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Hey Pandas, Tell Me You’re A Parent Without Telling Me You’re A Parent
Parenting is hard, you deserve to vent.
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#1
I can open a bag of chips, cookies or candy silently.
Final score:
119points
#2
I have uttered the words "Don't lick the cat."
Final score:
118points
RandomFrog(He/They️️) 2 years ago
*My Mom thinking abt the time she has to tell my sister not to eat my pants*. (While I was wearing them btw. She was nine)
#3
I fear silence when they are not visible
Final score:
113points
#4
I once accidentally wrote on my grocery list "Sesame Street" instead of "sesame seeds".
Final score:
105points
#5
Over half of the items in my purse belong to other people
Final score:
105points
Anna Schrame 2 years ago
At a red light,singing along to barbie the Dino. Im alone in the car. Cringe.
#6
I can make up good night stories, varying the length according to the tiredness of the listener.
Final score:
101points
#7
I haven't peed in peace for 3 years
Final score:
100points
#8
There are socks all over my house. Behind the piano? Socks! Under the couch? Socks! In dresser drawers? ...No socks.
Final score:
98points
#10
My wife and I boast very impressive collections of rocks, sticks, feathers, shells, pine cones and uniquely stained articles of clothing.
Final score:
91points
#11
I recently had a dinner at an exclusive interactive restaurant. It consisted of me drinking bath water out off chip the cup from Beauty and the Beast and my fellow diners were Belle, the Beast, Elsa, Ariel and a troll doll from the 90's. I was charged (verbatim) 1 thousand and 5 million pounds and they kept my card as well because I only pretended to drink the bath water.... I will not be going again... until tomorrow night. Hopefully if I break and drink the bath water with bubbles I may get my card back 😏🤭🤗
Final score:
88points
#12
I can define the following terms: Bussin', Sus, Sheesh, My Dude, and Living Rent free . . . how ever I am not allowed to use them in a sentence, nor do I have any desire too.
Final score:
87points
Pharrah Jacobs 2 years ago
So true. I've tried talking in their native language, only to be warned not to again.
#13
I've said "Come here and let me smell your butt." on more than one occasion.
Final score:
81points
Margo Mohar-Maxwell 2 years ago (edited)
I literally broke my ankle trying not to step on Hot Wheels strewn about the floor. 😖
#14
My food is always cold.
Final score:
80points
Christina Odermatt 2 years ago
I eat while I cook cuz it’s not like my kids let me eat anyways!! My 1yo will str8 up grab my entire plate off the table so he can play in it. 🤦🏼♀️
#15
I have a pile of cheerio and goldfish sand at the bottom of my purse
Final score:
76points
#17
I still think Dora the Explorer shouldn't be allowed to leave the house by herself and that she and Boots are-co-dependents.
Whenever she said, "I need your help," I would shout from the kitchen, "Again? Why? To count to five this time? For crying out loud, Dora, pull yourself together!"
Final score:
72points
Hannah Cremeans 2 years ago
It's a map to America okay we get it the crocodile is border control we know... WE KNOW
#18
I know what Santa will bring for Christmas!
Final score:
71points
#20
Baby shark do do do..
Final score:
68points
#21
I'm taking care of a cat, that isn't mine, for the rest of it's life.
Final score:
67points
Danniee Gyrl 2 years ago
EXACTLY...He is going into the Air Force in a few weeks...so yeah...both of the cats belong to me now....🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
#22
The things you find in the washing machine ;
lego, stones, feathers,.
Also to be found in other surprising places like the fridge.
Final score:
65points
#23
I have a 4 bedroom house and yet forget what the other occupants look like thanks to cell phones, gaming systems, work, school and general (teen) "I hate everyone" attitudes. But yet the kitchen sink is constantly full with 734 cups for various liquid nourishment and bowls and plates. And where the hell are all my spoons???
Final score:
63points
#24
During the school year, every morning is a crisis that involves lost items, tears, and vows to do better tomorrow. And that's when I'm the only one awake!!
Final score:
58points
#25
Before COVID you could find sanitizer and wet wipes in my car or bag at any given time.
Final score:
56points
#26
I can no longer be coaxed, or tricked into, sniffing anyone’s finger.
Final score:
54points
*Displayname*=idk 2 years ago
😂🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 I'm sorry! But as an older sister with a younger brother I felt this to my heart 🤣🤣🤣
#27
The only jokes I know are Dad jokes.
Final score:
53points
#28
My pantry and fridge are full of empty cartons, containers and packages that I don't see until I'm putting the groceries away.
Final score:
53points
*Displayname*=idk 2 years ago
As the cleaning addict of our household I 100 percent understand.
#29
Peppa Pig haunts my dreams, the little S**t
Final score:
51points
Christina Odermatt 2 years ago
I won’t let my kids watch Peppa Pig cuz I’m the 1 who can’t stand it, it’s such a dumbass cartoon an there r a lot of dumbass cartoons but Peppa takes the cake!
#30
We (both in our 70s) are recovering from Covid. I just asked my husband if he wanted to go nigh-nigh.
Final score:
50points
#31
The nicest part of my day is when I'm on my own, can hear myself think, watch something that isn't PG related and without be questioned throughout the whole film. Silence is bliss 😊
Final score:
49points
Christina Odermatt 2 years ago (edited)
Silence is bliss, I wouldn’t know, what does that even mean? 🤣🤣
#32
Repeatedly awakened in the middle of the night.
Final score:
48points
#33
I’ve stayed up all night making a hamburger costume
Final score:
48points
#34
I cannot remember what 8 uninterrupted hours of sleep feels like nor having room in my bed and it being crumbles. I have vague memories of a waking up naturally!
Final score:
46points
Teampandas GF 2 years ago
I'm still hoping for the return of 4,5 hours of uninterrupted sleep...
#35
Any question I ask gets answered with 'You Mama'. Anything I do that I think is cool, someone says 'Bruh' in a condescending tone. I drive the same miles as an Uber, but don't get paid for it. And everything reeks of socks.
Final score:
46points
#36
I find water bottles in ever crevice and corner of the house, all partially drank. Yet there's 2 offenders, that refuse to claim so it gets wasted.
Final score:
45points
#37
Of course a can drink tea and eat cookies without actually drinking tea and eating cookies.
Final score:
44points
#38
When my kids come to visit (they’re in their 30s) and we go out for the day, my bag still gets loaded with hankies, wipes, 1st aid, umbrella or sun cream (or both), purse, masks, sanitiser, mints, carrier bag, water — “just in case” 😂
Final score:
44points
#39
The very last thing I do before leaving the house in the morning is to get dressed, because the odds are I will get two or three body fluids on my clothes before I make it to the door.
Final score:
43points
#40
I have asked someone to remove the glow stick from their nose BEFORE coming to the dinner table.
Final score:
41points
Ambry Petersen 2 years ago (edited)
Or ended up in the ER because of multiple carrot pieces shoved up a small nostril. Got home later and even more were snorted out during the night. I still wonder how anyone can shove that many cooked carrots up one nostril during a single napkin run.
#41
I have a tiny sock stuck to the Velcro on my jacket hood.
Final score:
40points
#43
I haven't slept in years...
Final score:
38points
#44
I buy silverware 🍽 weekly...not plastic wares but silverware
Final score:
38points
Keisha Hall 2 years ago
We are definitely missing silverware. Just this morning, I decided to buy more...we have like 3 forks and 50 knives.
#45
I used to care so much about my appearance I wouldn't leve the house until I was completely made up, coordinated and accessorised. Now you would be lucky if I remember to take the child's knickers (clean) I'm using as a hair bobble out of my hair.
Final score:
38points
#46
Found a half eaten chocolate bar in my shoe yesterday... My work shoes. Super fun.
Final score:
38points
#47
I am the CEO of a small small cleaning service, which also provides addition services at no extra charge. Additionally I sit on the board of directors for a small bank BofM.
Final score:
37points
#48
A toy car factory has exploded in my house.
Final score:
37points
#49
I have way more content knowledge than a person should have about show, sites, and games that have nothing to do with my job or interests.
Final score:
37points
#50
Me: "Why are you licking the fridge?"
Nephew: "I'm a chameleon."
He was trying to open the fridge to get food. With his tongue, smh.
Final score:
36points
#51
"Because" is a perfectly complete and full answer
Final score:
35points
#52
I have a collection of drinks called "Not Mine"
Final score:
33points
#54
My car looks like a dumpster
Final score:
31points
#55
I always have a sink full of dirty dishes I didn’t create (alas no dishwasher)
Final score:
31points
#56
Shayden...Elias...Aria...whatever your name is! Stop doing that!
Final score:
31points
#57
Can I please just p**s in peace!
Final score:
30points
Ambry Petersen 2 years ago
My little bro and his wife "we need our privacy". Me knowing what happens to privacy after you have children and trying not to laugh hysterically.
#59
Where is my ________? As it walks past on someone else's body.
Final score:
29points
#60
There's a Hot Wheels car in my box of tampons.
Final score:
29points
#61
Just did laundry and already have 6 loads to do again
Final score:
29points
#62
I know far too much about Minecraft, a game I've never had any desire to play....
Final score:
28points
Rachel Adorno 2 years ago
My son gave me a 2 hour description, trying to convince me to buy it for him.
#63
All of the pasta in my pantry, and all of the chicken nuggets in my freezer are shaped like animals.
Final score:
28points
*Displayname*=idk 2 years ago
My brother only ate the paw patrol macaroni for the longest time...
#64
Two of our five Disney + profiles = Princess KK and Dorkasaurus
Final score:
27points
Jennifer Martinez 2 years ago
Kiddo set Dad's as Lord Prancington III on one and Constable Soggy Bottom on another 🤣🤣🤣
#65
Maria BeRomero 1 minute ago
I am usually encountered in random places like a grocery store singing twinkle twinkle little star while been alone.
Final score:
27points
Margaret Hooper 2 years ago
My husband was caught rocking a bag of cement and whistling "I'm a Little Teapot" to it at the hardware store by his boss.
#66
I have witnessed the length and girth of freshly produced poop entirely too many times.
Final score:
27points
Brooks Presnell 2 years ago
I hear "Dad, I'm done! Come wipe me!" In the distance every time I sit down to eat. Every. Time.
#67
I keep a box of Lego in the back seat of my car for boredom emergencies. My kids are in their 30s ... haven't lived with me for years.
Final score:
27points
#68
Not a parent, but an older sister.
I hid MANY candies in my old history books. Dante's Inferno, Brown's Da Vinci Code, full of candies. that's the only place my baby brother will never look into.
Final score:
27points
Ambry Petersen 2 years ago
You will hade much more than that, and in a greater variety of places as a parent.
#69
All valuables must be put 3ft or higher out of reach
Final score:
25points
Amberlie Mikelsen 2 years ago
In locked upper cabinets in my case; I gave birth to 2 monkeys...
#70
Because I said so.
Final score:
25points
Ambry Petersen 2 years ago (edited)
After the fifteenth to twentieth time of explaining the same question "Because I said so" becomes a much more appealing answer.
#71
I can name all the pups from paw patrol. The sound of the snorts from Pepa pig's family makes me cringe - "muddy puddles" oh my horror
Final score:
24points
#72
I often have to clean up old pizza boxes and pop cans outside that have bb holes through them. Have night crawlers in my fridge and often have to look at and hear about cardboard tinfoil duct tape boats.
Final score:
23points
#73
Apparently I can Venmo allowances.
Final score:
23points
#74
I was putting a shed together and was singing "Fruit Salad" by the Wiggles
Final score:
22points
#75
I'm pretty sure I could clog a shop-vac with the contents from within our couch cushions.
Final score:
22points
#76
I've seen every Episode of "Bluey" so many times I can recite them.
Final score:
22points
*Displayname*=idk 2 years ago
Oh my stars of Jesus! I can too! It bothers me when I try to sleep at night. ..
#77
I installed locks at the top of my bedroom and bathroom doors.
Final score:
22points
#78
I co-habitate with a jerk named 'Not Me' that LITERALLY does nothing and everything. Somehow, my other co-habitants knows this person on a deep level, yet none have seen them. I can't wait for this jerk to turn 18 and move the eff out....
Final score:
22points
#79
I will forever store toys, graduation gowns and a wedding dress of someone who doesn't live with me anymore.
Final score:
22points
#80
Most items in my purse come from mother nature and 'can easily be recycled or re-used'.
Final score:
21points
#81
I have had to explain more than once that people don't break out in song and dance anywhere we go. Ever.
Final score:
21points
ButterflyMcQueen 2 years ago
I'm afraid I'm going to have to respectfully have to disagree. This is a regular occurrence on my mother's side of the family, occasionally, embarrassingly in public.
#82
Even I'm glad school is out.
Final score:
20points
#83
My wife went to Aldis one morning. Apparently when she opened her shopping bag it was full of teething toys.
Final score:
19points
Rachel Adorno 2 years ago
Allison is a grocery store in the Midwest of the United States. They do not provide grocery bags. You bring them or put your groceries in a box or hand carry them individually.
#84
I usually eat leftovers from many different plates
Final score:
19points
Amberlie Mikelsen 2 years ago
Oh, what's really bad is they'll only eat what's on your plate, so you get stuck with their cold meal...
#85
My shopping list list consists names next to the items so I know if the item can be substituted or not. The world almost ended last week when I bought gummy bears and no gummy worms.
Final score:
19points
#86
I have at least 6 completely empty boxes in the pantry and 4 open cabinet doors.
Final score:
19points
Ambry Petersen 2 years ago
Sounds like an infestation of giant two legged raccoons. Also known as Rugrats.
#88
I'm the punching bag for a set of first year hockey twins
Final score:
18points
Ambry Petersen 2 years ago
Since I'm pregnant my husband is the punching bag for the child outside the belly. I'm the punching bag for the one inside it.
#89
My husband just said “the floor is lava” instead of the “floor is yours” during a presentation
Final score:
18points
#90
Bought decorations and food yesterday, cleaned and DIYed a whole pink ocean theme room today. Ready for bday bbq for tomorrow.
Final score:
17points
Ambry Petersen 2 years ago
Mine wants an otter party. Waiting to see if she changes her mind in the next few months.
#91
I have taken a pick axe to the side of my garden to create a "construction site" so that the excavators don't dig up my cucumbers. Every morning the house is clean, and two hours into the day I can't walk in a straight line. And I've had to ask why boogers are on the wall or smiley faces are drawn in poop on the sports car I don't get to use anymore in the garage.
Final score:
17points
Ambry Petersen 2 years ago
Or why boogers are one the side of the bathtub, or used tissues hidden under the covers of you bed.
#92
There are tissues in varying states of use in my left cargo shorts pocket at all times.
Final score:
17points
#93
"WAAAÀALK!"
Also: I know the name of every crayola crayon color.
Final score:
17points
#94
My rearview mirror is adorned with a pacifier hanging from a lanyard
Final score:
17points
Ambry Petersen 2 years ago
My bedroom wall by the light switch is adorned with stickers. Whenever I remove them more seem to appear.
#95
I function as a cook, teacher, nurse, counselor, maid, entertainer, and human pillow- and I do it all for free.
Final score:
16points
Ambry Petersen 2 years ago
You forgot chauffer, jungle gym, referee, police officer, judge, spider squisher, teacher, search and rescue for lost items, etc etc.
#96
I've watched all of "Mickey Mouse Clubhouse"
Final score:
15points
Ambry Petersen 2 years ago
Given the quality of the new cartoons I miss Mickey Mouse club house.
#97
I have said the words "No that hole is not a poop shoot, put your underwear on right."
Final score:
15points
Ambry Petersen 2 years ago
So far have a daughter, but am expecting a son in just a few months, I expect I will become very familiar with that phrase.
#98
(Cat owner)
Every two minutes or so, a “bwurr” is echoed through the house.
Final score:
14points
#99
There is one show in the house that you hear way more than any other... Cocomelon. There's also the song... We Don't Talk About Bruno
Final score:
14points
Samia Guled 2 years ago
This is the daily things In my family, I'd give ANYTHING to not be brainwashed with encanto.
#100
All cookies, candies, and chips are in a locked cabinet over the fridge. The cleaning products are in an unlocked cabinet under the sink.
Final score:
14points
#101
I can tell you... Wait. GET THAT OUT OF YOUR MOUTH!!... I do not care that the dog gave it to you... So I can... Hold on. Uhm. What was the question...?
Final score:
14points
#102
I have a basket with several mateless shoes and sneakers.
Final score:
13points
#103
I used to hate cold coffee but now it's almost all I'm able to drink.
Final score:
13points
Tricia Burcell 2 years ago (edited)
That’s why I use a leak-proof, insulated travel mug at home!
#104
I’m tired
Final score:
13points
#105
I just bought some dork diaries books from the library (my mom 4 years ago POV)
Final score:
12points
#106
French fries or goldfish crackers on the floor of the car
Final score:
12points
#107
I have learned to "talk" for the stuffed cats. Things start with an "m"
Final score:
12points
Ambry Petersen 2 years ago
Have had to mount major rescue operations for toys that fell behind the bed.
#108
I call my husband Daddy in a non-sexual way
Final score:
12points
#109
I made up names for animals and kids on the street, since I got scolded for not knowing their names by a two year old.
Final score:
12points
#110
screaming kids, toilet paper mummies, kids rolled up in "avocado" blankets
Final score:
11points
#111
Is that poop or chocolate?
Final score:
11points
#112
I don't remember the last time I was able to stay home alone. Without kids or hubby🥺. I have to leave the house if I want a moment of peace and quiet. Not even bathroom time is sacred.
Final score:
11points
Ambry Petersen 2 years ago
Which is why it's so hard not to laugh listening to my little bro and his wife (who want kids) saying how they need thier privacy.
#113
Wet floors and doors that seem to not close.
Final score:
11points
Ambry Petersen 2 years ago
And muddy tracks on the carpet that reappear everything you clean then.
#114
I once found a cheeseburger in my purse that had been there a couple of days.
Final score:
11points
Ambry Petersen 2 years ago (edited)
Eeewwww. Almost as bad as the half eaten donut in the carseat cup holder that had been there for a week, that my child tried to take a bite out of Incident.
#115
Going to the supermarket/Target/CVS by myself feels like a vacation on a tropical island.
Final score:
11points
#116
Where is my ________? As it walks past on someone else's body.
Final score:
10points
#117
Toot toot Chugga chugga big red car on a loop in my head. OH and the snot! Copious amounts of snot. Uggh.
Final score:
10points
#118
Several of my most treasured pieces of jewelry are made of rainbow plastic pony beads.
Final score:
10points
#119
I yell everyday" STOP YELLING"
Final score:
10points
#120
I have had projectile poop in my eye.
(It burns!)
Final score:
9points
Ambry Petersen 2 years ago
The day I brought my daughter home from the hospital, pooped on peed on and puked on...all on the same day. That was my initiation to motherhood.
#121
I drive minivan.
Final score:
9points
#122
In my purse I always have bandaids, fruit snacks, Tylenol, Advil, lactose intolerance pills (which I am not!), hard candies, safety pins, a pen & paper.
Final score:
9points
#123
There were Littlest Pet Shop animals in the manger at Christmas time "because Jesus needed more animals"
Final score:
9points
#124
I make up lullabies on the fly...at 3 in the morning
Final score:
9points
Elaine Harley 2 years ago
"My Bonnie" is a family lullaby that I used with my kids. If I needed extra verses I would switch out "Bonnie" for a family member's name!
#125
I grapoed hold of a stranger's hand at the road side and said...."hold my Danny". I also pointed to a horse out of the bus window and said..."look, a poppo"
Final score:
8points
#126
I had two extra kids named Ida Know and Ont Know living in my house.
Final score:
8points
Ambry Petersen 2 years ago
I have Ida Know, and "I didn't do that", and "not me" and "nobody"...none of which I have ever actually seen. Plus the plethora of my child's imaginary friends who seem to be almost permanent residents.
#127
Every chair I regularly sit in has a roll of paper towel within reach.
Final score:
8points
#128
I never feel like I am doing enough.
Final score:
8points
Ashley Deane 2 years ago
This is all parents but not JUST parents. This is literally every one at most times. The fact that you worry you aren't doing enough, shows you're probably doing fine.
#129
The sound of silence isn't just a great song from Disturbed but is also the sound I fear the most coming from the bedroom
Final score:
8points
#130
I have heard every spoiler to every movie that I don't even want to see.
Final score:
8points
#131
Not Mine, Wasn't Me, and I didn't do it are all my roommates. Though I don't remember inviting them to stay with me in my home. 🙃🤔🤪
Final score:
8points
#132
Know all the words to the Pokemon theme and names of all of Ash's pokemon from every region I used to only know pikachu and jigglypuff
Final score:
7points
#133
My hair has been used to wipe a snotty nose clean
Final score:
7points
#134
I just had to yell, "Don't poke that spider with your finger!"
Final score:
7points
Debbie Boyd Cochran (Submission author) 2 years ago
I'm extremely scared of spiders, but I had this one in a bowl to try to identify it. She wanted to see what it's *defensive mode* looked like.
#135
Every time I open the shower curtain to step in, there are many and various types of toys laying in the tub. Most of them aren't even made for water so I have to scoop them all up and lay them on a towel to dry just to get in the shower. Same thing the next day. It never ends.
Final score:
7points
#136
My son greeted my husband "HI Steve. Oops I mean dad." My husband is named James. Blues clues was important.
Final score:
7points
#137
How do you get permanent marker off a cat??!!….asking for a friend😬
Final score:
7points
#138
My house has a constant tornado that seems to be as violent as the storm on Jupiter, has forced me to utter "don't stick your finger there" and "that's not where that goes" on thousands of occasions, and seems to have a new and absolutely random question waaay to complicated for me to answer in a moments time every .25 seconds...
Also, I have one friend. Her name is Voda Ka and we speak often. She understands me lmao.
Final score:
7points
#139
I've gone to work wearing nail polish on my toes and fingers, because small humans needed to both be nail technicians and I was the only victim... I mean customer available...
Final score:
7points
#141
I'm pretty sure I could clog a shop-vac with the contents from within our couch cushions.
Final score:
6points
#142
I have taken a pick axe to the side of my garden to create a "construction site" so that the excavators don't dig up my cucumbers. Every morning the house is clean, and two hours into the day I can't walk in a straight line. And I've had to ask why boogers are on the wall or smiley faces are drawn in poop on the sports car I don't get to use anymore in the garage.
Final score:
6points
#143
Petroleum jelly is difficult to remove, even off a water-loving labrador
Final score:
6points
#144
"PANTS! Where are your pants?"
😳😳
"Who peed on the carpet?" Didn't always apply to the dogs.
🤨🤨
Final score:
6points
#145
(Daycare teacher)
I know that it's a bad idea to give 16 two year olds apple juice immediately after they've woken up from nap, have repeatedly uttered the words "No, Thank You! We don't drink water from off the ground!", Can change diapers like a speed racer, and know that all it takes to stop a crying chain of toddlers is to bring out the fabric tunnel.
Final score:
6points
#146
I think it's quite a parent personally.
Final score:
6points
#148
Yelled at my teenager for not packing up his stuff to head out to out of state college tomorrow (i had been telling him to do it for 3 weeks).
Got mad! Yelled! And immediately went to the bathroom and cried because he's going to out if state college tomorrow.
I'm conflicted!
Final score:
6points
#149
The dog is covered in raw eggs and chocolate syrup!
Final score:
5points
#151
I can never do anything for longer than 10 minutes unless it's between the times of 2 and 4 pm.
Final score:
5points
#153
There is a secret squatter in my home named "Not Me", and they happen to make lots of messes ....
Final score:
5points
#154
I'm fluent in English, sigh and eye roll
Final score:
5points
#155
Well, one of my three best friends stopped by today; however, I was so tired I decided to take a two-hour nap. She must not have minded a bit because she new better than to wake me.
Final score:
4points
#156
We don’t talk about Bruno… except when we do. 3,456,989 times a day.
Final score:
4points
#157
Their food plates are untouched.
As I fight to protect my food on my plate. Dispite all plates holding the exact same food items.
Final score:
4points
#158
There were french fries in the VCR. Apparently, it was hungry. Side note, VCRs do not like french fries,
Final score:
4points
#159
I have a hatred and fear of Lego blocks in the living room leaping under my bare feet in the early morning.
Final score:
4points
#160
I had no idea I could ruin someone's day by giving them the wrong spoon.
Final score:
4points
#161
I have had to tell someone to stop being mean to their cheese...
Final score:
4points
#162
I told you to go get your pajamas on and brush your teeth. I get to listen to a hissy fit for the next 30 minutes because obviously I have ruined your life.
Final score:
4points
#163
There are tissues in varying states of use in my left cargo shorts pocket at all times.
Final score:
3points
#164
My rearview mirror is adorned with a pacifier hanging from a lanyard
Final score:
3points
#165
I learned to love the burnt fries in an order.
Final score:
3points
#166
Constantly saying "I'm not a bank!" My kids are 29 and 21.
Legos NEVER leave. 16 years of them in storage and I still occasionally find a stray!
Final score:
3points
#167
I know all the words to the Paw Patrol, PJ Mask, and Team Umizoomi theme songs. As well as all the characters names.
Final score:
3points
#168
Most days I end up carrying an extra 20-25 lbs around the house that's not even my own weight...
Final score:
3points
#169
I could spend all day cleaning but by bedtime it looks like a tornado went through my house..😮💨
Final score:
3points
#170
I have a large assortment of papers with what looks to be nothing but scribbles, sloppy random brush strokes. However I've been informed the are boats, the ocean, and any combination of things you could imagine
Final score:
3points
#171
My algorithm thinks I'm a gangsta rap listening, Roblox playing, jazz loving, challenge taking, hard working, trend dancing human being.
Final score:
3points
#172
I answer the question " why " over 500 times per day.
Final score:
3points
#173
My favorite phrases are "it starts with p, ends with an e, and is all manners" and "that doesn't go up your nose or in your mouth"
Final score:
3points
#174
I have found petrified chicken nuggets in and under the couch.
I never have to worry about a burglar breaking in, because my floors are minefields, especially in the dark.
Poop talk is a constant.
I hide candy in empty tampon boxes.
I eat candy in the bathroom. With the door locked.
I have called out, 'You! With the face!' and they know who I am talking too.
I yell, 'Stop Running in the House' 2,394,103 times a day.
I once prided myself on my cooking. Now, everything I cook is 'Gross' unless premade and bought from the store. At least my husband and friends still like my cooking. But my confidence has taken a massive hit.
When I go to the store alone, I check the back seat.
Every doctor visit requires a trip to Dollar Tree afterwards.
Laundry is NEVER ENDING.
Never enough socks.
Apparently, one can subsist on popsciles and ice alone.
Final score:
3points
#175
Was at a restaurant with a friend, tried something new. When she asked me how it was I said, "Oh, it's nummy num nums."
Final score:
3points
#176
Glitter everywhere.
Chicken nuggets for dinner
Why is this sticky?
Final score:
3points
#177
I have a formula that gets markers and crayons off walls.
Final score:
3points
#178
I crochet but I can't fit my work in the bag due to all the bandages liquid stitch and meds. Instead of hooks it's all colored pencils
Final score:
2points
#179
My husband just said “the floor is lava” instead of the “floor is yours” during a presentation
Final score:
2points
#180
Uh=truck, wa'a=water, ay=train, mirl=milk, ee=cheese or please, etc.
Also currently looking for a minivan because in a few months there won't be any more room in our car.
Final score:
2points
#181
I sway back and forth usually humming a soothing tune when not at home and by myself
I also tend to rock the shopping carriage back and forth humming or lightly singing, also by myself.
Final score:
2points
CMKL (Submission author) 2 years ago
I have an 'under construction' sign in the middle of my living room.
#182
Which one are you again? Out of 7 no one ever remembered my name (middle kid). I was called jack one day. The dogs name.
Final score:
2points
ButterflyMcQueen 2 years ago
I can relate to this. I'm only 1 of 4 and the only one who's name doesn't start with M. I'm the 3rd girl so I get called everything including my aunt's name (her name starts with M), my brother's name, and I share a middle name with my mom's favorite female chihuahua ☹
#184
Sometimes I find myself quietly humming "I love you, you love me..." and have to force myself to stop.
Final score:
2points
#185
I have 2 refrigerators and a pantry all completely stocked with food. I am told multiple times a day that we "Never have anything to eat in this house!"
Final score:
2points
Karen Kaiser 2 years ago
Or they have nothing to wear especially my streaker who once the diapers went or stinky they keep going til it hits the floor then step out of it and keep going. I only know when hubby steps in it and bellows
#186
There is a happy face sticker on every doorknob in the house, and a big one on the inside of the toilet lid…
Final score:
2points
#187
Sleep? Ahh, I remember sleep. Many moons ago there was plenty of it to go around.
Final score:
2points
Lashonda Jones 2 years ago
NOW? NOT SO MUCH. ESPECIALLY WHEN THEY OPEN YOUR EYE AT 6 IN THE MORNING ON SATURDAY TO SEE IF YOU'RE "AWAKE YET"
#188
When it's time to put away a toy (or some other object), said item is "sleepy/needs to go to it's home."
Final score:
2points
#189
"I have a tattoo!" He stood in the mirror and drew Pokémon on his chest in permanent marker.
Final score:
2points
#190
I yell, "get in the car!,". about the same amount as I yell, "get out of the car!" And yet... Still no one listens.
Final score:
2points
#191
wait.. Season 4 of Strangers Things came out?
Final score:
2points
#193
I know where to find mommy, daddy, brother and sister finger at any given time
Final score:
2points
#194
Toilet not flushing by finding a whole roll of toilet paper, a doll, and a about 15 wrappers for candy.
Final score:
2points
#195
Them on Monday "good weekend"
Me "meh"
Then "what did you get up to?"
Me (desperately tries to thing of the most glamorous way of saying "survived while dreading Monday")
Final score:
2points
#196
I know the difference between Master C heif and Nathan Drake
Final score:
1point
Amberlie Mikelsen 2 years ago
That doesn't mean you're a parent, that just means you have a man-child living in your house; be it brother, significant other, or Dad
#197
I found a chunk of hair on the bathroom floor.
Now to do shades check.
Final score:
1point
#200
On more than one occasion while pulling into the driveway I have said the words I know you have to pee but please do not pee in the backyard the kitchen doors 10 ft away
Final score:
1point
#201
i smell like puke or p**s.or puke and p**s
Final score:
1point
#203
I was baking a cake around 11 pm. Then I decorated it with a picture of Neymar Jr.
Final score:
1point
#204
I know that I have too many towels for any reasonable place, let just say clumsy can be transferred
Final score:
1point
#205
I wake up at ungodly hours of morning to provide transport for younger humans to their activities. (They both can drive now and I still provide this service)
Final score:
1point
Krista Salerno (Submission author) 2 years ago
To clarify. This was a liocation where parking would have been costly (Comic Con) and difficult to find. 99.9% of their stuff they can drive to and from. But the rare case, I am happy to be the mom shuttle at 4am
#206
I eat the crust only sometimes lol
Final score:
1point
#207
That wasn’t candy…
Final score:
1point
#208
I know 8 birthdates by heart and often have to repeat them several times a day. Just imagine moving more than once with all the doctors, dentists, schools, insurance companies, emergency rooms...
Final score:
1point
Karen Kaiser 2 years ago
I know a lady talking to a doctor about her daughter only to realize the doctor she was talking to was the vet calling about the dog and didn't realize til 20 minutes into the call lol
#209
The list of nice things we will buy, and when we will refinish the floors gets longer and further away.
Final score:
1point
#210
I had to replace carpeting because it was painted with red fingernail polish.
Final score:
1point
#211
I have enough snacks on the back floor of my truck, for a week of camping
Final score:
1point
#212
Laundry is eternal...
Final score:
1point
#213
I find myself preforming the same household tasks (Picking up cups/plates/bowls/clothes/shoes etc) only to go back a couple of hours later to find "not mine's" cup/plate/bowl/clothes/shoes, etc have appeared.
Final score:
1point
#214
It's 1:45am. First shift completed. Clean and fed, down for the count.
Final score:
1point
#215
You never have any spoons or forks in the utensils drawer-- EVER!
Final score:
1point
#217
Let me get you a juice box. They're in my purse. Snack? Ok, got those in there too.
Final score:
1point
#218
I have no fear of poop, vomit, or pee. Also I can find the halflings.
Final score:
1point
#220
I have more Lego men than shower gels and shampoos in my shower
Final score:
1point
#221
I give kisses on chubby cheeks despite getting punched before 🤣
Final score:
1point
#225
Each time I see something prefixed with the word "baby" (e.g. baby carrots, baby leaf lettuce) the words/tune "do-do, do-do-do-do" automatically follows in my head.
Final score:
1point
#226
I have taken a pick axe to the side of my garden to create a "construction site" so that the excavators don't dig up my cucumbers. Every morning the house is clean, and two hours into the day I can't walk in a straight line. And I've had to ask why boogers are on the wall or smiley faces are drawn in poop on the sports car I don't get to use anymore in the garage.
Final score:
0points
#227
I can make pot of coffee with one hand.
Final score:
0points
#229
To say it like Downton Abby: Weekend? What's a weekend?
Final score:
0points
#230
I have 2 refrigerators and a pantry all completely stocked with food. I am told multiple times a day that we "Never have anything to eat in this house!"
Final score:
0points
#231
I just did my laundry and am so excited that I have clean nipple pads lol
Final score:
0points
#232
Annual mileage in my car - around 8000 miles. Percentage of those miles that are not actually 'Taxi-ing daughter around' - Probably around 10 % :)
Final score:
0points
#235
In my purse I have baby teeth that aren’t mine. The tooth fairy has to do something with them!
Final score:
0points
#239
While I was folding laundry, my youngest informed me that me put a lego up his bum. Why?! Because it was itchy. Afterwards, he proceeded to get upset when I wouldn’t let him keep said lego. Thank heavens it was a smooth one and not a big brick!
Final score:
0points
#241
I was given a new name at age 27, I share it with millions of other Americans, and whenever someone says it, a group of neurons in my brain lights up.
Final score:
0points
#242
I wake up every morning by at least six o'clock although I'd love to sleep at least til 8...
Final score:
0points
#243
When I open my handbag to get my purse I have to rummage through diapers, wipes, cookies, bottles, books, etc.
Final score:
0points
#245
About 19 years after I got married my grocery bill had a dramatic drop.
Final score:
0points
#246
1. I’ve been handed a nugget of poop
2. Every morning I have to ask someone if they put on underwear
3. I dine at a restaurant daily and eat pancakes out of a bowl
4. I am a master at silently opening food wrappers
5. I make ‘comfy spots’ nightly, but I never get to enjoy them
6. I own a pair of sound dampening ear plugs and haven’t been to a concert in 4 years
7. I hide in the bathroom
8. I haven’t uttered the words ‘I’m bored’ in 10 years
9. I get jumped on anytime I crouch to grab something from a low cabinet
10. Going to work feels like a break
Final score:
0points
#247
In the past year, I've learned how to make a peacock sound when it shows up in a book, and I can produce varying roars for tigers and lions, and different humming styles for bees, wasps, bumblebees and dragon flies. Because, of course, it's vital that they don't sound the same!
Final score:
0points
#248
Trying to "sleep in" past 5am means waking up repeatedly with a foot in your mouth.
Final score:
0points
#250
Me telling my cat : Elfo you can't lay there
Elfo: looks at me as he lay down on the baby who is taking a nap.
The baby: waaaaaa
Me: wow real cool bro, now you put him to sleep.
Elfo: falls asleep 😴
😩
Final score:
0points
#251
I can make a pot of coffee with one hand.
Final score:
-1point
What do you think ?
*Displayname*=idk 2 years ago
I'm not a parent I'm just the second oldest child, but yet I feel and can relate to every single one of these. 🤨
Samia Guled 2 years ago
me, being the middle child, is also the parent of my younger siblings ;-;
Load More Replies...
DS Mom 2 years ago
Eveytime my son would spit up on my dad, he would proudly say it was his grandpa badge. 😊
Load More Replies...
Marilyn Love 2 years ago
I'm a grandmother and haven't had more than 3 sips of any friut based drink since my youngest g child has learned to drink from a straw
*Displayname*=idk 2 years ago
I'm not a parent I'm just the second oldest child, but yet I feel and can relate to every single one of these. 🤨
Samia Guled 2 years ago
me, being the middle child, is also the parent of my younger siblings ;-;
Load More Replies... DS Mom 2 years ago
Eveytime my son would spit up on my dad, he would proudly say it was his grandpa badge. 😊
Load More Replies... Marilyn Love 2 years ago
I'm a grandmother and haven't had more than 3 sips of any friut based drink since my youngest g child has learned to drink from a straw
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