A Man’s World: 30 Double Standards And Expectations That Haunt Women’s Childhoods
While, in theory, childhood is this magical carefree time, where we have a chance to just explore the world and do whatever we want, the fact is that this is just not the case for everyone. Where you were born plays a big part, as well as how much money your family happens to have, but one of the biggest differences might be growing up as a girl, as opposed to a boy.
Someone asked “Women, what do you feel is the hardest part about growing up as a girl?” and female netizens shared their thoughts. So get comfortable as you read through, upvote your favorite posts and be sure to share your own experiences in the comments section below.
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We don't get to be carefree little girls for long due to so many men being goddamn predators.
Learning how to deflect unwanted sexual advances from men/relatives from the time you hit puberty.
I shouldn't have started reading this list. The world is an ugly ugly place!
The day you realize that little boys are treated better than you.
I didn't want to be a girl when I was little. I truly hated being a girl. I didn't want to be a boy either. I didn't have gender issues. I had society issues. It took a long time to realize that me being a girl wasn't the problem. The problem was that every successful person we talked about was a man. The other was that little boys could physically assault little girls, and no one cared. The other was that girls had to play nicely and sit nicely because of our clothes.
The realization that being a girl means moving through the world so differently is devastating.
I always shut other similarly minded adults up about these topics. They literally cannot compute what I am saying most of the time and I have to forcefully shut down the topic. This behaviour should not be tolerated.
Body issues… I learned to hate my body at a very young age. In my mid thirties and I’m still struggling to learn to love myself the way I am.
honestly all my insecurities began at home, mostly from my parents. im used to it now, and i don't take in other people's comments as much, or i know how to respond in a way that'll help me stay calm, if that makes sense. also now i have some of the best friends ever who help me stay confident and they are all rlly fun too :D ive come to realise the reason i was so shy before was bc i was insecure and didn't want to be judged, but later i became much more extroverted lol. also im more open abt my problems now. as a teen, i personally feel life is easier now than it used to be when i was younger. 💁🏾♀️
EARLY SEXUALISATION / HARASSMENT -> lifelong trauma and damage.
PARENTIFICATION which stunts childs natural development (for example in case of younger siblings girls are required to look after them).
WASTED POTENTIAL (not enough spaces to nourish girls talents in science maths chess and IT).
Edit: oh and a f*****g bonus point if you are a girl growing up in a religious family..
Constantly being told your purpose in life is to birth children and be a good wife. 🤮🤮🤮.
The constant mixed signals like the speech in Barbie. Be yourself but not if you’re too loud or girly or not girly or like sex but don’t like it too much. Be smart but able to be dumb at a moment’s notice. Have an opinion but not THAT opinion. Like your body but don’t say it out loud. Always criticize yourself out loud but not just for attention. Be successful but acknowledge all the other people who helped you even if they didn’t. Are you eating that? Again? And that much? Why aren’t you eating? Don’t cry. Cry but only when someone else thinks it’s valid. God you’re a cold b***h don’t you have any emotions? Know everything all the time but don’t let anyone else know that you know. God you’re such a follower. God you’re too independent you know that?
I could go on and on and on. It’s exhausting.
The fear / reality of sexual assault.
Oh and periods.
Not walking after dark. Carrying pepper spray from my job to my car. Never going to the bathroom alone.
My father once said to me “if you didn’t want to cook and clean, then you shouldn’t have chosen to be born a girl.”
My mistake. .
Expectation of having children.
I hate feeling like I am worth less because I do not want to put my body and mind through a pregnancy.
That women can be their own worst enemy and drag down girls and young women with them. Like supporting/voting for misogynists. Edited to fix a missing word.
I'll second sexual harassment, catcalling, and body issues from a very young age and add not being able to display your emotions and still be taken seriously. I hear so much from men saying that boys aren't able to express their emotions, and while this is true to some extent (the patriarchy hurts everyone!), they can express anger and have it be taken seriously. For women, it's immediately dismissed as hormonal/PMS/stereotypes (e.g., "angry Black woman"). If we express sadness, see above. If we express a legitimate concern (especially medical), it's dismissed as "anxiety". Women/girls aren't allowed to express emotions without societal repercussions any more than men/boys are, it just looks different for us (and can have more disastrous consequences, esp. medical).
Catcalling. Guys, it's simple. Don't say anything to a woman on the street that you wouldn't want a man to say to you in prison.
Being sl*tshamed and harrrased, always having to take care of others and being the bigger person, being told you purpose in life is giving birth.
We are sl*ts or frigid, it seems. Especially true when we are under 30, though it never ends its just more targeted as we aren't as ready to protect ourselves at that age.
Being constantly dismissed and therefore denied adequate help, compensation, etc.
most female medical problems being under researched and dismissed by the medical community. having to fight just to be heard
Being expected to be "polite" to everyone - take s**t from everyone, have low standards, accept manchildren as your partner, try to "see the best" in people who wrong you, people please.
Being sexualised from infancy.
Being treated like an infant in adulthood.
Being expected to be polite to everyone but then men think that just because you’re polite to them you’re obviously attracted to them. 🙄
Worrying about body image from quite a young age. Am I fat? Am I too fat? Am I fit enough? Am I too muscley? Am I too skinny now? Am I skinny enough? Endless. .
Sexual harassment and occasional assault from heterosexual men.
I had some very bad experiences... until I learned how to defend myself.
As a girl: Being thrown into a world made and designed for men with no one to help contextualize this properly so I understand better why I'm not actually a huge failure at what I choose to undertake.
As a teenager: being taught everything that is dangerous about sex (unwanted pregnancy, STDs...), but not about how to be comfortable with my own sexuality, or how pleasurable sex can be for women, how important it is, and how to achieve this - would have helped me so much more growing up
So far for my entire life: Periods. Seriously.
Inconvenient. Uncomfortable. Painful. Sometimes can lead to major embarrassment. Can put a damper on: events, vacations, sometimes I even have to adapt what I wear based on the day and flow... F**k tampon commercials trying to make anyone believe women need to live through this by dancing around in a white dress feeling pure bliss.
only being able to fit into certain clothes because of severe pain and bloating :(
Being underestimated and questioned while men are seen for potential; I had this incredible self confidence as a kid that was crushed in my teen years that I’ve worked my whole life to find back.
For me it was mostly seeing how there were different rules for me than for my brothers, especially in terms of freedom.
Edit to say: I'm kind of baffled with all these replies and grateful to say that my wonderful parents raised me as the tomboy that I was with (almost) no complaints. My comment was addressed at things like going out alone or being out after dark. .
I grew up fairly conservative and my parents worked so hard to made things fair for both their boys and girls. They decided that "If we want to protect the girls by having them in non-revealing swimwear in public, then we're not going to have the boys shirtless." That has always made sense to me. No double standard. If the boys were shirtless, we got bikinis. And if we didn't get bikinis, than the boys were modest too. And yes, this was only when we were young and directly under their care (pre-teen, young teens).
That's good that they were fair about it.
Load More Replies...I was told, "Women should do the housework, but a nice man would want to help. Don't let him though because that's your job".
The male equivalent of "tomboy" is "sissy". Tells you a lot right there.
I was told as a teenager that the reason I had a curfew and my brother didn't, is because he wouldn't come home pregnant just because I was the one with a period. It would absolutely have been my fault whether I wanted it to happen or not. My brother BTW, was free to "fornicate" and impregnate as many women as he liked. But, no, that's just boys being boys. Makes me nauseous even typing this.
When I was a senior (church choir, youth group, national honor society, etc) my curfew was 11 pm. My brother (constantly in trouble at school, hung out withthe wrong crowd, etc) was in 6th grade and his curfew was 10:30 pm.
On the rare occasion I got to go to a party (as a high school senior who was also in the National Honor Society), my parents would pick me up at 11. My six years younger brother went to mixed gender sleepovers starting in 8th grade.
Load More Replies... The body shaming started really early for me. I was called fat by everyone from my classmates to my father to my medical providers, then I slimmed down but my breasts grew big and fast so I was mocked for that; my mom started insinuating I was a s**t by the age of about 12. I didn’t even lose my virginity until I was almost 20 because I thought I was a big ugly monster.
It took me so, so long to unpack the trauma of growing up in the early/mid 2000s. Now I’m 34 and just dipping my toes in the water of intentional weight loss after decades of not being able to do it without spiraling into an eating disorder, because I’m edging on high blood pressure and want to be able to go hiking w my friends without being a drag.
Don’t get me started on navigating the minefield of dating hetero men.
The 90's and the 00's were a toxic couple of decades. Just yesterday I was remembering how during soccer tournaments (the european championships just ended) they would fill the commercialbreaks with the "World Championships Lingerie", where, and I s**t you not, it would be just 15 minutes of pretty women in their underwear trying to shoot penalties. It was ... I can't even describe it. Everything about that era (and before that time as well), was about men, and women's appearance.
Finding out what kind of p*rn men like. That our pleasure doesnt matter. That many men m**turbate to women/girls suffering.
This is something that weirded me out. Back when I still thought I was straight I remember buddies sharing porn. It really baffled and kinda frightened me how many of them really, really liked porn where the woman was being degraded. No one controls what kinks they end up with, but seriously, wtf guys?
The patriarchy. Sexism, misogyny, double-standards, assault, predatory men, etc etc etc.
A comment for ByeFelcia since they’re downvoted and I can’t directly reply… maybe listen to what women are saying instead of just dismissing them. If everything men do gives them the ick then maybe do better.
Abuse. You pick the type.
According to my family the abuse didn't count because I was a girl. Sexual abuse, must have asked for it. Physical abuse, you deserve it because you're too sensitive. Verbal abuse, mental and emotional abuse.... the list goes on. That was just my family.
I was lucky and didn’t have a lot of the terrible experiences that girls and women have, but for me it was the double standard. My brother can do no wrong and he was able to do more because he was a boy and “it’s different for girls”.
And girls being taught to make rooms for the boys. 'they are later developed than girls. Bear with them.' why not teach the boys to actually look up to smart girls?
The tragedy of womanhood. As a child you believe you have an inate worth as a person, equal to everyone else. And then the slow horror creeps in through the years as it dawns on you that society does not value you as a person and your only worth is in your body and how you can benefit the men around you.
Requirements and judgement.
My mistakes are taken more aggressively and poorly than dudes.
The never ending judgment and instance on compliance. I'm a women bringing up girls, it would be so very easy to teach them to be submissive and compliant but f**k easy. My girls rebel, they will push gender norms, they won't just accept "you need to..." , they are their own people, they may fall down but I'll pick them up,they will want to comply and fit in and I'll support them to be themselves. Bringing up girls harder than being one.
Being out late at night (the double standard is extremely icky) and feeling unsafe. Being told that you shouldn't travel alone...
I understand the frustration.. but unfortunatelly it is necessary
Wondering what do with your f**kability. On the one hand, you learn early on that f**kability = money, power, influence (M P I). On the other hand, you learn that achieving M P I through f**kability is somehow more vulgar than every other way people get money, power and influence.
Being a wage-stealing s**tbag, just barely to the right side of a plantation owner = WOOHOO!, Elect that man to be the president and invite him to speak at Harvard's graduation!!! Be a millionaire sex worker, and it's "eww... she so stupid and all she did was a sex tape." Mmm kay.
The same mother who shames you for getting fat and "unf**kable" in her eyes is the same one that will shame you for expressing any form of your sexuality. Am I supposed to f**kable or not? Am I supposed to want to be f**kable or not? Am I supposed to use f**kability as a means to M P I or not? Am I supposed to have a say in my f**kability at all? What if I don't give a flying rat's a*s about my f**kability? Getting older makes some of the answers more clear but not always.
Another double standard - a man's "No" and a woman's "No" are not treated equally. And this is true even outside of sexual invitation.
For me the worst part was my father. He saw all girls and women as sex objects, including his own daughter. To the point that he basically forced me to pretend to be male just so he wouldn't molest me nightly. (It's complicated; I was born intersex, and my body was entirely capable of being made either male or female as it started out a unique mix of both. Never did I identify with the male part of that divide, but with a father like that, it was the safest choice. Thankfully he's long gone from my life and I can actually live as the woman I am instead of the man he wanted me to play at being.)
I'm so glad you are free now, Sky. May you receive lots of blessings and good vibes!
Load More Replies...It's a shame how many people on this list suffer from body image issues and the inability to voice their own opinions comfortably. We really gotta step up as a society and stop objectifying people, it's been overdue since ever and nobody benefits from it. Not even the men, who get driven into all sorts of different toxic stereotypes.
The overriding theme I noticed was sexual assault and predation.
Load More Replies...“He’s just doing (annoying / painful / embarrassing / abusive thing) because he LIKES you!” Subtext: “So you should be grateful and flattered and shut up and stop expecting the people whose job it is to protect you to do anything at all to help you. Oh, and don’t defend yourself either. You’re overreacting to ‘being teased’ and hitting people is unladylike.”
I've made a comment on a post and i just wanted to make it clear. This is a post about women and girls and what we face from birth. When a man chimes in with 'well it happens to men too' we are not saying it doesn't. But the fact you are saying that and not allowing women their space to just think about themselves for once, to think about us and what we go through without having to take on board someone else's problem or have our issues or fears shared or halved with men. Let us have a minute dammit!
I'm surprised no one mentions how pain in women is dismissed whereas pain in men is taken seriously and medical investigations and treatment options are discussed. Women get told 'it's all in your head' that we're anxious, that we have to make do with over the counter medications. The same with medical procedures. the fitting of a coil is often done without pain relief and it is incredibly painful. Yet when men go through a procedure they get taken much more seriously when they say they're in pain.
There's an epidemic of violence against women all around the world, but there's also a much quieter epidemic of contempt, disrespect, and scorn. I really wish we could live in a world where ALL people can be free, and equal, at peace with themselves and others. Sure, it might be impossible, but it's not impossible to TRY, and not impossible to improve things. Sincerely, we NEED to do better. We've come a long, long way just in my lifetime (look at 80s comedies to see what we thought was funny back then! It's embarrassing!). But we still have so far to go. It's sad and shameful we haven't come further than we have, and worse still that some countries that SHOULD be better, seem to be going BACKWARDS! (and you KNOW who you are!)
Yeah,I know, I live there! Greedy Old Pricks (GOP) want women to live in the 1800s.
Load More Replies...There are still places today that see women and girls as property to be traded like live stock. They have zero rights. Don't forget about them..
I feel like I missed a lot of the trauma shared here growing up. I had good role models, no one doubted me because of my gender, my mom always said, "girls can do anything boys can do AND have babies," I don't remember being s e x u a l i z e d, I haven't been abused or have any memory of being cat called... which makes me wonder...am I ugly? lol.
Na... I had one "minor" SA where I had to demonstrate that I changed my mind mid xxx by force at about 20. Other than that and slight issues with beauty standards (which guys have too) and ignorant car sales guys my gender never played a big negative role. You just got lucky. But I will admit I thought the same sometimes.
Load More Replies...This is an issue most won't understand, but raised poor in the 60's girls were taught the only way out of poverty was to marry "well". Academic excellence was actively discouraged. College wasn't ever mentioned, as no one would be able to afford it. (which was true then- the Boomers never paid their loans, so the ony way to get a student loan was to have your parents co-sign it-making it impossible). When cops came to the house after my Mom was beaten to a pulp, they laughed and said "He's just in love" and left. DV shelters didn't exist. Neither did homeless shelters. Easy to rape/exploit poor girls and cops - asked first, What were you wearing? Things are so much incredibly better now. Women paid SO much less than men, impossible to pull yourself out of poverty. And if you don't have children there was NO social help of any kind available, That's why the poorest demographic today are older single women withouth kids. This is just the start- but the deck was stacked against us in w
I'm SHOCKED no one mentioned the medical gaslighting women get. "Oh it's just in your head/not that bad/you're just needing to lose weight/try a heating pad" etc. And meanwhile cancer is spreading, endometriosis is doing major organ destruction, etc etc.
Those issues are really, and a lot different from what boys have to face. We can't know all this without being a girl. It's especially worst in traditional societies.
Nope!! I'm raising my son (and 2 daughters) to see the inequality and not be party to it!!! My girls are strong independent young women and he is a young man who supports and considers women equal to him. My hubby is one of those rare men who believes a strong capable woman is at least his equal and his daughters equal to his son in nearly every way!!!! We tried hard to avoid those pitfalls that parents can perpetuate if they are not treating ALL CHILDREN as equally strong, capable, and independent!!!!
Load More Replies...I do not mean to invalidate anyone's hardships, but we have to look after boys, too. Yes, they can be victims of sexual predators, too. And boys can be savagely beaten by their peers on a regular basis and "it's just part of growing up." Know why girls get better grades yet test more poorly? Female teachers go easy on them; the cost is boys drop out and get dangerous, physical jobs. And there are many reasons by in modern, peaceful, prosperous nations men die at two to three times the rate of women at every age and none of them are stupidity or genetics. You know why guys do all those deadly dangerous things that BPs like to laugh at? Because they've internalized, "show no fear or get beaten" at such an early age that they no longer register danger. Girls slightly on the spectrum are "adorkable," while guys are creepy wierdos; "OMG! How DARE he think I might want to have a relationship with a LOSER like HIM????"
Yes, we do have to look after boys as well. For articles like these, though, the focus is on women and girls, and that is okay. It is a very common thing for people to point out the male issues on articles about women and girls, but the reverse is very uncommon. It is well known that these things happen to men and boys. I know it's hard to read tone via text, so I will say I'm not saying this in anger at all - I fully agree with you. I am only saying we need spaces where we can talk about this for women and girls, we need spaces where we can talk about it for boys and men, we need spaces where we can talk about it for both - we also, of course, need spaces where we talk about it for non-binary folks/folks of other genders. It is all right to have a space where we focus on one thing and not all the things.
Load More Replies...Another double standard - a man's "No" and a woman's "No" are not treated equally. And this is true even outside of sexual invitation.
For me the worst part was my father. He saw all girls and women as sex objects, including his own daughter. To the point that he basically forced me to pretend to be male just so he wouldn't molest me nightly. (It's complicated; I was born intersex, and my body was entirely capable of being made either male or female as it started out a unique mix of both. Never did I identify with the male part of that divide, but with a father like that, it was the safest choice. Thankfully he's long gone from my life and I can actually live as the woman I am instead of the man he wanted me to play at being.)
I'm so glad you are free now, Sky. May you receive lots of blessings and good vibes!
Load More Replies...It's a shame how many people on this list suffer from body image issues and the inability to voice their own opinions comfortably. We really gotta step up as a society and stop objectifying people, it's been overdue since ever and nobody benefits from it. Not even the men, who get driven into all sorts of different toxic stereotypes.
The overriding theme I noticed was sexual assault and predation.
Load More Replies...“He’s just doing (annoying / painful / embarrassing / abusive thing) because he LIKES you!” Subtext: “So you should be grateful and flattered and shut up and stop expecting the people whose job it is to protect you to do anything at all to help you. Oh, and don’t defend yourself either. You’re overreacting to ‘being teased’ and hitting people is unladylike.”
I've made a comment on a post and i just wanted to make it clear. This is a post about women and girls and what we face from birth. When a man chimes in with 'well it happens to men too' we are not saying it doesn't. But the fact you are saying that and not allowing women their space to just think about themselves for once, to think about us and what we go through without having to take on board someone else's problem or have our issues or fears shared or halved with men. Let us have a minute dammit!
I'm surprised no one mentions how pain in women is dismissed whereas pain in men is taken seriously and medical investigations and treatment options are discussed. Women get told 'it's all in your head' that we're anxious, that we have to make do with over the counter medications. The same with medical procedures. the fitting of a coil is often done without pain relief and it is incredibly painful. Yet when men go through a procedure they get taken much more seriously when they say they're in pain.
There's an epidemic of violence against women all around the world, but there's also a much quieter epidemic of contempt, disrespect, and scorn. I really wish we could live in a world where ALL people can be free, and equal, at peace with themselves and others. Sure, it might be impossible, but it's not impossible to TRY, and not impossible to improve things. Sincerely, we NEED to do better. We've come a long, long way just in my lifetime (look at 80s comedies to see what we thought was funny back then! It's embarrassing!). But we still have so far to go. It's sad and shameful we haven't come further than we have, and worse still that some countries that SHOULD be better, seem to be going BACKWARDS! (and you KNOW who you are!)
Yeah,I know, I live there! Greedy Old Pricks (GOP) want women to live in the 1800s.
Load More Replies...There are still places today that see women and girls as property to be traded like live stock. They have zero rights. Don't forget about them..
I feel like I missed a lot of the trauma shared here growing up. I had good role models, no one doubted me because of my gender, my mom always said, "girls can do anything boys can do AND have babies," I don't remember being s e x u a l i z e d, I haven't been abused or have any memory of being cat called... which makes me wonder...am I ugly? lol.
Na... I had one "minor" SA where I had to demonstrate that I changed my mind mid xxx by force at about 20. Other than that and slight issues with beauty standards (which guys have too) and ignorant car sales guys my gender never played a big negative role. You just got lucky. But I will admit I thought the same sometimes.
Load More Replies...This is an issue most won't understand, but raised poor in the 60's girls were taught the only way out of poverty was to marry "well". Academic excellence was actively discouraged. College wasn't ever mentioned, as no one would be able to afford it. (which was true then- the Boomers never paid their loans, so the ony way to get a student loan was to have your parents co-sign it-making it impossible). When cops came to the house after my Mom was beaten to a pulp, they laughed and said "He's just in love" and left. DV shelters didn't exist. Neither did homeless shelters. Easy to rape/exploit poor girls and cops - asked first, What were you wearing? Things are so much incredibly better now. Women paid SO much less than men, impossible to pull yourself out of poverty. And if you don't have children there was NO social help of any kind available, That's why the poorest demographic today are older single women withouth kids. This is just the start- but the deck was stacked against us in w
I'm SHOCKED no one mentioned the medical gaslighting women get. "Oh it's just in your head/not that bad/you're just needing to lose weight/try a heating pad" etc. And meanwhile cancer is spreading, endometriosis is doing major organ destruction, etc etc.
Those issues are really, and a lot different from what boys have to face. We can't know all this without being a girl. It's especially worst in traditional societies.
Nope!! I'm raising my son (and 2 daughters) to see the inequality and not be party to it!!! My girls are strong independent young women and he is a young man who supports and considers women equal to him. My hubby is one of those rare men who believes a strong capable woman is at least his equal and his daughters equal to his son in nearly every way!!!! We tried hard to avoid those pitfalls that parents can perpetuate if they are not treating ALL CHILDREN as equally strong, capable, and independent!!!!
Load More Replies...I do not mean to invalidate anyone's hardships, but we have to look after boys, too. Yes, they can be victims of sexual predators, too. And boys can be savagely beaten by their peers on a regular basis and "it's just part of growing up." Know why girls get better grades yet test more poorly? Female teachers go easy on them; the cost is boys drop out and get dangerous, physical jobs. And there are many reasons by in modern, peaceful, prosperous nations men die at two to three times the rate of women at every age and none of them are stupidity or genetics. You know why guys do all those deadly dangerous things that BPs like to laugh at? Because they've internalized, "show no fear or get beaten" at such an early age that they no longer register danger. Girls slightly on the spectrum are "adorkable," while guys are creepy wierdos; "OMG! How DARE he think I might want to have a relationship with a LOSER like HIM????"
Yes, we do have to look after boys as well. For articles like these, though, the focus is on women and girls, and that is okay. It is a very common thing for people to point out the male issues on articles about women and girls, but the reverse is very uncommon. It is well known that these things happen to men and boys. I know it's hard to read tone via text, so I will say I'm not saying this in anger at all - I fully agree with you. I am only saying we need spaces where we can talk about this for women and girls, we need spaces where we can talk about it for boys and men, we need spaces where we can talk about it for both - we also, of course, need spaces where we talk about it for non-binary folks/folks of other genders. It is all right to have a space where we focus on one thing and not all the things.
Load More Replies...