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My SIL and BIL wanted to take family pictures in their brand new backyard (with no landscaping) in tropical-themed attire. The SIL and BIL went and bought outfits for everyone (without having us try them on, seeing them and not asking our sizes]). I am busty and petite and the dress I have to wear is an XL, deep plunge V (like to the sternum) and it's a wrap dress. I replied EW in the group family message, mostly because I knew it wouldn't be flattering or pretty on me. SIL snap back with, "...it's not a mandatory activity, just something we would like to do for the family. If you can't make it or don't want to participate, that's perfectly fine. The photographer will be there regardless."
This was a last-minute plan and planned on the same day as my best friend's babysitter, which they knew about. I participated and tried it on and fit exactly as I thought, way oversized and I did not look good in it. I said I would not wear it. It then became this whole deal with my MIL calling me and saying we all have to do things we don't want to etc. I felt bullied, coerced, guilt-tripped and bogarted into this dress. I cried because my husband even didn't understand why I didn't want to wear it. AITA because I didn't want to wear something that was ill-fitting, non-flattering and I didn't have any say about it?
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#1
No you're not. I get very tired of the line 'you have to do things sometimes you don't want to' because that line gets used to guilt people into things. Yes there are some times that you will do need to do something you don't want to - however a dress you never consented to in an ill-planned photo is not one of those things. Quite frankly just tell everyone we agree to disagree because I'm not going to keep speaking when none of you want to actually listen. You're wasting your breath at this point, don't back down from it but don't continue the argument it's just gonna stress you out.
If people keep trying to bring it up - and you've warned them not to but they still try (someone will most likely) then you get polite petty. I don't know where you're at in the world but a good 'ol 'Aren't you just precious, look at you trying to blow up a hot air balloon by talking to it'. If they insist on poking it you get less polite - and feel free to point out to your MIL that just because she had to force herself to do c**p she didn't like doesn't me you need to, and that the line she keeps using is so out of date that mold stopped growing on it years ago.
Final score:
45points
Marilyn Russell 2 years ago
You never have to do anything you don’t want to in life. We all have to learn how to set boundaries and politely say No. And we are under no obligation to offer any explanation. But if pressed, quote one of my favourite references, Bartleby - “I prefer not to.” End of.
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#2
NTA. You should choose what you wear. No one else can. Put your foot down and tell them that you will pick what you wear. They are ridiculous if they think anything different.
Final score:
23points
Dianne Pierce 2 years ago
NTA. The OP is petite and busty and she was bought an XL dress? Sounds like it was done on purpose to either make her look ridiculous or make her refuse. Forget them, they're a bunch of AH's, husband included if he doesn't see an issue with his wife wearing a dress that would basically be falling off and show her bust.
#3
You have every right to do what's best for you. Don't fall for the guilt trip. 🪛 them all
Final score:
22points
Sandra Davis 2 years ago (edited)
First of all I would not give a f××× what they think if you are that uncomfortable, then don't go, don't take the pic. I really get tired of people getting bullied Just say no!it will solve a lot of your problems. Of course I am mean so if I feel I am being push a direction, It ain't happening. Just say no and stick to your guns to hell with the peace in the family...cause the family don't give a darn about your feelings.
What do you think ?
Scourge McCloud 2 years ago
Also, last time anyone ever bought clothes for me and expected me to wear it, I was a child. They're basically treating op like a child instead of a grown up who is perfectly capable of picking out something to wear for the photo. Op isn't a prop or a doll. Op is a living person.
Scourge McCloud 2 years ago (edited)
Nta. It would have been an instant no from me too. People have different boundaries. Some don't mind and are comfortable with it and others prefer to cover up. Shaming people for dressing either way is so last century.
Pursuing Peonies 2 years ago
There are so definitively few things in life that though you might not like to or want to do, must be done. Often because there are dire consequences if not (like going to the hospital when necessary). This is so far from any of those circumstances. It's extremely suspish that they chose the clothes without asking for sizing at all. Like, it's not great to pick out someone else's clothes for them most of the time, but like, either they didn't care to know (the rudest) or hubs told them the wrong size (lots of questions there).
Scourge McCloud 2 years ago
Also, last time anyone ever bought clothes for me and expected me to wear it, I was a child. They're basically treating op like a child instead of a grown up who is perfectly capable of picking out something to wear for the photo. Op isn't a prop or a doll. Op is a living person.
Scourge McCloud 2 years ago (edited)
Nta. It would have been an instant no from me too. People have different boundaries. Some don't mind and are comfortable with it and others prefer to cover up. Shaming people for dressing either way is so last century.
Pursuing Peonies 2 years ago
There are so definitively few things in life that though you might not like to or want to do, must be done. Often because there are dire consequences if not (like going to the hospital when necessary). This is so far from any of those circumstances. It's extremely suspish that they chose the clothes without asking for sizing at all. Like, it's not great to pick out someone else's clothes for them most of the time, but like, either they didn't care to know (the rudest) or hubs told them the wrong size (lots of questions there).
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