really ? do you mean it?
it's gonna be hard to explain

Ah omg I realise I can't talk
and I can't remember a lifetime


I'm sorry I don't want to sound like I'm complaining I don't poeople don't like hearing other people's problems

there's my father who's abusing me and threatening to commit me to an asylum if I tell on him or if someone finds out
I mean it's mean years and no one's ever done anything against it
and like I said it would be worse for me
but it's hard to hide abuse, scars I mean, I have lots of them burn mark slash marks chemical marks.. on my back legs arms shoulder..
hiding these's gotta be hard especially in summer when I still have to have a sweater and full pants on even if people look at me weird..

he's been the only parent raising me
he did as he wanted
he rose me saying I was worthless and so on
so I w have no confidence
and I realise around now all that he's done
all that I can't do now because of that
like trust someone or have confidence in me or stop apologising or trying to be discret and hide my problems
as a kid I didn't think being "raised" like this would change my personnality or change me for life
but I realise now what I can't do
like I can never love
someone because I would feel like I am not worthy
like I'm perpetualy being judged and I have to watch my every move and word (not not to be beaten but not to be hated again)
I couldn't be asleep with someone it would be too scary I couldn't fall asleep and I would just be too scared to do it
I have tried not to be shy and not to keep on talking donwn on myself but " you only talk ill of yourself you don't show off you don't talk about your life to others it annoys them they don't care about you " that's how I've been raised
and I TRIED not to be shy but I physically can't now I just realised
He did say no one could love me anyways
and he's right
he's intelligent I mean very intelligent after all
and with those scars now..there's less hope than ever
he owns me, and the worst ever would be if he did succeed in having me committed I mean he can do it anytime he would want like he said he just has to tell all the scars I have I did to myself like anyone would believe I would want to be ugly irreversibly for life clearly they have never been burnt by fire hot metals or chemicals not to even imagine how painful it is how excruciating it was.. but he'd sell them he's the adult after and I'm te girl he and his good reputation would be the one to be believed so as long as I keep on showing I can be useful to him and guess what he wants he'll keep me with him and won't commit me__ yet__ it's borrowed time really

I'm gonna have to spend christmas with him., being afraid of the fire place..
I would rather spend christmas on boredpanda where there are good people, well, there's at least one, which is better than here ^^ thank you Chinmayee Kalghatgi

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RandomBeing

RandomBeing

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2 years ago

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I think there are also places that will like hide you from your abuser and help you out (a few years ago I helped a place that did that for women and their kids who needed to hide from domestic abusers). Not to mention idk how successful he could be if he could actually send you to an asylum. Like you said you have a lot of scars so it's not like it would be easy to dismiss those as proof of abuse. The problem is would be what he does to you if you do try to seek help.

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