Get Premium
Dark mode theme is available exclusively for premium users. Learn more about the benefits of subscribing.
No fees, cancel anytime.
Dark Mode 
No fees, cancel anytime 
“I Dumped Him A Few Weeks Later”: 30 Gross Things Men Have Told Women Thinking They Were Compliments
Interview
The sad reality is that many women have to deal with bizarre, disrespectful, and scary comments and ‘flirting’ attempts very often. When you get a genuine compliment, it can make your day and boost your confidence, but there is a time and a place for these sorts of comments. What, how, and when you say something is the difference between a person thanking you and them actually being weirded out. It can make someone feel genuinely scared for their life.
Redditor u/shmashleyshmith sparked an intense discussion on the r/AskWomenOver30 online community after asking them to share the grossest ‘compliments’ men have ever given them. They are incredibly creepy and would make absolutely anyone feel uncomfortable and unsafe. Scroll down to read them, and if you’ve been in similar situations, share your experiences in the comments.
Bored Panda reached out to redditor u/shmashleyshmith, who sparked the important online discussion, for her thoughts on how to respond to creepy 'compliments,' as well as why men behave this way. You'll find the practical insights she shared with us below, including how to stay safe when you go out in public.
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
I am a tall woman. I am 6 feet tall.(183 cm)
A man came up to me and kept commenting on how tall I was. I was very clear I didn't want my height to be the topic of the conversation but he just did not get it. He kept going on and on about how beautiful I was and how long my legs were and how wonderful it was to find a woman who was as tall as me. Then he leans back to his friend and under his breath says "man, I'm going to climb that mountain" thinking that only his friend could hear him.
I told him that this mountain's a lot like Everest and he would likely die if he tried to climb me. I said it with a straight face, psychopath eyes. He got scared and wandered off.
According to the author of the viral thread, u/shmashleyshmith, the best way to handle situations where someone approaches you and makes inappropriate comments is to let them know. "I have found that, over time, if a person has been told over and over that they are embarrassing and gross and disgusting with the comments that they make, that eventually they're going to learn to stop making those comments and approach things in a different way that will actually work for them. Pretty much, it's operant conditioning," she explained to Bored Panda.
"So, if we all do our part to minimally embarrass the person who has said something that is totally disgusting and vile towards us, hopefully eventually that person can become a better functioning member of society, and learn to talk to women in a way that would make their mother proud."
The reality is that if you take this approach, there will be serious safety concerns to consider. "Some men really do not like it when their ego is bruised and may react in a way that could put us in harm's way. I think the best way to do it is to take an approach when you're not completely embarrassing them in front of everyone but still get your point across. Maybe pull them aside and say it quietly to them. Or go all in, take the risk, and say it in front of everybody. Create a whole Game of Thrones 'shame, shame, shame' walk. It's up to you."
RELATED:
#2
I was at the gym when a creepy old man came up to my elliptical machine and motioned for me to remove my headphones. When I did he told me he “wants to wear my skin like a jumpsuit”. wtf. I left and never went back there again except to cancel my membership.
#3
He came up behind me, took a deep breath in my hair and groaned out "You smell like wife"
It was our second date.
The author warned that you can never truly know how any interaction will turn out. "It's up to us to make judgment calls on a person-to-person basis. We have to keep in mind that just because someone speaks in a way that comes off as creepy or just completely unaware of how to socialize with women (humans in general), doesn't mean that they're going to try to harm you. Just as if you come across a person who is extremely good-looking, charming, witty, and funny doesn't mean that you're safe," she said, noting how monstrous Ted Bundy was "liked by most people."
Redditor u/shmashleyshmith was kind enough to share the basic rules she has set for herself. She told Bored Panda that these rules have helped her feel safer whenever she leaves the house or goes to the bar or club.
"I never go out alone. Though 'safety in numbers' is an old rule, it is still around for a reason—it works. Also, drinking alone just makes me sad. If you have a group with you at the bar, you have the judgment of your friends to help direct your choices, if they get a bad vibe from a guy you're talking to, they will usually tell you. If you are super intoxicated and definitely shouldn't have been served that last drink, a friend will almost always be there to stop you from going into the parking lot with a stranger or hooking up with the guy who looks like Danny DeVito without your beer goggles on," she shared.
"If you get in a situation where you feel you need to tell the person they are being weird, creepy, or disgusting, TELL THE PERSON! Your group will back you up and be there to make sure that this creep is 100% less likely to retaliate due to their bruised ego and embarrassment. And you'll be doing your part in conditioning this person toward saying something nicer to the next one."
#4
Not a pick up line but my abusive ex said (twice) “bippity boppity, women are property” and that gave me a huge ick both times he said it. I called him out on it too. So glad I broke up with him, he’s gross.
Nice Beast Ludo 15 hours ago
Why do we need an image of a smug man to put the phrase together with? Just show a woman's horrified face instead please!
#5
“You look overanxious and undersexed. I would f**k you like a hyena.”
I was 21. He was a grown-a*s professional in his forties who ought to know better at a conference hosted by my college professor. I am fairly sure he was drunk.
When I acted taken aback he said, “You’re such a good girl, if I had a daughter I’d want her to be like you.”
I replied calmly, “Over anxious and under sexed?”
And he screamed I was a f*****g b***h and stormed off. A very nice Brazilian man — a perfect stranger — had noticed how weird the interaction was and protectively drew near, followed by a Canadian woman who chewed the gross man out for chasing college students. Brazilian guy actually delayed requesting his taxi (ah the pre-Uber days) to make sure I was okay.
#6
A guy asked me out in college and I said no and he responded with “why not go out with me anyway? No one else is interested in you right now”
My ex once told me I wasn’t his usual type because I don’t have an hourglass figure. I felt very unfeminine ever since.
Another piece of safety advice, according to the OP, is to carry protection. For example, u/shmashleyshmith admitted that she owns a Taser "that can stop Dwayne 'The Rock' Johnson in his tracks." She also has pepper spray and keeps bear spray at home. "I don't leave without pepper spray or my Taser. I have only ever used pepper spray once. If I didn't have it, I may not be here writing this now," she opened up to Bored Panda.
Meanwhile, she urged everyone to be prepared and be ready to scream their lungs out if you need to. "Always know where the nearest exit points are. Have your protection in a place easily accessible at a moment's notice. Wear GOOD SHOES!! Running in heels may work for Ariana Grande, but for the majority, it's dangerous and painful. Running barefoot is also not very safe, so I wear cute comfy shoes, always. Also, none of these will matter if you're too drunk to function. I never get to the point I am so intoxicated that I can't put together a sentence. You might need this skill to call 911." She added that you should always trust your intuition, and use good judgment and common sense.
#7
An ex once said to me “if I could, I’d get you that surgery where they break your shins to make you taller bc I like everything else about the way you look!” (I was wearing very high platform heels)
& I was like ok so you’d mutilate my body to make me more like your idealized version of me?
…happy to report I dumped him a few weeks later.
#8
During a job interview:
"And what would you... *wear*... to this job if you were hired?"
It was more the way he said it. But I should have left right there and then.
#9
When I was 19 there was a bar in my town called the Lucky Lady. It was pretty easy for underage girls to get in there (and any other bar in my town for that matter). One weekend the local TV meteorologist who easily had 20 years on me and was married with kids, walks up to me and starts a seemingly harmless conversation and asks if I’d like a drink since he’s ordering one anyway. Free drink? Sure! I accept and after he hands it to me, he looks me up and down and says “There’s a 100% chance of me getting some p**sy tonight”. 😳.
We also asked the author about why some men say such creepy things in the first place, as well as what could help raise their self-awareness about how their behavior affects others. From the author's perspective, men who say creepy or disgusting things do so due to a lack of exposure to real-life situations. "They learned how to interact with women from TV or movies. If a kid grows up watching Friends and sees that Joey is getting a lot of women, he may come to the conclusion that is the best way to act around women. Pro tip: It's not. This is why it's important that we let them know when a line has been crossed."
However, sometimes, the issue is arrogance rather than ignorance. "In this case, I try to embarrass them so they know I am not the one. There is usually no hope for these guys unless they get into therapy and do some serious self-reflection and shadow work," she said.
"All we can do is your best to make sure that they leave us alone, maybe embarrass them a bit in the process if we feel up to it, and hope that they eventually get the help that they need."
#10
I used to work with a guy who openly flirted me to the point it was clear he had a crush on me. He kept saying how young I looked, which I did then, but I was 30 so figure he thought 20 something. One day he blurted out admiringly how I look the same age as his daughter.
His daughter at the time was 15.
#11
"You'd be so hot if you didn't open your mouth".
SheamusFanFrom1987 10 hours ago
To the looney gooney who said that: My sentiments exactly. Although come to think of it now, you'd still be sh*t even with your mouth closed -_-"
#12
"I wanna come out of your room and tell your dad you're not a virgin anymore."
Like... I can't. If it was just social awkwardness or an extremely bad joke that didn't land it'd be one thing, but this felt so personal and cutting. It had this undertone of ownership or something to it that I did not like at all. I had confided something personal and it was just *used* as a disgusting quip. I hate it. It hurts more than anything, honestly.
The same goes for "it only takes one joke to get you in bed." It's just this attitude of like... I don't even know. I'll keep working you until something sticks, and it's so hurtful. It's so f*****g hurtful still. I'm not something to work on or something to trick to f**k. This concept of s*x taking precedence over everything ruined a very special friendship that I had. I never really got over it, honestly.
Nice Beast Ludo 14 hours ago
"well I don't wanna come out of my room and find your dead body on the floor" hey it even rhymes
There are two core issues here. The first is that some men are overtly toxic. They’re malicious, overly aggressive, have no respect for boundaries, and cannot take ‘no’ for an answer. They deal with rejection very badly and try to get what they want by pressuring others into uncomfortable situations.
These individuals need a lot of introspection and maybe the help of a therapist to see how their behavior affects others and why this isn’t acceptable in a civilized society. It’s possible that they lack empathy or that they haven’t ever been called out on their actions in public.
As per WebMD, there are a few main indicators of toxic masculinity. Toxic men tend to be homophobic, have a need for control, want to assert their power, and are very promiscuous. What’s more, they tend to avoid household chores, are prone to risky behaviors, avoid showing their emotions, and are violent in order to show their dominance of the situation.
#13
When my dad told me he wants to find a woman with my body, who looks like me.
#14
When I was a teenager I was taking a walk in my neighborhood and a much older guy walked by and said, "I want to drink your bath water" with a serious expression on his face. I've never felt so disturbed and creeped out by a random "flirtation" in my life.
#15
I have heard... May I use your thighs as earmuffs? As a ''pickup line" from a stranger from a dating app on first conversation.
Another guy in the first conversation said.. I want to kiss your vertical lips. Instantly unmatched.
My gay/ asexual ex husband used to say.. I can spend the rest of my life with just your head. I don't need a body.
That explained a lot after I married him. Happily divorced. 😂.
BeesEelsAndPups 3 hours ago
I think this may be my girlfriend. Her ex-husband is gay or asexual, but super religious so he can't come out of the closet. I don't think he'd say that kind of thing to her though. He seems to be a really decent guy, just unable to accept who he is.
The other issue is that some people are, well, genuinely unaware that their behavior is problematic. It’s a question of poor self-awareness. Essentially, some men are socially inept, have very little experience with flirting, and don’t understand how their comments can come across as weird.
They might have ‘good’ intentions (or not), but their execution is so bad that it pushes others away. Most people have been in situations where they make a stupid comment. It’s embarrassing. It’s awkward. But you embrace your mistake and you learn from your failure, mainly so that you don’t make these sorts of weird comments ever again because they scare people.
Everyday Feminism explains that if you want to be respectful of other people’s boundaries while approaching someone, you should keep their body language in mind. For example, if a woman is reading a book or has her headphones on while on the bus, on the train, etc., it’s likely that she wants to be left alone.
#16
My aunt once went on a date with a guy who told her “ you have the most beautiful eye color, it reminds me of diarrhea.” (Her eyes are a green hazel color).
#17
At 13, I was in a d**g store in the infamous military town of Fayetteville, N.C. I had a womanly, big boob silhouette despite my age. A military guy in camo called out while walking towards me, paraphrasing, "Closing in on subject. Target acquired. Target performing evasive action." That last was while I was walking away to find my mom. I was freaked out. He gave up when I found her.
At 16, my supervisor at the public service internship required for high school graduation, talked about my tight pants and that his wife was prettier than me. (Implying I would be lucky if he screwed me.) He was a muscled, over 30 firefighter and we were in a small room together. Sexual harassment 101. I responded with stonefaced silence and eyebrows of doom.
#18
I have red hair and I think I was in middle school, maybe 12? And some old man stopped me on my way into a pizza place with friends to ask “does the carpet match the drapes”.
I remember being so confused and once he left had to ask my friend what that meant.
Some women might smile or act polite when approached because they’re nervous or scared, so you shouldn’t automatically assume that they want to continue their interaction with you. So, body language isn’t everything; you need to really listen to what they’re saying in your conversation, too.
If you ask for the woman’s number and she says ‘no,’ take the rejection and move on with your life. It’s creepy to be pushy or to pressure someone past this point.
#19
A guy who I did NOT know in college (my friend bought w**d from him/hooked up with him) called me “the one who got away” because I was “always sexual” (again, I did not know this man). He told me he could “unhinge his jaw and make it vibrate” which was apparently his great oral s*x move. I am still scarred and have so many questions. What a creepy thing to say and a horrible mental image!
#20
I was 13 years old in the check out line buying a soda. A man is behind me & says to me, "Wow, you have nice birthing hips." 🤢.
#21
When I was in college, a guy sidled up to me in the dining hall line and said, 'I’ve always liked blondes. Maybe it’s because my mother is blonde.'
Some other common sense things to avoid doing (remember, common sense isn’t common) include not staring at women and not following them. You also should never assume that someone will like you romantically just because you’re being respectful and ‘nice.’
Being respectful is a fundamental part of interactions with other people, it’s not something special. You are not ‘owed’ romantic attraction because you treat someone like a decent human being, Everyday Feminist writes.
#22
You have 9/10 of the physical attributes I want in a woman. Just grow your hair out and you will be my 10/10.
Crusty a*s.
#23
I was 14. I was diagnosed with an illness that causes joint Hypermobility and seeing an orthopaedic surgeon about some ankle problems. He explained that this made me a “bad candidate for surgery, but fantastic at having babies.” He WINKED when he said it. My Mum was present and I was safe etc but it was so gross.
#24
I’m a natural redhead. I’ve been getting the “you must be wild” probably since around 12.
MOST recently I had an 80 year old man tell me that he had red hair, but none on his head 😉 like sir, why would you ever feel so comfortable to tell anyone that, let alone the receptionist at your wife’s physical therapy clinic, who didn’t f*****g ask.
#25
He was married, and he said, 'I can treat you better as my number two than any man would treat you as their number one.' I legit threw my drink on his face which got on his satin shirt, probably ruining it, and walked away. I was so offended.
#26
I was a waitress. A customer said “You are gorgeous. I could go to jail just for looking at you. Are you even old enough to work here?” Me doing my job laughing and telling him that I was 21. Him: “wow! I thought you were 15”. So disgusting!
#27
A married man at work was trying to come on to me. He asked if I wanted to see the spreadsheet he made that compared pros and cons between me and his wife.
#28
I was talking to a man I’d just met in Alaska. It was pleasant and he seemed interesting. I mentioned I was thinking about going to welding school and he got this glazed look on his face, looked off into the distance and said wistfully, “Motherhood is so beautiful.”
It was just so weird! I’ve never forgotten about it.
Nice Beast Ludo 15 hours ago
Maybe a bear and her babies were like wandering around together on the horizon
#29
Not me, but I saw this guy on TikTok using the demure trend saying “look how I wife up my little immigrant before her visa expires”. I checked his profile and he’s referred to her as “his little immigrant” multiple times. This is actually highly offensive, you can tell he’s probably racist, and I’m more surprised that the comments find this “cute” instead of alarming. I wouldn’t be surprised if he ended up abusive.
For reference: https://vm.tiktok.com/ZGe3aKFy3/.
#30
That my hair looks like a dead squirrel he saw in the forest, he meant it as a compliment 😵.
Note: this post originally had 68 images. It’s been shortened to the top 30 images based on user votes.
What do you think ?
Jess Bertram 15 hours ago
Yeah I'll take two bears and a final boss bear, please. Every single woman on BP has experienced this c**p. Every. Single. One.
Susical 14 hours ago
It's not just every single woman on BP - it's every single woman I've ever known. It's a fact of our lives.
Load More Replies...
winterwidow87 12 hours ago (edited)
I always had large breasts, when i was like 12 or 13 an old dude kept the door open for me, only to turn around and blatantly stare at my breasts. A couple of years later another random dude on the street (this time he wasn't old but he was still much older than me), asked me if i had a licence to carry "those bombs" around. I hated my body for a long time because of this.
January Tempis 14 hours ago
On a first date at a restaurant. He was sitting next to me instead of across the table and got a drop of hot sauce on my black shirt. "Take your shirt off and I'll wash it for you." Later he got some water on my jeans when he refilled my water glass. "Take your jeans off and I'll wash them for you. Hehehe. I'm going to have you naked before i get you home!" Um, no.
Jess Bertram 15 hours ago
Yeah I'll take two bears and a final boss bear, please. Every single woman on BP has experienced this c**p. Every. Single. One.
Susical 14 hours ago
It's not just every single woman on BP - it's every single woman I've ever known. It's a fact of our lives.
Load More Replies... winterwidow87 12 hours ago (edited)
I always had large breasts, when i was like 12 or 13 an old dude kept the door open for me, only to turn around and blatantly stare at my breasts. A couple of years later another random dude on the street (this time he wasn't old but he was still much older than me), asked me if i had a licence to carry "those bombs" around. I hated my body for a long time because of this.
January Tempis 14 hours ago
On a first date at a restaurant. He was sitting next to me instead of across the table and got a drop of hot sauce on my black shirt. "Take your shirt off and I'll wash it for you." Later he got some water on my jeans when he refilled my water glass. "Take your jeans off and I'll wash them for you. Hehehe. I'm going to have you naked before i get you home!" Um, no.
Related on Bored Panda
