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Hey Pandas, I Just Ended A Relationship After Six Years. Any Tips On How To Get Through Heartbreak? (Closed)
I always thought that heartaches were unbearable and that made me stay away from relationships till my mid-20s. First love happened unexpectedly. Enjoyed and loved every moment of it. But it turns out our paths aren't the same anymore. How do I get over the heartache that I am in?
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#1
*If you haven’t already, take a communication break from this person. You may not want to, but zero contact!
*Feel sad. Grieve. You’ve lost something. It’s OK to not feel OK. Time really does fix things. Grief hits everyone and every relationship differently. Take the time you need and don’t let anyone make you feel like you should “get over it already” (including yourself).
*Avoid things that remind you of them. Pack up any objects and put them in a box. Delete pictures or put them in a folder in your phone that you don’t access. Avoid going to restaurants or other places you frequented. Eventually, you’ll be able to see pictures of them or go to the same restaurants again. Eventually, these things won’t matter. You just want to avoid triggering painful emotions for the time being. You don’t want to pour salt on open wounds. Give yourself time to heal!
*We make concessions and compromise when we’re in relationships. Make a list of all of things you gave up and put up with… no matter how petty it may seem. (It can be anything: I couldn’t eat seafood around him, because he hated the way it smelled. He frequently got urine on the toilet seat. Hated when he wore that stupid red jacket. Hogged the remote control.) Keep adding to it as you think of something else. Refer to this list anytime you find yourself ruminating about how much you miss them and relish in the things you can do now or that you don’t have to put up with anymore.
*Important! You need something to look forward to. Plan a trip! Make plans with friends. Go out! Have you given up on any hobbies? It’s time to start doing them again. Do all of these things!
*When you’re ready, start dating again. If it feels too awkward, you can put dating on pause. I caught myself mentally comparing my dates to my ex. So, I knew I wasn’t ready to date. I’d hit pause and try again a few months later. I knew I was really ready to “get back out there,” when I no longer found myself comparing others to my ex. That’s when I knew I was “over” him.
Final score:
4points
memaselfandi 3 years ago
Thank you. I mostly love the fact you said that I should take time to heal and let no one rush me in the process.
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#2
Be busy but not to busy! Meet friends, go out for dinner, try a new hobby, be active - just do things you enjoy doing but still allow yourself to cry and be sad. It's ok to sit in bed, eat junkfood and cry - a important phase of your life ended. You need to find a good balance and you'll notice that the sad part will get smaller and smaller
Final score:
2points
#3
You may be grieving the life you wished for just as much as, or even more than, the person you were in the relationship with. Every ending to a job or a relationship or anything, really, evokes mixed emotions. Thinking of what you will miss and what you won't miss might help show how it's not all negative. It must have been tough to realize that you weren't on the same paths anymore, but now you are free to pursue whatever your path truly is without that feeling of being at odds with your significant other. Take the time to heal and to take care of yourself. Honor your grief. Also, borage (tea) for courage to take your next steps!
Final score:
1point
memaselfandi 3 years ago
Yeah to be honest I don't regret every step of what I had in the relationship but like you said he ending is with mixed feelings.
#4
Take time to go through the steps of a break up. Feel it. Be strong. Be alone for a while. Make a list of what you learned from the relationship. Don't let that relationship or the failure of it define you. Learn from it but don't bring that baggage with you to your next one.
Final score:
1point
memaselfandi 3 years ago
I love and appreciate how you said that I should take recognition of what I learned from it.
#5
Try to focus on things that make you happy. Like your hobbies, job, anything that you love. Focus on yourself, self-care, and finding what grounds you.
Time will pass and you will just stop caring.
Final score:
0points
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