Hey Pandas, What Are Some Funny True Stories? (Closed)

What's one of the funniest stories you've had happen to you or some one you know?

I once was at my cousin's, I needed to wash off my hands so i went to one of those buckets with a tap, I pressed on the button and held out my hand, and it was brown. I said, "The water is brown! And it's sticky!" Then someone says, "That's tea..."

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Final score:

11points

everett

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Do-nut touch da donut 1 year ago

LOL

5points

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Once, my brother ate his toenail because he thought it was a piece of string cheese😂😂😂 it’s been about a year since he told me, and i still laugh about it to this day

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Final score:

10points

Mike_the_nike

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Bonesko 1 year ago (edited)

Last week, I was cheese crackers in bed at night. I dropped one on the floor and picked it up to eat it. It was dark, and I had just smoked. I soon realized that I picked up a cat treat. It was nor good! But at least it wasn't a toe nail haha

3points

Oh my god. So this needs a small bit of context before hand.

My sister and I are two of the clumsiest people you ever could meet. I don't know why we are the way we are, it's just a sad fact of life. We've learned to laugh at our misfortune.

Our dad is absolutely one of the most graceful men in the planet. He could walk a tightrope balancing a glass on his head and not break a sweat. So on the extremely rare occasion he drops something or slips on a patch of ice or has any sort of bad luck really, it's almost always hilarious.

That being said, last October he told me a story I'd never heard before.
APPARENTLY, when my older sister (Lex) was like two years old, he'd taken her to a little fall festival. He thought she'd like the petting zoo and pumpkins I guess.
The way he tells it...

"So you know, I'm walking down the street, pushing your sister in the stroller, we're having a good old time, it's nice weather, there's music, I've got some beers in the bottom of the stroller... And the next thing I know, her blanket gets caught under the wheel and it tips the whole thing over. Lex is strapped in and I'm not thinking straight because I just ate pavement, so my first thought was "Oh sh*t my beer!" And then "Oh sh*t my kid!" And this set the tone for the whole day. Once I calmed her down, I took her the see the animals, and she tried to headbutt a baby goat and lost. The rabbits scared her. And the turtle nearly bit her. So I figured maybe the petting zoo wasn't the best idea and I took her to feed the fish instead. We're doing great, having a good time, she's throwing handful and handful of fish food at the pond... And then a bunch of geese spotted us. Next think I know I've got Lex in my arms, I've abandoned the beer, I've abandoned the stroller, and I'm just gunning it to the car as fast as I can with these HUGE a** geese trying to nip at my ankles. I got the the car, strapped her in, took off one of my shoes and threw it at the d*mn birds, and took off."

After all of this my sister turned to look at him just reeaall slow and goes.. "so you cursed me. That's what Im hearing. You took me to a festival, threw me out of a stroller. And you cursed me."

"I didn't CURSE you! You were already knocking into things long before that. Nearly cracked your head open the first time you tried to walk! If anything, YOU cursed ME! I lost a shoe that day!"

This led to a 15 minute long debate where I just sat in the corner, tears running down my face and gasping for air.

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Final score:

10points

Hannah

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Blinders 1 year ago

This is hilarious

3points

I was around 20 when this happened. So one of my friends had this creepy witches head that cackled that he had been scaring the c**p out of me with on occasion. One night, me and a group of 5 or 6 people went out to our spot in the nearby to drink and smoke. It was a boat launch surrounded by forest, but had a short trail to a clearing with a picnic table. We're all, (except for our driver) smoking and drinking. I'm pretty stoned at this point. I went to the car for something and was walking down the trail to meet up with the rest of the group. It was really dark, and surrounded by trees. It was creepy even if I wasn't stoned. Anyway, about halfway down the trail my friend jumped out of the woods with that damn creepy witch head cackling and I immediately screamed, punched the head and f**king booked it out of there! I was not playing around haha! Of course, I quickly realized that it I was not in danger, and it was just my friend. Everyone laughed and made fun of me for a while. Even like 15 years later. But I stand by my actions! It may have just been a Halloween decoration, but I think my reaction was perfect. Scream, hit, and run! If there was actually an assailant in the woods I would have survived to tell this story, just under a different post.

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Final score:

7points

Bonesko

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Becca Kuehn 1 year ago

Too funny!

2points

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this is a tad boring in the beginning, so bear with me. when i was about seven or eight, i loved shredded cheese. i also loved pomelos, which my brother's friend's family would sometimes give to us because they grew all sorts of stuff, pomelos included. one day, my mother had sliced a pomelo, and i was dashing between a bowl of shredded cheese i was dining on and the sliced pomelo. while i had stopped at the pomelo plate to grab some pomelo, i noticed something. it was the right length and color to be a short piece of shredded cheddar jack cheese. clearly, i thought it was a piece of shredded cheese i had accidentally dropped, and being the carefree child i was, i made a move to eat it. but then.. it MOVED! i came to the obvious conclusion that i had discovered a moving piece of shredded cheese. mind you, i had NO IDEA what a maggot looked like. i awaited my fame for being the very first person to find a moving piece of cheese. i was utterly delighted. young me loved my mobile cheese. so anyways it was a maggot and apparently the pomelos that my entire family had been eating were infested with maggots and i never got my fame.

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Final score:

7points

waddles (they/them)

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Becca Kuehn 1 year ago

🤢

4points

We loved our Uncle because he showed genuine interest in us and was so much fun. One day he was swinging my brother by the heals, eventually letting him down gently in the grass. Then he covered his mouth and started repeating: I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry! What? My brother stood up and almost an entire pile of dog poop was stuck to the top of his head. Couldn't have scooped it cleaner off the lawn if we tried. But Uncle and I couldn't bear to say what we were seeing and watched as it slowly dawned on my little brother, with tears.

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Final score:

6points

Buck Up

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The_Nicest_Misanthrope 1 year ago

OMG that made me laugh so hard!!!!!

3points

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i almost got murdered by an orange

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Final score:

6points

jordan (pineapple he/she)

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Sarcastic and Proud 1 year ago

My brother is afraid of tomatos. We have no idea why...

2points

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Me and my best friends were on a sleepover at my house and binge-watching three horror movies all the night, screaming and eating junk food. So in the middle of the night there’s suddenly a huge crash downstairs, and we all freeze, and the cursed marionette jumps out in the TV but we couldn’t care less because the noise downstairs is WAY scarier. We debated about it and ended up going downstairs armed with pillows and lamps, but discovered it was my two cats choosing that moment to annihilate my mug.

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Final score:

6points