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Man In His 40s Gets Turned Down For A Date With A 19-Year-Old, Embarrasses Himself With His ‘Comeback’
The gym is a place where people of all ages, gender, shape and size can come together to exercise and improve their health. With that in mind, most want to focus on working out without being interrupted. Unfortunately, women find that this isn’t always the case for them.
Avrey Ovard is the latest person to catch this on camera. Whilst filming herself exercising at the gym, she is approached by someone who wants to get to know her better. In the short clip posted on Avrey’s TikTok, he introduces himself, asks for her number but leaves without it.
Although there’s nothing wrong with being forward and asking someone out on a date (when the conditions are right), you should also be prepared for the chance of getting rejected. In this case, it’s the response of the respective Romeo in the gym that has captured the internet’s attention.
Some consider that Avrey was rude about turning him down, others think that what she said was perfectly acceptable. Check out the video below and let us know what you think.
More info: TikTok | Instagram | YouTube | Twitter |
@avreyovardfor those who saw my YT vid lmao here’s this …. LEAVE WOMEN ALONE!!!! #gym #gymgirl #PerfectMarcJacobs♬ original sound – ave
The video highlights a recurring instance that happens to women in the gym: whilst exercising, they get asked out by a man who’s had their eye on them.
To gain some insight into why this continues to happen, I spoke to Samantha Brennan, Professor of Philosophy and Dean of the College of Arts at the University of Guelph. With Tracy Isaacs, she’s the co-author of Fit at Midlife: A Feminist Fitness Journey and the co-founder of the Fit is a Feminist Issue blog.
Prof. Brennan told Bored Panda this: “The gym is an uncomfortable environment for lots of people, but especially for women and for those who don’t fit into society’s gender norms.”
“Because so many of us associate fitness with looking a certain way rather than about sports performance or overall health (a mistake in my opinion), there’s a lot of attention in gym environments with the way our bodies look. People at the gym scrutinize their own bodies and the bodies of others,” she said.
“That can mean, for many women, unwanted attention. There’s the mistaken view that if you’re at the gym, you want that attention. And many, or most women, just don’t.”
RELATED:
Avrey Ovard was filming exercises for her YouTube channel when it happened
In the expanded version of the video, Avrey explains more about the situation and how she feels about it.
She said that although she had seen a lot of TikToks of other girls that it happened to, it was a first for her. “I have never had an experience like this, getting hit on in the gym,” she said.
The encounter left her feeling embarrassed but she asserts her view on it: “Men, leave women alone in the gym,” she said. “It’s literally the last place where I would ever want to be hit on.”
As gyms are a shared space, it’s important to be respectful of each other whilst there. Prof. Brennan highlights the need for safe spaces in gyms, especially for women. She said, “We all need spaces to work out where we aren’t being observed for the way we look. Lots of physical activity isn’t pretty or graceful. Women athletes often hold back because they don’t want to be seen as sweaty or breathless.”
She continues to talk about women’s sporting outfits too, an important topic in the Tokyo 2020 Olympics this year where athletes in Germany’s and Norway’s Olympic teams protested the sexualization of their outfits.
Prof. Brennan said, “Lots of sportswear is form-fitted for performance reasons. Think about the uni-suits that rowers wear or the skin-suits worn by track cyclists. Even in a regular gym, it may be that you’re wearing clothes that you wouldn’t normally wear.”
She told Bored Panda that she is “in favour of judgement free workout spaces for everyone, where we can focus on what we’re doing and not on how we look”.
The man tries to start small talk with her whilst she’s busy
Prof. Brennan concludes with her advice for those going to the gym. She said, “Try out lots of gyms and find one that feels comfortable for you. Speak to the manager to see if they have a code of conduct for members.”
“I like gyms with staff on the floor and I find that makes a difference in culture and behavior,” she continued, “I also like gyms with a specific focus on inclusion. For me, it’s not about women-only spaces so much as finding a gym that has a commitment to inclusion and respect.”
It’s clear that being mindful of others in the gym is important. So, is there ever a right time to try asking someone out there and can it be done respectfully?
A survey completed by ‘Top Protein’ set out to find the United Kingdom’s preferences on flirting in the gym. In a survey of 1,914 people (men and women), 44% of respondents said that they liked when they would receive attention like this in the gym. 38% said that they didn’t mind when it happened to them and the remaining 18% had a negative view of it.
According to the answers they collected, 57% of people said the best technique for making a connection is: ‘just smile and try to make conversation’. Whilst the man in Avrey’s encounter does try to make conversation, he does so rather abruptly.
As you can see from the video, he interrupts her twice whilst she is wearing earphones. Firstly, to ask if she’s recording a video when it’s quite obvious and secondly, gesturing for her to remove the earphones before she is even aware of him talking to her. Perhaps he could have read the situation better.
He comes back to try talking to her again
Laura Williams, a fitness expert and writer at ‘Men’s Journal’, gives her advice to men on when it’s right to approach women at the gym.
She said, “Some women are open to starting conversations while working out. Some women aren’t.”
“If a woman smiles or says hi, she’s giving you the go-ahead to engage in small talk. If, however, she’s wearing headphones, avoiding eye-contact, and is completely engrossed in what she’s doing, don’t interrupt her.”
Avrey feels uncomfortable and tries to show her disinterest
The man asks her out but she turns him down
He retorts with an embarrassing comeback
Image credits: avreyovard
Whilst the interaction is very brief, people are debating whether or not Avrey said the right thing.
Although she probably meant that she herself was “too young”, she maybe didn’t think of the implication that the man was “too old” at the same time. And feeling insulted, this could be why we see him instantly snap back at her.
Perhaps she could have explained that she wasn’t interested or that she had a boyfriend?
Women have shared their experiences of unwanted attention and have used those same excuses too. Some have been successful, others have been ignored with men insisting even more. So, others believe that Avery was right in what she said in shutting the man down.
We’ll let you form your own opinion on the matter. Have you had a similar experience? Share your thoughts and stories in the comments.
Most people called out the man for his creepy behavior and fragile ego
But others said she was unnecessarily rude
What do you think ?
Casey McAlister 3 years ago (edited)
"Oh, tell him you have a boyfriend, he is not your type, or you are a nun and took a vow of chastity, but don't you dare tell a man who is old enough to be your father that he is too old for you!". These comments make me sick.
Seabeast 3 years ago
Funny how when a woman is straight-forward she gets called "rude". I guess only men are supposed to "tell it like it is"?
Katchen 3 years ago
If you’re 42 and you think other people think you’re 24, well. . . just keep living your dreams, I guess.
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Connie Bonneville 3 years ago
She did nothing wrong!!! She was rudely interrupted and was patient & polite. He is a cringey old creeper & needs to learn how not to be. Ew.
zovjraar me 3 years ago
The comments saying she shouldn't have talked to him at all and that by talking to him made him think she was interested when she was just being polite!! omg that's what's wrong here! a woman should be able to have a casual conversation with a dude and it not mean anything!!
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Not Proud British 3 years ago
So hang on, she was being rude because he interrupted her twice (once signalling that she remove her earphones) AND he asks her out when she doesn't even know him? He is literally stood over her. She is half his age. She is a complete stranger to him. Do men have any idea how this kind of behaviour makes women feel? She just wanted to go to the gym and take some footage for her YT channel. She was not looking for a date or his attention. So men, leave us alone unless we're in an appropriate social setting. You know, like a bar. Do not stand over a young girl, insisting she take out her earphones to give you her full attention and then expect her to go out with you.
Miriah Williams 3 years ago
I dont understand how people think she was rude. She didn't call him old or wrinkly or gross, she said **she** was too young for him. He could have been 30 or 70 (i know it says 40s) but if she thinks someone is too old for her, thats her preference.
Ram 3 years ago (edited)
It's funny that all the comments under 'But others said she was unnecessarily rude' is written by men. *Disclaimer (so Becky wouldn't lose her mind)* all except Rachelles comment.
Chelsea Corkum 3 years ago
She did nothing wrong. If she could clearly see that he was her fathers age and that makes her uncomfortable or she has every right to say that she is too young. For that matter, she had every right to not even remove her headphones and ignore the man.
Paul Mitchell 3 years ago
He is a rude arrogant twat. He will be like that in other walks of life too.
Derek Neibarger 3 years ago
NTA, she wasn't "rude", and his response to being rejected was the so cringey and petty.
OCDRobot 3 years ago
She says nothing, she's a bitch, she tells him no, she's a bitch, she politely talks to him, she's leading him on and a bitch. GEE, it's like women can't do anything without being a bitch, huh? Maybe creepy old dudes should leave young women alone. But that would be asking too much, wouldn't it?
WiTchY_WoMaN 3 years ago
Why is there even an argument over this....The guy was an absolute creep...she did nothing wrong...
Fluffy Griffin 3 years ago
Someone said "that was rude, she should have just said she wasn't interested" but if she said THAT it would have been considered rude, and would have left the guy feeling like he could change her mind. There's no winning.
Jupittance 3 years ago
He would have taken that as a signal to explain to her why she should be interested in him. Or he might have just said well you just missed out on a rich guy you screwed up and we'd still have him being rude. There was no excuse for what he said, but he made himself look like a clown, so I guess he got his just deserts.
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Biljana Malesevic 3 years ago
I had opposite problem, I am almost 50 and some young men half my age approach me thinking that they are flattering me by calling me "sexy cougar" and wanting to have some sexy adventure they saw in X movies. I hate that, I hate being objectified and seen as "cougar", being fetishized or being seen as "older but still doable" lady who should be flattered by attention from much younger men. They can't understand why I say "no", they can't seem to understand that I want serious, emotional and stable relationship with friendship not adventure with someone who thinks I am just a "cougar".
Zaza 3 years ago
I feel like gyms need wristbands in different colors. Green to say "yea sure you can come talk to me" and vlack for "leave me the f**k alone" and whoever tries to talk to someone wearing a black band will be banned for life
Gay Llama 3 years ago
I know you meant black but I think vlack should be word if it isn't already because it sounds cool
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Donna Leske 3 years ago
Let's start with the chain of events; He approaches someone he doesn't know and asks the person to remove her headphones. Stop. Wrong. Right there. Go away. Mind your business.
Caitlin Doyle 3 years ago
Totally true, headphones= I don't want to talk/hear others, leave alone.
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Amy Hunter 3 years ago
Why does she owe him any type of explanation at all? He asked a questions, she answered it. Him not liking the answer is not her problem, it's his. Men, get over yourselves. We don't need to be nice to you when we turn you down.
AzKhaleesi 3 years ago
It's people like these that sicken me. If it were there daughter, sister, mother, themselves there would be an uproar, but because it's not, we're gonna call her crass and all that? Give me an effing break. I have a 19 yo daughter and a 43 yo was trying to hook up with her and I was pissed. He's older than ME. (I'm 40) I told her, you are worth more than that and although yes you are an "adult" ya'll have NOTHING in common and quite frankly the fact he's interested in you is borderline Pedo. It's being pedo without being a pedo. Now bare in mind the fact that she is much more mature than the average 19 yo I get the "attraction" but still gross, as soon as he found out she was 19 that should've been the end of it, she had to block him on everything and he even got fired from his job for it (and other things he got a bit stalkerish - they worked together) I told her how would you feel if I dated an 18 year old? She made THE face and I said "exactly" 1/2...
AzKhaleesi 3 years ago
2/2 so why do we villanize her and make it acceptable for a man? I don't get it. Everyone, "she could've said this or that, or been more polite" NO because my daughter was "polite" and it got her f*****g no where. WE are done being polite. If being polite doesn't get the result, be a bitch. Who cares? Maybe if more people raised their boys to be proper men, this wouldn't happen. My sons know damn well how to treat a lady and not be creepers. If they are rejected, THEY apologize. My son (17) broke up with a girl because she was too sexually pushy and he wasn't ready for that...why? Because I taught him MORALS. Something these men are seriously lacking. Ok, rant over sorry. Thank you for attending my TED talk.
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Watching 3 years ago
Oh the insecurity of white privileged men. They cannot stand strong and educated women.
Cheri Aline Sydney 3 years ago
I am sick of hearing about white, privileged men and how bad they are!!! .. There are good and bad people of All Races, All Genders, and All Socioeconomic Levels, so cut the c**p and address your issue with a specific individual. Stop generalizing and treating groups as monolithic! You've become the bully!
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Mosheh Wolf 3 years ago
I don't see why people think that "I'm too young for you" is an inappropriate response. It is less the age difference than the difference in where they are at life. If a 60 year old asks a 40 year old out a date, it's not creepy, or even a 50 year old and a 30 year old. However, a 40 year old asking a 19 year old out is creepy. A 40 year old is a full grown adult with years of life experience, and, with apologies to all the Gen-Zs out there, 19 is still not really a grown up. Adults don't date people who are not yet grown up. That is, as I wrote, creepy.
Flora Posteschild 3 years ago
Of course, women are never doing anything of importance, and can be interrupted at will. Did Romeo not think of waiting until she was finished, and going to leave, at least? Or would he be too busy counting his riches at that time?
Suzanne Clark 3 years ago
"I'm flattered"???? No way. The guy was a jerk, quit making women pander to some guy with no class or brains...just my opinion.
Janelle Collard 3 years ago
Dear Men: Women were not put on this Earth to stroke your egos. Get over your damn selves.
Toni 3 years ago
yesterday in a supermarket. a man around 50. didn't have a shopping trolley, i let him go ahead at the checkout. he started to stare at me all the time and keep asking me why i did that, and it shouldn't have happened, etc.. he wanted to engage me in conversation the whole time. i think he thought i was interested in him. but i just wanted to be nice. i felt so uncomfortable. why is being nice interpreted as sexual interest by so many men? (btw: i'm 43 - not 19. but still, it's the same thing over and over again)
purple zebra 3 years ago
I don’t think she should have to lie and say she was flattered or that she has a boyfriend if she doesn’t. She spoke the truth, she’s too young for him is her opinion and that’s that. She need not embellish or worry if that hurts his feelings. Women shouldn’t have to tiptoe around a guys feelings. He asked she said why she didn’t want to and that’s fine. It would have also been fine if she said no and nothing else.
Jo Choto 3 years ago
We really need young women to know to say "I'm sorry, I'm busy. I can't talk to you." and just carry on. It's not rude to ignore someone after that. I really, really hate to see young women trying to be polite and courteous to people who are basically disrespecting them and their time and their activities, just for the purpose of trying to get sex. If you have a daughter, please, teach her that it's not her job to be "nice" to strangers who are bothering her. Teach her to shut them down firmly and not engage after that. Teach them that it's okay to go for help if someone continues to harass them. Please, it's time we stopped seeing this kind of rubbish.
Q B F T 3 years ago
How about teaching men not to force themselves on young women? To read social cues (it's clear she wasn't interested from the get go)? Why is it always the women's responsibility to not be harassed? Surely it should be the man's responsibility to not harass.
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Bonnie Edwards 3 years ago
I've been hit on by lots of guys. Anywhere from younger than me, to silver hair. For most of them, telling them that I was already in a relationship or not interested just seemed to make me more of an interesting challenge. I eventually either gave them really vague interest and non-committal answers until they gave up, or just walked away from them. I've even had guys refuse to leave me alone until I gave them a number (my brother insisted I gave them his, when this happened). One time, I was on the phone to my husband, and was straight-up propositioned by a stranger. I'm sure they heard me talking to him. Mild and/or unintended insults like this don't work when the guy has an audience of friends, or testosterone poisoning. When you're out dancing or at a venue. Always introduce yourself to the bouncer/ security. If someone is being too pushy, it's not a sign of weakness to call on them for help.
Alan Green 3 years ago
lol have to cringe. Well I guess there are women out there who like an older gent, my dad remarried to someone 20 odd years younger than him, and I worked in a factory where a 19yr old girl pursued a man almost in his 50's and they hooked up and seemed to be into each other, dated the whole 6 months I was there, so they exist! This guy just seemed rude though. If it were me, and IF we already had some kind of rapport going I'd say something like "i don't suppose you're into balding middle age men twice your age?" , try to make a bit of a joke of it and when she inevitably says "No afraid not sorry" I'd just admit defeat and say "Yeah thought so fair enough, hope I haven't offended you, have a nice day" I say this as a total introvert who couldn't approach any woman of any age but still. That's how it would go in my head lol.
Jillian Johnston 3 years ago
*F*CK Politeness. She doesn't owe him a response, let alone a polite one. He shouldn't have approached her in the first place. This is something I've experienced more than one and these men know you're too young, and they are counting on using a controlling, bullying behaviour to get what they want.
osbkids 3 years ago
She didn't say anything criminal by saying she's too young for him, because that's what really is. He is twice her age, at 20 even 30 is pretty old, not saying about 40's. I think I'd awkwardly laugh and agree if the youngling will tell me that stuff, because yeah, I'm not a youngling anymore. Not that I will ever hit on a kid that technically could be my child, that's creepy tbh. In the past, when I was 18, one creepy old man tried to hit on me, and it was creepy and terrifying, I'm still shivering from memories. C'mon, what did I do to make him think I'm gerontophiliac?!
Amy Lemley 3 years ago
You, the writer, sound like an old man in suggesting she tell him she has a boyfriend to avoid his stupid rejoinder. Why should she try to spare his feelings, or her own by avoiding his saying that? His behavior was blatantly inappropriate. I say he is lucky that she said something so benign.
Melani Manning 3 years ago
Any 40 year old man that asks a woman half his age diserves Amy negative response he gets
Nirity 3 years ago
If a woman tells the truth it's considered rude, we are only allowed to giggle like idiots and excuse ourselves, we are allowed even to lie to be left alone. Meanwhile men can say anything and we just have to act stoopid to not hurt their ego. This needs change. We do not exist to feed the enormous, always hungry male's ego!
Ellie Rosser 3 years ago
Why should you tell him thank you I'm flattered when she clearly was not?
Caroline Driver 3 years ago
Men hate embarrassment more than anything in the world. When discussing prostate cancer with a man once, he actually said 'there are worse things that dying', meaning having a prostate exam.
Melissa Koczur-Mitchell 3 years ago
Back when i was around her age, I had to whip out a knife and slam it on the countertop (at a bar) b/c a guy more than half my age would not back off. I should not have to threaten you for you to leave me the f**k alone. F**k that perv s**t.
Adriana De Welde 3 years ago
There's nothing wrong with what she said but women are never 'allowed' to just say no and don't realize that SAYING NO IS A COMPLETE SENTENCE. We don't need to give any excuse or reason to make the person on the receiving end more comfortable. Anything above "No" is extra and either a courtesy or a polite f' off.
VulcansAreSexy 3 years ago
This woman is 19 years old, but this guy doesn't know that. For all he knows she's underage and he has the gall to storm off all huffy!? This guy is somehow a creepy old man and a toddler at the same time
Rob Woodman 3 years ago
She could also be mid twenties or more. I had no idea how old she was until I googled her.
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P.L. Packer 1 year ago
I'm female, way older than this guy but I would have (at her age) probably died laughing and yeah, that would have been embarrassing for him as well. The guy's a creeper, There are a lot of things she COULD have said, but why lie? She told it like it was. If he's going to hit on teenagers, he needs to grow a pair and be prepared for the consequences. She should have reported him to the management.
Nickname 3 years ago
"she could have said: thank you, I'm flattered but..." No, just no. She was not flattered, why would she lie so he wouldn't be discouraged to try again. He was being rude, it's nothing to be thankful about. If some jeezer would talk about his health issues to me I would tell 'aw my grandpa is the same, better watch out before it's too late :')' slap them with the nice to the elderly
Mick Dundee 3 years ago
"I'm to young for you." Really, are you old enough to Go to College, Live alone, Have sex without Sneaking behind Parents Backs.. Hmmm, I wonder when this Age Limit was imposed ? It seems that this Younger Generation has a thought that they've something made of Gold... Sadly, Reality will set in and Loneliness will Follow..
somuchsong 3 years ago
"Perhaps she could have explained that she wasn’t interested or that she had a boyfriend?" "I'm too young for you" is a pretty clear signal that she's not interested. Why should she have to make up a boyfriend just to preserve this creep's feelings?
Diane Knight 3 years ago
For some folks (male or female) it does NOT matter if you say anything ,will try to keep engaging you in talking. No-win for whoever they talk to.
Petr Brodík 3 years ago
As a guy I'm 100% behind her. If he's cocky and rude enough to disturb random girls at the gym, he deserves to be told off. Get some manners first and then expect it of people around you.
Jennifer Brown 3 years ago
She had every right to be rude to him. He was rude, by interrupting her filming...he even asked if she was filming and she said YES! Get a clue moron! She's not interested.
Celtic Pirate Queen 3 years ago
He was obviously not getting the memo that she wasn't interested. MANY times the only way we can get rid of creeps is to be rude. Guys, leave us the hell alone.
Metallic Geisha 3 years ago
Hey dipsh*ts, she was not rude. Between the unsolicited interruption and the likelihood that he preys on younger women so he can 'mold them', he's lucky that's the only response he got.
Mohammad Omar 3 years ago (edited)
1- why would he do that, knowing she is taking a video? 2- she could have just said no thanks. No one likes to be told old-fat-ugly. But women telling men they are fat or old or ugly is more acceptable.
Rita Shapiro 3 years ago
Men of a certain age don't have the right background to enable them to handle themselves properly in these situations because society has changed rapidly, often VERY rapidly, and they haven't been paying attention.I'm not giving him a pass, his behavior was clumsy, entitled, and had a significant "ick" factor to it. But men need to take responsibility for relearning how to approach women, and to become aware of how their old school approach isn't appropriate or welcome. And yeah, I know young men can be jerks too. All women have the right to say no without eliciting anger or defensiveness. She does not owe him a sugarcoated version of the obvious truth.
Kathryn Baylis 3 years ago (edited)
TBH, the old school approach never was appropriate or welcome. We just had to put up with it because that was the way it was. We finally got fed up and stopped accepting it, which is why it—-and men—-had to evolve and change, if they wanted to have any kind of relationship with us. But you are right in that this guy really needs to get with the times. It ain’t the eighties anymore.
Load More Replies... John Matthews 3 years ago
I mean, she could have said right from the start she's busy filming/not interested/whatever since her message is, "men leave women alone in the gym." Based on that I would expect her to shut him down immediately but her response wasn't rude or anything. The only part that seems rude is assuming his age - how does she know how old he is? She's assuming he's in his 40s but maybe he's mid-30s and he thinks she's early-20s? Idk, my parents had a large age so I tend to view age gaps differently - vantage point changes view point and all.
Otter 3 years ago
Let's be nice, and suppose that by age forty, he's wise enough to not care about age. So... if a man doesn't care about age, why is he hitting on a 19 year old, rather than the sixty-year-old woman who's also at the gym because she takes great care of herself and looks great? So yeah, well, maybe it's just his *own* age he doesn't care about, he wants young flesh and thinks that even though he cares about age, women shouldn't.
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Bonnie Harris 3 years ago
Calling him out on being a creep is perfect. I think she reacted well, although maybe telling him "I'm busy, bug off" would have ended it sooner. But please realize: Most girls are trained to not make men uncomfortable. To not just tell them what you think. To not call out their bad behavior. When you get surprised by a guy like this, it is often hard to overcome all of that in the moment. Especially since she was on the floor, and he was towering over her. I am so sick of men believing that any woman he is interested in owes him obedience. But seriously, guys. Does this woman look like she would have trouble getting dates? This guy did it to himself. And he is obviously insecure, since he seems to think that money is his only good quality. Men might be surprised to know that most women are not after your money.
Joe Schmoe 3 years ago
As an older guy that typically dates women half my age, he was an ass. Despite my experience, young women that want to date a MUCH older guy are very few in number. Hitting on them at the gym or ANYWHERE really is not ok. Or at the very least, he should anticipate her reaction. Almost. Every. Time. Just don’t do it. I’d feel very creepy hitting on someone with no basis other than a 30 second convo even if she was my age, let alone with such an age gap. He was ridiculous. His response should have been “Ok, sorry I bothered you. Enjoy your workout.” All she did was rip the bandaid. I’d prefer her honesty over excuses any day. Hopefully, dude learned from his failure.
Elite Normster 3 years ago
Nice, so you're a disgusting f*****g creep with manners! That's nice to know.
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Toast Of Saint Louis 3 years ago
I'm straddling the fence here. He's being annoying and he should let people work out in piece. At least wait until she's done working out. Now, she could have just said no thank you and kept it pushing. You didn't have to call the man old, he's only 40, not f*****g 90. That's okay though, someone will tell her the same thing when she is 40.
Marc De Los Santos 3 years ago
She did nothing wrong. I have had to turn down plenty of women who were too fat for me.
Jus 3 years ago
Well, she is an adult, he is an adult. Each has a right to try and ask the other one out. He was rude, because 1) he interrupted her video, 2) he responded in a non classy way. She was rude, because she humiliated him without reason. She could have said "No, thanks". I don't like both reactions.
timhood 3 years ago
What most people are completely missing is that you have the opportunity to be civil. It requires fewer words to simply say, "No, thank you," and be a decent human being.
Seabeast 3 years ago
When you are polite to clueless people with an exaggerated sense of entitlement, they take it to mean that you really just want them to keep asking. Politeness doesn't work on that sort.
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Seabeast 3 years ago
It's right there in the posted pictures: "Motions for me to take my headphones out???"
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Kathryn Baylis 3 years ago (edited)
Yeah, but 1) she’s young (I can’t tell just how much personal experience with creeps she has) and/or 2) she had to see whether he would get violent or not, and adjust her responses accordingly. It’s a balancing act, either way. You’re always on at least yellow alert, and have to second guess whether it’ll escalate to red alert, all while trying to plan your escape. It’s f*****g exhausting!
Load More Replies... Kathryn Baylis 3 years ago
Translation: Marc is a hefty, neckbearded, loser incel, who never looks in the mirror and insults every woman who turns him down.
Load More Replies... Q B F T 3 years ago
Invading his privacy but not showing his face. No.one else is visible/recognisable in the video other than her. TBF I kind of agree with you - think it's weird to shoot a video in the gym - but no weirder than shooting on the street or in restaurants where other people are visible possibly recognisable - and thousands (millions?) of people do that
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Aliquid A 3 years ago
Maybe she was implying that his preference is inappropriate.
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Samantha Lomb 3 years ago
Lots of people use mirrors or video when they work out to make sure they are doing an exercise correctly. Lots of people share work out videos online. And Flora is right, as long as the person is videoing themselves it is none of your business.
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Samantha Lomb 3 years ago
Maybe he will learn not to bother strangers minding their own business in the future. When women are polite men walk all over us. And when we tell them to f**k off we are "rude" because society thinks women have to cater to male feelings. And he is literally old enough to be her father. She is 19 he is 40+.
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Aliquid A 3 years ago (edited)
I'm sure there is such a thing as toxic feminism, but this is NOT an example of it. I don't give a rat's ass if the man has "feelings". If he is behaving inappropriately, he needs to be called out on it. Also, if his "feelings" are so utterly fragile that someone saying "I am too young for you" crushes him, then he has other problems and needs to toughen up. Because that is a very gentle "insult" compared to YOU calling people "stuck-up b*tches". You deserve to be downvoted.
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Becky Samuel 3 years ago
Don't give me that 'love at first sight' nonsense. This guy saw a woman half his age and decided to creep on her while she was busy.
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Aunt Messy 3 years ago
She should have said "Piss off", and if she sees him again, she needs to call security.
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Casey McAlister 3 years ago (edited)
"Oh, tell him you have a boyfriend, he is not your type, or you are a nun and took a vow of chastity, but don't you dare tell a man who is old enough to be your father that he is too old for you!". These comments make me sick.
Seabeast 3 years ago
Funny how when a woman is straight-forward she gets called "rude". I guess only men are supposed to "tell it like it is"?
Katchen 3 years ago
If you’re 42 and you think other people think you’re 24, well. . . just keep living your dreams, I guess.
Load More Replies... Connie Bonneville 3 years ago
She did nothing wrong!!! She was rudely interrupted and was patient & polite. He is a cringey old creeper & needs to learn how not to be. Ew.
zovjraar me 3 years ago
The comments saying she shouldn't have talked to him at all and that by talking to him made him think she was interested when she was just being polite!! omg that's what's wrong here! a woman should be able to have a casual conversation with a dude and it not mean anything!!
Load More Replies... Not Proud British 3 years ago
So hang on, she was being rude because he interrupted her twice (once signalling that she remove her earphones) AND he asks her out when she doesn't even know him? He is literally stood over her. She is half his age. She is a complete stranger to him. Do men have any idea how this kind of behaviour makes women feel? She just wanted to go to the gym and take some footage for her YT channel. She was not looking for a date or his attention. So men, leave us alone unless we're in an appropriate social setting. You know, like a bar. Do not stand over a young girl, insisting she take out her earphones to give you her full attention and then expect her to go out with you.
Miriah Williams 3 years ago
I dont understand how people think she was rude. She didn't call him old or wrinkly or gross, she said **she** was too young for him. He could have been 30 or 70 (i know it says 40s) but if she thinks someone is too old for her, thats her preference.
Ram 3 years ago (edited)
It's funny that all the comments under 'But others said she was unnecessarily rude' is written by men. *Disclaimer (so Becky wouldn't lose her mind)* all except Rachelles comment.
Chelsea Corkum 3 years ago
She did nothing wrong. If she could clearly see that he was her fathers age and that makes her uncomfortable or she has every right to say that she is too young. For that matter, she had every right to not even remove her headphones and ignore the man.
Paul Mitchell 3 years ago
He is a rude arrogant twat. He will be like that in other walks of life too.
Derek Neibarger 3 years ago
NTA, she wasn't "rude", and his response to being rejected was the so cringey and petty.
OCDRobot 3 years ago
She says nothing, she's a bitch, she tells him no, she's a bitch, she politely talks to him, she's leading him on and a bitch. GEE, it's like women can't do anything without being a bitch, huh? Maybe creepy old dudes should leave young women alone. But that would be asking too much, wouldn't it?
WiTchY_WoMaN 3 years ago
Why is there even an argument over this....The guy was an absolute creep...she did nothing wrong...
Fluffy Griffin 3 years ago
Someone said "that was rude, she should have just said she wasn't interested" but if she said THAT it would have been considered rude, and would have left the guy feeling like he could change her mind. There's no winning.
Jupittance 3 years ago
He would have taken that as a signal to explain to her why she should be interested in him. Or he might have just said well you just missed out on a rich guy you screwed up and we'd still have him being rude. There was no excuse for what he said, but he made himself look like a clown, so I guess he got his just deserts.
Load More Replies... Biljana Malesevic 3 years ago
I had opposite problem, I am almost 50 and some young men half my age approach me thinking that they are flattering me by calling me "sexy cougar" and wanting to have some sexy adventure they saw in X movies. I hate that, I hate being objectified and seen as "cougar", being fetishized or being seen as "older but still doable" lady who should be flattered by attention from much younger men. They can't understand why I say "no", they can't seem to understand that I want serious, emotional and stable relationship with friendship not adventure with someone who thinks I am just a "cougar".
Zaza 3 years ago
I feel like gyms need wristbands in different colors. Green to say "yea sure you can come talk to me" and vlack for "leave me the f**k alone" and whoever tries to talk to someone wearing a black band will be banned for life
Gay Llama 3 years ago
I know you meant black but I think vlack should be word if it isn't already because it sounds cool
Load More Replies... Donna Leske 3 years ago
Let's start with the chain of events; He approaches someone he doesn't know and asks the person to remove her headphones. Stop. Wrong. Right there. Go away. Mind your business.
Caitlin Doyle 3 years ago
Totally true, headphones= I don't want to talk/hear others, leave alone.
Load More Replies... Amy Hunter 3 years ago
Why does she owe him any type of explanation at all? He asked a questions, she answered it. Him not liking the answer is not her problem, it's his. Men, get over yourselves. We don't need to be nice to you when we turn you down.
AzKhaleesi 3 years ago
It's people like these that sicken me. If it were there daughter, sister, mother, themselves there would be an uproar, but because it's not, we're gonna call her crass and all that? Give me an effing break. I have a 19 yo daughter and a 43 yo was trying to hook up with her and I was pissed. He's older than ME. (I'm 40) I told her, you are worth more than that and although yes you are an "adult" ya'll have NOTHING in common and quite frankly the fact he's interested in you is borderline Pedo. It's being pedo without being a pedo. Now bare in mind the fact that she is much more mature than the average 19 yo I get the "attraction" but still gross, as soon as he found out she was 19 that should've been the end of it, she had to block him on everything and he even got fired from his job for it (and other things he got a bit stalkerish - they worked together) I told her how would you feel if I dated an 18 year old? She made THE face and I said "exactly" 1/2...
AzKhaleesi 3 years ago
2/2 so why do we villanize her and make it acceptable for a man? I don't get it. Everyone, "she could've said this or that, or been more polite" NO because my daughter was "polite" and it got her f*****g no where. WE are done being polite. If being polite doesn't get the result, be a bitch. Who cares? Maybe if more people raised their boys to be proper men, this wouldn't happen. My sons know damn well how to treat a lady and not be creepers. If they are rejected, THEY apologize. My son (17) broke up with a girl because she was too sexually pushy and he wasn't ready for that...why? Because I taught him MORALS. Something these men are seriously lacking. Ok, rant over sorry. Thank you for attending my TED talk.
Load More Replies... Watching 3 years ago
Oh the insecurity of white privileged men. They cannot stand strong and educated women.
Cheri Aline Sydney 3 years ago
I am sick of hearing about white, privileged men and how bad they are!!! .. There are good and bad people of All Races, All Genders, and All Socioeconomic Levels, so cut the c**p and address your issue with a specific individual. Stop generalizing and treating groups as monolithic! You've become the bully!
Load More Replies... Mosheh Wolf 3 years ago
I don't see why people think that "I'm too young for you" is an inappropriate response. It is less the age difference than the difference in where they are at life. If a 60 year old asks a 40 year old out a date, it's not creepy, or even a 50 year old and a 30 year old. However, a 40 year old asking a 19 year old out is creepy. A 40 year old is a full grown adult with years of life experience, and, with apologies to all the Gen-Zs out there, 19 is still not really a grown up. Adults don't date people who are not yet grown up. That is, as I wrote, creepy.
Flora Posteschild 3 years ago
Of course, women are never doing anything of importance, and can be interrupted at will. Did Romeo not think of waiting until she was finished, and going to leave, at least? Or would he be too busy counting his riches at that time?
Suzanne Clark 3 years ago
"I'm flattered"???? No way. The guy was a jerk, quit making women pander to some guy with no class or brains...just my opinion.
Janelle Collard 3 years ago
Dear Men: Women were not put on this Earth to stroke your egos. Get over your damn selves.
Toni 3 years ago
yesterday in a supermarket. a man around 50. didn't have a shopping trolley, i let him go ahead at the checkout. he started to stare at me all the time and keep asking me why i did that, and it shouldn't have happened, etc.. he wanted to engage me in conversation the whole time. i think he thought i was interested in him. but i just wanted to be nice. i felt so uncomfortable. why is being nice interpreted as sexual interest by so many men? (btw: i'm 43 - not 19. but still, it's the same thing over and over again)
purple zebra 3 years ago
I don’t think she should have to lie and say she was flattered or that she has a boyfriend if she doesn’t. She spoke the truth, she’s too young for him is her opinion and that’s that. She need not embellish or worry if that hurts his feelings. Women shouldn’t have to tiptoe around a guys feelings. He asked she said why she didn’t want to and that’s fine. It would have also been fine if she said no and nothing else.
Jo Choto 3 years ago
We really need young women to know to say "I'm sorry, I'm busy. I can't talk to you." and just carry on. It's not rude to ignore someone after that. I really, really hate to see young women trying to be polite and courteous to people who are basically disrespecting them and their time and their activities, just for the purpose of trying to get sex. If you have a daughter, please, teach her that it's not her job to be "nice" to strangers who are bothering her. Teach her to shut them down firmly and not engage after that. Teach them that it's okay to go for help if someone continues to harass them. Please, it's time we stopped seeing this kind of rubbish.
Q B F T 3 years ago
How about teaching men not to force themselves on young women? To read social cues (it's clear she wasn't interested from the get go)? Why is it always the women's responsibility to not be harassed? Surely it should be the man's responsibility to not harass.
Load More Replies... Bonnie Edwards 3 years ago
I've been hit on by lots of guys. Anywhere from younger than me, to silver hair. For most of them, telling them that I was already in a relationship or not interested just seemed to make me more of an interesting challenge. I eventually either gave them really vague interest and non-committal answers until they gave up, or just walked away from them. I've even had guys refuse to leave me alone until I gave them a number (my brother insisted I gave them his, when this happened). One time, I was on the phone to my husband, and was straight-up propositioned by a stranger. I'm sure they heard me talking to him. Mild and/or unintended insults like this don't work when the guy has an audience of friends, or testosterone poisoning. When you're out dancing or at a venue. Always introduce yourself to the bouncer/ security. If someone is being too pushy, it's not a sign of weakness to call on them for help.
Alan Green 3 years ago
lol have to cringe. Well I guess there are women out there who like an older gent, my dad remarried to someone 20 odd years younger than him, and I worked in a factory where a 19yr old girl pursued a man almost in his 50's and they hooked up and seemed to be into each other, dated the whole 6 months I was there, so they exist! This guy just seemed rude though. If it were me, and IF we already had some kind of rapport going I'd say something like "i don't suppose you're into balding middle age men twice your age?" , try to make a bit of a joke of it and when she inevitably says "No afraid not sorry" I'd just admit defeat and say "Yeah thought so fair enough, hope I haven't offended you, have a nice day" I say this as a total introvert who couldn't approach any woman of any age but still. That's how it would go in my head lol.
Jillian Johnston 3 years ago
*F*CK Politeness. She doesn't owe him a response, let alone a polite one. He shouldn't have approached her in the first place. This is something I've experienced more than one and these men know you're too young, and they are counting on using a controlling, bullying behaviour to get what they want.
osbkids 3 years ago
She didn't say anything criminal by saying she's too young for him, because that's what really is. He is twice her age, at 20 even 30 is pretty old, not saying about 40's. I think I'd awkwardly laugh and agree if the youngling will tell me that stuff, because yeah, I'm not a youngling anymore. Not that I will ever hit on a kid that technically could be my child, that's creepy tbh. In the past, when I was 18, one creepy old man tried to hit on me, and it was creepy and terrifying, I'm still shivering from memories. C'mon, what did I do to make him think I'm gerontophiliac?!
Amy Lemley 3 years ago
You, the writer, sound like an old man in suggesting she tell him she has a boyfriend to avoid his stupid rejoinder. Why should she try to spare his feelings, or her own by avoiding his saying that? His behavior was blatantly inappropriate. I say he is lucky that she said something so benign.
Melani Manning 3 years ago
Any 40 year old man that asks a woman half his age diserves Amy negative response he gets
Nirity 3 years ago
If a woman tells the truth it's considered rude, we are only allowed to giggle like idiots and excuse ourselves, we are allowed even to lie to be left alone. Meanwhile men can say anything and we just have to act stoopid to not hurt their ego. This needs change. We do not exist to feed the enormous, always hungry male's ego!
Ellie Rosser 3 years ago
Why should you tell him thank you I'm flattered when she clearly was not?
Caroline Driver 3 years ago
Men hate embarrassment more than anything in the world. When discussing prostate cancer with a man once, he actually said 'there are worse things that dying', meaning having a prostate exam.
Melissa Koczur-Mitchell 3 years ago
Back when i was around her age, I had to whip out a knife and slam it on the countertop (at a bar) b/c a guy more than half my age would not back off. I should not have to threaten you for you to leave me the f**k alone. F**k that perv s**t.
Adriana De Welde 3 years ago
There's nothing wrong with what she said but women are never 'allowed' to just say no and don't realize that SAYING NO IS A COMPLETE SENTENCE. We don't need to give any excuse or reason to make the person on the receiving end more comfortable. Anything above "No" is extra and either a courtesy or a polite f' off.
VulcansAreSexy 3 years ago
This woman is 19 years old, but this guy doesn't know that. For all he knows she's underage and he has the gall to storm off all huffy!? This guy is somehow a creepy old man and a toddler at the same time
Rob Woodman 3 years ago
She could also be mid twenties or more. I had no idea how old she was until I googled her.
Load More Replies... P.L. Packer 1 year ago
I'm female, way older than this guy but I would have (at her age) probably died laughing and yeah, that would have been embarrassing for him as well. The guy's a creeper, There are a lot of things she COULD have said, but why lie? She told it like it was. If he's going to hit on teenagers, he needs to grow a pair and be prepared for the consequences. She should have reported him to the management.
Nickname 3 years ago
"she could have said: thank you, I'm flattered but..." No, just no. She was not flattered, why would she lie so he wouldn't be discouraged to try again. He was being rude, it's nothing to be thankful about. If some jeezer would talk about his health issues to me I would tell 'aw my grandpa is the same, better watch out before it's too late :')' slap them with the nice to the elderly
Mick Dundee 3 years ago
"I'm to young for you." Really, are you old enough to Go to College, Live alone, Have sex without Sneaking behind Parents Backs.. Hmmm, I wonder when this Age Limit was imposed ? It seems that this Younger Generation has a thought that they've something made of Gold... Sadly, Reality will set in and Loneliness will Follow..
somuchsong 3 years ago
"Perhaps she could have explained that she wasn’t interested or that she had a boyfriend?" "I'm too young for you" is a pretty clear signal that she's not interested. Why should she have to make up a boyfriend just to preserve this creep's feelings?
Diane Knight 3 years ago
For some folks (male or female) it does NOT matter if you say anything ,will try to keep engaging you in talking. No-win for whoever they talk to.
Petr Brodík 3 years ago
As a guy I'm 100% behind her. If he's cocky and rude enough to disturb random girls at the gym, he deserves to be told off. Get some manners first and then expect it of people around you.
Jennifer Brown 3 years ago
She had every right to be rude to him. He was rude, by interrupting her filming...he even asked if she was filming and she said YES! Get a clue moron! She's not interested.
Celtic Pirate Queen 3 years ago
He was obviously not getting the memo that she wasn't interested. MANY times the only way we can get rid of creeps is to be rude. Guys, leave us the hell alone.
Metallic Geisha 3 years ago
Hey dipsh*ts, she was not rude. Between the unsolicited interruption and the likelihood that he preys on younger women so he can 'mold them', he's lucky that's the only response he got.
Mohammad Omar 3 years ago (edited)
1- why would he do that, knowing she is taking a video? 2- she could have just said no thanks. No one likes to be told old-fat-ugly. But women telling men they are fat or old or ugly is more acceptable.
Rita Shapiro 3 years ago
Men of a certain age don't have the right background to enable them to handle themselves properly in these situations because society has changed rapidly, often VERY rapidly, and they haven't been paying attention.I'm not giving him a pass, his behavior was clumsy, entitled, and had a significant "ick" factor to it. But men need to take responsibility for relearning how to approach women, and to become aware of how their old school approach isn't appropriate or welcome. And yeah, I know young men can be jerks too. All women have the right to say no without eliciting anger or defensiveness. She does not owe him a sugarcoated version of the obvious truth.
Kathryn Baylis 3 years ago (edited)
TBH, the old school approach never was appropriate or welcome. We just had to put up with it because that was the way it was. We finally got fed up and stopped accepting it, which is why it—-and men—-had to evolve and change, if they wanted to have any kind of relationship with us. But you are right in that this guy really needs to get with the times. It ain’t the eighties anymore.
Load More Replies... John Matthews 3 years ago
I mean, she could have said right from the start she's busy filming/not interested/whatever since her message is, "men leave women alone in the gym." Based on that I would expect her to shut him down immediately but her response wasn't rude or anything. The only part that seems rude is assuming his age - how does she know how old he is? She's assuming he's in his 40s but maybe he's mid-30s and he thinks she's early-20s? Idk, my parents had a large age so I tend to view age gaps differently - vantage point changes view point and all.
Otter 3 years ago
Let's be nice, and suppose that by age forty, he's wise enough to not care about age. So... if a man doesn't care about age, why is he hitting on a 19 year old, rather than the sixty-year-old woman who's also at the gym because she takes great care of herself and looks great? So yeah, well, maybe it's just his *own* age he doesn't care about, he wants young flesh and thinks that even though he cares about age, women shouldn't.
Load More Replies... Bonnie Harris 3 years ago
Calling him out on being a creep is perfect. I think she reacted well, although maybe telling him "I'm busy, bug off" would have ended it sooner. But please realize: Most girls are trained to not make men uncomfortable. To not just tell them what you think. To not call out their bad behavior. When you get surprised by a guy like this, it is often hard to overcome all of that in the moment. Especially since she was on the floor, and he was towering over her. I am so sick of men believing that any woman he is interested in owes him obedience. But seriously, guys. Does this woman look like she would have trouble getting dates? This guy did it to himself. And he is obviously insecure, since he seems to think that money is his only good quality. Men might be surprised to know that most women are not after your money.
Joe Schmoe 3 years ago
As an older guy that typically dates women half my age, he was an ass. Despite my experience, young women that want to date a MUCH older guy are very few in number. Hitting on them at the gym or ANYWHERE really is not ok. Or at the very least, he should anticipate her reaction. Almost. Every. Time. Just don’t do it. I’d feel very creepy hitting on someone with no basis other than a 30 second convo even if she was my age, let alone with such an age gap. He was ridiculous. His response should have been “Ok, sorry I bothered you. Enjoy your workout.” All she did was rip the bandaid. I’d prefer her honesty over excuses any day. Hopefully, dude learned from his failure.
Elite Normster 3 years ago
Nice, so you're a disgusting f*****g creep with manners! That's nice to know.
Load More Replies... Toast Of Saint Louis 3 years ago
I'm straddling the fence here. He's being annoying and he should let people work out in piece. At least wait until she's done working out. Now, she could have just said no thank you and kept it pushing. You didn't have to call the man old, he's only 40, not f*****g 90. That's okay though, someone will tell her the same thing when she is 40.
Marc De Los Santos 3 years ago
She did nothing wrong. I have had to turn down plenty of women who were too fat for me.
Jus 3 years ago
Well, she is an adult, he is an adult. Each has a right to try and ask the other one out. He was rude, because 1) he interrupted her video, 2) he responded in a non classy way. She was rude, because she humiliated him without reason. She could have said "No, thanks". I don't like both reactions.
timhood 3 years ago
What most people are completely missing is that you have the opportunity to be civil. It requires fewer words to simply say, "No, thank you," and be a decent human being.
Seabeast 3 years ago
When you are polite to clueless people with an exaggerated sense of entitlement, they take it to mean that you really just want them to keep asking. Politeness doesn't work on that sort.
Load More Replies... Seabeast 3 years ago
It's right there in the posted pictures: "Motions for me to take my headphones out???"
Load More Replies... Kathryn Baylis 3 years ago (edited)
Yeah, but 1) she’s young (I can’t tell just how much personal experience with creeps she has) and/or 2) she had to see whether he would get violent or not, and adjust her responses accordingly. It’s a balancing act, either way. You’re always on at least yellow alert, and have to second guess whether it’ll escalate to red alert, all while trying to plan your escape. It’s f*****g exhausting!
Load More Replies... Kathryn Baylis 3 years ago
Translation: Marc is a hefty, neckbearded, loser incel, who never looks in the mirror and insults every woman who turns him down.
Load More Replies... Q B F T 3 years ago
Invading his privacy but not showing his face. No.one else is visible/recognisable in the video other than her. TBF I kind of agree with you - think it's weird to shoot a video in the gym - but no weirder than shooting on the street or in restaurants where other people are visible possibly recognisable - and thousands (millions?) of people do that
Load More Replies... Aliquid A 3 years ago
Maybe she was implying that his preference is inappropriate.
Load More Replies... Samantha Lomb 3 years ago
Lots of people use mirrors or video when they work out to make sure they are doing an exercise correctly. Lots of people share work out videos online. And Flora is right, as long as the person is videoing themselves it is none of your business.
Load More Replies... Samantha Lomb 3 years ago
Maybe he will learn not to bother strangers minding their own business in the future. When women are polite men walk all over us. And when we tell them to f**k off we are "rude" because society thinks women have to cater to male feelings. And he is literally old enough to be her father. She is 19 he is 40+.
Load More Replies... Aliquid A 3 years ago (edited)
I'm sure there is such a thing as toxic feminism, but this is NOT an example of it. I don't give a rat's ass if the man has "feelings". If he is behaving inappropriately, he needs to be called out on it. Also, if his "feelings" are so utterly fragile that someone saying "I am too young for you" crushes him, then he has other problems and needs to toughen up. Because that is a very gentle "insult" compared to YOU calling people "stuck-up b*tches". You deserve to be downvoted.
Load More Replies... Becky Samuel 3 years ago
Don't give me that 'love at first sight' nonsense. This guy saw a woman half his age and decided to creep on her while she was busy.
Load More Replies... Aunt Messy 3 years ago
She should have said "Piss off", and if she sees him again, she needs to call security.
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