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Woman’s World Crumbles After An Accidental Text From Her Best Friend Reveals She Hates Her
Just like what happened to these two friends when one of them accidentally sent a text saying that she secretly dislikes the other. This broke the original poster’s heart, and she turned online for advice on what to do, or at least she hoped to get a few encouraging words that could help her deal better.
RELATED:
Talking about other people behind their backs doesn’t always have to be mean-spirited
Image credits: Getty Images (not the actual photo)
However, in this case, it was and it broke this woman’s heart
Image credits: Andrej Lišakov (not the actual photo)
Image source: Ok_Preparation_4384
“You always need to be careful about what you put in writing… because that doesn’t necessarily mean it’s going to be privateâ€
Image credits: Getty Images (not the actual photo)
When a person finds out that their friend was talking behind their back, honesty can help smooth things over, says Kendra Knight, an assistant professor of communication studies. However, it should be only kept at a necessary level, as going overboard with frankness can cause even more damage.Â
“Everyone knows that everybody [gossips],†she said. “But you can’t say that.†Instead, she recommends swiftly apologizing, admitting the fault, and not fueling the flame further. The friend who was the gossiping target will likely be hurt by such a situation, notes Knight, so it’s also important to relieve their doubts about the friendship (if friends decide to preserve it).Â
Etiquette expert Bonnie Tsai agrees that the most important thing to do after getting caught red-handed is to own up to it right away. Denying it can further create miscommunication and only make things worse.Â
Additionally, such a mistake can be a great chance to discuss any underlying conflict or resentment in the relationship. “See it as an opportunity to learn and an opportunity to deepen your relationship as well,†Tsai said. “It does take a lot of courage to be vulnerable.â€
Conversely, the person who found out that they were talked about behind their back can be the first to say something about it and honestly discuss the things that were said about them, says Irene S. Levine, a psychologist and friendship expert. “The person might have been reasonable in what they were saying, even though it might have been something that was better said to your face rather than to your back,†she said.
Despite the opportunity to resolve things in friendship, Levine warns that it’s best to avoid similar situations from happening again. “You always need to be careful about what you put in writing… because that doesn’t necessarily mean it’s going to be private.â€
Losing a friend can be just as, if not more, hurtful than a romantic breakup
Image credits: Pablo Merchán Montes (not the actual photo)
Unfortunately, not all friends might make up after such an incident. And losing a friend can be just as, if not more, hurtful than a romantic breakup. That’s why coping with the end of a friendship often requires time and empathy for oneself.Â
The first step towards healing and getting over such a relationship is to acknowledge that going through feelings of anger, sadness, or confusion is normal and valid. After that, the person should allow themselves to grieve the person who was once dear to them.Â
As with any other kind of loss, it’s also important to take care of yourself. Even though it might be easier to mop all day, getting your nails done, socializing, listening to music, taking a walk outside, or reading can be healthy outlets that make you feel better. Anything that brings you joy and satisfaction is self-care and can help recover from the breakup pain.
It might be tempting to reminisce and examine what went wrong with the friendship, but it may be best to refrain from letting such thoughts consume you. Constantly looking at photos or texts that remind you of them can make moving on harder. Some individuals might even benefit from deleting or boxing up the memories, but it’s important to keep in mind that the emotions that came with the friendship breakup should be processed instead of completely ignored or repressed somewhere deep down.Â
The author provided more information in the comments
Readers questioned friend’s weird behavior
Some even shared similar stories
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What do you think ?
Beak Hookage 3 weeks ago
"Think of it as complete, not over" is a great take and really puts things in perspective for more than just relationships. It puts me in mind of something I saw on Facebook recently, which was that we have an unhealthy tendency to think that anything that doesn't last forever is something that failed. You ran a small business which ultimately shut down? That doesn't automatically make it "a failed business". You're an artist who was successful for a period but no longer? That doesn't make you "a failed artist". I've spent so many years feeling like a failure because I wasn't able to fit a very rigid definition of what constitutes a success after a decade of fitting that definition, as if that shouldn't have been more than enough, and I am f*****g DONE with that. Also this so-called "best friend" is a raging a*****e who deserves to be kicked off the nearest pier.
BrownEyedPanda 3 weeks ago
Steve Harvey once said, "Loyalty has an expiration date." This friendship has expired. Some people are only supposed to be in your life for a season. Eventually, the season changes, the chapter ends. It's hard to experience it, but there it is. It's a part of growing up and developing one's character. You move on, find new friends and interests, and live your best life. It gives you the opportunity to see things from a different perspective, and note the red flags that may have been so cleverly disguised.
Broadredpanda 3 weeks ago
Yes but the friend was using their friendship knowing that this friend would go back to her place and stay the night! If she had a good circle of friends, she would have asked one of those but didn't!! She's going to lose a good friend and I hope it bite her in the a**e soon! Can't stand people who use their friends then b***h about them to others. The thing that bothers me is that she has probably bad mouthed her to those very friends and then see her asking that very friend to come home with her. If I heard or witnessed this, I wouldn't want to be her friend at all! The same thing will happen to them too. There's always a nasty MF among a bunch of friends and this b***h is that friend! Horrible person simple as that!
Load More Replies...
Mad McQueen 3 weeks ago
Literally ask those people you want at your bday to come asap so they can say yes or no, but not her. If she bad mouths you show them the text and just say it's not worth the drama but if you want to still be friends and celebrate my bday I'd like that. Then plan some extra people morning that group in case they bail too. You don't have to appologize for her not wanting you around or her drunk a*s pretending she didn't know who she was texting. She knew. An that's how she broke it to you. Drama free is the way to be. Also drinking underage isn't smart. But going forward please know you don't have to get wasted to enjoy the evening or event. Be the sober-er friend.
Hope Cook 3 weeks ago
Once that trust is broken it's almost impossible. Had a friend, that I loved dearly. She was going through a tough part. She moved in with me. Long story short that was not a good idea after all. I finally lost my s**t and yelled at her. My house my rules type thing. So then she came to the conclusion that the reason I was mad was because I had only been pretending to be her friend.. for over 10 years.. it crushed my heart. From then on I was done.
Arabiata Arabiata 3 weeks ago
Some toughts: 1. what is emergency therapy? 2. better to celebrate alone than with deceitful friends 3. drunk or angry person speaks his / her truth.
Winnie the Moo 3 weeks ago (edited)
I met my best friend when I was 35, I’m 37 now; but she is totally everything I have ever wanted in a friend and more 💝 she truly is a gift.
Captive 3 weeks ago
Am I missing something? Why did the friend ask OP to stay over night if she didn't like her anymore?
Steve Robert 3 weeks ago (edited)
Interesting, but my friends, which total maybe five, six but I lost my best friend to alcohol several years ago, were friends I made when I was a freshman in college over a half century ago. There have been several semi friends that have come and gone, but my real friends have stood the test of time. Don't really understand it, but that's just how it worked out.
Yogi's mom 3 weeks ago
Wondering if her bf wanted to come over and she, wanting him to think it wasn't her fault he couldn't come over, blamed you? This is not to say you should continue this friendship, though. I LOVED what crazyreddit929 said about thinking "of it as complete, not over" - what a liberating bit of self-talk! Hang in there, you will get through this. Lean on family and know many, many of us out here are wishing you the best!!
CBolt 3 weeks ago (edited)
I haven't read all the comments yet but does anybody else wonder if sending the text to OP was NOT an accident? That she wanted to just end the "friendship" & stop pretending to be friends while talking behind OP's back. Of course, if OP had gone home instead of being talked into staying the night, she still would have seen the text ... maybe ex-friend wanted her to stay in order to see how she reacted, get an idea if her plan had worked, & know for sure all the playacting was over & done with. But why play this game in the 1st place? Putting a lot of time into being "friends"if that's not really what she wanted? She could have just started being unavailable when OP wanted to get together, not asking OP to go somewhere or do something, be slow in responding to texts & emails - over some period of time - & just let the friendship fizzle out?
PrettyJoyBird 3 weeks ago
Maybe but still passive aggressive and very hurtful
Load More Replies... Mark Childers 3 weeks ago
All relationships come to an end, either from a formal breakup, death, moving, changing jobs, or whatever. We all need to get more comfortable with saying goodbye. Now when a friend decides they are too busy or whatever, I wish them well, and if we see each other again, fine. If not, fine. But it seems this woman liked getting attention for complaining about other people.
Beak Hookage 3 weeks ago
"Think of it as complete, not over" is a great take and really puts things in perspective for more than just relationships. It puts me in mind of something I saw on Facebook recently, which was that we have an unhealthy tendency to think that anything that doesn't last forever is something that failed. You ran a small business which ultimately shut down? That doesn't automatically make it "a failed business". You're an artist who was successful for a period but no longer? That doesn't make you "a failed artist". I've spent so many years feeling like a failure because I wasn't able to fit a very rigid definition of what constitutes a success after a decade of fitting that definition, as if that shouldn't have been more than enough, and I am f*****g DONE with that. Also this so-called "best friend" is a raging a*****e who deserves to be kicked off the nearest pier.
BrownEyedPanda 3 weeks ago
Steve Harvey once said, "Loyalty has an expiration date." This friendship has expired. Some people are only supposed to be in your life for a season. Eventually, the season changes, the chapter ends. It's hard to experience it, but there it is. It's a part of growing up and developing one's character. You move on, find new friends and interests, and live your best life. It gives you the opportunity to see things from a different perspective, and note the red flags that may have been so cleverly disguised.
Broadredpanda 3 weeks ago
Yes but the friend was using their friendship knowing that this friend would go back to her place and stay the night! If she had a good circle of friends, she would have asked one of those but didn't!! She's going to lose a good friend and I hope it bite her in the a**e soon! Can't stand people who use their friends then b***h about them to others. The thing that bothers me is that she has probably bad mouthed her to those very friends and then see her asking that very friend to come home with her. If I heard or witnessed this, I wouldn't want to be her friend at all! The same thing will happen to them too. There's always a nasty MF among a bunch of friends and this b***h is that friend! Horrible person simple as that!
Load More Replies... Mad McQueen 3 weeks ago
Literally ask those people you want at your bday to come asap so they can say yes or no, but not her. If she bad mouths you show them the text and just say it's not worth the drama but if you want to still be friends and celebrate my bday I'd like that. Then plan some extra people morning that group in case they bail too. You don't have to appologize for her not wanting you around or her drunk a*s pretending she didn't know who she was texting. She knew. An that's how she broke it to you. Drama free is the way to be. Also drinking underage isn't smart. But going forward please know you don't have to get wasted to enjoy the evening or event. Be the sober-er friend.
Hope Cook 3 weeks ago
Once that trust is broken it's almost impossible. Had a friend, that I loved dearly. She was going through a tough part. She moved in with me. Long story short that was not a good idea after all. I finally lost my s**t and yelled at her. My house my rules type thing. So then she came to the conclusion that the reason I was mad was because I had only been pretending to be her friend.. for over 10 years.. it crushed my heart. From then on I was done.
Arabiata Arabiata 3 weeks ago
Some toughts: 1. what is emergency therapy? 2. better to celebrate alone than with deceitful friends 3. drunk or angry person speaks his / her truth.
Winnie the Moo 3 weeks ago (edited)
I met my best friend when I was 35, I’m 37 now; but she is totally everything I have ever wanted in a friend and more 💝 she truly is a gift.
Captive 3 weeks ago
Am I missing something? Why did the friend ask OP to stay over night if she didn't like her anymore?
Steve Robert 3 weeks ago (edited)
Interesting, but my friends, which total maybe five, six but I lost my best friend to alcohol several years ago, were friends I made when I was a freshman in college over a half century ago. There have been several semi friends that have come and gone, but my real friends have stood the test of time. Don't really understand it, but that's just how it worked out.
Yogi's mom 3 weeks ago
Wondering if her bf wanted to come over and she, wanting him to think it wasn't her fault he couldn't come over, blamed you? This is not to say you should continue this friendship, though. I LOVED what crazyreddit929 said about thinking "of it as complete, not over" - what a liberating bit of self-talk! Hang in there, you will get through this. Lean on family and know many, many of us out here are wishing you the best!!
CBolt 3 weeks ago (edited)
I haven't read all the comments yet but does anybody else wonder if sending the text to OP was NOT an accident? That she wanted to just end the "friendship" & stop pretending to be friends while talking behind OP's back. Of course, if OP had gone home instead of being talked into staying the night, she still would have seen the text ... maybe ex-friend wanted her to stay in order to see how she reacted, get an idea if her plan had worked, & know for sure all the playacting was over & done with. But why play this game in the 1st place? Putting a lot of time into being "friends"if that's not really what she wanted? She could have just started being unavailable when OP wanted to get together, not asking OP to go somewhere or do something, be slow in responding to texts & emails - over some period of time - & just let the friendship fizzle out?
PrettyJoyBird 3 weeks ago
Maybe but still passive aggressive and very hurtful
Load More Replies... Mark Childers 3 weeks ago
All relationships come to an end, either from a formal breakup, death, moving, changing jobs, or whatever. We all need to get more comfortable with saying goodbye. Now when a friend decides they are too busy or whatever, I wish them well, and if we see each other again, fine. If not, fine. But it seems this woman liked getting attention for complaining about other people.
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