Hey Pandas, Aita For Not Really Knowing How To Be A Good Ally?

Hi, I’m me myself and I. Sorry for the terrible title. I don’t usually do this because I don’t read many AITA posts myself, but this is an issue where I don’t know what to do and I feel like I’m not adequately educated in this area.

TW: this post will mention the LGBTQ+ community, who I will do my best to respect. If your are not comfortable with this topic, please skip this post.

I’m fourteen, confused, but probably bi. There’s an AFAB boy in my class who’s also gay and he’s honestly super sweet. But before I knew his correct pronouns, I assumed that (I shouldn’t have, I know) he was she, and I had a crush on him. I don’t anymore, because I respect him and the fact that he’s gay, but is it bad to have misgendered him before? I feel really bad about it, and especially because he was (? Maybe I shouldn’t say that, because he’s physically attractive but not my type anymore??? If that makes sense). But I still feel bad for thinking that objectively he’s attractive as either gender (I do not mean to say that there are only two genders. There are many more than that and all genders are valid. However I couldn’t find the right English words to say this because I live in a foreign country and they don’t really teach you how to say this stuff in English) (he looks pretty genderfluid because conservative parents).

Right now I’m just being friends with him and I would never misgender him over this on purpose. I’m also trying my best to think before I talk because I talk A LOT and it’s easier to make mistakes that way, but I still feel guilty. AITA? What should I do?

Thanks so much for listening/reading, have a lovely day :)

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I've been part of the queer community for about 2 years now, and I can confidently say that the best way to be supportive is to be there for people. I have straight friends that are very supportive and will listen to all of my gay gripes. I would say the most important thing is to always be respectful and never try to intentionally misgender someone. My sister is the only person I'm out to Enby-wise, and even if she misgenders me it's not a big deal, because i know shes still supportive. If your friend ever points it out, than just apologize and make a conscious effort to use their (his?) corrects pronouns. You could even ask what his pronouns are, iif they're comfortable with it. About the crush-ish aspect? I have no idea. Maybe try talking with someone about it? Than again I've never been in a relationship, much less confessed to my crush, so don't take relationship advice from me.

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