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Parents Question In-Laws’ Babysitting Offer After Discovering The Sneaky Expiry Clause
Gifts are lovely—everyone loves them. But whether it’s a perfume with a scent you absolutely detest or a sweater two sizes too small, have you ever received one that makes you scratch your head in confusion? And what happens when the gift even feels more like an obligation?
Today’s Original Poster (OP) was in a similar position when she received an awkward present from her in-laws: a printed voucher that entitled her to overnight babysitting for her 9-month-old daughter. The problem was that it came with an expiration date.
More info: Mumsnet
RELATED:
Well-meaning gifts can sometimes rub off the wrong way on the receiver, and that’s exactly what happened in this story
Image credits: William Fortunato / Pexels (not the actual photo)
The author’s in-laws gifted a voucher that entitled her to one night of them babysitting her child, but it came with an expiration date
Image credits: huggiespure
Image credits: Denisova Irina / Pexels (not the actual photo)
She didn’t think it was necessary, especially since she had never asked for a break, and the expiration date didn’t sit well with her either
Image credits: huggiespure
Image credits: cottonbro studio / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Her husband shared the same sentiments as her and wasn’t willing to let his parents have their child for one night
Image credits: huggiespure
Now the author wonders if she’s being unreasonable for not wanting to allow her in-laws to babysit for one night
For Christmas, the OP and her husband received a cash gift alongside a printed voucher from her in-laws for overnight babysitting. This voucher came with an added expiration date.
While this may have just been a kind gesture from her in-laws, she and her husband didn’t see it that way. If anything, the thought of leaving her child overnight with her grandparents when she was barely a year old made the OP uncomfortable.
She also believed that the gift was more about fulfilling the grandparents’ desire to spend time with their granddaughter on their terms; therefore, she questioned the motive behind gifting the voucher.
Her discomfort was even more amplified by the expiration date, which felt like an attempt to pressure them into complying. The OP also added that it would have been great if she and her husband had ever complained about needing a break, but she and her husband didn’t feel overwhelmed or in need of a break.
For them, caring for their daughter was an absolute joy. The OP described looking forward to putting her daughter to sleep every night, a routine she loved. So the thought of someone else doing it when her daughter was still so little didn’t sit well with her.
Her husband shared her feelings, stating that his parents really must not know him if they thought he would let them have the child for a night.
The OP’s husband leaned towards directly addressing the issue with his parents; however, the OP believed ignoring the voucher until it expired might be the easier way forward.
Image credits: Jack Sparrow / Pexels (not the actual photo)
The Personal Improvement Academy highlights that gifts are often given as expressions of love, even if they feel unnecessary or invasive. Understanding this intention can help one respond with compassion as opposed to feeling insulted or offended.
If the giver is open to suggestions, they suggest gently guiding them toward other alternatives.
Still on gifts, Psych Central explains that they should reflect thoughtfulness; however, some may come with unspoken expectations or conditions.
To assess whether a gift is truly selfless and without ulterior motives, they recommend “reflecting on the giver’s past behavior.” Have they ever used gifts as a way to manipulate or pressure you? Do they display patterns of unreasonable expectations or opportunism? In such cases, politely declining the gift is the way to go.
Regarding the OP not wanting to leave her child for a night, Psyched Mommy suggests there could be a hint of maternal separation anxiety, which is normal. They explain that this often happens when it comes to leaving children with grandparents or caregivers.
Acknowledging and naming these feelings can help parents process them in a healthier way. For example, it might be more helpful to communicate anxieties to caregivers or grandparents.
Netizens had mixed feelings about the situation, particularly regarding the expiry date. Some believe the gift was manipulative and they suggested simply ignoring the voucher.
Others stated that the OP and her husband are overreacting, pointing out that not having their baby with them for one night wouldn’t take away their love for their daughter or make them less attentive parents.
Gifting can be a very tricky thing. But what do you think about this situation? Do you see this gift as thoughtful or intrusive? We would love to hear your thoughts!
Some netizens believe the expiry date on the voucher is manipulative, while others think the author is just overreacting
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What do you think ?
Tabitha 10 months ago
It’s also up to OP’s husband to deal with his parents himself, without OP being there. It has to 100% come from him. His discomfort. His desire not to spend any time away from his child. That way there’s no accusation that OP is manipulating him, but that he actually feels that way all on his own. That’s how it’ll sink in.
TribbleThinking 10 months ago (edited)
I suspect that it's a matter of miscommunicated expected norms. I have two friends who became grandparents in their early 50s. Their delight turned to surprised dismay when despite perfectly cordial visits every 2-3 weeks, the parents refused to leave the toddler alone or overnight with them, not even once.
HTakeover 10 months ago
Could be. There's far too much left out to make any kind of call on this. Their collective and personal relationships with the in-laws, past history, anything about potential siblings, etc. I've seen this be a power struggle, mostly on reddit but IRL once. But I've also seen it from an empathetic standpoint as well. As in the parents were struggling getting themselves back to normal and declined all babysitting because they felt nobody else could do it "right" & were fearful. The babysitting deadline was given and eventually the parents were convinced to try it for just a little bit. They went out for a couple of hours, de-stressed some and realized just how deep in the trench they were, not operating at full capacity, and there were good people who could help them.
Load More Replies...
Monosyllabicgirl 10 months ago
I would have been delighted with this gift but the expiry is sort of weird. Perhaps they have breakable items out that would make it easier to have an infant rather than a climbing toddler overnight? Since they are uncomfortable with the idea of a sleepover perhaps could just utilize the coupon for an evening out with dinner and a movie, picking up daughter at end. I can only wish that my in-laws had been that supportive though. I had "Irish twins" at 10.5 months apart (wedding wine oops) and neither set of grandparents would take both children even though they were actually easier together as the older one "took care" of younger one oddly. From day 1 he would sit with me and help feed, he'd entertain him and bring all his toys to him to play and try to share nearby
Kylee Pierce 10 months ago
I think it might be easier to give them a couple hours with the baby and use the voucher for that, like a dinner date but not an overnight. And if they just explain that they aren't ready to give her up for a night but a couple hours for dinner would be nice. That would give the Grandparents time with the baby, and allow the parents to use the voucher and set that boundary of not doing overnights yet without being too confrontational. It could be that they were just trying to be nice because many parents would love a one night break but it is possible that they were trying to be sneaky. If anyone confronts them about it it should be the husband though, they are his parents.
AsylumWalker 10 months ago
The ILs woild absolutely conplain about the voucher not beong ised for what it said its for
Load More Replies...
Allison Miller 10 months ago
I think it's crazy you are offended. Your PIL just want to love and care for your child. Everyone needs a break sometimes. I never trusted non-Grandparents to watch my kids. Hope she has the same attitude as you when she has children and you want to babysit.
Lyla 10 months ago
Spoken like a true manipulative grandparent. Your last sentence is very telling. You see it as some kind of punishment if OPs daughter chooses not to hand over her own (hypothetical- who’s to say she’ll want them?) kids for overnight stays. I’m sure that as a reasonable and rational person, OP will respect her daughter’s wishes.
Load More Replies...
Shelli Aderman 10 months ago
The parents are being a bit uptight. Not a newborn, and the grandparents put an expiration date just so the parents would take some self care time.
FreeTheUnicorn 10 months ago
You won't want all the gifts you get, but that's what's given . Maybe grandparents aren't comfortable with a more mobile child over ught, maybe you've taken the p**s in the past with offers made accepting them years later. But I also don't know any parents who thinks it's an I adult to leave their child with grandparents one night when the kid is nearly one. Check your privilege. Don't use the gift if you don't want, but don't pretend to be hard done by.
Jesse 10 months ago
I never once stayed with my paternal grandmother overnight, only my maternal grandma (Oma). Whenever my parents needed emergency childcare, it was always Oma covering their ásses, never my dad's mother. Now the youngest of my siblings is 16 so we don't need babysitters anymore, we're the ones asked to watch our younger cousins if their parents and Oma can't. How the turntables.
dancebunny 10 months ago
People are so uptight these days. Is there a reason to believe the grandparents could be irresponsible with the baby? BP seems to be full of parents who want to shove grandparents away. The insinuation that grandparents having a baby for a sleepover is somehow odd or sinister is ridiculous. I had sleepovers at my grandparents at an early age, so did my children and my grandchildren stayed overnight with us when they were only months old. No disruption to routine, no trauma. Just happy babies, happy grandma and grandad, and rested mummy and daddy.
Tabitha 10 months ago
It’s also up to OP’s husband to deal with his parents himself, without OP being there. It has to 100% come from him. His discomfort. His desire not to spend any time away from his child. That way there’s no accusation that OP is manipulating him, but that he actually feels that way all on his own. That’s how it’ll sink in.
TribbleThinking 10 months ago (edited)
I suspect that it's a matter of miscommunicated expected norms. I have two friends who became grandparents in their early 50s. Their delight turned to surprised dismay when despite perfectly cordial visits every 2-3 weeks, the parents refused to leave the toddler alone or overnight with them, not even once.
HTakeover 10 months ago
Could be. There's far too much left out to make any kind of call on this. Their collective and personal relationships with the in-laws, past history, anything about potential siblings, etc. I've seen this be a power struggle, mostly on reddit but IRL once. But I've also seen it from an empathetic standpoint as well. As in the parents were struggling getting themselves back to normal and declined all babysitting because they felt nobody else could do it "right" & were fearful. The babysitting deadline was given and eventually the parents were convinced to try it for just a little bit. They went out for a couple of hours, de-stressed some and realized just how deep in the trench they were, not operating at full capacity, and there were good people who could help them.
Load More Replies... Monosyllabicgirl 10 months ago
I would have been delighted with this gift but the expiry is sort of weird. Perhaps they have breakable items out that would make it easier to have an infant rather than a climbing toddler overnight? Since they are uncomfortable with the idea of a sleepover perhaps could just utilize the coupon for an evening out with dinner and a movie, picking up daughter at end. I can only wish that my in-laws had been that supportive though. I had "Irish twins" at 10.5 months apart (wedding wine oops) and neither set of grandparents would take both children even though they were actually easier together as the older one "took care" of younger one oddly. From day 1 he would sit with me and help feed, he'd entertain him and bring all his toys to him to play and try to share nearby
Kylee Pierce 10 months ago
I think it might be easier to give them a couple hours with the baby and use the voucher for that, like a dinner date but not an overnight. And if they just explain that they aren't ready to give her up for a night but a couple hours for dinner would be nice. That would give the Grandparents time with the baby, and allow the parents to use the voucher and set that boundary of not doing overnights yet without being too confrontational. It could be that they were just trying to be nice because many parents would love a one night break but it is possible that they were trying to be sneaky. If anyone confronts them about it it should be the husband though, they are his parents.
AsylumWalker 10 months ago
The ILs woild absolutely conplain about the voucher not beong ised for what it said its for
Load More Replies... Allison Miller 10 months ago
I think it's crazy you are offended. Your PIL just want to love and care for your child. Everyone needs a break sometimes. I never trusted non-Grandparents to watch my kids. Hope she has the same attitude as you when she has children and you want to babysit.
Lyla 10 months ago
Spoken like a true manipulative grandparent. Your last sentence is very telling. You see it as some kind of punishment if OPs daughter chooses not to hand over her own (hypothetical- who’s to say she’ll want them?) kids for overnight stays. I’m sure that as a reasonable and rational person, OP will respect her daughter’s wishes.
Load More Replies... Shelli Aderman 10 months ago
The parents are being a bit uptight. Not a newborn, and the grandparents put an expiration date just so the parents would take some self care time.
FreeTheUnicorn 10 months ago
You won't want all the gifts you get, but that's what's given . Maybe grandparents aren't comfortable with a more mobile child over ught, maybe you've taken the p**s in the past with offers made accepting them years later. But I also don't know any parents who thinks it's an I adult to leave their child with grandparents one night when the kid is nearly one. Check your privilege. Don't use the gift if you don't want, but don't pretend to be hard done by.
Jesse 10 months ago
I never once stayed with my paternal grandmother overnight, only my maternal grandma (Oma). Whenever my parents needed emergency childcare, it was always Oma covering their ásses, never my dad's mother. Now the youngest of my siblings is 16 so we don't need babysitters anymore, we're the ones asked to watch our younger cousins if their parents and Oma can't. How the turntables.
dancebunny 10 months ago
People are so uptight these days. Is there a reason to believe the grandparents could be irresponsible with the baby? BP seems to be full of parents who want to shove grandparents away. The insinuation that grandparents having a baby for a sleepover is somehow odd or sinister is ridiculous. I had sleepovers at my grandparents at an early age, so did my children and my grandchildren stayed overnight with us when they were only months old. No disruption to routine, no trauma. Just happy babies, happy grandma and grandad, and rested mummy and daddy.
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