Man Thinks Brother’s Girlfriend Is Into Him, Learns The Hard Way She Isn’t: “You Need Therapy”
There’s a certain type of man women can’t stand—the kind who mistakes friendliness for flirting. And this Redditor just so happens to be that guy.
After meeting and spending time with his brother’s girlfriend, he started to catch feelings. She was smart, funny, and kind, and in his mind, way too good for his brother. But it didn’t stop there. He became convinced she was sending him signals, sure that her kindness was more than just being polite.
Despite Reddit warning him not to stir up trouble, he decided to confess his feelings anyway. What he didn’t expect, though, was for it to backfire spectacularly—becoming one of the worst decisions he’s ever made.
After spending time with his brother’s girlfriend, the man developed feelings and became convinced she felt the same
However, the signals he thought he was getting were all in his head
Image credits: freepik (not the actual photo)
Image credits: throwawayfriendo11
Why do men think women are flirting with them when they’re not?
Image credits: romeo22 / freepik (not the actual photo)
There are several different and concerning red flags in this story, but it does bring up a frustratingly common issue—some men often mistake politeness for romantic interest. Why does this happen?
Mons Bendixen, a psychologist from the Norwegian University of Science and Technology, explored this in a study published in Evolutionary Psychology. He identified two main theories behind the misunderstanding.
Error-management theory suggests men evolved to overinterpret signals from women, fearing they might miss a chance to reproduce. At best, they pass on their genes; at worst, they get rejected and move on. Women, however, may have evolved to be more cautious, as misjudging interest could result in pregnancy without support or losing better opportunities.
Social-roles theory, on the other hand, suggests these misunderstandings stem from societal norms. In cultures with less gender equality, men are more likely to misread signals. But in more gender-equal societies, the gap narrows.
To test this, Bendixen replicated a 2003 U.S. study on sexual misperception in Norway, a country known for its gender equality. He explained, “Norway is very sexually liberal compared to the USA. A Norwegian woman can play a more active and proactive part in the dating game than an American one without being subject to the same degree of derogation.”
The results were striking: 88% of women reported having their friendliness mistaken for romantic interest, averaging 3.5 times in the past year. Men experienced this too, but at a lower rate of 70.6%, supporting the error-management theory.
Unfortunately, some men still misread signals—but with self-awareness, they can learn to interpret behavior better. Or, at the very least, handle rejection with respect. Unlike OP.
Readers unanimously called the author a creep
Image credits: stockking / freepik (not the actual photo)
Against the readers’ advice, he confessed his feelings
Image credits: freepik (not the actual photo)
Image credits: throwawayfriendo11
All they had left to say was, “We told you so”
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Many men think women being nice to them, engaging in natural communication that could include reaching out and touching an arm, opening and closing one's eyes (as described by OP as "batting" her eyes,) you know, being a normal and decent person means they are hitting on them. OP is a super creep and has, though his delusion, ruined any chance of a relationship with his brother and this or future GF's or wife the brother may have. He needs to get in to therapy; he's delusional and not connected to reality.
This. Plus she probably thought he was safe in that way, you know being her BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER. Also it is one thing to feel attracted to someone (you can't really help that), but the way he felt entitled to her ist really off.
Load More Replies...Pretty sure this was just a ragebait post, but I do appreciate the comeuppance update :)
It was silly but reminded me of my first partner when I dated, I’m a retired model now and at 17 I had a 300kg bf (not muscle) and he was considered ugly by everyone I met, which was lame. And the amount of people who would do stuff like this because “you should be with someone better looking because you’re hot” became so insulting. And it made my then bf very depressed. (But I wasn’t always pretty, I was fat and awkward and had 0friends in school was super bullied, I just got hot somehow overnight and slimmer, but I still had the same personality ).
Load More Replies...Yes, and "I don't think I'm better, I just think she's far too good for him". Difficult to imagine anyone actually saying that, so I'm minded towards the idea that this is complete fiction. I hope so anyway.
Load More Replies...Wow. Just wow. I think OP is a little brain dead. The amount of mental hurdles one would need to go through to, A, think that his brother doesn’t deserve a girlfriend, B, his brother’s girlfriend is giving him “signs”, and C, that everything would be fine and dandy with the brother and girlfriend after ALL OF REDDIT tried to tell him just how screwed up his situation is, is insane! OP is super creepy and dumb.
all the signs of a predator in the making. my skin crawled ready this post and even more so when I read his replies to the comments. he obviously thinks if any woman talks to him she's hitting on him. horrible horrible little boy
The "I couldn't help myself" bit is so chillingly telling.
Load More Replies...Skimmed through most of the post because it was unbelievably and beyond creepy… I felt uncomfortable just reading it eww
When she said that they could have been best friends (knowing that he has a best friend who is a woman), rather than saying that they might have dated, she made it clear that she had no romantic interest in him. She is also right to say that they cannot ever be friends.
What was creepiest about this was that everyone told him to back off and that she wasn’t interested. But he was so convinced of himself that he didn’t listen to what anyone said. What a creepy idiot! It freaks me out that there are so many men that think this way. I used to be friendly to guys but then I got stalked a couple of times and I realized you just can’t be nice to them. They misinterpret everything!
Honestly I’m glad he told him, because I was genuinely concerned that he could hurt one or both of them if she didn’t know to avoid him.
Wow, this guy was deflecting right up to the very end. He asked, people told him, and he pushed back every time. He should stop and really look at everything that was said and LEARN SOMETHING.
So the whole idea is your brother isn't good-looking enough to deserve this girl. How shallow can a person get?
OP is reason number 1000 why I will *never* have such pictures of me. Wow. When I was in school, I dated this guy who stole my diary and gave it to all of his friends for them to read it. We're a small town and an ethnic minority, so pretty much *everyone * in our age group red it. I thought *that* was such a violation of trust that I haven't had a diary eversince. As a very anxious and sensitive overthinker, I don't know how I would have lived through someone seeing my nudes. Kudos to S for handling it so well, and to C for taking immediate action to remove her from that situation.
I'm reading this and picturing the OP having to stop and adjust his fedora every couple of lines. The brother was/is totally right to dot this guy's eye and lip. The guy is a fruitloop and I really hope he learns to like the taste of crow because that is probably going to be served at the next holiday meal.
Splendid creative writing! I wonder how far the narrator would have pushed the boundaries. This story is a prelude to a crime novel.
This sounds like it was written by a 14 year old who just changed ages to protect the innocent.
When he used the term "lovey dovey" I was like OK, so regardless of age, this is a f'ing infant
Load More Replies..."how am I a creeper? she's legal" ummmm. saying stuff like that is what makes you a creeper, you creeper.
This story is absolute b******t. It's clearly a complete work of fiction, and not a very good one.
That dude is a creep, I feel sorry for any woman he gets into a relationship with. He is creepy, disrespectful, delusional, and gives off rapes vibes.
You are the most narcissistic, delusional creep on the planet. And a really horrible brother.
“I don’t think I’m better. I just think she’s way too good for him in every way.” And.. she’s not too good for you? Then you are saying you’re better. Poor brother.
It would be one thing if he was just seeing signs where there are none and asked for advice on how to handle the awkwardness of his brother's gf "hitting on him", but the sense of entitlement is worrisome. I LOVE the exchange with aka-47: “[...] You think you are better than your brother and put him down so you think you deserve the girl [...]”, OP: “I don't think I'm better. I'm just saying she's way too good for him in every way.” That's comedy gold. So he wants her to be way too good for himself in every way instead?
You need to grow up, those are immature thoughts and "feelings". Jealous some? You need therapy. You are a true AH.
Hope he knocked your teeth out, you disgusting, narcissistic f*****g creep. Hope no woman ever touches you with a 20 foot barge pole.
What do you mean with "she's legal"? She's YOUR BROTHER'S GIRLFRIEND!!! She's family, which makes your crush on her more or less incestuous. And it makes you a creep! Looks aren't everything, personality is much more important in the long run. And yours is pretty sh**ty. You live with your grandma, what do you think SHE will say about you sneaking a peek at her future grand-daughter-in-law's nude photo?
This Massengil product DB OP thinks he's entitled to any woman he wants. He also thinks he's a gazillion times better than his brother in every way. What a douche bag. Just because a woman is nice to him, he thinks with every ounce of his being that she's into him. He's a predator. Going into his brother's phone to look at the nudes PROVES IT. He has ZERO REMORSE. What he did was unforgivable and he's lucky his brother only punched him once in the face. I hope grandma kicked his pathetic backside out of the house after she found out everything. There's zero chance his brother would ever forgive him. I wouldn't in his shoes.
You are the type of guy women have to worry about, you're an vabsolute creep. Not sure how you think you're not... get help. Guys like you are the reason women have to constantly worry about being objectified, harassed. stalked, or even physically or mentally harmed. Just because YOU think you're better (for what reason is a mystery) DOES NOT mean you have a right to every whim of your creepy little heart. Not to mention, she is a HUMAN BEING with personal autonomy and you can't just decide anything for her! Guys like you are the worst, get some professional help bro. and don't forget, just because a chick talks to you and is polite, DOESN'T MEAN SHE WANTS YOU. Consent is key and you didn't have it.
Take your Problem to Tinder, idiot. Most Pandas have values and think about others. Obviously, your high priority is yourself.
Young man, if this is a true post, you need professional help. Sounds like you are questioning gf judgement because she wants to be with your brother and not you. Frankly, I can understand why she would. Your opinion of yourself is telling...
Wow, warming up a five year old reddit story. nothing better to post, BP?
Jesus H Christ this guy sounds like he's one short step away from shooting the President to impress some girl he doesn't even know. VERY glad this ended with him getting punched in the face.
This feels stupid fake. Not saying someone wouldnt do this but it feels so absurd and click baity that I cant buy it being real.
People who "confess" things to elevate their own guilt are the worst. Suck it up and ruminate in the misery of what you have done in silence.
He violated the Bro Code BIG TIME. And I am so, so happy to hear that S put him in his place and truly loves C. This young man has ruined his relationship w/ his brother and g/f. How in the world is this going to play out with future family gatherings and holidays? What if C and S get married? Little brother may have ruined his chances at being the best man or at least in the wedding party.....or even invited to the wedding? Just because a woman is nice to you, doesn't mean she's warm for your form.
This feels like someone went on r/NiceGuys and r/NotHowGirlsWork, grabbed a bunch of posts, and jammed them into ChatGPT. This cannot be real. There's no way that many people could tell the guy "dude, back off and stop being a creep" and not only does he not listen, he does the thing anyway.
I know someone like that irl. Bright, handsome, in his fifties, and will consistently do the thing all his friends AND his brother advised against. Gets fuсked over, doesn't learn, rinse, repeat. My theory is he is addicted to problems.
Load More Replies...What an idiot. What a condescending effing idiot. How many mississippis did she touch his arm for for him to think she was into him (yes, this is a reference to the Friends episode with Billy Bob Thornton; it was the first thing that came to mind when he mentionned the arm touching). He definitely needs professional help because he is an effing idiot. And a creepy idiot at that. I hope he will leave the couple alone. And another thing, 'ugly' men are often more attractive than Brad Pitt-clones.
The "note" that he copied and pasted as her reply doesn't read like someone in med school would have wrote it, especially when he describes her as "smart". I don't often say it, but this story feels pretty fake.
Oh? How would "someone in med school" have written a text? Should she have been using 5-7 syllable words? Does she need to be using medical definitions? Hell no. The way someone texts, especially in anger, is not indicative of someone's intelligence. Smart people can speak like any other people. They don't need to sound like a cliche Rhode Scholar to prove they are smart.
Load More Replies...OP sounds like he may be on "the spectrum", unable to understand basic body language or social cues.
I'm sorry but I have a friend on the spectrum and work with kids and adults on the spectrum, and that can not be used as an excuse to justify inappropriate behavior. If he was able to write the post ask the question and feel the guilt he knew he was wrong.
Load More Replies...Many men think women being nice to them, engaging in natural communication that could include reaching out and touching an arm, opening and closing one's eyes (as described by OP as "batting" her eyes,) you know, being a normal and decent person means they are hitting on them. OP is a super creep and has, though his delusion, ruined any chance of a relationship with his brother and this or future GF's or wife the brother may have. He needs to get in to therapy; he's delusional and not connected to reality.
This. Plus she probably thought he was safe in that way, you know being her BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER. Also it is one thing to feel attracted to someone (you can't really help that), but the way he felt entitled to her ist really off.
Load More Replies...Pretty sure this was just a ragebait post, but I do appreciate the comeuppance update :)
It was silly but reminded me of my first partner when I dated, I’m a retired model now and at 17 I had a 300kg bf (not muscle) and he was considered ugly by everyone I met, which was lame. And the amount of people who would do stuff like this because “you should be with someone better looking because you’re hot” became so insulting. And it made my then bf very depressed. (But I wasn’t always pretty, I was fat and awkward and had 0friends in school was super bullied, I just got hot somehow overnight and slimmer, but I still had the same personality ).
Load More Replies...Yes, and "I don't think I'm better, I just think she's far too good for him". Difficult to imagine anyone actually saying that, so I'm minded towards the idea that this is complete fiction. I hope so anyway.
Load More Replies...Wow. Just wow. I think OP is a little brain dead. The amount of mental hurdles one would need to go through to, A, think that his brother doesn’t deserve a girlfriend, B, his brother’s girlfriend is giving him “signs”, and C, that everything would be fine and dandy with the brother and girlfriend after ALL OF REDDIT tried to tell him just how screwed up his situation is, is insane! OP is super creepy and dumb.
all the signs of a predator in the making. my skin crawled ready this post and even more so when I read his replies to the comments. he obviously thinks if any woman talks to him she's hitting on him. horrible horrible little boy
The "I couldn't help myself" bit is so chillingly telling.
Load More Replies...Skimmed through most of the post because it was unbelievably and beyond creepy… I felt uncomfortable just reading it eww
When she said that they could have been best friends (knowing that he has a best friend who is a woman), rather than saying that they might have dated, she made it clear that she had no romantic interest in him. She is also right to say that they cannot ever be friends.
What was creepiest about this was that everyone told him to back off and that she wasn’t interested. But he was so convinced of himself that he didn’t listen to what anyone said. What a creepy idiot! It freaks me out that there are so many men that think this way. I used to be friendly to guys but then I got stalked a couple of times and I realized you just can’t be nice to them. They misinterpret everything!
Honestly I’m glad he told him, because I was genuinely concerned that he could hurt one or both of them if she didn’t know to avoid him.
Wow, this guy was deflecting right up to the very end. He asked, people told him, and he pushed back every time. He should stop and really look at everything that was said and LEARN SOMETHING.
So the whole idea is your brother isn't good-looking enough to deserve this girl. How shallow can a person get?
OP is reason number 1000 why I will *never* have such pictures of me. Wow. When I was in school, I dated this guy who stole my diary and gave it to all of his friends for them to read it. We're a small town and an ethnic minority, so pretty much *everyone * in our age group red it. I thought *that* was such a violation of trust that I haven't had a diary eversince. As a very anxious and sensitive overthinker, I don't know how I would have lived through someone seeing my nudes. Kudos to S for handling it so well, and to C for taking immediate action to remove her from that situation.
I'm reading this and picturing the OP having to stop and adjust his fedora every couple of lines. The brother was/is totally right to dot this guy's eye and lip. The guy is a fruitloop and I really hope he learns to like the taste of crow because that is probably going to be served at the next holiday meal.
Splendid creative writing! I wonder how far the narrator would have pushed the boundaries. This story is a prelude to a crime novel.
This sounds like it was written by a 14 year old who just changed ages to protect the innocent.
When he used the term "lovey dovey" I was like OK, so regardless of age, this is a f'ing infant
Load More Replies..."how am I a creeper? she's legal" ummmm. saying stuff like that is what makes you a creeper, you creeper.
This story is absolute b******t. It's clearly a complete work of fiction, and not a very good one.
That dude is a creep, I feel sorry for any woman he gets into a relationship with. He is creepy, disrespectful, delusional, and gives off rapes vibes.
You are the most narcissistic, delusional creep on the planet. And a really horrible brother.
“I don’t think I’m better. I just think she’s way too good for him in every way.” And.. she’s not too good for you? Then you are saying you’re better. Poor brother.
It would be one thing if he was just seeing signs where there are none and asked for advice on how to handle the awkwardness of his brother's gf "hitting on him", but the sense of entitlement is worrisome. I LOVE the exchange with aka-47: “[...] You think you are better than your brother and put him down so you think you deserve the girl [...]”, OP: “I don't think I'm better. I'm just saying she's way too good for him in every way.” That's comedy gold. So he wants her to be way too good for himself in every way instead?
You need to grow up, those are immature thoughts and "feelings". Jealous some? You need therapy. You are a true AH.
Hope he knocked your teeth out, you disgusting, narcissistic f*****g creep. Hope no woman ever touches you with a 20 foot barge pole.
What do you mean with "she's legal"? She's YOUR BROTHER'S GIRLFRIEND!!! She's family, which makes your crush on her more or less incestuous. And it makes you a creep! Looks aren't everything, personality is much more important in the long run. And yours is pretty sh**ty. You live with your grandma, what do you think SHE will say about you sneaking a peek at her future grand-daughter-in-law's nude photo?
This Massengil product DB OP thinks he's entitled to any woman he wants. He also thinks he's a gazillion times better than his brother in every way. What a douche bag. Just because a woman is nice to him, he thinks with every ounce of his being that she's into him. He's a predator. Going into his brother's phone to look at the nudes PROVES IT. He has ZERO REMORSE. What he did was unforgivable and he's lucky his brother only punched him once in the face. I hope grandma kicked his pathetic backside out of the house after she found out everything. There's zero chance his brother would ever forgive him. I wouldn't in his shoes.
You are the type of guy women have to worry about, you're an vabsolute creep. Not sure how you think you're not... get help. Guys like you are the reason women have to constantly worry about being objectified, harassed. stalked, or even physically or mentally harmed. Just because YOU think you're better (for what reason is a mystery) DOES NOT mean you have a right to every whim of your creepy little heart. Not to mention, she is a HUMAN BEING with personal autonomy and you can't just decide anything for her! Guys like you are the worst, get some professional help bro. and don't forget, just because a chick talks to you and is polite, DOESN'T MEAN SHE WANTS YOU. Consent is key and you didn't have it.
Take your Problem to Tinder, idiot. Most Pandas have values and think about others. Obviously, your high priority is yourself.
Young man, if this is a true post, you need professional help. Sounds like you are questioning gf judgement because she wants to be with your brother and not you. Frankly, I can understand why she would. Your opinion of yourself is telling...
Wow, warming up a five year old reddit story. nothing better to post, BP?
Jesus H Christ this guy sounds like he's one short step away from shooting the President to impress some girl he doesn't even know. VERY glad this ended with him getting punched in the face.
This feels stupid fake. Not saying someone wouldnt do this but it feels so absurd and click baity that I cant buy it being real.
People who "confess" things to elevate their own guilt are the worst. Suck it up and ruminate in the misery of what you have done in silence.
He violated the Bro Code BIG TIME. And I am so, so happy to hear that S put him in his place and truly loves C. This young man has ruined his relationship w/ his brother and g/f. How in the world is this going to play out with future family gatherings and holidays? What if C and S get married? Little brother may have ruined his chances at being the best man or at least in the wedding party.....or even invited to the wedding? Just because a woman is nice to you, doesn't mean she's warm for your form.
This feels like someone went on r/NiceGuys and r/NotHowGirlsWork, grabbed a bunch of posts, and jammed them into ChatGPT. This cannot be real. There's no way that many people could tell the guy "dude, back off and stop being a creep" and not only does he not listen, he does the thing anyway.
I know someone like that irl. Bright, handsome, in his fifties, and will consistently do the thing all his friends AND his brother advised against. Gets fuсked over, doesn't learn, rinse, repeat. My theory is he is addicted to problems.
Load More Replies...What an idiot. What a condescending effing idiot. How many mississippis did she touch his arm for for him to think she was into him (yes, this is a reference to the Friends episode with Billy Bob Thornton; it was the first thing that came to mind when he mentionned the arm touching). He definitely needs professional help because he is an effing idiot. And a creepy idiot at that. I hope he will leave the couple alone. And another thing, 'ugly' men are often more attractive than Brad Pitt-clones.
The "note" that he copied and pasted as her reply doesn't read like someone in med school would have wrote it, especially when he describes her as "smart". I don't often say it, but this story feels pretty fake.
Oh? How would "someone in med school" have written a text? Should she have been using 5-7 syllable words? Does she need to be using medical definitions? Hell no. The way someone texts, especially in anger, is not indicative of someone's intelligence. Smart people can speak like any other people. They don't need to sound like a cliche Rhode Scholar to prove they are smart.
Load More Replies...OP sounds like he may be on "the spectrum", unable to understand basic body language or social cues.
I'm sorry but I have a friend on the spectrum and work with kids and adults on the spectrum, and that can not be used as an excuse to justify inappropriate behavior. If he was able to write the post ask the question and feel the guilt he knew he was wrong.
Load More Replies...
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