

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CG
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#27

How do you tell the difference between an alligator and a crocodile? You see one later and one in a while.

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Crocodile
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Wingo Lamo
Wingo Lamo
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

Back in the 70's, this was the parting line for my dad and my Uncle Bob every. damn. time. My dad: "Later Gater!" Uncle Bob: "Afterwhile Crocodile!" Oh how I miss those days. And them. RIP dad. RIP Uncle Bob. Miss you both so much. xo

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#28

Norway started putting barcode on their ships so they can scandinavian

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Rachel Reynolds
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#29

Why are spread sheets so weak?

They have all them cells, but no mitchondria

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THE BIGGEST O
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#30

Why did the Toilet paper roll down the Hill? To get to the Bottom

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Crusin Sandi
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#31

Dad Jokes
What do you call a cow with two legs: lean beef.
What do you call a cow with no legs: ground beef.
Why are cows so dramatic: because they’re milking it.

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Average Chicago sports fan
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#32

What type of pants do the Super Mario Brothers wear?

Denim. Denim. Denim.

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Sweet Taurus
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#33

This morning, I coughed up a rook, knight, and a p**n. I think it's a chess cold.

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Jeff Diamond
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#34

I used to think this one was SO funny, and Idk why...
why was 6 afraid of 7
because 7 ate 9
I remember giggling for 12 hours straight because of this joke when i was 6 or 7. I thought it was hilarious.

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[untitled human]
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#35

If you see a very drunk person hanging on a lamppost, how can you tell that he is a Freudian Psychologist?

He is singing the old Victorian love song "I want a girl, just like the girl, that married dear old dad."

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Richard Graham
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#36

Do you know what Mt. Saint Helen's looked like before they carved it?
They say its beauty was un-president-ed (unprecedented).

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Lil Miss Hobbit
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#37

What do you call a fish wearing a bow tie?
Sofishticated

In the event of a fire, what steps should you take?
Really big ones

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MicrowaveGoddess
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#38

Did you know that Diarrohea is hereditary?
It runs in your jeans

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ZoeTheGreat
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#39

Actually said by my dad-

Me: So, are you good at PowerPoint? 'Cause I need help.
Dad: I can say that I EXCEL at it.
Me: Was that a microsoft joke?
Dad: Word.

I'm fairly sure he watches too many shorts.

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Pansexual Child of Hades
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#40

son: dad... im gay....
mom: fred... don't. you. dar-
dad: HI gay im dad!

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Everest the bookworm
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Tiramisu
Tiramisu
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

son: dad... im bi..... mom: fred... don't. you. dare- dad: That sure took me BI surprise!

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#41

Q: Why were sodium and chlorine arrested?
Ans: For a salt

Q: What do you do with a sick chemist?
Ans: If you can’t helium or curium then you might as well barium

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Stardust she/her
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#42

Can February March?
Idk, but April May!

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•Taiki•
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#43

I had a job at an ED clinic…
I had to quit because I haven’t gotten a raise in years.

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JustinTime
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#44

Kid: "Dad, how long to dinner?"
Dad: "about 2 and a half foot"

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Mickysixxx
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#45

My sister once asked my dad if she was adopted and he replied "if I had a choice do you think I would've picked you?" Hahaha he has a wicked dark sense of humour

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Mickysixxx
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Elizabeth VanDyke
Elizabeth VanDyke
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1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

My dad once told me that he had no fear of me ever being kidnapped. He said as soon as they saw me in a good light, they would let me go.

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#46

Q: What do you call a deer with no eyes?
A: No-eye-deer

Q: What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?
A: Still no-eye-deer

Q: What do you call a deer with no eyes, ears or legs?
A: Anything you like, he can't hear you

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gmf
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#47

Squirrel fried itself on a transformer, power went out. Next station picks it up, comes back on. It fails, power goes out. This happened about 5 times. After power out for the time being, Dad looks at me and says "This is the worst disco I've ever been to."

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Heather W
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#48

Orignally, the Dwarves from Snow White, were 9, not 7. But, when Tasty went missing, Hungry got banished

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Dave van Es
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#49

How does a cheerleader answer the phone?

Give me an "H", give me an "E", give me an "LL-O"!!!!

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ArodTheHorrible
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#50

How did Hitler tie his shoes ?

In little knotsies !

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whatever
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#51

How many times do you have to tickle and octopus to make it laugh?

Ten-Tickles…

Of course it already has 8 of them, so the first two are just Test-Tickles!

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Ozzyols
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#52

What did the pencil say to the paper?
“I dot my i’s on you!”

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Rainbowskull13 (she/her)
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#53

two guys walked into a bar. you think the second one would have seen it coming

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DustTea (she/her)
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#54

Q. What do you call a cow with no legs?
A. Ground beef

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Ryan H
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#55

Why don't cannibals eat clowns?
Because they taste funny.

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Headless Roach
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#56

Where did George Washington hide his armies?

In his sleevies

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Random Girl
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#57

Q: How do you make a sausage roll?
A: You push it down the hill.

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Tapeworm
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#58

Two peanuts were walking down the street, and one was assaulted!

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Toni C
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Mya Lugar
Mya Lugar
Community Member
1 year ago DotsCreated by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

When the police questioned the assailant, he swore they were both nuts!

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#59

It's easy to make plans for date-night with a gymnast - they're very flexible.

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Brian Morphy
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#60

Know why your bike is leaning against the garage?
It's TWO tired. get it?
Two tired.

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Vermonta
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#61

[At the grocery store] Don't look at that shelf! Don't watch salad dressing, you pervert!

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KETGZ
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#62

Two nuns walk into a bar and the third one ducks.

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Green Shoe Laces
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#63

Me: Dad, you really can't believe everything you hear on Fox News! You have to do some research!
My dad: If I wanted to hear from an a*****e, I'd just fart.

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Wingo Lamo
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#64

This one is a joke my step dad likes to tell. He's a Catholic for background.

Dad: how do you teach religion?
Me: how?
Dad: feed'm s**t

To know faith in Latin is "fidem scire" pronounced FEE-dim SHEER-eh.

Here's one I tell my kids. There were two cats having a boat race. One cat was named One Two Three, the other cat was Un Deux Trois. Which cat won the race? One Two Three did, unfortunately the Un Deux Trois cat sank.

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RafCo (he/him/ele)
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#65

Here’s something my dad used to say when I put the word ‘succeed’ in a sentence:
Dad: “What succeeds?”
Me: “I don’t know”
Dad: “A budgie with no teeth”

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ZoeTheGreat
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#66

what’s green and has wheels?
grass. i lied about the wheels

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DustTea (she/her)
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