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I wanted to ask all of you, who decided not to have children what were your reasons? Also, I would like to find out how have people tried to persuade you that you should have children.
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#1
I would be a terrible parent. Neither I nor my child would be happy and i don't want to inflict that on either of us. I need my silence and solitude and me-time, i could not deal with a child all the time.
Final score:
22points
Bonesko 1 year ago
I feel the same. I was my niece's guardian for over a year. I took care of them well, but it was so hard! I like solitude and me time also. If I didn't realize that before, I certainly did after caring for my niece's. I'm glad I did it, and while I was sad at first when my brother, their father, was able to care for them again, I was also relieved. I couldn't just go out and do things whenever I wanted.
RELATED:
#2
I want to make the world a better place and I think I could do that better if I didn’t have to raise a child. I just don’t think having more children is a responsible thing to do when the world is collapsing around us and I think nature conservation or helping wild animals or something would make the world better
Final score:
20points
#4
I don’t like kids, and I would hate to be responsible for one for the rest of its life.
Final score:
17points
#5
So very many things. I don't like babies, the sound of a crying baby makes me want to jam an oyster fork in my ear. I keep the tv remote at the ready like a gunslinger to mute it if it comes on. I don't even like the smell of the baby aisle in the supermarket.
I don't want to wreck my body, I don't want to get woken up all night long, I don't want a baby/toddler clinging to me for years. I don't want to host or go to kids' birthday parties.
The thought of mommy groups and play dates makes me shudder.
I don't want to deal with tantrums and driving them to a million places. I don't want my car to smell like curdled milk and vomit. I don't want to change a sh*tty diaper. Ever.
I have no patience and would make a terrible mother. The world is a horrible place and I wouldn't want to subject another person to it when there are already so many unwanted kids. I read horror stories about awful kids all the time, what if I went through all that effort and that's what I ended up with? What if I dedicated my body, love, time, money and soul to them and they just ended up blaming me for everything wrong in their life and hating me? I see a lot of those stories, too. No, thanks.
And what if I had a disabled child? Am I willing to give up my entire life in perpetuity to care for them 24/7? Absolutely not. I don't want anyone making demands on my time. I am simply not mother material. Everything about it repulses me. I recognize it and I'm fine with that. My life is peaceful and secure, just how I like it.
tl;dr: So very many reasons
Final score:
15points
#6
I've known I never want to have kids since I was a kid myself. I think it began when I saw an animated documentary about babies and it clearly showed that the mother is in pain when giving birth, so when watching I decided that I'm never going to have a baby because I don't like pain.
When growing up I realized that I really don't like kids. I don't even find human babies cute at all. Now I'm 31 and still don't want kids. I love the silence and cleanness in my home, and I need time for my hobbies. I'm lucky because all my relatives are very open-minded and supportive for my decision.
I'm also aroace, I don't desire a relationship with anyone and I'm very probably sex-repulsed, so...
Final score:
14points
Bonesko 1 year ago
That's great that your family is supportive of that. Too often people are judgmental and critical of folks that don't want children. Also, I didnt know there was a term for people that don't have a desire for sex or relationships, so thanks for sharing. I had a friend who had no desire for sex, but still wanted an intimate relationship. Is that also considered "Aromantic"? Just curious.
#7
I don't want kids and don't need kids to make my life complete.
Final score:
14points
#8
I am a really maternal person and I do genuinely believe I could, some day be a good mom... but I am a good enough mom at this point to know that I am not ready to be one. My friends are all having kids and that's good for them.
My nephew is just over a year and is the sweetest and I absolutely am in that phase where I actively need to remind myself of all the reasons I'm not going to be a mum right now.
I had a plan and things didn't go according to it and that is grand scheme fine but I am mature enough to know that in my current position, I would not be able to ensure the best opportunity for a child. My husband and I don't own a house, we have a roommate to save money. I do freelance so my income is not guaranteed but is something I am building experience by doing. I do not have a career 'started' ie. Nowhere to return back to post munchkin. It's important to me that we have stability and a safe environment. My MIL is pushing about it since she wants her grand kids to grow up as close as her sons were as kids. My FIL (they are divorced) also keeps asking... however my SIL and BIL were together 10yrs, married for 4 before the wee lad. I've been with DH for 5yrs, married 2yrs and am 4yrs younger than my SIL.
They were established in their careers and had money to quickly buy a house. I want a house, dog and baby in that order. Luckily, my husband agrees. I don't want to be rushed by others. Both my husband and I want 2-4kids and realistically, we don't want large gaps while we figure things out, that's why it is so important to us that we get as many ducks in a row as possible first. The other reason is because fostering and adoption is very important to me (we only want 1 bio baby). Until we have a proper stable environment we won't be able to be vetted for either.
Final score:
12points
#9
Two reasons: one is that I keep seeing kids I adored becoming stupid grown ups and that scares me; two - and I never told anyone that - I convinced myself I didn't want kids because my cycle is messed up and I'm afraid (baselessly) I can't have them
Final score:
10points
Anička 1 year ago
If you do, deep down, want them, then go to the doctor. Maybe you are worried for nothing. Or you will learn what the issue is and then can resolve, work around, or otherwise adjust. (Though many many people have a hard time getting or staying pregnant without any obvious or un-obvious reason.) My point is, don't convince yourself you don't want them out of fear. You deserve better.
#10
I don't feel the need to. (That's reason enough)(Besides enviromental and money issues)
Final score:
10points
#11
It's too expensive to have a kid for me. I'm barely scraping by as it is and don't even have my own place. In addition to that, I happen to be a gay man. The amount of paperwork and screening processes that it would take for me to adopt a kid would be near impossible for me and my partner even if we wanted a child. Safe to say, even though I want a kid one day its irresponsible for me to have one and I won't endanger others by doing so and not being prepared for all that entails.
Final score:
9points
Bonesko 1 year ago
I think it's wonderful that you realize that. I was guardian for my 2 niece's when they were babies for over a year because their father, my brother, was a drug addict with no job. He eventually got his act together, and it worked out in the end. He's now a responsible and wonderful parent. But it doesn't always work out like that. I'm not comparing you to my brother, just pointing out that having a kid is a huge responsibility that you need to be financially and mentally prepared for. Since you said you want kids, I do hope you get to a place in your life where you can. Only if you want to of course. The stigma gay couples face when trying to adopt is gross, and should be considered outdated by 2023.
#12
Because I have a number of interacting disabilities, and my own support needs are unmet - adding a child to the mix just wouldn't be fair to them.
Final score:
9points
#13
I knew I didn't want kids in high school. Being pregnant for nine months, morning sickness, cant eat/ drink certain things, then the painful birth....nope, not for me! Plus, newborns are so fragile, with that head on a string, I'd be afraid of doing something wrong! All behind me now, 56 years old and no regrets!
Final score:
9points
#14
Though I knew at 15 that I would never marry or have kids, it was only in the last few years that I worked out why. At 15, I looked around at the other kids going all googy-eyed and silly over their crushes - and just couldn't develop the same feelings - not for males or females. It seemed to me that "falling in love" meant being wilfully blind to other people's shortcomings, being stupid, in fact about relationships. I just couldn't feel it (whatever "it" was). As time went by, I looked around at marriages and partnerships, and saw how few were mutually beneficial and loving. It's not like I couldn't l feel love because I have always felt love - friends, family, animals, places - but not romantic love or sexual attraction. Also I like kids but only other people's. I can relate so long before I need to go off and be quiet. I would have made a terrible mother, but I do make a reasonable aunt and teacher. Only in the last few years have I realised that I'm an asexual aromantic plus probably also with ADHD and/or autism. I'm high functioning but not parent material. Kudos to all effective parents! You're legends.
Final score:
9points
#15
the reason why i decided to not have children is because. one i I could die giving birth. Two i want to help the world and kids will only slow me down. There are twelve cats outside my house. they are my children
Final score:
8points
#16
Have you read a newspaper? The world continues to go from bad to worse. I cannot figure out why anyone willingly brings innocents into it.
Final score:
8points
#17
i would hate to pass on my mental and physical issues to a child. i can't handle that big of a long term responsibility, and it will allow me to focus on my life and take care of myself.
Final score:
8points
#18
My parents came to the conclusion years ago that they only way they were getting grandkids out of me is if they came out with four feet, fur and whiskers!
My theory was… If I gave birth to a litter of kittens I would make world news and I would probably be set for life with the rights to my story.
Plus… if MY kids got pregnant, I could sell the grandkids!
Final score:
7points
#19
I had an incredibly unhappy childhood. My parents had severe mental health issues, which they took out on me. Therefore, I would have no idea how to be a proper parent.
Final score:
7points
#20
Because I have a genetic disease that I’m very likely to pass on in a more severe form to my child. I love my life, pain and all, but I won’t knowingly put someone on this world who may be in much more pain than me but not be as optimistic as I am. A pregnancy would be a huge strain on my own body as well, and my health will likely decline permanently because of it.
Also I’m asexual, so knowing what I need to do before I can even get pregnant - no thanks 😇
Final score:
7points
#21
It would require a long term relationship and I think I am not able to feel any affection towards another person on such level, a child included. (Very bad experiences with other people in my past).
Final score:
6points
#22
I honestly never really wanted to have kids. I love my niece and nephews, I have three Godchildren, and enjoy hanging out with my besties' kids. I also enjoy my freedom, the ability to spoil said children (see previous sentence) and send them home. I don't have any trauma that caused me not to want kids and my parents are (IMHO) great parents.
I don't think anyone has tried to persuade me. But I've been told things like "Oh you'll change your mind when you get older." or "You must not like kids." and my favorite, "who is going to take care of you when you get old?"
Final score:
6points
#23
The honest answer is that I'm a self-centered Only Child without a maternal bone in my body.
Final score:
6points
#25
So many reasons.
1. I’ve never been very maternal. 2. I don’t want to relive the issues I had with my mum, with my child. 3. I have niblings and a younger sister ranging in age from 27 to 14 years old. Including twins. I’m 39. I have helped raise them, babysat, bathed, fed, watered, changed, comforted. Often without a choice, as my mum was ill a lot and my sisters were depressed or stressed out. I’ve raised babies despite never bearing babies! People fail to understand that! 4. I don’t want to live in the world as it is, why on EARTH would I inflict it on an innocent. 5. Current health issues, the baby would not get the best mum. 6. Family health history, lots of cancer at young ages and autoimmune issues. 7. Still a kid myself (in my head). 8. Unequal child rearing and expectations (usually) on the mother. Child, Home, and Work. We are not meant to live the life of chaos that we do. 9. Having a baby ‘vs’ raising a person. VERY different proposition. 10. Based on all that, I think it’s a sensible, responsible decision.
Final score:
5points
#26
Knew from an early age I never wanted to devote my life to raising kids on top of figuring out that kids are actually an "option" and not a "requirement" like a lot of people believe. Then I became an uncle at 14 and quickly learned that:
(a) I HATE being woken up during the night by a screaming infant,
(b) I don't have the patience to deal with tantrums, crying, screaming,
(c) I value my free-time waaaaaaaaaay too much to lose any of it,
(d) I certainly don't want to be dealing with my mom and in-laws spending long periods of time at my house for holidays or whatever, and
(e) I always heard my mom talking about couples she knew with kids who always seemed to be broke AF and stressed-out 24/7.
Needless to say, none of that appealed to me at all, and when my mom of course was appalled when I told her my wife and I weren't having kids and she did everything in the book to try to "convince" me to do so, I just told her that the only "pitter-patter" she'll ever hear in my home is the brand new Harley-Davidson idling in my garage that I bought with the money I saved from not having kids.
Final score:
5points
#27
Money. I kept picking bad boyfriends that couldn't hold a job. I didn't want to be a "welfare mom". Like the bumpersticker says: Can't feed 'em? Don't breed 'em.
Final score:
4points
#28
ace and i have always been terrified of the pain and i want to spend my adult life partying and traveling and i wouldn’t be a very responsible or attentive parent (though i would love them to death)
Final score:
4points
#29
It's none of your business. Just as the reasons people choose to have children are none of mine. There's nothing wrong with either decision and nobody should have to justify it to anyone else. Hope that helps.
Final score:
4points
#30
because the toddler infant and teenage stages are too much work but hey maybe if i had help i would because childeren are completly insane
Final score:
3points
#31
Exposed to benzene, toluene, oil and other hazardous chemicals while on the Houston Ship Channel.
Final score:
3points
#32
Babysat my nieces and nephews and other kids growing up, never wanted one of my own and most definately didn't want to raise one as a single parent (saw to much of that within family and friends). Figured the world's population would not be decimated if I didn't pop one out. So happy with my choice now that I'm older and can spend money and go places as I please.
Final score:
3points
#34
I had a child with my abusive ex and I've been going to court back and forth with him for years now... I love my kid to death, but sometimes I wish I hadn't had her so I could spare us both all the emotional turmoil. Besides that, I'm falling to bits, and if not for my husband being around and being my carer, I wouldn't be in a position to keep my child with me.
Final score:
3points
#36
I don't believe I would have been a good mum. I'm 54 now and don't regrret my decision.
Final score:
3points
#37
I don't want to have kids because I don't want to have one 😎
Final score:
3points
#38
I'm just not up to the inherent challenges that come with parenthood.
Also, no matter how selfish my reason is for not wanting kids, no child deserves to be raised by parents who don't want them.
Final score:
3points
#39
I grew up watching my siblings torture our mom, not appreciating what she did for us and making fun of her. I knew I wouldn't be able to survive it if that happened to me. She was wonderful!
Final score:
3points
Dee (Submission author) 1 year ago
Also having a child would connect me to this family and I'd like to keep them far away.
#40
Some of the stuff i suffer from is from heritage. I would never could give a kid a decent chance fin life.
And i don't like children, never have.
Final score:
3points
#41
I always thought I would be a terrible mother. I was an only child, and my mom was there for everything - classroom mom all through elementary school, band mom in Junior High and High School, did my laundry all through college. She quit her job the day she found out she was pregnant and never worked again until I was a senior in high school. Even though I saw other examples around me, I thought this was what a mom did - just gave up her life for her kid. And I didn't want to do that. So I made my mind up pretty early in life that I didn't want kids. Looking back now, well past the age of having them, I think it was a good decision. Therapy has taught me a lot about the impact my mother's choices had on me - good and bad - and I don't think I was previously in a position to have a healthy environment for both myself and to be responsible for creating a healthy environment for a developing human. If I choose to share this with others, they say "oh no, you would have been a GREAT mom" but they don't know the demons I've wrestled.
When I got married, we agreed no kids - he came from a huge family and as much as he loves children he didn't feel strongly about having one of his own. As I would come to know his family and their prejudices and narrow-minded approach (and insistence that I needed to be pregnant soon and have a boy, because there was only one boy in the multiple grandchildren), I would say that the only way I would bring up a child was if I could have a homosexual, Jewish, african-american baby - a child that was everything they didn't want in their family - so they would leave us to raise the child in peace.
Final score:
2points
#42
Because children are immature.... I know that sounds funny, but I was raised by older parents (only child) and i was mature for most of my life. That came with a cost...detachment. When I was running around with youthful energy, I was met with apathy, from age. I always felt like I was older than my age and then it caught up with me. I suddenly was the oldest one in the office...just like that. Of course, I know I could be /have been different, but my maturity always kicked in saying that I would be, what I learned. I decided that I couldn't do that. My responsible side, kicked in.
You either have no children or have more than one. You need to learn social cues from peers and younger parents. Being an only child to older adults, I never learned them. Even though I was twice married and divorced, I knew that despite being an good intellectual role model, I couldn't cope with or display emotional maturity. Do I regret not having children, no....I am glad I don't have the responsibility or constant worry about that late night call. Your mileage may vary.
Final score:
2points
#43
Frankly I'm too lazy,selfish.Never woke up once and thought,
"I wanna have a kid".Might be too much like reliving my childhood.
Final score:
2points
#44
I have a few reasons.
1: Reproducing more children just leaves more orphans and homeless children.
2: Autism, ADHD, heart disease, anxiety and depression runs in my family.
3: I don't want to go through the pain and troubles of being pregnant and giving birth.
I'm completely willing to adopt; I just don't want to have a child of my own.
Final score:
2points
#45
I said at a young age that I didn't want children. On the one hand, I myself experienced a difficult childhood and adolescence (emotional and psychological neglect, sexual, emotional and psychological abuse), which resulted in me being severely mentally ill. I could never promise myself to be a good mother to children. And secondly... this world is not a good place for children, the future is more than uncertain. I don't want to put any child through all this.Translated with www.DeepL.com/Translator (free version)
Final score:
2points
Bonesko 1 year ago
I also suffered alot of trauma. I'm a recovering addict and I'm in therapy. I don't want kids simply because I don't, but I also knuw that I can not be a good parent at this point in my life. I have to be selfish so I can get better. And there's nothing wrong with that. I'm sorry you had to endure such trauma and I wish you the best 😁
#46
I was told by several people that I wouldn’t be a good mum. And then I was diagnosed with a medical condition that meant that I may not be able to have kids. And a relative has a severely autistic child that requires carers to be with her 24/7. I can’t afford children and I love my me time. There are so many factors. Plus I have 2 fur babies who are my children. They are cleaner, quieter and love me unconditionally. I never ever want my own human children.
Final score:
2points
#47
I have had one and she's an adult, so no longer do I have children in the sense of being a parent to a child.
I will not have anymore.
1. I have prolactinoma.
2. Although I miss picking out names, strolling a baby on a warm summer's day, dressing her up in cute outfits, playing with her toys lol. I do not ever want to be responsible for a child again.
3. I never want to go through labor again.
4. I hated how violating Doctors and family were to me during and after pregnancy.
5. I hated how I was getting attention while pregnant but it was all about how I was taking care of my unborn. Once the baby was born advice was in the style of lectures and being scolded. No one really asked how they could help or cared about how I was doing.
6. PPD is a b***h but justified.
7. I don't want to have to lug a stroller through snow and take up space on a bus, with people screaming at me to FOLD YOUR DAMN STROLLER. NOW! NOOOOOOW!
8. I don't want to be waking up and having to drag a kid up for school in the morning when I've struggled to get my own butt up.
9. Schools. Being spoken to by teachers and the principal is just like being a student in trouble.
10. Being accused of being on welfare for having a kid.
11. People glaring and giving dirty looks to me then smiling cutsie at my kid, then speaking to me harshly. Because no one trusts a mom.
12. Unsolicited advice.
13. Having to drop off and pick up your kid in all weather including -40C. Then having to walk back home every time.
14. The anxiety someone will report you to CFS for no real reason.
15. The anxiety when your kid gets badly hurt and you have to take them to the hospital. In my region, injuries are automatically reported to a social worker and they investigate.
16. The risk and expectation of having to do it all yourself, because the big shot guy can just take off at will.
17. My meddling mom and her very antiquated views on taking care of a baby because she lives in the 80s and has obsessively read Dr. Spock. She still believes a baby can be spoiled by holding them when they cry."
Final score:
2points
StrangeOne (Submission author) 1 year ago
I had to go in the middle of writing all that. So, continuing on: 18. Having to take time off work, unpaid, for Doctor's appts and worry if my boss will approve. I've had so many reliability issues an unexcused absences cos they weren't appts. for me. 19. Back to back illnesses. 20. Having to leave the places I want to be cos someone is having a tantrum. 21. Listening to the same Disney songs on repeat. Watching the same movies on repeat. Reading the same books on repeat. 22. I don't like being around other moms. 23. Other families are weird about friends of their kids popping by now. Has to be wine-filled play dates. 24. I nearly died during childbirth, just from the intense contractions.
#48
So many reasons. 1. I have mental and physical health issues that I don't want to give to more people. 2. Even though I'm only a teenager, since I'm a woman, there's so much pressure to have children. 3. The thought of pregnancy scares me so much. 4. There are so many issues in the world, that I don't want to have to make someone else go through that. 5. Having kids seems soooo restricting, expensive, and stressful. 6. I'd have to marry or choose someone to parent with. 7. I might not marry a person that has opposite reproductive organs than me, so having easy biological children may not be possible.
tl;dr I don't want kids, I don't think I'm fit to be a parent, there are many problems with our world.
Final score:
2points
#49
I am the oldest of 13, my mom was only 17 when she had me & really didn't know what she was doing. The 1st few years, we lived with my paternal grandmother, who wasn't very fond of my mom as she got pregnant on purpose to get my dad to marry her, ruining his college plans. (Grandma really hated that as he was her only son who had any sort of ambition, the other 2 were H S dropouts). Anyway, she loved being pregnant but kids not so much, so me and #2 sister ended up raising the others as they came along. I don't remember a time when I didn't have a toddler to lug around and care for, when they were school age, they were on their own, tho my sis and I had the responsibility of getting everyone up fed, & school lunches made for all. I did move out at 20, but ended up moving back in when my mom almost killed herself with some fad diet, so I ended up with 6 kids under the age of 12 & my dad to care for, the youngest being 6 mos. old and a part-time job. By the time my mom was capable of caring for the family, 4 years later, I was done....even tho I cried for a year, missing my sibs. I met my now husband a few years later, told him that if he was wanting children, I wasn't the wife for him as I had basically spent 25 years raising kids and I wasn't going to do that anymore.
Final score:
2points
#50
Having children always seemed like it would be hard work and cost a lot of money. It has never been on my radar. I've always been a big drinker and pot smoker and children just didn't seem to fit in with that. I'm also lazy as hell and the thought of carting kids around (to activities that even I didn't want to go to as a kid) sounded like hell! Maybe I just had too much insight?
Final score:
2points
#52
I like my alone time, and my quiet time. I dont want the responsibility and I dont trust women. If I can't fully trust my other half, why make a baby with her? Seems stupid to me.
Final score:
1point
#53
Since I refuse to lose my virginity before I get married, it has left me a childless man (tried going to three sperm banks to inquire about donating but they all refused). So, I am giving the world my middle finger.
Final score:
1point
#54
My wife and I reached our quota and decided three was enough.
Final score:
1point
#55
I do have a son, but I knew from a young age that I didn't want kids after 30. No way did I want a kid in high school when I'm in my 50s LOL I had my son in my early 20s, and between his birth and my 30s, I was definitely not in a financial situation that would have been good for another child.
A close friend is happily child-free in her 30s and does not want any. The comments she gets that I've been witness to are ridiculous and mostly down-right rude!
Final score:
1point
#56
Kids are absolutely wonderful and I love them. However, I do not want to be responsible for someone else 24/7 forever. Too exhausting! Also: teenagers.
Final score:
1point
#57
I wanted a companion and a career I only got
one so I kept the one with the least drama!
Final score:
1point
#58
When I was young, I had a friend whose older brother was mentally challenged. I could see the stress in his parents and the thought of having a child that I couldn't provide for after I passed has kept me from ever having a child.
Final score:
1point
#59
I decided at a young age that i never wanted children, having a rough, abusive (sexual and physical) childhood and watching my mother raise 3 girls on her own and struggle with life and her own issues I was always there to help her and my sisters.
I am 33 years old now I have gone through everything you could image the worst that could happen to someone in life. it has happened to me.
but I'm ok with my past it has made me who I am and I offer my advice and past experience to people in need.
I am now studying my diploma in nursing, mental health and domestic violence and AOD
i here to let everyone know they are not alone.
i love children but i cannot have a child go through what i went through.
my partner has 5 kids with his ex i don't see myself as a mum more of a role model and friend.
Final score:
1point
#60
When I remarried, I purposely chose a woman who was willing not to make a baby, so that my existing children would not feel put off. She is a better mother to them than their own.
Final score:
0points
#61
Not me. I have 5 kids. But a friend told me that children are nothing but a financial and emotional strain.
Final score:
0points
#63
My mother, by no fault of her own, suffered terrible postpartum which triggered psychosis. I was the caretaker of my 2 sisters and mother while my dad was working overnights to support us. It was likely the catalyst as to why I became a nurse, but I made the decision to be childless at a very young age.
Final score:
0points
#64
I don't hate the life I currently have, even despite all its downsides. I've been living with cancer since August 2013, as well as epilepsy since May 2020, and Murphy's Law dictates that they will become their worst at the most inconvenient time. Although my diagnoses are part of how I have my current job, my prescription's side effects are one of the many reasons I dropped out of college.
Also, I prefer continuing my legacy by teaching at my martial arts academy, where I already have numerous friends and a chosen, non-biological family, rather than waste exponentially more money by bringing more souls into a dystopian, imperfect world. If a large-enough society is collapsing because it can't grow its population while at least maintaining its quality of life, it deserves to collapse.
Final score:
0points
#65
I dont like little children. I dont feel confort getting pregnant and taking care with a baby (changind diappers, waking up at night because hes hungry, etc). Also There is a lot of people in this planet. I prefer help other children that are already living than add more people.
Final score:
0points
#66
I'm assexual so it'd be a lot of effort and ick just to get pregnant!
I can't stand babies. I don't think they're cute or funny, they're ugly screaming, goo producing machines that stink of poop and/or spoiled milk.
I don't mind older (as in able to speak) kids, I spoil them, play, make snacks, go to the park etc but after a few hours I get exhausted/bored/angry so just minding other people's kids for a bit it's all I can take.
If I did have kids (thankfully too late now woooo!) they'd either be totally spoiled brats because I'd be watching them 24/7 as I do with my pets, or completely feral as I'd forget they even existed for days!
Final score:
0points
#67
It does get complicated. I think it all comes down to if you have that parental urge or not, and anything else is an excuse. I have made those excuses as well. I have never experienced that desire to have a child. As a kid I found playing with dolls boring, and I hated babysitting.
As a young adult I assumed I would become a mom when I was ready, but my ridiculous ex-husband told me he never wanted a kid he would hate, and of course I never would have brought a kid into that environment. The next 10 years were spent as a single person who didn't make much money. I then married a wonderful man who would have done whatever I wanted, but we were both pretty ambivalent about having children, and I never heard that ticking clock.
I didn't get pregnant and I never bothered to find out why. Looking back, due to the reproductive system issues I had, it's possible I never would have been able to get pregnant. Had I known that for sure, it would have saved me countless hours agonizing over why I was different from everyone else, rehearsing what I would say , if anyone asked me about it.
In later years I've come to terms with my lack of desire to have children, and I remember a friend telling me years ago that it comes from within, you either have that "chemical" in you (whatever it is, oxytocin? Hormones? IDK) or you don't. She was right, I think.
Final score:
0points
#68
It does get complicated. I think it all comes down to if you have that parental urge or not, and anything else is an excuse. I have made those excuses as well. I have never experienced that desire to have a child. As a kid I found playing with dolls boring, and I hated babysitting.
As a young adult I assumed I would become a mom when I was ready, but my ridiculous ex-husband told me he never wanted a kid he would hate, and of course I never would have brought a kid into that environment. The next 10 years were spent as a single person who didn't make much money. I then married a wonderful man who would have done whatever I wanted, but we were both pretty ambivalent about having children, and I never heard that ticking clock.
I didn't get pregnant and I never bothered to find out why. Looking back, due to the reproductive system issues I had, it's possible I never would have been able to get pregnant. Had I known that for sure, it would have saved me countless hours agonizing over why I was different from everyone else, rehearsing what I would say , if anyone asked me about it.
In later years I've come to terms with my lack of desire to have children, and I remember a friend telling me years ago that it comes from within, you either have that "chemical" in you (whatever it is, oxytocin? Hormones? IDK) or you don't. She was right, I think.
Final score:
0points
#69
Can't afford to have one
Final score:
-2points
What do you think ?
sturmwesen 1 year ago (edited)
To the bonus question: my MIL kept wanting grandkids. Initally we were not set either way but kept mentioning IF we decided to have 1 or 2 she would have to nanny (which she offered mooore than happy before we made it a necessarity). Fast forward a few years she kept nagging. We decided against it, she knew and kept bringing it up. We kept mentioning we don't and IF she would have to nanny. Finally her answer became that she is too old and is happy with dog grandbabies.
Danish Susanne 1 year ago
I never felt attracted to babies, small kittens or very young puppies, so I decided not to have any baby. Now that I have grown old (69) I enjoy working as a volunteer at a local school, but the children I work with are 6 years old, and you can actually talk to them. Much more fun than babies.
sturmwesen 1 year ago (edited)
To the bonus question: my MIL kept wanting grandkids. Initally we were not set either way but kept mentioning IF we decided to have 1 or 2 she would have to nanny (which she offered mooore than happy before we made it a necessarity). Fast forward a few years she kept nagging. We decided against it, she knew and kept bringing it up. We kept mentioning we don't and IF she would have to nanny. Finally her answer became that she is too old and is happy with dog grandbabies.
Danish Susanne 1 year ago
I never felt attracted to babies, small kittens or very young puppies, so I decided not to have any baby. Now that I have grown old (69) I enjoy working as a volunteer at a local school, but the children I work with are 6 years old, and you can actually talk to them. Much more fun than babies.
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