(Luke 22:48) And while He was still speaking, behold, a multitude; and he who was called Judas, one of the twelve, went before them and drew near to Jesus to kiss Him. But Jesus said to him, “Judas, are you betraying the Son of Man with a kiss?” Surely there was an impostor among us. "Available on PS4, Android, Microsoft Windows, Xbox One, iOS, Xbox Series X and Series S, Nintendo Switch, PS5", Judas answered.

(Revelations 13:15-18) "This calls for wisdom: let the one who has understanding calculate the number of the beast, for it is the number of a man, and his number is 666. I was left alone, my mind was blank I needed time to think. To get the memories from my mind. What did I see? Can I believe it?. That what I saw that night was real and not just fantasy?", said Bruce Dickinson.

(Exodus 31:18) When the Lord finished emailing Moses on Mount Sinai, he gave him the two tablets of the covenant law, the iPads inscribed by the finger of Steve Jobs. So by the divine powers of the 5G, Moses used the tablets to download some data from the cloud. It was Moses' divine mission to make the messages go viral on social media.

(Jonah 2:10) And the Lord commanded the fish, and it vomited Jonah onto dry land. "We're gonna need a bigger boat", said Jonah.

(Zechariah 14:12) "And this shall be the plague with which the Lord will strike all the people who fought against Jerusalem: Their flesh shall dissolve while they stand on their feet, their eyes shall dissolve in their sockets, and their tongues shall dissolve in their mouths. And this was known in all the land, from Geba to Rimmon south of Jerusalem, as a prequel to the living dead trilogy directed by George A. Romero", said Zechariah.

(Genesis 19:26) Then the Lord rained on Sodom and Gomorrah sulfur and fire from the Lord out of heaven. But Lot's wife, behind him, looked back, and she became a pillar of salt. Why a pillar of salt? God knows, literally. Then Lot happily accepted the Lord's punishment on his wife by singing an old song by George Michael, and didn't look back. Then Lot and his daughters went to live inside a cave, where even more truly horrible things happened afterwards.

(Job 1:6-8) The Lord was bored, so he decided to have some fun. Then the Lord said to Satan, “Have you considered my servant Job? There is no one on earth like him; he is blameless and upright, a man who fears God and shuns evil.” So the Lord placed a bet with the Devil over his lab rat. Together they would torture Job and have his whole life completely destroyed in order to test his faith. God and the Devil shook hands, and in that beautiful moment, an ABBA song started playing. "The winner takes it all. The loser has to fall. It's simple and it's plain. Why should I complain?"

(1 Kings 3:25) And the king said, “The one says, ‘This is my son, who lives, and your son is the dead one’; and the other says, ‘No! But your son is the dead one, and my son is the living one.’ Then the king said, “Bring me a sword.” So they brought a sword before the king. And the king said, “Divide the living child in two, and give half to one, and a half to the other”, said King Solomon in all of his benevolence and kindness.

(Matthew 8:28-34) Jesus was taking a leisurely stroll through a demon-infested tomb when two violent heretics began flailing about in front of him. They sarcastically asked if the "Son of God" had come to torture them for being possessed. Before Jesus could answer, a herd of pigs came thundering over a nearby hill. For some reason, the demons possessing the men pleaded to be allowed to enter the pigs. Jesus permitted this, and soon after, the classic rock band "Jesus and the Demon Pigs" was officially formed, and people from the local town were shocked, telling Jesus to leave their land immediately. Then the band left and started touring around the world.

(Genesis 6:13-17) "For behold, I will bring a flood of waters upon the earth to destroy all flesh in which is the breath of life under heaven. Everything that is on the earth shall die. Make yourself an ark and fill it with all the billionaires in the world", said the Lord to Noah.

(John 11:43) When Jesus had said these things, he cried out with a loud voice, “Lazarus, come out.” The man who had died opened his eyes and horribly rose from his tomb. At that moment, he felt the hunger for living brains. Jesus said to them, “Unbind him and let him go. Let the zombie apocalypse begin!"

(1 Samuel 17) Then David put his hand in his bag and took out a stone; and he slung it and struck the Philistine in his forehead so that the stone sank into his forehead, and he fell on his face to the earth. So David prevailed over the Philistine with a sling and a stone, and struck the Philistine and killed him. The slingshot is mightier than the sword.

(Genesis 3:6) Then the serpent said to the woman, “In the day you eat of it your eyes will be opened, and you will see the truth.” So when the woman saw that the tree was good for food, that it was pleasant to the eyes, and a tree desirable to make one wise, she took of its fruit and ate. Then the woman's eyes were opened, and she knew, from that day on, that she had to take down the patriarchy. She was a rebel. So she rebelled.

(Matthew 14:8-11) On Herod’s birthday, the daughter of Herodias danced for the guests and pleased Herod so much that he promised with an oath to give her whatever she asked. Prompted by the song 'Heads Will Roll', by the Yeah Yeah Yeahs, she said, “Give me here on a platter the head of John the Baptist.” The king was distressed, but because of his oath, he ordered that her request be granted. John The Baptist's head was brought in on a platter and given to Salome. "Dance till you're dead", said the song.

(Isaiah 14:12) “How art thou fallen from heaven, O Lucifer, son of the morning! How you are cut down to the ground, you who laid the nations low! The devil will find work for idle hands to do. I stole and I lied, and why? Because you asked me to!"

(Ezekiel 25:17) "The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he, who in the name of charity and goodwill, shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who would attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee.", said Jules Winnfield.

(Ecclesiastes 1:2-11) "Vanity of vanities, vanity of vanities! All is vanity. And there is nothing new under the sun until the next social app comes out to dethrone TikTok", saith the Preacher.

(Isaiah 1:18) “Come now, let us reason together", says the Lord: "though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red like crimson, they shall become like wool. The get along gang, get along gang. Each one is so special in his own way. The Lord is the leader and he's such a good sport. The get along gang, get along gang."