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Teen Calls Parents “Selfish” For Making Him Miss His Graduation Trip To Watch His Siblings During Family Emergency, Parent Asks For Advice
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Finding the right person to look after your child is not an easy task, especially when it’s a last-minute thing or an emergency situation.
The latter is what led to the redditor u/Some-Accident-1065 asking his son to watch over his siblings. The oldest of three kids, he had just graduated high school and was about to go on a road trip when an accident in the family altered the plans. The graduate’s parents weren’t able to find someone to watch over the kids, so they asked for their son’s help and split the AITA community into two camps about it.
RELATED:
Finding someone to look after your child might not be easy, especially in emergency situations
Image credits: Tirachard Kumtanom (not the actual photo)
This young man had to miss his graduation road trip when he was asked to look after his younger siblings
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The parent updated the community on how things developed
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Image credits: THIS IS ZUN (not the actual photo)
Image source: Some-Accident-1065
The OP explained certain matters in the comments
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Children of different ages often help their parents to look after their younger siblings
Image credits: Annie Spratt (not the actual photo)
Anyone with a younger sibling or two knows that being the eldest one often entails assisting parents in numerous ways. Whether it’s babysitting the little ones or helping around the house, oldest kids typically become parents’ right hand for family-related matters. Some data suggests that out of all people under the age of 18 that have siblings, 41% are the oldest ones, meaning there ought to be quite a few people familiar with the struggle.
Watching over their younger siblings is likely one of the most common tasks that befalls the shoulders of the eldest ones. However, the age of when they start to do it differs with each household. Some parents believe a thirteen-year-old can be completely fine looking after a child younger than them, while others might feel uneasy leaving kids with someone this young.
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A survey of parents in the UK revealed that the majority of them—66%, to be exact—are okay with their twelve-year-old offspring looking after the family’s little ones for an evening. When it comes to overnight stays, the vast majority (81%) said they would only leave their kids if the eldest one was 15 and over.
The OP was understandably not willing to leave their seven and 11-year-olds home alone overnight, which is why they asked the oldest one to stay with them, even though it meant missing the first few days of the graduation trip.
Traveling can have numerous benefits on a developing mind
Image credits: averie woodard (not the actual photo)
Even though it was an emergency that altered the family’s plans, the young man was understandably upset about not being able to join his friends for the entirety of the trip. In addition to spending quality time with friends, graduation travel has more benefits on the youth, according to a recent study. It pointed out that such travels positively reflect in the graduate’s social fulfillment, self-efficacy improvement, escape/relaxation, interest pursuit, and self-esteem enhancement.
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A survey conducted by the Student & Youth Travel Association also suggested that traveling can have a positive effect on the developing mind of a young person. According to it, as many as 74% of teachers believe travel has a positive impact on students’ personal development, and 56% say it also positively influences their education and career.
There are numerous benefits of traveling to people of different ages; however, unexpected matters can change travel plans at any time. That’s why the OP was put in a position where they had to ask their son to look after his younger siblings—a request that split the online community into two camps about whether they were a jerk for doing so.
Some Redditors didn’t think the parent was a jerk in the situation
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Others believed the OP was in the wrong here
There were also community members who thought everyone was at fault
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As well as those who thought no one was being a jerk here
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What do you think ?
Val 1 year ago
What the hell, I can't understand people saying the father is the a*****e. The grandparents were in a serious accident. What a douche thinking he still gets to go on his trip, apparently he doesn't seem concerned about his grandparents. The kid needs to learn that life throws you curveball sometimes. Or as Monica from Friends said to Rachel: "Welcome to the real world. It sucks! You're gonna love it". I hope the parents will have a grown-up conversation with their son. And I hope the kid will apologize for losing his sh*t while his mom was at the hospital fearing for her dad's life.
Bernd Herbert 1 year ago
I agree. In life not everything will run according to plan. Sometime your plans will have to change. Accidents often do that. That entitled jerk had even plenty of trip days left.
Load More Replies... Rasheeda Pennybaker 1 year ago
He's not an entitled jerk he's a teenager. They don't think clearly and telling them that they can still do A and B even the fact that they only miss part of it. Yeah right to them the adults have to have it their way and they dont care about the teen. He should have contact the friends to talk to his son. Its the rebellious age. Its actually normal, if they can't do it how they want than they just won't do it.
Jp@nda 1 year ago
When I was 18 I lived on my own, paid my own rent and utilities because I worked a full time job. At that age my mother almost died in a car accident, I dropped everything to go states away to be with her. That kid is being a self centered pr**k, and he doesn't get a pass cause he's still technically a teen. At that age you know right from wrong, and he was dead wrong. Yeah it sucks and life isn't fair, but that's life. His dad did everything he could to make it right, and that little jerk just went and screamed at his mom too. F that, grow up
Redbjorn 1 year ago
Just because people have a good relationship with their parents and grandparents, doesnt mena he does, second, people deal with grief in different ways, third, if you really want to push the 'injured family should be cared about' angle, his parents are a******s for not including him in the trip to go see the grandparents, I think it's telling that they assumed he wouldn't want to go with tbh. Anyone who thinks it's his DUTY to care about injured family so his parents can do their thing can f**k off. Should he WANT to help? I think so, but it's not something he OWES anyone. What if one or more of his friends is going to college overseas and he won't see them for years. What if they usually don't have the money for trips and this is a huge deal for him. The assumption, and the fact that he was more or less guilted into it is the issue, the dad was an a*****e. The son MIGHT have been an a*****e too, depending on story that we were not given, but as described the son should be livid
Jeanne Kelly 1 year ago
The fact that this man-child LIED about this tip and was actually leaving the country on his daddy’s dime (but was telling mom and dad something else) is why he didn't want to “finish” the trip. He would have to tell them the truth. Which they found out when the dad DID call one of the friends to see if he could get his son on the trip. Then the truth came out. Nah, at 18 years old, this littlest man is still a child. It’s sad. SMH
Trish Panda 1 year ago
Technically an adult brain doesn't finish maturing til 25. 18 is just a random age humans gave meaning to. That being Said, not going when given the chance was definitely foolish on his end.
Francis 1 year ago (edited)
also the father offered to bring him to his trip (still 12 days left)! it sucks, but life is sh*tty. i wonder if some infos are missing. it seems like the son doesn't care at all about his grandparents. are those his grandparents or his the wife his stepmother?
Mathias 1 year ago
@Francis, yes that's a childlike pattern still. As a grown up you'd take what you can get. As a child you are more invested into showing your parents what they did wrong and children do that by trying to show the parents what their actions lead to. The emotional logic there is "see how I suffer, you did this, don't you see? How much more do I have to suffer until you realise what you do wrong" Children are dependent on their parents, at a young age that's their only chance to make the parents realise. And they double down on it hoping that if the parents have to invest in the problem they might have an realisation. Unfortunately most parents are just like "boy what's wrong with that kid I have no idea why it is like that". Part of growing up is to let go of this pattern, although some people keep it their entire life and act like this at work, with friends, and especially with family.
Melissa K 1 year ago (edited)
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The parents are emotionally blackmailing the kid with, "don't your even care about your grandparents?" And he's saying, "don't YOU care about ME?" And they don't, they're so wrapped up in the old people that they can't see that they caused their son to flake on his own obligations and then they called him the AH. THE PARENTS ARE THE AH. One of the parents should have stayed behind and the mom needed to get ahold of herself. You can't just be an emotional wreck, but she's selfish, the selfishness begins with her of control emotions, extends to running to her parents without regard for her kids and then telling the kids they're the AH for not being happy about it. You can't run to mommy like a child, you have to take care of your own responsibilities, one of which is keeping your emotions under control so you can function. Edit: He should go on the trip, fly in just ahead of the friends."
Jp@nda 1 year ago
Wow, they just care about the old people, who TF says that?? Her parents almost died, she was doing what a child is expected to do. In that time she's worried about losing her parents not her kids freaking road trip! And keep her emotions under control?! Just wow.... I hope you never have to experience that. And the fact that at least for other people agree with you is sick, jfc
Mathias 1 year ago
@Jp@nda, no the mother did not act normal, you don't act like that as a grown up. That's probably the simplified core of the issue: the mother acted like a child yet the 18 year old at least partly raised by that very mother was expected to act like an adult. And yes I've been trough that, only that my parents didn't make it. It's tough but you keep working with all that emotions in you, you give them space but don't allow them to take over because you're grown up and can shoulder responsibilities. Or you are not but then don't expect your child to do better than you do. And this is completely independent from the question if the teen f*kd up or not because yes he did but the apple doesn't fall far from the tree as the saying goes...
Trish Panda 1 year ago
They don't care? He could have been kicked out at 18 to fend for himself. They cared enough to offer to send him out on his precious trip 2 days later.
Wendy Limon 1 year ago
I believe you missed the part where the kid lied they weren't going to California as they had told his parents they were going to Mexico. He had to come clean to his parents when they offered to fly him in I think that's why he was so upset he got caught in his lie.
Rasheeda Pennybaker 1 year ago
It's not that he don't care about his grandparents its the fact he had plans and was excited about them now he have to give them up. He's a teenager they can't process stuff right all at once.
Ron Baza 1 year ago
I’m still not clear why the two younger kids couldn’t have gone. If the 18-year-old had already left for their trip - or if they didn’t have an 18-year-old - that would have been the case.
DomiShea 1 year ago
But he was there. I'm not subjecting my child to something that could possibly be super traumatic by putting them in their dying grandparents hospital room for 48 hours. That's TWO DAYS straight in a hospital with extremely injured grandparents and a emotionally charged mother. No. If the situation was different and they had no choice but to bring them then you have to deal the best way possible. But he was there so that was their best option.
Say What 1 year ago
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So you're saying if the husband couldn't go the wife wouldn't have gone? Why is everyone pretending it takes TWO DAYS to fill out hospital paperwork? It takes 10 minutes. The kids wouldn't be subjected to any trauma staying at their. Grandparents house with their dad, but you're perfectly fine subjecting the older son to the role of a parent instead of a teenager missing the camaraderie of traveling with his friends for a well earned trip. This happened to me and 20 years later, it still leaves a bad taste in my mouth.
firecrackershrimp 1 year ago
No one said anything about filling out paperwork. They were bedside because she didn't know if her parents would pull thru. You've obviously never cared about someone enough that in a traumatic situation you wouldn't leave their bedside till you knew things were going to be ok. Accident injuries can be very touch and go at the beginning until a person is stabilized. This has happened to me more than once with relatives and you don't just fill out paperwork and leave. And been in the other side too have a disabled child I could never bring with me due to the level of care they need and sometimes my other kids have to step up and step in. You try to avoid it as he did but all his backup people fell thru. Plus he tried to get him back on his trip asap even though gparents were still in hospital. Whim he didn't want to go see just sulk in his room. And to those saying blame who raised him, sometimes you do all the right things and your kid still turns out like an @$$. Seen that too.
Lori Childers Harmon 1 year ago
He said he spent the whole 48 hours running around and filling out hospital and other paperwork during one of his responses to a comment.
DomiShea 1 year ago
It was an Emergency!!! Not Parentifiy him. Two days not his whole high school life. And he could have met up with them as soon as they got back if he wouldn't have thrown a fit. His friends were trucking trying to get out he country before anyone found out. Bc other wise they could have waited about a day for him to fly out to them. Plus the one thing no one mentioned. The kids LIED about where the were going. And we're heading to MEXICO!! What if something happened to them and no one would have a clue where they were. And why isn't he worried about his grandparents???? And it sounds like your holding a grudge about something that your parents possibly didn't have a choice over.
Papa Patata 1 year ago (edited)
Yeah, just let the teenager go party while grandparents are in hospital and family dealing with extremely stressful situation. Wtf!? Nevermind family helping each other or showing the least bit of concern or manners for the grandparents. What a brat.
Peter Perez Jr. 1 year ago
It's the kind of people who either hate their own parents for stupid reasons, or won't forgive their parents for small mistakes. Ironically it's almost never people with actually bad parents. Either way they assume everyone sucks, and they're jealous of us for having a decent relationship with our families
Suzie 1 year ago
Do you really not understand how busy the parents would be at the hospital? When my mom was in the hospital, I was there for upwards of 18 hours a day. Also the hospital could have limits in the number of visitors in the room or might not allow kids in the ICU if that's where the grandparents were. Are the kids supposed to wait in the waiting room alone? It boggles the mind that you honestly think dragging two young kids is even an option? Also, the "what if the son had already left" is a non-starter. He hadn't left yet and they needed him to help out.
Mathias 1 year ago (edited)
That's one side of the story, but there is another side of it that we don't see. Things like this don't come over night but build up for years. It's easy to blame the kid but who raised him? At 18 while your independent character also had some time to form you are still close to a copy of your parents and his reaction is very child like. Never forget that when you blame kids: they behave exactly as they were raised. Now why did he blow up like that? We don't know. But if you read between the lines it seems - note: seems not is - the mother is very fragile and dependent on people around her - because it's not normal to stop functioning in a situation like this. Yes it's tragic but as an adult you should be able to handle it. The suggests the husband had to deal with 4 children with the mother probably being like that all her life. And the teen brutally called it out, emphasis on brutal and yes that's an YTA move but he likely endured this a lot without notice. I get the split votes.
Papa Patata 1 year ago (edited)
Bs. My family was extremely difficult and dysfunctional yet I would never choose to go on a trip when there's a family emergency even at that age and younger. Especially when grandparents are "mangled" from an accident. The f*****g entitlement is crazy to me. Nothing about going to see his grandparents, whom he may never get to see again if they die. What a psycho society
Mathias 1 year ago
@Papa Patata, that's you, you are 1 among 8 billion. And your life story is a very different one than the one of your neighbour. Yet you assume others have to act like you do. Why? Why do you assume that the way you'd do it is the only correct one? That's exactly the point I made in a reply to a post from the user Monday a bit down at the moment. Use your life experience where it benefits you but be aware that this is only yours and others might have a very different experience. And unless you know where they come from be very careful with judging others.
Jeanne Kelly 1 year ago
No. No one needs to know the life experience or where someone else is coming from in order to judge them. You saying that a human being is only one of 8 billion is hilarious. Do you think you’re a special snowflake and that no two people are alike ever in anything? Do you think you get a pass on being judged yourself? Shame on you for attempting to bully and shame someone who finds this man-child’s behavior disgusting. I don’t only assume others have to act a certain way, it’s why we have laws. It’s what’s called a society. Shame on you. I judge this adult man-child and all the A-holes making excuses for him that have obviously been triggered. I have a mommy and daddy take something away from them. This man-baby is heading in the direction of becoming a bad person. I understand that you like to feel superior to others by saying that you “don’t judge”, but you do. You did, right here right now, laughable hypocrite.
Rasheeda Pennybaker 1 year ago
I really don't care how people see things. I hate when parents feels like the kid should have understood. Heck no he's a teenager with unstable hormones. He planned something and that's all he could think about. So he respond like an emotional unstable hormone teen. They don't think clearly and pushing them only make it worse.
Melissa K 1 year ago
They dumped two kids on their oldest son and ran out of town on a whim because they're WANTED to be there but they're not necessary at the hospital. The dad then brought a hysterical mess to the hospital for everybody else to deal with. Newsflash: Unless you're the foremost trauma surgeon in the region and you're operating (on your parents), the hospital doesn't need you. They manage these types of situations all the time. Take care of your kids, don't dump them on somebody who can't take care of them causing them to miss their own obligations and then call them an AH for being upset about it. The parents were absolutely selfish for running off on a whim like it was a desperate emergency when the grandparents were already receiving medical care and then indulging in emotion and allowing themselves to be hysterical for days, bringing said hysterical woman to the hospital and then allowing the out of control hysterical person to abuse the person she just screwed over.
Scott Rackley 1 year ago
His explanation is not internally consistent, and most likely worded this way for a reason.
firecrackershrimp 1 year ago
Gee maybe because he was stressed from the situation also!?! Nobody is perfect but he tried as much as humanly possible. Cut me a break already.
Kerry Carolan 1 year ago
It's pretty consistent, he's been stressed and probably awake for at least 48 hours, and his first language isn't English. I think we can forgive the wording. The lack of citizenship rampant today is insane. Yeah, kids shouldn't have to raise their siblings all the time, but they absolutely do have to participate in the family, even in non-emergency situations. That's citizenship. That's society. That's f*****g life. If I were the kids *friend* I would have just postponed the trip by two days, let alone the kid himself. That kid is an entitled a*****e.
Mika Metcalf 1 year ago
Plus all the immature 20 somethings who would rather take vacations than ever have children. This where their priorities are. They can't imagine choosing family over fun stuff.
RM Ker 1 year ago
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He gave up his vacation to care for his younger siblings. Are you saying he shouldnt have been upset for missing his graduation celebration, that he may have paid for himself? There were two of them. They did not both have to go. Teens do not make good caregivers. Abandoning your kids to take care of your kids isnt good or safe for any of them. The excuse was that this mom was too hysterical to deal with it alone, so now she needed to be taken care of, in addition to the people who actually needed help, so their only option was to abandon their kids? People should not have more kids than they can care for. It is wrong and unsafe to make the older ones care for the younger ones. Peoples kids should come first, period, no matter the situation. They just taught their oldest that he doesnt matter and should not be surprised when he tires of their expectations. Turns out a lot can be accomplished by phone.
Mika Metcalf 1 year ago
They were helping pay for the trip and willing to pay for him to get to his friends. They tried to make it up to him. I get being a teenager and reacting poorly, but if he really couldn't be decent to his parents who sound like they try to do the best they can, Id be ready to kick him out. You can be upset but you don't get to berate someone in the hospital with their damily who almost died because boo hoo they didnt prioritize your vacation.
Sathe Wesker 1 year ago
Honestly the one thing that bothered me was one of the comments saying “he’s 18 and legally an adult”… I hate that phrase. I’ve met 18 year olds with the emotional intelligence of a 12 year old who’s balls just dropped. Plus, one day your 17 and the next you turn 18 and all of a sudden you’re supposed to just “be an adult”? He is still a teen, still growing, still learning to process emotions in a situation like this. Things could of been handled better in some regards, sure, but he has a right to his reaction (albeit he could of been a bit more compassionate).
Monday 1 year ago
Caring more about a trip with friends than your grandparents almost dying isn't a typical kid reaction. This kid needs a wakeup call, and I hope to hell this was it. It was normal for him to be upset about missing the trip, but screaming at your mother that she's selfish for being worried about her parents almost dying ....that kid is f*****g brat.
Load More Replies...
Liam Lowenthal 1 year ago
Yes and no? I mean yeah, I absolutely agree with you. I'm just wondering what his relationship with them is like. I hated mr abusive parents, they were a******s. When they died I didn't feel a thing, and found dealing with their death arrangements more annoying and expensive than anything. Then again, I wasn't screaming about missing any kind of event either.. so yeah, I agree with you. Lol
Mathias 1 year ago (edited)
@Monday, you do realise that you show exactly the attitude you criticise? There is zero empathy in your posting, zero interest in understanding why somebody reacts like this, you are completely convinced and invested in proving the other one is wrong - just like the teenager here did. And exactly that behaviour from adults leads to kids behaving like this. Maybe the mother or father needs a wakeup call and that was it. We don't know, we have very limited information. However such situations don't come overnight and if you are more invested in judging than questioning you are no better than the one you criticise. And that's something I had to learn the hard way because my parents raised me in a way that I assumed I am always right, because they believed they are always right, I hated it to the guts but yet I learned from them and had the same in me. Was a lot of pain and rejection before I learned my lesson to not be like they were. Don't be a parent like that please.
firecrackershrimp 1 year ago
Parenting critiques aside, what about his feelings for his siblings? He didn't seem to care about them at all either and what they would be out through if they were dragged to the hospital. So should be blame his siblings for his relationship with him too?
Sathe Wesker 1 year ago (edited)
@Firecrackershrimp The father clearly stated the son willing chose to watch the younger siblings. The son obviously did, or it likely wouldn’t have been mentioned otherwise, or, you know, the 18 year old (as an adult and all) could of easily said “Nope, not my problem.”, but he didn’t, he DID stay and watch his siblings, that to me shows he does care about them. He did what he needed to do, still, he felt ways towards his parents. Not his siblings. I don’t agree that his anger was correct, per say, but he needed to get it out like a typical stubborn teenager. As others said, this is a life lesson and he will view it differently down the line.
Monday 1 year ago
I never claimed to have empathy for this kid. Me being a hypocrite has 0 to do with this kid. My lack of empathy for this kid is exactly why I don't have kids. The glaring issue here Mathias, is you're comparing my lack of empathy for stranger to this kid's lack of empathy for HIS OWN MOTHER. And yeah, maybe she's a piece of s**t parent, but we can see from our limited information that dad went back to tend to the younger kiddos as soon as was okay. Dad offered to send kid (who had lied about his vacation plans by the sound of it, but we'll ignore that since he's a legal adult) to catch up with his friends by plane. He would only have lost 2 days of the trip and could have joined up and had fun. Kid decided it "wasn't worth it". Those are simply the facts. Whether I'm right or wrong in how I think makes 0 difference to this situation.
Mathias 1 year ago
@ Monday so help me to get this right. You you don't want kids. And you say this is because of how they might behave? Correct me if I'm wrong but to me that sounds like you are aware that you don't handle such situations well and chose to rather not have kids at all? And no problem with that, your life your choice. But why judge the live of others then? About empathy: you have it or you don't (you can develop it tough). Wether it's a stranger or your parents - zero difference for the empathy part. However as a kid you are harsher on the flaws of you parents because you had to deal with them an entire life, kids have something that can be described as BS radar and they are brutally honest in calling their parents out. That's part of the being a parent part. It will haunt them later in life but there is a valid reason behind them acting that way when they did. About facts: ask the 18y old to tell the story and it'll be very different, are that facts too then? Or are they all opinions?
Monday 1 year ago
I'm not judging their lives at all. I'm judging this one specific action. A kid had a chance to go on the trip 3 days late. He threw a tantrum about it instead. There's no interpretation there. He could have gone on the trip with his friends, but screaming at his parents about ruining his plans was more important than the plans. We know this because otherwise he could have gone and had a delightful trip and screamed at them when he got back. Best of both worlds right. Those are the fact. Opinions are the rest of it. In my opinion this kid is an entitled brat. In your opinion he's some poor sod who got shafted by his terrible parents. Fact are he lied about where the trip was going to be, and threw a tantrum rather than joining his friends. That's the situation, that's what I'm judging. You on the other hand have apparently taken it upon yourself to judge my life. Are you going to admit to your hypocrisy too?
Brina Anna 1 year ago
@Monday Sooooo, besides everything that's going on, you're basically saying you're a narcissist? Correct? Like the fact you ADMIT, you have NO empathy...or ADMIT being a hypocrite? Like TF!? F*****g sociopaths running rampant. The fact you said, YOU don't want to have kids because you have NO empathy, is wild.
Ebenezer Peters 1 year ago
You have whatsoever no idea what you're talking about narcissistic people are people who love themselves and believe themselves to be better than everyone. Agreeing to the fact that you're a hypocrite and have no empathy is not seeing yourself as better than anyone. It's knowing what type of person you are.
Jack Dillon 1 year ago
Mathias doesn't seem off to me. And you seem to be projecting something from within. Are you okay?
Peter Perez Jr. 1 year ago
Ah yes, it's always so funny and witty when you use the exact same insult on someone directly after they use it. So clever.
Mathias 1 year ago
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@Tyke, you don't agree with my explanation? Feel free to argue where I judged wrong. Where am I in error about Monday? Explain please, thank you :) Or don't want to do that, then why did you even answer? Just to vent your anger? Like the kid did?
Tyke 1 year ago
Mathias you are being very aggressive despite the little smiley face. No, I won't explain it to you because it is very clear you can only see your own view. You are the one acting angry and argumentative - you'd probably get on really well the 18 year old in fact. And it seems to be far from just me who disagrees with you.
Jack Dillon 1 year ago
No. He's just disagreeing with you. Maybe he could also see your view...if you were open to explaining your view.
Mathias 1 year ago (edited)
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I am aggressive? For explaining my point of view and inviting you to explain yours.... wow... yes I'd get along well with the 18 year old and I'd get along well with the father, chances are even with the mother because I can understand reasons. Every person has a reason for why they act the way they act. That's why each person thinks they are right out of their perspective but yet the truth is somewhere between the individual opinions. If that is aggressive for you well... you are the one who has to live with yourself and yes there's a smile to that :) Because I do value the beauty in life, even in you, although you probably will not believe it. I know you too have your reasons to think the way you do and although I disagree that's ok
Ebenezer Peters 1 year ago
Please the fact that his parents wanted to pay for his plane ticket to the next state already shows that they're caring parents. My parents would've forced me to stay home or play in the neighborhood. Not only did that kid throw a fit that he only looked after his younger siblings for 2 days and still had 12 days of the trip; He literally lied to his parents about going to the next state that kid was going to Mexico. He called his mom selfish for having a breakdown about her parents being in am accident and her dad almost dying. I'm sorry but as a human being with lots of empathy to spare I simply cannot understand why in the world a child would do that to their parents and grandparents. This kid doesn't care about anyone but himself. I get being mad that you're missing your trip but passing up the opportunity to go again and call your parents selfish is ridiculous. I'm having trouble trying to understand this kid.
Mathias 1 year ago
@Libstak, oh yes he will realise that for sure at one point and he will be guilt ridden by it. I don't disagree that he was out of line and could have handled it way better. What I try to point at, the majority here focuses on what the teen did wrong. BUT for a teen to act that way there is a long story of family that lead to this and it would be wise of the parents to acknowledge their own participating in this story so all can learn the valuable lessons that are to learn here and there for sure are many. Because to me this looks like a clusterf*k of errors - whoever did them for whatever reason - that exploded. And now you can either try to fix them or try to convince yourself you have no contribution to them and it's all on the other one. And by my experience a lot of adults hate that kids mirror their own shortcomings and then blame the kid. Nope, that's not how it works you are equally in it.
Tyke 1 year ago
Mathias although we've disagreed, this latest explanation of yours I can see and empathise with your points. The difference is, your previous statement you seemed to be projecting and assuming, whereas this one seems a lot less emotional and less biased. And you have made some valid points which I appreciate being pointed out.
Papa Patata 1 year ago
I was raised this way too and even at 6 I didn't act like this teenager. I would never choose a trip over a very sick family member. Yes I've been through this and at 6 I chose to stay.
Liam Lowenthal 1 year ago
Anybody who starts with "you do realize", I question said emotional capacity. "You do realize" is a phrase kids absolutely love starting out with, it's a very condescending phrase and shows you're more interested in talking than having a conversation.
Mathias 1 year ago
@Liam Lowentahl, It is a phrase that indicates you are about to tell the other one something you observed that you think they are probably not aware of. This can be done in with supportive, questioning or derogatory intent. Now to my positive surprise monday was very aware of her behaviour and didn't do any BS excuses but acknowledged it, mad respect for that, not many people are so self aware.
Peter Perez Jr. 1 year ago
You do realize that phrasing it like that is what makes it condescending right? If all you were trying to do was point out a fact you don't think the other was aware of, you'd ask "did you know..." But of course you realized that already. Because you're so empathetic
Mathias 1 year ago
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@Peter Perez Jr. No I wouldn't have used the other phrase, because I don't treat people like fragile beings that can't handle themselves. Over-Sensitivity is exhausting for everybody involved it's best to not go into it, neither as the one who talks nor the one who listens. If you are focused on the choice of words rather than the intend of words you are looking to be hurt and that's on you, not the other one. Also you show respect to the other one by lifting them up with the default assumption they can handle life instead of putting them down with the assumption they are too fragile to handle life.
Jude Fire 1 year ago
Look. The kid's reaction was really uncalled for dont get me wrong. But he's a TEENAGER. And at this moment ,he does not truly understand the severity of the situation. He was planning this trip for a while. This does not excuse his behavior but take a minute to understand that not everyone has the same maturity as you. He's still a child no matter how much the world likes to say he isn't. His friends were already pretty far and just telling him to ' get over it ,he'll have the rest of the trip' is not helpful.The mother was distraught and reacted in a really bad way by sending pictures to guilt trip him. Neither person had an appropriate response but if the kid reacted in this way,that might mean he was raised in this way. He could just be being a brat,but that's what KIDS do.
Papa Patata 1 year ago
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Totally agree. A lot of the disagrees are b******t.
Al LeFeusch 1 year ago
I mean, I get what you're saying. But, legally, there is, in fact, a huge difference between 17 and 360 days and 18. Regardless of your maturity level, the day you turn 18 is the day your parents no longer have any legal authority over you. It's just the way it is (in the U.S., at least).
Shannon Donnelly Premium 1 year ago
18 really is a meaningless age, esp now that we know that the human brain doesn't fully develop until age 26. Yes, this kid's reaction seems extreme, but we're only hearing the side of a very angry parent & I think there's a lot of history we're missing behind this kid's reaction. How many times in the past has he had to watch his siblings & missed events that were important to him? What kind of relationship does he have w/ his grandparents (not everyone has a warm & fuzzy bond w/ theirs)? I just feel like we need some objective info to be able to judge this one fairly. Teens, even 18 y.o's, esp immature ones, are notorious for not looking 2 steps ahead & thinking of consequences, just what affects them in the moment. Most grow out of it. Not meant as an excuse for his behavior, just a possible explanation
Ebenezer Peters 1 year ago
It's understandable to be angry about missing a trip to watch your siblings, but his parents were willing to pay for his plane ticket to the next state because they knew it was an important trip for him. The kid however lying to his parents about his trip and telling his mom she's selfish for worrying about her parents is what makes me think that no matter what the history here is; that kid is as selfish as we can get. I myself have missed a number of important trips to look after my younger siblings. Was I angry? Of course. Did I understand my parents though? Of course I did despite the fact that we never had babysitters.
Kimberly Wiltshire 1 year ago
He is entitled to be disappointed and frusterated not an entitled brat that crossed gos arms and refused a perfectly viable solution of catching up with his friends for the rest of the 12 12 out of 14 days. If he is that immature as you mentioned he is certainly not ready for a road trip, least of all to the California/Mexican border. Nah not feeling sorry for him. He had a reasonable option.
Scrolling Panda 1 year ago
If he has the emotional intelligence of a 12yr old whose balls just dropped then he has no business going to Mexico with a bunch of other 18yr old boys. I was dealing with getting major bleeding under control and transporting a wounded person to a hospital during an accident in the back country by myself as a 15 yr old. I'm not saying pitch him out to handle the world all on his own but for f**k's sake there is SOME level of maturity that should be expected of someone who has graduated highschool. He needs a harsh reality check.
Someone Important 1 year ago
18 is legally an adult.... don't have to like it but it applies for all the good and the bad that comes with adult responsibilities. You don't get to pick and choose.
Desireè Pattison 1 year ago
Bull s**t if mom and Dad said grandparents are hurt even a 12 year old would know to care and not batch about giving up a stupid trip, it was not the trip could not be moved it was the brats didn't want to all teens involved are A*****e and the boy was wrong cut and dry
Disinforminationalisticalities 1 year ago
I'm sorry to say this, but the phrase you want is COULD HAVE not COULD OF. Proper English is rapidly dying. Thank you technology.
Josh Gilland 1 year ago
People who say 18 is an adult are the people who never think. Numerical age means nothing, it's just a number. Being an adult is a mindset that few have. You can be 18 and more immature than a 7 yr old. You can be 18 and be more mature than 50 years olds. Age doesn't determine you're character.
Peter Perez Jr. 1 year ago
Yes and no right? Like yeah it doesn't make sense that a 17 year old could suddenly and magically mature overnight on their 18th birthday. So I certainly hope that's not what anyone is saying. But we all know that when you're 18, you become an "adult". You can't act like on your birthday you didn't get excited at all the possibilities that had just opened up for you. Becoming 18 doesn't mature you, but it definitely does change you and I'd dare to say it strengthens the societal expectations that we already have well before we ever turn 18
Sassy Feminist 1 year ago
If some one cannot understand the gravity of a serious medical injury, they are entitled as heck.
Libstak 1 year ago
This, he could have lost one or both of his grandparents. His last memory would have been his own selfish behaviour and feelings when they were fighting for their health and lives in a hospital far away. If grandpa had passed and he was on this trip, would he have cared enough to return for the funeral or be there for his mother who just lost her father? I cannot fathom this level of spoilt entitlement from this very immature 18 kid. Everybody wants the parents to never set a foot wrong, well it cuts both ways. Regrets come in a variety of packaging and taking responsibility begins with the man in the mirror. Grow up and wake up if you lack the empathy to circle your family wagons and lean on each other in a crisis, it's embarrassing to even watch such selfish antics.
Load More Replies... Melissa K 1 year ago
I can't imagine this level of spoiled entitlement on the part of the mother. She's an utter disaster. Taking off without regard for her children, any of them & sabotaging her son's once in a lifetime trip with his high school friends, missing his graduation. She's not her parents' doctor, she just went crazy and left her son holding the bag. She then arrived at the hospital and plagued them with her hysteria for two days.
Colleen Rogers 1 year ago
Let's hope this never happens to you. I spent a month and a half with my husband in the hospital before he passed. I wasn't always calm. The only problem that I see with this whole issue is that they never taught the son respect and responsibility while he was growing up. That is the problem with today NO ONE HAS RESPECT FOR FAMILY AND NO HAS RESPONSIBILITY WHEN IT COMES TO FAMILY. I would have dropped everything to be there for my siblings so that my parents could focus on my grandparents. I feel sorry for you that you think that the mother over reacted. The son over reacted and doesn't deserve his grandparents love anymore but because he is their grandson they will still love him. That's being an adult not bitching your mother out over the phone.
Peter Perez Jr. 1 year ago
Maybe you'll finally understand this when you're out of highschool, but you usually don't stay friends with your highschool friends. It's really irrelevant to even bring them up. He missed a trip to Mexico. Okay? Last I checked, Mexico's not going anywhere
Jeanne Kelly 1 year ago
I’ll actually take a different approach for most of the people in this thread. I hope that everything that you don’t care about actually does happen to you.
Stephen Wild 1 year ago
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I'm sorry, but I have a pretty strong impression that the boy would not have cared very much... it seems to me that the parents have raised an entitled monster who cares for nobody but himself.
firecrackershrimp 1 year ago
Stop blaming the parents so much. One sometimes kids go thru phases and they outgrow their immature behavior. And two, sometimes everything love could do was done, but your kid could still turn out to be an ahole. You can't control another human being, only guide them. And if they choice not to follow the path you offer it's not on the parents.
Papa Patata 1 year ago
It's a lot of people in the US, in my country I don't know a single family member that wouldn't run to see grandparents instead of taking their own selfish route
Mathias 1 year ago
@Papa Patata, it's not fair to judge other cultures according to the standards of your culture. You need to be able to explain your behaviour with reason. And often enough 2 different opinions have both very valid reasons for why they act the way they do. Then you have to either sit down and talk it out or agree to disagree. But if you judge the other for being different and invest energy in trying to prove them wrong without the willingness to engage in said discussion chances are that you are actually trying to convince yourself.
Jeanne Kelly 1 year ago
Do you also protect pedophiles and try to reason with them? Where do you draw the line? I’m just curious from such an understand and open minded and non-judgmental person. How do you feel on rapist? Or is it just narcissistic entitled brats that you defend? What do you do when someone doesn’t “agree to disagree” and just says “no you are actually dangerously wrong.”
Papa Patata 1 year ago
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Alluding to the narcissism that exists in western cultures due to individualism...blah blah
Mathias 1 year ago
@Papa Pata, well you don't do a good job in explaining your point by keep being judgemental. First Individualism and narcissism are two different points. I think you might not understand one thing about western culture here. We traded the dependence on family structures for the dependence on state founded social security. I didn't see this neither until I had a talk with a Russian lady who came from Siberia, we talked about how migrants complain so much about our lack of family structure and values and that I agree with them - to which she replied "but how many do you know who go back?" ... that made me speechless and she continued "see, they seem to quite like it here after all". And that's precisely it. Yes we have a huge lot of issues, a ton. But we also have achieved a lot, and one of that is: your freedom is my responsibility, and my freedom is your responsibility. With family that means: you might want to rely on them but you are not forced to depend on them.
Papa Patata 1 year ago
Yep. That c**p kid rather go party than maybe see his grandparents for a last time. What kind of s**t!
Val 1 year ago
What the hell, I can't understand people saying the father is the a*****e. The grandparents were in a serious accident. What a douche thinking he still gets to go on his trip, apparently he doesn't seem concerned about his grandparents. The kid needs to learn that life throws you curveball sometimes. Or as Monica from Friends said to Rachel: "Welcome to the real world. It sucks! You're gonna love it". I hope the parents will have a grown-up conversation with their son. And I hope the kid will apologize for losing his sh*t while his mom was at the hospital fearing for her dad's life.
Bernd Herbert 1 year ago
I agree. In life not everything will run according to plan. Sometime your plans will have to change. Accidents often do that. That entitled jerk had even plenty of trip days left.
Load More Replies... Rasheeda Pennybaker 1 year ago
He's not an entitled jerk he's a teenager. They don't think clearly and telling them that they can still do A and B even the fact that they only miss part of it. Yeah right to them the adults have to have it their way and they dont care about the teen. He should have contact the friends to talk to his son. Its the rebellious age. Its actually normal, if they can't do it how they want than they just won't do it.
Jp@nda 1 year ago
When I was 18 I lived on my own, paid my own rent and utilities because I worked a full time job. At that age my mother almost died in a car accident, I dropped everything to go states away to be with her. That kid is being a self centered pr**k, and he doesn't get a pass cause he's still technically a teen. At that age you know right from wrong, and he was dead wrong. Yeah it sucks and life isn't fair, but that's life. His dad did everything he could to make it right, and that little jerk just went and screamed at his mom too. F that, grow up
Redbjorn 1 year ago
Just because people have a good relationship with their parents and grandparents, doesnt mena he does, second, people deal with grief in different ways, third, if you really want to push the 'injured family should be cared about' angle, his parents are a******s for not including him in the trip to go see the grandparents, I think it's telling that they assumed he wouldn't want to go with tbh. Anyone who thinks it's his DUTY to care about injured family so his parents can do their thing can f**k off. Should he WANT to help? I think so, but it's not something he OWES anyone. What if one or more of his friends is going to college overseas and he won't see them for years. What if they usually don't have the money for trips and this is a huge deal for him. The assumption, and the fact that he was more or less guilted into it is the issue, the dad was an a*****e. The son MIGHT have been an a*****e too, depending on story that we were not given, but as described the son should be livid
Jeanne Kelly 1 year ago
The fact that this man-child LIED about this tip and was actually leaving the country on his daddy’s dime (but was telling mom and dad something else) is why he didn't want to “finish” the trip. He would have to tell them the truth. Which they found out when the dad DID call one of the friends to see if he could get his son on the trip. Then the truth came out. Nah, at 18 years old, this littlest man is still a child. It’s sad. SMH
Trish Panda 1 year ago
Technically an adult brain doesn't finish maturing til 25. 18 is just a random age humans gave meaning to. That being Said, not going when given the chance was definitely foolish on his end.
Francis 1 year ago (edited)
also the father offered to bring him to his trip (still 12 days left)! it sucks, but life is sh*tty. i wonder if some infos are missing. it seems like the son doesn't care at all about his grandparents. are those his grandparents or his the wife his stepmother?
Mathias 1 year ago
@Francis, yes that's a childlike pattern still. As a grown up you'd take what you can get. As a child you are more invested into showing your parents what they did wrong and children do that by trying to show the parents what their actions lead to. The emotional logic there is "see how I suffer, you did this, don't you see? How much more do I have to suffer until you realise what you do wrong" Children are dependent on their parents, at a young age that's their only chance to make the parents realise. And they double down on it hoping that if the parents have to invest in the problem they might have an realisation. Unfortunately most parents are just like "boy what's wrong with that kid I have no idea why it is like that". Part of growing up is to let go of this pattern, although some people keep it their entire life and act like this at work, with friends, and especially with family.
Melissa K 1 year ago (edited)
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The parents are emotionally blackmailing the kid with, "don't your even care about your grandparents?" And he's saying, "don't YOU care about ME?" And they don't, they're so wrapped up in the old people that they can't see that they caused their son to flake on his own obligations and then they called him the AH. THE PARENTS ARE THE AH. One of the parents should have stayed behind and the mom needed to get ahold of herself. You can't just be an emotional wreck, but she's selfish, the selfishness begins with her of control emotions, extends to running to her parents without regard for her kids and then telling the kids they're the AH for not being happy about it. You can't run to mommy like a child, you have to take care of your own responsibilities, one of which is keeping your emotions under control so you can function. Edit: He should go on the trip, fly in just ahead of the friends."
Jp@nda 1 year ago
Wow, they just care about the old people, who TF says that?? Her parents almost died, she was doing what a child is expected to do. In that time she's worried about losing her parents not her kids freaking road trip! And keep her emotions under control?! Just wow.... I hope you never have to experience that. And the fact that at least for other people agree with you is sick, jfc
Mathias 1 year ago
@Jp@nda, no the mother did not act normal, you don't act like that as a grown up. That's probably the simplified core of the issue: the mother acted like a child yet the 18 year old at least partly raised by that very mother was expected to act like an adult. And yes I've been trough that, only that my parents didn't make it. It's tough but you keep working with all that emotions in you, you give them space but don't allow them to take over because you're grown up and can shoulder responsibilities. Or you are not but then don't expect your child to do better than you do. And this is completely independent from the question if the teen f*kd up or not because yes he did but the apple doesn't fall far from the tree as the saying goes...
Trish Panda 1 year ago
They don't care? He could have been kicked out at 18 to fend for himself. They cared enough to offer to send him out on his precious trip 2 days later.
Wendy Limon 1 year ago
I believe you missed the part where the kid lied they weren't going to California as they had told his parents they were going to Mexico. He had to come clean to his parents when they offered to fly him in I think that's why he was so upset he got caught in his lie.
Rasheeda Pennybaker 1 year ago
It's not that he don't care about his grandparents its the fact he had plans and was excited about them now he have to give them up. He's a teenager they can't process stuff right all at once.
Ron Baza 1 year ago
I’m still not clear why the two younger kids couldn’t have gone. If the 18-year-old had already left for their trip - or if they didn’t have an 18-year-old - that would have been the case.
DomiShea 1 year ago
But he was there. I'm not subjecting my child to something that could possibly be super traumatic by putting them in their dying grandparents hospital room for 48 hours. That's TWO DAYS straight in a hospital with extremely injured grandparents and a emotionally charged mother. No. If the situation was different and they had no choice but to bring them then you have to deal the best way possible. But he was there so that was their best option.
Say What 1 year ago
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So you're saying if the husband couldn't go the wife wouldn't have gone? Why is everyone pretending it takes TWO DAYS to fill out hospital paperwork? It takes 10 minutes. The kids wouldn't be subjected to any trauma staying at their. Grandparents house with their dad, but you're perfectly fine subjecting the older son to the role of a parent instead of a teenager missing the camaraderie of traveling with his friends for a well earned trip. This happened to me and 20 years later, it still leaves a bad taste in my mouth.
firecrackershrimp 1 year ago
No one said anything about filling out paperwork. They were bedside because she didn't know if her parents would pull thru. You've obviously never cared about someone enough that in a traumatic situation you wouldn't leave their bedside till you knew things were going to be ok. Accident injuries can be very touch and go at the beginning until a person is stabilized. This has happened to me more than once with relatives and you don't just fill out paperwork and leave. And been in the other side too have a disabled child I could never bring with me due to the level of care they need and sometimes my other kids have to step up and step in. You try to avoid it as he did but all his backup people fell thru. Plus he tried to get him back on his trip asap even though gparents were still in hospital. Whim he didn't want to go see just sulk in his room. And to those saying blame who raised him, sometimes you do all the right things and your kid still turns out like an @$$. Seen that too.
Lori Childers Harmon 1 year ago
He said he spent the whole 48 hours running around and filling out hospital and other paperwork during one of his responses to a comment.
DomiShea 1 year ago
It was an Emergency!!! Not Parentifiy him. Two days not his whole high school life. And he could have met up with them as soon as they got back if he wouldn't have thrown a fit. His friends were trucking trying to get out he country before anyone found out. Bc other wise they could have waited about a day for him to fly out to them. Plus the one thing no one mentioned. The kids LIED about where the were going. And we're heading to MEXICO!! What if something happened to them and no one would have a clue where they were. And why isn't he worried about his grandparents???? And it sounds like your holding a grudge about something that your parents possibly didn't have a choice over.
Papa Patata 1 year ago (edited)
Yeah, just let the teenager go party while grandparents are in hospital and family dealing with extremely stressful situation. Wtf!? Nevermind family helping each other or showing the least bit of concern or manners for the grandparents. What a brat.
Peter Perez Jr. 1 year ago
It's the kind of people who either hate their own parents for stupid reasons, or won't forgive their parents for small mistakes. Ironically it's almost never people with actually bad parents. Either way they assume everyone sucks, and they're jealous of us for having a decent relationship with our families
Suzie 1 year ago
Do you really not understand how busy the parents would be at the hospital? When my mom was in the hospital, I was there for upwards of 18 hours a day. Also the hospital could have limits in the number of visitors in the room or might not allow kids in the ICU if that's where the grandparents were. Are the kids supposed to wait in the waiting room alone? It boggles the mind that you honestly think dragging two young kids is even an option? Also, the "what if the son had already left" is a non-starter. He hadn't left yet and they needed him to help out.
Mathias 1 year ago (edited)
That's one side of the story, but there is another side of it that we don't see. Things like this don't come over night but build up for years. It's easy to blame the kid but who raised him? At 18 while your independent character also had some time to form you are still close to a copy of your parents and his reaction is very child like. Never forget that when you blame kids: they behave exactly as they were raised. Now why did he blow up like that? We don't know. But if you read between the lines it seems - note: seems not is - the mother is very fragile and dependent on people around her - because it's not normal to stop functioning in a situation like this. Yes it's tragic but as an adult you should be able to handle it. The suggests the husband had to deal with 4 children with the mother probably being like that all her life. And the teen brutally called it out, emphasis on brutal and yes that's an YTA move but he likely endured this a lot without notice. I get the split votes.
Papa Patata 1 year ago (edited)
Bs. My family was extremely difficult and dysfunctional yet I would never choose to go on a trip when there's a family emergency even at that age and younger. Especially when grandparents are "mangled" from an accident. The f*****g entitlement is crazy to me. Nothing about going to see his grandparents, whom he may never get to see again if they die. What a psycho society
Mathias 1 year ago
@Papa Patata, that's you, you are 1 among 8 billion. And your life story is a very different one than the one of your neighbour. Yet you assume others have to act like you do. Why? Why do you assume that the way you'd do it is the only correct one? That's exactly the point I made in a reply to a post from the user Monday a bit down at the moment. Use your life experience where it benefits you but be aware that this is only yours and others might have a very different experience. And unless you know where they come from be very careful with judging others.
Jeanne Kelly 1 year ago
No. No one needs to know the life experience or where someone else is coming from in order to judge them. You saying that a human being is only one of 8 billion is hilarious. Do you think you’re a special snowflake and that no two people are alike ever in anything? Do you think you get a pass on being judged yourself? Shame on you for attempting to bully and shame someone who finds this man-child’s behavior disgusting. I don’t only assume others have to act a certain way, it’s why we have laws. It’s what’s called a society. Shame on you. I judge this adult man-child and all the A-holes making excuses for him that have obviously been triggered. I have a mommy and daddy take something away from them. This man-baby is heading in the direction of becoming a bad person. I understand that you like to feel superior to others by saying that you “don’t judge”, but you do. You did, right here right now, laughable hypocrite.
Rasheeda Pennybaker 1 year ago
I really don't care how people see things. I hate when parents feels like the kid should have understood. Heck no he's a teenager with unstable hormones. He planned something and that's all he could think about. So he respond like an emotional unstable hormone teen. They don't think clearly and pushing them only make it worse.
Melissa K 1 year ago
They dumped two kids on their oldest son and ran out of town on a whim because they're WANTED to be there but they're not necessary at the hospital. The dad then brought a hysterical mess to the hospital for everybody else to deal with. Newsflash: Unless you're the foremost trauma surgeon in the region and you're operating (on your parents), the hospital doesn't need you. They manage these types of situations all the time. Take care of your kids, don't dump them on somebody who can't take care of them causing them to miss their own obligations and then call them an AH for being upset about it. The parents were absolutely selfish for running off on a whim like it was a desperate emergency when the grandparents were already receiving medical care and then indulging in emotion and allowing themselves to be hysterical for days, bringing said hysterical woman to the hospital and then allowing the out of control hysterical person to abuse the person she just screwed over.
Scott Rackley 1 year ago
His explanation is not internally consistent, and most likely worded this way for a reason.
firecrackershrimp 1 year ago
Gee maybe because he was stressed from the situation also!?! Nobody is perfect but he tried as much as humanly possible. Cut me a break already.
Kerry Carolan 1 year ago
It's pretty consistent, he's been stressed and probably awake for at least 48 hours, and his first language isn't English. I think we can forgive the wording. The lack of citizenship rampant today is insane. Yeah, kids shouldn't have to raise their siblings all the time, but they absolutely do have to participate in the family, even in non-emergency situations. That's citizenship. That's society. That's f*****g life. If I were the kids *friend* I would have just postponed the trip by two days, let alone the kid himself. That kid is an entitled a*****e.
Mika Metcalf 1 year ago
Plus all the immature 20 somethings who would rather take vacations than ever have children. This where their priorities are. They can't imagine choosing family over fun stuff.
RM Ker 1 year ago
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He gave up his vacation to care for his younger siblings. Are you saying he shouldnt have been upset for missing his graduation celebration, that he may have paid for himself? There were two of them. They did not both have to go. Teens do not make good caregivers. Abandoning your kids to take care of your kids isnt good or safe for any of them. The excuse was that this mom was too hysterical to deal with it alone, so now she needed to be taken care of, in addition to the people who actually needed help, so their only option was to abandon their kids? People should not have more kids than they can care for. It is wrong and unsafe to make the older ones care for the younger ones. Peoples kids should come first, period, no matter the situation. They just taught their oldest that he doesnt matter and should not be surprised when he tires of their expectations. Turns out a lot can be accomplished by phone.
Mika Metcalf 1 year ago
They were helping pay for the trip and willing to pay for him to get to his friends. They tried to make it up to him. I get being a teenager and reacting poorly, but if he really couldn't be decent to his parents who sound like they try to do the best they can, Id be ready to kick him out. You can be upset but you don't get to berate someone in the hospital with their damily who almost died because boo hoo they didnt prioritize your vacation.
Sathe Wesker 1 year ago
Honestly the one thing that bothered me was one of the comments saying “he’s 18 and legally an adult”… I hate that phrase. I’ve met 18 year olds with the emotional intelligence of a 12 year old who’s balls just dropped. Plus, one day your 17 and the next you turn 18 and all of a sudden you’re supposed to just “be an adult”? He is still a teen, still growing, still learning to process emotions in a situation like this. Things could of been handled better in some regards, sure, but he has a right to his reaction (albeit he could of been a bit more compassionate).
Monday 1 year ago
Caring more about a trip with friends than your grandparents almost dying isn't a typical kid reaction. This kid needs a wakeup call, and I hope to hell this was it. It was normal for him to be upset about missing the trip, but screaming at your mother that she's selfish for being worried about her parents almost dying ....that kid is f*****g brat.
Load More Replies... Liam Lowenthal 1 year ago
Yes and no? I mean yeah, I absolutely agree with you. I'm just wondering what his relationship with them is like. I hated mr abusive parents, they were a******s. When they died I didn't feel a thing, and found dealing with their death arrangements more annoying and expensive than anything. Then again, I wasn't screaming about missing any kind of event either.. so yeah, I agree with you. Lol
Mathias 1 year ago (edited)
@Monday, you do realise that you show exactly the attitude you criticise? There is zero empathy in your posting, zero interest in understanding why somebody reacts like this, you are completely convinced and invested in proving the other one is wrong - just like the teenager here did. And exactly that behaviour from adults leads to kids behaving like this. Maybe the mother or father needs a wakeup call and that was it. We don't know, we have very limited information. However such situations don't come overnight and if you are more invested in judging than questioning you are no better than the one you criticise. And that's something I had to learn the hard way because my parents raised me in a way that I assumed I am always right, because they believed they are always right, I hated it to the guts but yet I learned from them and had the same in me. Was a lot of pain and rejection before I learned my lesson to not be like they were. Don't be a parent like that please.
firecrackershrimp 1 year ago
Parenting critiques aside, what about his feelings for his siblings? He didn't seem to care about them at all either and what they would be out through if they were dragged to the hospital. So should be blame his siblings for his relationship with him too?
Sathe Wesker 1 year ago (edited)
@Firecrackershrimp The father clearly stated the son willing chose to watch the younger siblings. The son obviously did, or it likely wouldn’t have been mentioned otherwise, or, you know, the 18 year old (as an adult and all) could of easily said “Nope, not my problem.”, but he didn’t, he DID stay and watch his siblings, that to me shows he does care about them. He did what he needed to do, still, he felt ways towards his parents. Not his siblings. I don’t agree that his anger was correct, per say, but he needed to get it out like a typical stubborn teenager. As others said, this is a life lesson and he will view it differently down the line.
Monday 1 year ago
I never claimed to have empathy for this kid. Me being a hypocrite has 0 to do with this kid. My lack of empathy for this kid is exactly why I don't have kids. The glaring issue here Mathias, is you're comparing my lack of empathy for stranger to this kid's lack of empathy for HIS OWN MOTHER. And yeah, maybe she's a piece of s**t parent, but we can see from our limited information that dad went back to tend to the younger kiddos as soon as was okay. Dad offered to send kid (who had lied about his vacation plans by the sound of it, but we'll ignore that since he's a legal adult) to catch up with his friends by plane. He would only have lost 2 days of the trip and could have joined up and had fun. Kid decided it "wasn't worth it". Those are simply the facts. Whether I'm right or wrong in how I think makes 0 difference to this situation.
Mathias 1 year ago
@ Monday so help me to get this right. You you don't want kids. And you say this is because of how they might behave? Correct me if I'm wrong but to me that sounds like you are aware that you don't handle such situations well and chose to rather not have kids at all? And no problem with that, your life your choice. But why judge the live of others then? About empathy: you have it or you don't (you can develop it tough). Wether it's a stranger or your parents - zero difference for the empathy part. However as a kid you are harsher on the flaws of you parents because you had to deal with them an entire life, kids have something that can be described as BS radar and they are brutally honest in calling their parents out. That's part of the being a parent part. It will haunt them later in life but there is a valid reason behind them acting that way when they did. About facts: ask the 18y old to tell the story and it'll be very different, are that facts too then? Or are they all opinions?
Monday 1 year ago
I'm not judging their lives at all. I'm judging this one specific action. A kid had a chance to go on the trip 3 days late. He threw a tantrum about it instead. There's no interpretation there. He could have gone on the trip with his friends, but screaming at his parents about ruining his plans was more important than the plans. We know this because otherwise he could have gone and had a delightful trip and screamed at them when he got back. Best of both worlds right. Those are the fact. Opinions are the rest of it. In my opinion this kid is an entitled brat. In your opinion he's some poor sod who got shafted by his terrible parents. Fact are he lied about where the trip was going to be, and threw a tantrum rather than joining his friends. That's the situation, that's what I'm judging. You on the other hand have apparently taken it upon yourself to judge my life. Are you going to admit to your hypocrisy too?
Brina Anna 1 year ago
@Monday Sooooo, besides everything that's going on, you're basically saying you're a narcissist? Correct? Like the fact you ADMIT, you have NO empathy...or ADMIT being a hypocrite? Like TF!? F*****g sociopaths running rampant. The fact you said, YOU don't want to have kids because you have NO empathy, is wild.
Ebenezer Peters 1 year ago
You have whatsoever no idea what you're talking about narcissistic people are people who love themselves and believe themselves to be better than everyone. Agreeing to the fact that you're a hypocrite and have no empathy is not seeing yourself as better than anyone. It's knowing what type of person you are.
Jack Dillon 1 year ago
Mathias doesn't seem off to me. And you seem to be projecting something from within. Are you okay?
Peter Perez Jr. 1 year ago
Ah yes, it's always so funny and witty when you use the exact same insult on someone directly after they use it. So clever.
Mathias 1 year ago
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@Tyke, you don't agree with my explanation? Feel free to argue where I judged wrong. Where am I in error about Monday? Explain please, thank you :) Or don't want to do that, then why did you even answer? Just to vent your anger? Like the kid did?
Tyke 1 year ago
Mathias you are being very aggressive despite the little smiley face. No, I won't explain it to you because it is very clear you can only see your own view. You are the one acting angry and argumentative - you'd probably get on really well the 18 year old in fact. And it seems to be far from just me who disagrees with you.
Jack Dillon 1 year ago
No. He's just disagreeing with you. Maybe he could also see your view...if you were open to explaining your view.
Mathias 1 year ago (edited)
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I am aggressive? For explaining my point of view and inviting you to explain yours.... wow... yes I'd get along well with the 18 year old and I'd get along well with the father, chances are even with the mother because I can understand reasons. Every person has a reason for why they act the way they act. That's why each person thinks they are right out of their perspective but yet the truth is somewhere between the individual opinions. If that is aggressive for you well... you are the one who has to live with yourself and yes there's a smile to that :) Because I do value the beauty in life, even in you, although you probably will not believe it. I know you too have your reasons to think the way you do and although I disagree that's ok
Ebenezer Peters 1 year ago
Please the fact that his parents wanted to pay for his plane ticket to the next state already shows that they're caring parents. My parents would've forced me to stay home or play in the neighborhood. Not only did that kid throw a fit that he only looked after his younger siblings for 2 days and still had 12 days of the trip; He literally lied to his parents about going to the next state that kid was going to Mexico. He called his mom selfish for having a breakdown about her parents being in am accident and her dad almost dying. I'm sorry but as a human being with lots of empathy to spare I simply cannot understand why in the world a child would do that to their parents and grandparents. This kid doesn't care about anyone but himself. I get being mad that you're missing your trip but passing up the opportunity to go again and call your parents selfish is ridiculous. I'm having trouble trying to understand this kid.
Mathias 1 year ago
@Libstak, oh yes he will realise that for sure at one point and he will be guilt ridden by it. I don't disagree that he was out of line and could have handled it way better. What I try to point at, the majority here focuses on what the teen did wrong. BUT for a teen to act that way there is a long story of family that lead to this and it would be wise of the parents to acknowledge their own participating in this story so all can learn the valuable lessons that are to learn here and there for sure are many. Because to me this looks like a clusterf*k of errors - whoever did them for whatever reason - that exploded. And now you can either try to fix them or try to convince yourself you have no contribution to them and it's all on the other one. And by my experience a lot of adults hate that kids mirror their own shortcomings and then blame the kid. Nope, that's not how it works you are equally in it.
Tyke 1 year ago
Mathias although we've disagreed, this latest explanation of yours I can see and empathise with your points. The difference is, your previous statement you seemed to be projecting and assuming, whereas this one seems a lot less emotional and less biased. And you have made some valid points which I appreciate being pointed out.
Papa Patata 1 year ago
I was raised this way too and even at 6 I didn't act like this teenager. I would never choose a trip over a very sick family member. Yes I've been through this and at 6 I chose to stay.
Liam Lowenthal 1 year ago
Anybody who starts with "you do realize", I question said emotional capacity. "You do realize" is a phrase kids absolutely love starting out with, it's a very condescending phrase and shows you're more interested in talking than having a conversation.
Mathias 1 year ago
@Liam Lowentahl, It is a phrase that indicates you are about to tell the other one something you observed that you think they are probably not aware of. This can be done in with supportive, questioning or derogatory intent. Now to my positive surprise monday was very aware of her behaviour and didn't do any BS excuses but acknowledged it, mad respect for that, not many people are so self aware.
Peter Perez Jr. 1 year ago
You do realize that phrasing it like that is what makes it condescending right? If all you were trying to do was point out a fact you don't think the other was aware of, you'd ask "did you know..." But of course you realized that already. Because you're so empathetic
Mathias 1 year ago
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@Peter Perez Jr. No I wouldn't have used the other phrase, because I don't treat people like fragile beings that can't handle themselves. Over-Sensitivity is exhausting for everybody involved it's best to not go into it, neither as the one who talks nor the one who listens. If you are focused on the choice of words rather than the intend of words you are looking to be hurt and that's on you, not the other one. Also you show respect to the other one by lifting them up with the default assumption they can handle life instead of putting them down with the assumption they are too fragile to handle life.
Jude Fire 1 year ago
Look. The kid's reaction was really uncalled for dont get me wrong. But he's a TEENAGER. And at this moment ,he does not truly understand the severity of the situation. He was planning this trip for a while. This does not excuse his behavior but take a minute to understand that not everyone has the same maturity as you. He's still a child no matter how much the world likes to say he isn't. His friends were already pretty far and just telling him to ' get over it ,he'll have the rest of the trip' is not helpful.The mother was distraught and reacted in a really bad way by sending pictures to guilt trip him. Neither person had an appropriate response but if the kid reacted in this way,that might mean he was raised in this way. He could just be being a brat,but that's what KIDS do.
Papa Patata 1 year ago
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Totally agree. A lot of the disagrees are b******t.
Al LeFeusch 1 year ago
I mean, I get what you're saying. But, legally, there is, in fact, a huge difference between 17 and 360 days and 18. Regardless of your maturity level, the day you turn 18 is the day your parents no longer have any legal authority over you. It's just the way it is (in the U.S., at least).
Shannon Donnelly Premium 1 year ago
18 really is a meaningless age, esp now that we know that the human brain doesn't fully develop until age 26. Yes, this kid's reaction seems extreme, but we're only hearing the side of a very angry parent & I think there's a lot of history we're missing behind this kid's reaction. How many times in the past has he had to watch his siblings & missed events that were important to him? What kind of relationship does he have w/ his grandparents (not everyone has a warm & fuzzy bond w/ theirs)? I just feel like we need some objective info to be able to judge this one fairly. Teens, even 18 y.o's, esp immature ones, are notorious for not looking 2 steps ahead & thinking of consequences, just what affects them in the moment. Most grow out of it. Not meant as an excuse for his behavior, just a possible explanation
Ebenezer Peters 1 year ago
It's understandable to be angry about missing a trip to watch your siblings, but his parents were willing to pay for his plane ticket to the next state because they knew it was an important trip for him. The kid however lying to his parents about his trip and telling his mom she's selfish for worrying about her parents is what makes me think that no matter what the history here is; that kid is as selfish as we can get. I myself have missed a number of important trips to look after my younger siblings. Was I angry? Of course. Did I understand my parents though? Of course I did despite the fact that we never had babysitters.
Kimberly Wiltshire 1 year ago
He is entitled to be disappointed and frusterated not an entitled brat that crossed gos arms and refused a perfectly viable solution of catching up with his friends for the rest of the 12 12 out of 14 days. If he is that immature as you mentioned he is certainly not ready for a road trip, least of all to the California/Mexican border. Nah not feeling sorry for him. He had a reasonable option.
Scrolling Panda 1 year ago
If he has the emotional intelligence of a 12yr old whose balls just dropped then he has no business going to Mexico with a bunch of other 18yr old boys. I was dealing with getting major bleeding under control and transporting a wounded person to a hospital during an accident in the back country by myself as a 15 yr old. I'm not saying pitch him out to handle the world all on his own but for f**k's sake there is SOME level of maturity that should be expected of someone who has graduated highschool. He needs a harsh reality check.
Someone Important 1 year ago
18 is legally an adult.... don't have to like it but it applies for all the good and the bad that comes with adult responsibilities. You don't get to pick and choose.
Desireè Pattison 1 year ago
Bull s**t if mom and Dad said grandparents are hurt even a 12 year old would know to care and not batch about giving up a stupid trip, it was not the trip could not be moved it was the brats didn't want to all teens involved are A*****e and the boy was wrong cut and dry
Disinforminationalisticalities 1 year ago
I'm sorry to say this, but the phrase you want is COULD HAVE not COULD OF. Proper English is rapidly dying. Thank you technology.
Josh Gilland 1 year ago
People who say 18 is an adult are the people who never think. Numerical age means nothing, it's just a number. Being an adult is a mindset that few have. You can be 18 and more immature than a 7 yr old. You can be 18 and be more mature than 50 years olds. Age doesn't determine you're character.
Peter Perez Jr. 1 year ago
Yes and no right? Like yeah it doesn't make sense that a 17 year old could suddenly and magically mature overnight on their 18th birthday. So I certainly hope that's not what anyone is saying. But we all know that when you're 18, you become an "adult". You can't act like on your birthday you didn't get excited at all the possibilities that had just opened up for you. Becoming 18 doesn't mature you, but it definitely does change you and I'd dare to say it strengthens the societal expectations that we already have well before we ever turn 18
Sassy Feminist 1 year ago
If some one cannot understand the gravity of a serious medical injury, they are entitled as heck.
Libstak 1 year ago
This, he could have lost one or both of his grandparents. His last memory would have been his own selfish behaviour and feelings when they were fighting for their health and lives in a hospital far away. If grandpa had passed and he was on this trip, would he have cared enough to return for the funeral or be there for his mother who just lost her father? I cannot fathom this level of spoilt entitlement from this very immature 18 kid. Everybody wants the parents to never set a foot wrong, well it cuts both ways. Regrets come in a variety of packaging and taking responsibility begins with the man in the mirror. Grow up and wake up if you lack the empathy to circle your family wagons and lean on each other in a crisis, it's embarrassing to even watch such selfish antics.
Load More Replies... Melissa K 1 year ago
I can't imagine this level of spoiled entitlement on the part of the mother. She's an utter disaster. Taking off without regard for her children, any of them & sabotaging her son's once in a lifetime trip with his high school friends, missing his graduation. She's not her parents' doctor, she just went crazy and left her son holding the bag. She then arrived at the hospital and plagued them with her hysteria for two days.
Colleen Rogers 1 year ago
Let's hope this never happens to you. I spent a month and a half with my husband in the hospital before he passed. I wasn't always calm. The only problem that I see with this whole issue is that they never taught the son respect and responsibility while he was growing up. That is the problem with today NO ONE HAS RESPECT FOR FAMILY AND NO HAS RESPONSIBILITY WHEN IT COMES TO FAMILY. I would have dropped everything to be there for my siblings so that my parents could focus on my grandparents. I feel sorry for you that you think that the mother over reacted. The son over reacted and doesn't deserve his grandparents love anymore but because he is their grandson they will still love him. That's being an adult not bitching your mother out over the phone.
Peter Perez Jr. 1 year ago
Maybe you'll finally understand this when you're out of highschool, but you usually don't stay friends with your highschool friends. It's really irrelevant to even bring them up. He missed a trip to Mexico. Okay? Last I checked, Mexico's not going anywhere
Jeanne Kelly 1 year ago
I’ll actually take a different approach for most of the people in this thread. I hope that everything that you don’t care about actually does happen to you.
Stephen Wild 1 year ago
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I'm sorry, but I have a pretty strong impression that the boy would not have cared very much... it seems to me that the parents have raised an entitled monster who cares for nobody but himself.
firecrackershrimp 1 year ago
Stop blaming the parents so much. One sometimes kids go thru phases and they outgrow their immature behavior. And two, sometimes everything love could do was done, but your kid could still turn out to be an ahole. You can't control another human being, only guide them. And if they choice not to follow the path you offer it's not on the parents.
Papa Patata 1 year ago
It's a lot of people in the US, in my country I don't know a single family member that wouldn't run to see grandparents instead of taking their own selfish route
Mathias 1 year ago
@Papa Patata, it's not fair to judge other cultures according to the standards of your culture. You need to be able to explain your behaviour with reason. And often enough 2 different opinions have both very valid reasons for why they act the way they do. Then you have to either sit down and talk it out or agree to disagree. But if you judge the other for being different and invest energy in trying to prove them wrong without the willingness to engage in said discussion chances are that you are actually trying to convince yourself.
Jeanne Kelly 1 year ago
Do you also protect pedophiles and try to reason with them? Where do you draw the line? I’m just curious from such an understand and open minded and non-judgmental person. How do you feel on rapist? Or is it just narcissistic entitled brats that you defend? What do you do when someone doesn’t “agree to disagree” and just says “no you are actually dangerously wrong.”
Papa Patata 1 year ago
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Alluding to the narcissism that exists in western cultures due to individualism...blah blah
Mathias 1 year ago
@Papa Pata, well you don't do a good job in explaining your point by keep being judgemental. First Individualism and narcissism are two different points. I think you might not understand one thing about western culture here. We traded the dependence on family structures for the dependence on state founded social security. I didn't see this neither until I had a talk with a Russian lady who came from Siberia, we talked about how migrants complain so much about our lack of family structure and values and that I agree with them - to which she replied "but how many do you know who go back?" ... that made me speechless and she continued "see, they seem to quite like it here after all". And that's precisely it. Yes we have a huge lot of issues, a ton. But we also have achieved a lot, and one of that is: your freedom is my responsibility, and my freedom is your responsibility. With family that means: you might want to rely on them but you are not forced to depend on them.
Papa Patata 1 year ago
Yep. That c**p kid rather go party than maybe see his grandparents for a last time. What kind of s**t!
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