Hey Pandas, AITA? (Closed)

I have been struggling with my health and homelessness for quite some time. Anytime my mother needed anything I was always there financially emotionally etc whatever was in my power to do even considering my situation. I took a major financial blow last year helping my mother move across the country driving no less with her two pets one of which has already bitten me three times she refused to hire anyone else to do it and wanted to cut corners as far as costs so I told her I'd help. I have other siblings one stayed in the town with her but he refused to help.

After everything was said and done I start over with nothing and lived homeless again and then my health took a major hit at the beginning of that year. My mom suggested that I move to North Carolina where she was now living to help me get on my feet and recover. We thoroughly talked about this and I also expressed to her that I'm going through some anxiety and depression issues and I really needed her support because this was going to be a hard move for me. She said she understood but one morning I called just to recap with her to make sure everything was okay before I make this major move this wouldn't tell me to sell assets and pack up everything and drive from Phoenix Arizona to North Carolina with just what I had with me in the car. Everything was okay until during the conversation she was having her blood pressure taken by my stepfather and passed the phone to him briefly while she was doing this. My stepfather wanted to know what we have been talking about apparently she never told him our conversation so I started to tell him what we talked about. Mind you we are on speakerphone so my mother is sitting right next to him after I told him what was going on he says to me, "So you're going to move out here and be with us for what 2 weeks and get a job and find a place". I told him that it was impossible to make a cross-country move and find a job and a new place in 2 weeks but that was his expectation my mom never stopped him and she never defended me and she just let him yell at me and say his demands.

This is not the first time my stepfather has been either disrespectful or has come for me and my mother just sat back and did not protect me or defend me. I have a bad history with my mom I was under the state and have been in and out of foster care she really didn't have custody of me for most of my life. I'm only struggling now because I really didn't have the developmental tools that I needed at the times that I needed growing up so I figured this would be the time to try to get a head start on things and I thought we were on the same page my mother and I. I just became Fed up with the back and forth in the total disrespect and the dehumanization and the minimizing of my feelings every single time.

I just want to know if am I overreacting or being crazy and how should I deal with this because at this point I'm not talking to either one of them. I have decided not to move in just stay in Phoenix and live the best life I can live the best way I know how and just give it to God.

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In my opinion, NTA. Why do you even help her anyways, when you have such bad history with her. I get that you're family, but I wouldn't help my mom out if she didn't help me. She didn't tell step father of this move, and doesn't support you. She just sits there and doesn't care. I'd say she's using you a bit.

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4points

Toast

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NTA.

Firstly I'd like to say how proud I am of you for taking steps to better your situation. You have been through so much, yet you still do your best to maintain a relationship with your mum. That speaks volumes about your character, and I'm so sorry to hear what you've been through.

You need to really distance yourself from your mum and stepfather.
You owe nothing to either of them, and you need to put your own health and wellbeing first, otherwise you will be abused by your mum and stepdad for the rest of your life.

Family isn't always blood, and you are under no obligation to your mum, just because she happens to be the one who gave birth to you.

You have fought hard to get to where you are, and I'm afraid that your mum will likely drag you back to square one, whether that's her intention or not.

Please update us on your situation if you can! I wish you the very best in the future.

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SaneMinotaur (she/her)

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Definitely NTA
I distanced from my mom because she was taking advantage of my finances instead of getting herself a job. My dad already paid her more than enough in alimony.
That plus she ran off every guy I ever liked and built the house my dad paid for and gave her in the divorce as a “kangaroo “ house so I could stay at home and take care of her without ever having a life of my own.
Point is: If your mom and stepdad expect more or less the impossible from you I’d decide that I have more chances in Phoenix than going over to their place. I find it even more selfish of them that you’ve gone out of your way to help your mom but she won’t do sh*t to better your current situation. It’s your choice what you do with her but as far as I can see it I’d say “goodbye “ and live your own best life. I know I did…..

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3points

Lizz

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Jay-R Long 1 year ago

Yes, I agree. I have let this totally consume my mind and spirit everyday battling about weather or not to ever communicate with them again. Truth is I needed to get over my need for acceptance and approval from them. I needed to "grow up".

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NTA. Your health took a blow, your quality of life took a blow, and your mother offered to help. Great! She sounds like a wonderful person!

Your step-father then demands that you, while struggling with anxiety and depression and having to move cross country just to not be homeless, get a job within an impossible amount of time. Bad! He sounds like a d-bag!

I WOULD maybe say your mother is a tiny bit of an AH for not telling your step-dad in advance, but I am not because if she did he’d still have those expectations. Probably just wanted you to have at least a small amount of time to adjust while your step-dad was caught off guard.

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