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This Mom Is Not Sure What To Do After Her Mother Starts Asking For Money For Looking After Her Grandson, Despite Living All-Expenses-Paid With Her
While for some, panic and dread kicks in way before a child is born, there are some who only start understanding the struggle once the child arrives and is posing real challenges.
This is when they understand just how invaluably helpful parents and grandparents can be as the kid seems to know the exact moment you need to go pee or need some shut-eye because they decided to have a party every hour, on the hour throughout the night.
Well, sometimes this help comes at a cost. A fresh new mom turned to the internet for some answers by sharing her concerns over how the family’s grandma started demanding money for babysitting their baby.
More info: Mumsnet
RELATED:
Grandparents are quick to help out when there’s a newborn, but are they quick to demand a salary for babysitting?
Image credits: cilesfineline (not the actual photo)
So, a post surfaced on Mumsnet, a London-based internet forum for parents and teens, where a mom of a 9-month-old baby was asking for advice for her predicament.
Said predicament involved herself, her 9-month-old son, her husband, and her mother—the grandmother. All of them have been living under one roof, and grandma was a huge help throughout the whole time the kid was around by helping take care of him and babysitting when the parents were in a bind.
One concerned mom turned to the internet for some advice on a grandmother who demanded to be paid for all the babysitting she has done
Image credits: Candyfloss11
However, plot twist, after all these months, grandma suddenly tells her daughter that she wants to get paid for all of the babysitting she’s doing. In fact, she got upset she wasn’t paid earlier for it.
The context is that she never said she’d like to be paid for this in the first place, but that too begs the question—is it a reasonable request given the situation that grandma’s been living with her daughter and her husband for free? Plus, she’s retired, doesn’t have a partner, and gets taken on vacations.
Image credits: Candyfloss11
So, the grandmother is upset that she’s not being paid for babysitting her grandchild, while the mom feels hurt that it feels like paying her would be a transaction, and not a duty of sorts for her grandchild.
The mom did reassure readers that’s she’s more than willing to pay for whatever expenses that occur along the way, but she’s living with them, and hence she doesn’t really have expenses. And she’s not debating if it’s worth just sending the kid into nursery at this point.
The internet had a lot of questions, but even more, they have a lot of advice
Many in the online forum had questions, though the consensus was pretty much the same—if she wants a ‘salary,’ then she’ll have to give up her expense-free lifestyle.
Some pointed out that the current arrangement was, if anything, unhealthy. Do they have personal time, and does everyone have their personal space to begin with, among other things.
One thing’s for sure, they all ought to sit down and talk the situation over. “Focus on the good stuff you’re doing for each other and how it is all well-intentioned, no one ever meant to upset anyone but [obviously] something has changed and it’s not working anymore,” elaborated one commenter. Who knows, maybe there are deeper reasons for this.
While it’s hard to say how viral it went on the forum, it has received nearly 400 responses and the story was picked up by several news media outlets online.
You can check out the post in context here, and you can also browse through all of the parenting posts we’ve ever done here.
But before you do that, join in on the conversation and tell us what advice you could give the young mom in the comment section below!
What do you think ?
Jo Choto 2 years ago
I mean, obviously there's an actual issue here that needs to be resolved. But on the lighter side, "Sure, mom, we will absolutely pay you. However, we're also going to need you to start paying rent so we can afford it."
Otter 2 years ago (edited)
Well, if the OP is going back to work, she may be hoping that her mother will put in 40-60 hour a week of unpaid child care, child care that's going to become very hard work as the baby gets older and more mobile. I assume that a live-in nanny would cost more than what someone would pay for a bedroom in a shared house, so perhaps it's fair that the mother be paid and not just exchange child care for a bedroom. The family should definitely have a calm discussion about this.
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Iifa A. 2 years ago
I grew up with some friends who lived with their parents and a grandmother. Same style, but as someone mentioned it's one thing to love your grandchild and want to spend time with him, but she probably also does cooking and cleaning, as mentioned she came to help out. I feel like she might be feeling down, instead of being a great grandmother she is more like a nanny/maid. And older we get we still need money for entertainment like a book, a tea with a slice of cake, have personal space and time to be alone, medicine costs. It's hard to judge as there's other two people to tell the story. Personally if I had a baby, and my mum would move in to help me out I would try to make sure the help is used when necessary and not daily like wake child, play, feed, walks, then parents come and still leave the childcare for grandmother. Also inviting her to trips as a gift yes, or as a babysitter so you can go on holiday and spend time just with husband and her again with a child...
Jo Choto 2 years ago
I mean, obviously there's an actual issue here that needs to be resolved. But on the lighter side, "Sure, mom, we will absolutely pay you. However, we're also going to need you to start paying rent so we can afford it."
Otter 2 years ago (edited)
Well, if the OP is going back to work, she may be hoping that her mother will put in 40-60 hour a week of unpaid child care, child care that's going to become very hard work as the baby gets older and more mobile. I assume that a live-in nanny would cost more than what someone would pay for a bedroom in a shared house, so perhaps it's fair that the mother be paid and not just exchange child care for a bedroom. The family should definitely have a calm discussion about this.
Load More Replies... Iifa A. 2 years ago
I grew up with some friends who lived with their parents and a grandmother. Same style, but as someone mentioned it's one thing to love your grandchild and want to spend time with him, but she probably also does cooking and cleaning, as mentioned she came to help out. I feel like she might be feeling down, instead of being a great grandmother she is more like a nanny/maid. And older we get we still need money for entertainment like a book, a tea with a slice of cake, have personal space and time to be alone, medicine costs. It's hard to judge as there's other two people to tell the story. Personally if I had a baby, and my mum would move in to help me out I would try to make sure the help is used when necessary and not daily like wake child, play, feed, walks, then parents come and still leave the childcare for grandmother. Also inviting her to trips as a gift yes, or as a babysitter so you can go on holiday and spend time just with husband and her again with a child...
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